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RE: What is it with you people? - 1/17/2008 2:13:05 AM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

I apparently just attract that type.

Or do you allow them to be attracted to you? (That was a question that I thought uploud) .
I mean if they are to close/fast going to your likings....you always can say.."I like you...but please give me time" . If they start to shout...move on.

A shrink said once..the people you meet is not completely by accident, you allow those people to come near.

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to MissMagnolia)

Post #: 21

RE: What is it with you people? - 1/17/2008 3:05:37 AM

hermione83

Posts: 393
Joined: 8/1/2007
Status: offline

Thank you all very much for the great advice, it's really helpful. Obviously a great deal of this is me. I do usually just let people ignore all my standards, because of the submissive side. They do start to "shout" when I say say "slow". Thank you Laurell, lol. Yep, I do need a break... whew. And a trip to the humane society... :P Really. Pets are just easier, and less smelly than men... ;) Anyway, *takes a deep breath*. Maybe some part of me is wanting to hurry up and find love.... and I'm letting myself be attracted to those who will tell me want to hear, deep down, though I deny it.. maybe. I need to cut it out myself. So how do you all start things out? Do you really let all your flaws be known at the beginning?

(in reply to Justme696)

Post #: 22

RE: What is it with you people? - 1/17/2008 3:20:32 AM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hermione83

Thank you all very much for the great advice, it's really helpful. Obviously a great deal of this is me. I do usually just let people ignore all my standards, because of the submissive side. They do start to "shout" when I say say "slow". Thank you Laurell, lol. Yep, I do need a break... whew. And a trip to the humane society... :P Really. Pets are just easier, and less smelly than men... ;) Anyway, *takes a deep breath*. Maybe some part of me is wanting to hurry up and find love.... and I'm letting myself be attracted to those who will tell me want to hear, deep down, though I deny it.. maybe. I need to cut it out myself. So how do you all start things out? Do you really let all your flaws be known at the beginning?

Start with things not to call flaws because you ar different from others. Acception starts within yourself.

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to hermione83)

Post #: 23

RE: What is it with you people? - 1/17/2008 4:15:45 AM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hermione83

It's not being about incompatible. It's .. just something Doms do. You're talking, and you tell them how you feel about something. They disagree, you get upset... and they tell you to stop talking everytime you bring it up and think you're being "bad" for trying to communicate. They interrupt you in the midst of every serious discussion. I can't take it anymore. :( ><

No, it isn't "just something doms do". It is something that the people you choose to interact with do and the only common denominator is you. Why are you getting upset because someone disagrees with you? That doesn't seems like a mature way to handle a discussion to me.

~edited to add that I just read the whole thread and it seems my post is a little late.... *g*

Knight's Kyra

< Message edited by kyraofMists -- 1/17/2008 4:20:07 AM >

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to hermione83)

Post #: 24

RE: What is it with you people? - 1/17/2008 4:25:40 AM

Evility

Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hermione83

Sorry, having a bad day, but why is it every Dominant male I meet starts to profess his love within a minute or a few weeks, talk about marriage and make all kinds of empty promises - and then after the first real argument or two - they run for the hills. Especially if they're wrong. And none of you all can admit it, or apologize - much less communicate. Bah, men.

Clearly this is not a trait of all dominant men or every woman here would be bitching about the same thing and they are not. So that reduces the equation to just the dominant men that you have met. Now... what one thing do they all have in common?

(in reply to hermione83)

Post #: 25

RE: What is it with you people? - 1/17/2008 4:33:45 AM

HalloweenWhite

Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hermione83

Sorry, having a bad day, but why is it every Dominant male I meet starts to profess his love within a minute or a few weeks, talk about marriage and make all kinds of empty promises - and then after the first real argument or two - they run for the hills. Especially if they're wrong. And none of you all can admit it, or apologize - much less communicate. Bah, men.

On behalf of My fellow males both Dominant and vanilla- I'm sorry, really I am :). Cheer up, only 11 weeks to spring and then we'll just have rain to worry about not the snow as well.

(in reply to hermione83)

Post #: 26

RE: What is it with you people? - 1/17/2008 4:47:11 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

MissMagnolia I think I love you. I wil let you know in two weeks. As for the OP. Switch to being a lesbian.

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 27

RE: What is it with you people? - 1/17/2008 5:17:05 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

look on the bright side, you found out he wasn't compatiable to you now instead of later. chalk it up as another lesson learned and move on.

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...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to hermione83)

Post #: 28

RE: What is it with you people? - 1/17/2008 6:15:23 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Honsoku

Something that is frequently overlooked; the only common factor in every failed relationship is yourself. So if you are experiencing the same problems over and over, perhaps you need to re-examine how you choose who to get involved with.

Best advice right here. However, with my characteristic bitchy response, I am going to add something.

Only you can change how you react in a relationship to any given situation. This right here is what caused me to bring this up

quote:

You're talking, and you tell them how you feel about something. They disagree, you get upset...and they tell you to stop talking everytime you bring it up

From what you said here, it sounds like YOU are the one who is having issues letting go of something; just because they disagree with you over something does not mean that they want to keep rehashing it. You should ask yourself why it is so important that YOU keep bringing it up. If it's something major, then it shows obvious incompatibility. If it's something small, from where I am sitting, it's you who has the problem and not them.

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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to Honsoku)

Post #: 29

RE: What is it with you people? - 1/17/2008 6:53:11 AM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

Easy come, easy go.

John

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"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to hermione83)

Post #: 30

RE: What is it with you people? - 1/17/2008 6:56:33 AM

lauren0221

Posts: 681
Joined: 8/29/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

Easy come, easy go.

