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What is it with you people? - 1/16/2008 9:59:56 PM   
hermione83


Posts: 393
Joined: 8/1/2007
Status: offline 		Sorry, having a bad day, but why is it every Dominant male I meet starts to profess his love within a minute or a few weeks, talk about marriage and make all kinds of empty promises - and then after the first real argument or two - they run for the hills. Especially if they're wrong. And none of you all can admit it, or apologize - much less communicate. Bah, men.
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RE: What is it with you people? - 1/16/2008 10:01:35 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		were ya arguing about who gets to swing the flogger?

(in reply to hermione83)
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RE: What is it with you people? - 1/16/2008 10:04:21 PM   
hermione83


Posts: 393
Joined: 8/1/2007
Status: offline 		LoL. :P I think the chances are much, much greater that a Dom would start arguing that I must swing it than I would argue that it's my turn to swing one =).

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
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RE: What is it with you people? - 1/16/2008 10:13:58 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Are you saying that you argue with someone within the first couple of weeks? That could be the issue with backing out on the promises right there, it is best not to proceed with someone incompatible, would you rather be with a person you argued with a lot?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to hermione83)
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RE: What is it with you people? - 1/16/2008 10:19:26 PM   
hermione83


Posts: 393
Joined: 8/1/2007
Status: offline 		Not really, it usually ends up being a month or two. But how can you spend that much time with someone and not? My point being... swearing love and forever before you know someone hurts them - and its not fair. Every guy I've ever talked to does the exact same thing. It's really starting to tire me out on looking for someone.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: What is it with you people? - 1/16/2008 10:20:43 PM   
hermione83


Posts: 393
Joined: 8/1/2007
Status: offline 		It's not being about incompatible. It's .. just something Doms do. You're talking, and you tell them how you feel about something. They disagree, you get upset... and they tell you to stop talking everytime you bring it up and think you're being "bad" for trying to communicate. They interrupt you in the midst of every serious discussion. I can't take it anymore. :( ><

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RE: What is it with you people? - 1/16/2008 10:27:16 PM   
takenbyjohnr07


Posts: 787
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		i'm sorry that you have to go through that. Don't give uo though. There is a lid for every pot and one day you will find yours.

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i am the sole property of Johnr. He is the love of my life and the greatest Owner and i will live to serve and, please him only every day of my life.

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RE: What is it with you people? - 1/16/2008 10:29:13 PM   
girlygurl


Posts: 6973
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: in the palms of His hands
Status: offline 		Sorry you're having a bad day.  Are these men you're meeting in r/l or on the internet?  For someone to profess their love in a short period of time would be a red flag for me.  What are you arguing about after only knowing each other for a short time? And, why, if you're already arguing would you care if they stuck around or not.

I realize you're having a bad day, but don't gerneralize all men don't apologize or communicate.

girly

_____________________________

i see You

happily forever one

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RE: What is it with you people? - 1/16/2008 10:35:32 PM   
hermione83


Posts: 393
Joined: 8/1/2007
Status: offline 		I know it's not fair - but I'm talking about every man I talk to. Online, offline, on Pluto, etc. I'm going to end up in institution because of them. Don't they know "I love you" means something to some people?

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RE: What is it with you people? - 1/16/2008 10:38:39 PM   
Honsoku


Posts: 422
Joined: 6/26/2007
Status: offline 		Something that is frequently overlooked; the only common factor in every failed relationship is yourself. So if you are experiencing the same problems over and over, perhaps you need to re-examine how you choose who to get involved with.

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RE: What is it with you people? - 1/16/2008 10:44:31 PM   
hermione83


Posts: 393
Joined: 8/1/2007
Status: offline 		Perhaps.... I don't know how to change what kind of people usually like me... I just let other people find me.

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RE: What is it with you people? - 1/16/2008 10:45:29 PM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline 		I'm wondering about the TYPE of Dom you're talking to. It's not a typical male (or female, for that matter) thing to profess love to some random they've been talking to for a couple of weeks. Are they very young and inexperrienced and just saying it just to get in your pants?  It's hard to believe that EVERY guy is doing it.

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if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.


(in reply to Honsoku)
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RE: What is it with you people? - 1/16/2008 10:52:45 PM   
hermione83


Posts: 393
Joined: 8/1/2007
Status: offline 		I apparently just attract that type. Or maybe I just make an awesome first impression and then I disappoint them quickly... I do try pretty hard to be the sweetest, most likeable person on Earth 24/7 and please everyone all the time. And somehow when I start to talk about my beliefs and things in earnest, because I can be very serious, and very passionate about things.... that it drives everyone off. I don't know. But really, it isn't to get in my pants with me.. it's something else. Every guy must be lying to me. They all tell me I'm different, I'm the only one they've *ever* felt this way about, they could marry me, etc.... And then.. I don't even get an explanation or a friendship when they bam leave. It's really freaking me out. Because though I try to tell them, no you don't, we need to go slow.... they usually convince me to trust it. And I always am getting my heart broken.

(in reply to MissMagnolia)
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RE: What is it with you people? - 1/16/2008 10:57:36 PM   
Honsoku


Posts: 422
Joined: 6/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hermione83

Perhaps.... I don't know how to change what kind of people usually like me... I just let other people find me.



