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RE: What is it with you people? - 1/18/2008 6:30:33 AM

SubbieOnWheels

Posts: 590
Joined: 12/14/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

By not saying hello to someone first you are missing out on a lot of friends. Did it ever occur to you that by not saying hello first makes you look like a self centered snob.

Why does it have to be that way every time - looking like a self-centered snob? I used to be painfully shy - couldn't even say hello to my friends firt because I was afraid they wouldn't say hello back to me - and I was told people thought I was stuck-up. I didn't think I was likeable at the time. Now I've been informed otherwise, and in a r/t situation, I have no problems introducing myself to anyone. But here or on any dating site, I still have to overcome more than half a century of conditioning.

_____________________________

Bethical
Beat me, strike me, take away my reindeer! I'll never tell! -- Walt Kelly, Pogo Possum
I yam what I yam - Popeye

http://www.myspace.com/bethical_wheels

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Post #: 61

RE: What is it with you people? - 1/18/2008 8:17:49 AM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

If you "always" meet a certain type, then YOU are the reason and it is YOUR pattern you need to change. "Gee, I always meet men who want to party" says the girl sitting at the bar, or "Gee, I always meet these really creepy guys into cross dressing and having anonymous gay sex" says the girl at the Republican convention, or "I don't know what is wrong with men, they all seem to be addicts" says the girl at the AlAnon meeting...

As for "not contacting men first"...I almost never bother contacting women, especially on the internet, I have almost never struck up a relationship that way so I don't bother. BSB got up the nerve to email me and start flirting and if she hadn't I would never have fallen head over heals in love with her. Besides, I bet your dad didn't approve of anal sex, fisting, flogging, and buttplugs either...

My father just might have.

When I was a kid my grandmother lived with us for a time and she'd try to use a yard stick on my butt. After several times of the yard stick breaking and me laughing instead of feeling pain my father came up with a paddle with holes in it so that no matter how weak the swink was, I'd feel it on my butt. Lately I've been wondering where he came up with the idea and I've been wondering about his whip collection. Not to mention the diversity of porn I stumbled on to once.

Too bad he's not here to ask.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

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RE: What is it with you people? - 1/18/2008 9:09:42 AM

kajira2surrender

Posts: 33
Joined: 9/13/2007
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Not really wishing to get to far off subject here, but you brought up past memories of my father in this situation as well.
Being he seemed to 'love' wood working, he was 'very proud' of the paddle he created...'OUCH!!'
lol
Never found whips and such...but he liked his belt as well...makes you wonder, doesn't it?
About our parents that is...smiles.

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i wish you all well

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RE: What is it with you people? - 1/18/2008 9:15:30 AM

magicone

Posts: 53
Joined: 10/28/2006
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hello hermione83,

being honest - guess thats just a fact of life... you always meet people some of them honest.. some of them not.. and some of them just fit in your world , some not..
i personally just can say - i was more than 3 years here on CM and had some bad experiences as well - especially when it comes to the point of agreement...
may it was also cause i am just helpless romantic.
last year i put a lot of energy in my profile and wrote a new one.
i thuoght much what i want.. what really is needed and what i wanna deal with. sounds may not really submissive on that point ,-)) but at least the direction is clear upfront for everyone was reading my profile.
and beside that... happy to say after 4 weeks i found the One!!
i guess being honest to yourself and to admitt it... independent how it may appear is the best...
and keep the people far do not fit in your world.....
just my two cents...

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RE: What is it with you people? - 1/18/2008 9:36:08 AM

SubbieOnWheels

Posts: 590
Joined: 12/14/2007
Status: offline

Perhaps there is a difference of approach here.

As a submissive, it goes against my grain to approach a dominant. now I see that there are dominants who expect submissives to "present" themselves much like job applicants. In their view, perhaps, they are offering something to the submissive that many submissives will want, so why do they need to go looking for submissives. In my view, I want someone to tell me they think I have qualities they'd like to see more of.

Maybe it's because I'm looking for a relationship rather than a playpal?

_____________________________

Bethical
Beat me, strike me, take away my reindeer! I'll never tell! -- Walt Kelly, Pogo Possum
I yam what I yam - Popeye

http://www.myspace.com/bethical_wheels

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RE: What is it with you people? - 1/18/2008 9:43:37 AM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kajira2surrender

Not really wishing to get to far off subject here, but you brought up past memories of my father in this situation as well.
Being he seemed to 'love' wood working, he was 'very proud' of the paddle he created...'OUCH!!'
lol
Never found whips and such...but he liked his belt as well...makes you wonder, doesn't it?
About our parents that is...smiles.