John

Yup, and if someone is going to go - better sooner than later. You should be thanking these guys:)

(in reply to Rover)

Post #: 31

RE: What is it with you people? - 1/17/2008 6:57:43 AM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lauren0221

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

Easy come, easy go.

John

Yup, and if someone is going to go - better sooner than later. You should be thanking these guys:)

sounds harsh, but it is true to the core

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to lauren0221)

Post #: 32

RE: What is it with you people? - 1/17/2008 7:01:38 AM

Maya2001

Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline

I read your profile, I think possible you are going to have difficult search because you are labeling yourself as a slave but what you want is a very romantic knight in shining armour in the bdsm context it is somewhat conflicting. Also in your journal you mention "Taken in Hand" with the section on wanting the emotional connection. So persons reading and responding to you are going to portray themselves according to what you are asking for in your profile, and maybe part of where the problem lies

I think for one thing this post maybe be worth reading about over romantizing the lifestyle
http://www.collarchat.com/m_1538613/tm.htm it is not to say romance cannot happen but that you may have unidealistic views of the slave/master role, a role that the majority of masters will not share. and your views may cause you a lot of disappointment, people fall into the same problem with getting pets thanking the squirmy little puppy will give them all the love they feel they need, but reality kicks in when they have this you dog who is peeing and pooping all over the house and chewing up the rugs and furniture and they are not viewed as quite so lovable any more, the reason the shelters are crammed full of adolenscent pets the expectation of fullfilling love they would provide did not measure up. Before you take on a pet, remember it is not something you obtain to fullfill your needs but a responsibility that that requires time, patience, money, frustration sometimes disappointment, training that may last 15 years or more years, some require you to put more love than you will recieve in exchange, I had one girl that was extremely aloof never wanted to be hugged or cuddled until until the last few days of her life when she was diagnosed with bone cancer at 9 years old, having her allow me to finally able to hold her at the very end was one of the most precious gifts she could have given me in the world, and ending up meaning more to me than other dogs that I had owned that gave affection freely because I felt it was something I earned rather than expected so had far deeper meaning

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Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to Evility)

Post #: 33

RE: What is it with you people? - 1/17/2008 7:07:08 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

it is not to say romance cannot happen but that you may have unidealistic views of the slave/master role, a role that the majority of masters will not share.

I would agree that perhaps she should change her designation to "submissive" and specify what sort of man could be her "master", but I do not think that it is unrealistic to want a romantic connection with a D-type person. In fact I have read doms that were mushier than me, more romantic than me. It isn't the expectation of romance that is unrealistic, it is the expectation that the roles will be perfect and everyone will be uber slave like and uber master like that are unrealistic in my opinion

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Maya2001)

Post #: 34

RE: What is it with you people? - 1/17/2008 7:29:07 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

I dont think that a desingnation change will help much. I was thinking more along the line of an attitude adjustment. You can call yourself whatever you want and that will change nothing if you still have the same attitude. If you like your attitude then change your profile to match it.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 35

RE: What is it with you people? - 1/17/2008 7:36:16 AM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

I dont think that a desingnation change will help much. I was thinking more along the line of an attitude adjustment. You can call yourself whatever you want and that will change nothing if you still have the same attitude. If you like your attitude then change your profile to match it.

agree a profile should reflect who you are, not who you like to be

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 36

RE: What is it with you people? - 1/17/2008 8:10:56 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

I dont think that a desingnation change will help much. I was thinking more along the line of an attitude adjustment. You can call yourself whatever you want and that will change nothing if you still have the same attitude. If you like your attitude then change your profile to match it.

Ditto. I did not bother to read her profile, but what is said here is very good advice.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 37

RE: What is it with you people? - 1/17/2008 8:33:14 AM

DesertRat

Posts: 2774
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: NM/USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Honsoku
...if you restrict yourself just to answering people who bombard your inbox, you are likely to spend a lot of time sorting through the dregs just to find a good person...

...This is one of women's biggest handicap with online dating; that they wait for the men to come to them. The problem is that the most desperate are the most aggressive and the least likely to be good matches...

...So buck up, put on your searching glasses, and muster up the courage to strike up conversations with people that you aren't finding in your inbox...

I think there's more than a kernel of truth to this. My best experiences here have been with girls who approached me with a sincere but friendly and conversational tone. I used to think it was laziness driving my preference, but I think Honsuku has really made a good point.

Bob

_____________________________

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro--Hunter S. Thompson
It's crackers to slip a rozzer the dropsy in snide!--Chief Dead St. Knockout, 1933, Liverpool
Damn the crops. I'll only find peace at the end of a rope.--Winston Van Loo, 1911

(in reply to Honsoku)

Post #: 38

RE: What is it with you people? - 1/17/2008 8:39:50 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

My most satisfying relationships from collarme have been from people who "know" me through the forums. I'm not talking about strictly intimate relationships, I'm talking about all types of relationships. They get to know who I am from what I write, I get to know who they are the same way, and one of us reaches out to the other in friendship. It may go further than that, it may not. Certainly is not a bad way to start a connection with someone.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to DesertRat)

Post #: 39

RE: What is it with you people? - 1/17/2008 8:51:09 AM

kittinSol

Posts: 16926
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hermione83

Sorry, having a bad day, but why is it every Dominant male I meet starts to profess his love within a minute or a few weeks, talk about marriage (...).

Possible reasons that spring to mind: you're a babe, or they're desperate. Or they're desperate because you're a babe. Or they're married.

My experience tells me that very rare are the people who'll profess eternal love from the word go. The few that do always have something wrong with them (why else would they do it?).

_____________________________

(in reply to hermione83)

Post #: 40

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