That is probably the first thing you should change then. Here on CM (and in life), if you restrict yourself just to answering people who bombard your inbox, you are likely to spend a lot of time sorting through the dregs just to find a good person. This is one of women's biggest handicap with online dating; that they wait for the men to come to them. The problem is that the most desperate are the most aggressive and the least likely to be good matches, so you spend a long time searching through garbage hoping that you will actually notice a good person when they comes a long. Do not mistake the quantity of messages for quality results. Consider that there are hundreds of other women preventing your best match from seeing you. So buck up, put on your searching glasses, and muster up the courage to strike up conversations with people that you aren't finding in your inbox, because obviously, the ones there aren't working. Find out the kind of people who tend to fit you, then figure out what you need to do to attract those sorts. If your methods aren't working, change them.

< Message edited by Honsoku -- 1/16/2008 10:58:29 PM >

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RE: What is it with you people? - 1/16/2008 11:10:25 PM   
girlygurl


Posts: 6973
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: in the palms of His hands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hermione83
They all tell me I'm different, I'm the only one they've *ever* felt this way about, they could marry me, etc.... And then.. I don't even get an explanation or a friendship when they bam leave. It's really freaking me out. Because though I try to tell them, no you don't, we need to go slow.... they usually convince me to trust it. And I always am getting my heart broken.


OP~ Those lines sound familiar... like the lines a young person would say to another to get in their pants, or get something from them.  As for them leaving suddenly, either their SO caught them or some other unsuspecting female falls for their lines and he moves on.  It sounds like you have some common sense, and you know what they're saying is b.s. That being said, stand your ground and the next time someone starts saying things like this stop it. 
We tend to find similar characteristics appealing in relationships... maybe it's time you look at who you're attracted to, and why.

girly

_____________________________

i see You

happily forever one

(in reply to hermione83)
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RE: What is it with you people? - 1/16/2008 11:10:46 PM   
hermione83


Posts: 393
Joined: 8/1/2007
Status: offline 		Thanks, you may be right.... I think my being so passive has been a bad thing!

(in reply to Honsoku)
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RE: What is it with you people? - 1/17/2008 1:02:58 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hermione83

I apparently just attract that type. Or maybe I just make an awesome first impression and then I disappoint them quickly... I do try pretty hard to be the sweetest, most likeable person on Earth 24/7 and please everyone all the time. And somehow when I start to talk about my beliefs and things in earnest, because I can be very serious, and very passionate about things.... that it drives everyone off. I don't know. But really, it isn't to get in my pants with me.. it's something else. Every guy must be lying to me. They all tell me I'm different, I'm the only one they've *ever* felt this way about, they could marry me, etc.... And then.. I don't even get an explanation or a friendship when they bam leave. It's really freaking me out. Because though I try to tell them, no you don't, we need to go slow.... they usually convince me to trust it. And I always am getting my heart broken.


How about pleasing yourself?

It might seem strange, but there are plenty of people who want partners with shared interests - including in BDSM. Being clear with people about what interests me and what makes me happy has led me to my most successful relationships. Be upfront about your beliefs and what you are interested in, even if it means offending someone or that they won't like you. It's possible that they were convinced you *were* the perfect girl for them - until you started talking about the things that matter to you. Maybe they felt that you had "sprung" this new side on them or hidden it, explaining why they ran.

Or maybe they are all just jerks. Be glad to be rid of them and try to learn something from each one, even if it's just to run for the hills anytime marriage and loves come up too early.

Best of luck,
Aqua

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to hermione83)
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RE: What is it with you people? - 1/17/2008 1:03:16 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hermione83

I apparently just attract that type. Or maybe I just make an awesome first impression and then I disappoint them quickly... I do try pretty hard to be the sweetest, most likeable person on Earth 24/7 and please everyone all the time. And somehow when I start to talk about my beliefs and things in earnest, because I can be very serious, and very passionate about things.... that it drives everyone off. I don't know. But really, it isn't to get in my pants with me.. it's something else. Every guy must be lying to me. They all tell me I'm different, I'm the only one they've *ever* felt this way about, they could marry me, etc.... And then.. I don't even get an explanation or a friendship when they bam leave. It's really freaking me out. Because though I try to tell them, no you don't, we need to go slow.... they usually convince me to trust it. And I always am getting my heart broken.


hermoine knowing how you feel about your virginity and marriage, I am guessing they say it to get into your pants.  It's very much a paradise by the dashboard lights situation.  You're a smart girl, hollow promises/declarations are just that hollow.  Don't take it personally when they do that. I would work on my radar a bit if I were you and don't hesitate to end it with people that start saying things that don't fit where you think you should be or try to convince you of something you know is not true for you.  You're not going to compromise your beliefs because of sweet words are you?

edited to add: ROFL the profile change is funny, but it indicates you've been hurt, I'm sorry, maybe take a break for a bit?

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 1/17/2008 1:04:38 AM >

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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RE: What is it with you people? - 1/17/2008 1:11:23 AM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline 		The profile change is a worry. Can you imagine how many of those into, erm, ya know, animals, are going to email you???

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.


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RE: What is it with you people? - 1/17/2008 2:07:33 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: hermione83

I do try pretty hard to be the sweetest, most likeable person on Earth 24/7 and please everyone all the time. And somehow when I start to talk about my beliefs and things in earnest, because I can be very serious, and very passionate about things.... that it drives everyone off.


How about pleasing yourself?

Be upfront about your beliefs and what you are interested in, even if it means offending someone or that they won't like you.


Very good advice!  A lot of times we want people to like us so we hide or modify what we present up front.  It took the words from my own um to see how self-defeating i had been.  i said, "what if it doesn't work out?" and she said "oh yeah??  well what if it DOES work out?"  That was a changing day in my life!

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
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