We don't have the market on kink in this generation. Just think, someday some of our kids will be talking about their kink and insisting that their parents only had enough sex to procreate and then it was short and sweet in the dark, missionary style.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

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RE: What is it with you people? - 1/18/2008 12:32:32 PM

Rushemery

Posts: 310
Joined: 9/10/2007
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Hmmmm I dont remember ever saying that, I do remember discussing Harry Potter--lol

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Post #: 67

RE: What is it with you people? - 1/18/2008 1:17:54 PM

OldManCoyote

Posts: 6
Joined: 1/17/2008
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hermione,

sorry to hear about the string of bad luck you've had. Some people are in love with the idea of being in love; it helps them to confirm themselves and gives them a boost in confidence. `Course they don't bother thinking about the ones that they leave behind in the dust.

Never, ever, be afraid to love someone and never be afraid to be honest with them, and yourself, about your emotions...even if they aren't as strong or incredible as the other side is professing to you. Also, don't be afraid to ask for some space, or a slow down, if things are getting to close to fast; if a Dominant truely cares they will remember that bundled with that submission is a little girl that needs pretection as much as direction.

-Coyote

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Do the D.A.N.C.E.
1 2 3 4 fight
Stick to the B.E.A.T.
Get ready to ignite
You were such a P.Y.T.
Catching all the lights
Just easy as A.B.C.
That's how you make it right

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RE: What is it with you people? - 1/18/2008 5:40:45 PM

Exquemelin

Posts: 113
Joined: 2/2/2007
From: CT
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Are these people you've met in person? I couldn't imagine professing my love before I met somebody in person. In fact it takes a long time of being in person with that person before I'm ready too.

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testing
The Hammer is my penis.

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RE: What is it with you people? - 1/18/2008 5:52:29 PM

SubbieOnWheels

Posts: 590
Joined: 12/14/2007
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I've had professions of love and proposals of marriage from men I've only met online - sometimes in the initial contact message. These men - on all kinds of dating sites, BDSM, disabled, or regular vanilla - are probably nigerians. I drop them - ignore their impassioned emails and block them - the minute they begin acting like that. That is not reasonable; it's not rational; for heaven's sake, it's not sane!

_____________________________

Bethical
Beat me, strike me, take away my reindeer! I'll never tell! -- Walt Kelly, Pogo Possum
I yam what I yam - Popeye

http://www.myspace.com/bethical_wheels

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RE: What is it with you people? - 1/18/2008 6:13:15 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: hermione83

I know it's not fair - but I'm talking about every man I talk to. Online, offline, on Pluto, etc. I'm going to end up in institution because of them. Don't they know "I love you" means something to some people?

Ah..grasshopper, listen to me. You are 24. When I was 24 I was madly in love. I thought I would always be madly in love and that there would be wonderfully fabulous men available to fall madly in love with and who would fall madly in love with me forever. Lots of passionate filled drama ensued...

But alas....I discovered quickly that men are mere humans and they do not possess the gene of perfection. Some of them do not communicate effectively, some of them do not follow up, call back when they say will, fight fair, send roses or even leave the toilet seat down. Some are not even over their own mothers. But I digress.

Don't rush into things with anyone. Take your time. When it comes to love, you don't rush to love, love settles over you. If it is going to happen, it will. You cannot force it.

And don't try to change men; you can only work on you. Never expect a guy to do anything. You are in control of only you and your own reactions.

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RE: What is it with you people? - 1/18/2008 6:39:32 PM

stevepops

Posts: 41
Joined: 11/12/2004
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From my experience I have learned: if I change my energy - my surroundings will have to change too. For some reason it seems that we have a tendency to attract the same type of people over and over - and mostly some who are like our selves. Personally I have taken action and worked on changing or better .. evolving .. as it is a constant process.

So try contact some people you've never thought about contacting before, I know what we do that we will get out of our comfort zone, but that's where many things are happening.

Proof of concept: Talk to me and I will not propose marriage. http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m16.gif

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RE: What is it with you people? - 1/19/2008 2:30:20 AM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Exquemelin

Are these people you've met in person? I couldn't imagine professing my love before I met somebody in person. In fact it takes a long time of being in person with that person before I'm ready too.

I thought that too. But I fell in love online once. It was difficult she beeing in the USa and me in Europe...but she moved and were 4+ years together.
It just happpened..and it was beautifulll. Love is not about strict rules.

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RE: What is it with you people? - 1/19/2008 3:44:35 PM

Wisenlilminx

Posts: 56
Joined: 2/11/2007
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Hermione, you should get just who you're looking for.
Some have advised that maybe how you label yourself in the profile could help, and maybe it could just a little bit.
But, I think when you meet with people, it shouldn't even be in a Dom/sub BDSM context. It should just be getting together for
coffee, or that sort of thing. Normal social interaction.

The various BDSM socials we go to are, for the most part, just vanilla socials. I think the BDSM context can develop after you've both
figured you have enough shared interests, values, chemistry, etc.

When I meet a gal who I would like as a submissve, it's fine with me if she's strong willed. She'll surrender to me when we're both ready.
That's always worked find for me.

Be picky, take time, throw away the unsuitable ones. There will be plenty. Some of them might even be wonderful, and not for you.
You only have to find one.

WiseProtector

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Post #: 74