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RE: What is it with you people? - 1/17/2008 9:03:32 AM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline

What the hell is it with people who have pictures that are too dark to see anything?

I mean...seriously...I want an answer to this question.

Why even bother having a picture?

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The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to kittinSol)

Post #: 41

RE: What is it with you people? - 1/17/2008 9:17:02 AM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hermione83

Thank you all very much for the great advice, it's really helpful. Obviously a great deal of this is me. I do usually just let people ignore all my standards, because of the submissive side. They do start to "shout" when I say say "slow". Thank you Laurell, lol. Yep, I do need a break... whew. And a trip to the humane society... :P Really. Pets are just easier, and less smelly than men... ;) Anyway, *takes a deep breath*. Maybe some part of me is wanting to hurry up and find love.... and I'm letting myself be attracted to those who will tell me want to hear, deep down, though I deny it.. maybe. I need to cut it out myself. So how do you all start things out? Do you really let all your flaws be known at the beginning?

I think the truth is hermoine you still need to work on you. You have grown so much since you first started posting here, but you still strike me as being a uncomfortable with you and very unsure of who you are. I'd take a break and make sure you are standing on your own two feet and have realistic expectations about relationships if I were you. When you do start again remember this. Your first job in life is to take care of you. No white knight will do that for you and you have to be the one to set the standards that work for you clearly with others. Who are you precisely and what is it you need/want out of life and a relationship? If you are having problems doing that which is what your thread seems to say indirectly it's going to be very hard for someone else to accomodate your desires. Trying to be nice only goes so far. Being who you are and sending clear messages goes alot further.

good luck!

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to hermione83)

Post #: 42

RE: What is it with you people? - 1/17/2008 9:17:42 AM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hermione83

It's not being about incompatible. It's .. just something Doms do. You're talking, and you tell them how you feel about something. They disagree, you get upset... and they tell you to stop talking everytime you bring it up and think you're being "bad" for trying to communicate. They interrupt you in the midst of every serious discussion. I can't take it anymore. :( ><

I have a smoldering temper that can erupt, it took me what seems like a lifetime to learn to communicate before an eruption if possible. I also learned that I need to keep my mouth shut when upset as I tend to bring alot of crap into the argument that don't belong there.

I refuse to agrue when I am emotional, I take time to sort through my feelings, sometimes I determine that I'm not really that angry at what made me upset, that it was only minor and it was a catylist that brought to the surface other issues that I hadn't delt with properly. I don't know if this makes sense, but I find if I take time to collect my feelings and to ponder my own emotional state I can get to the heart of the matter and determine how to rationally proceed rather then overwhelm my partner with all the dynamics that led to my breakdown that were ultimately beyond his control or even not even related to him. (maybe as an example-- I just sat in on a bitch session/meeting at work today which I'd rather not have to deal with, maybe tonight he will ask me to do something that I'm not in the mood for-- if I don't purge the work frustration first I could snap at his request whereas in a more pleasant frame of mind I'd sweetly acquiesce-- the problem wouldn't really be him or his request, but my frame of mind at the time)

I've also discovered that one can disagree without being disagreeable.

FWIW-- we've been together for more then 2 months, he's not declared his undying love for me and we've not had an arguement. It happens.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to hermione83)

Post #: 43

RE: What is it with you people? - 1/17/2008 9:50:48 AM

kittinSol

Posts: 16926
Status: offline

??????

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Post #: 44

RE: What is it with you people? - 1/17/2008 9:51:02 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Omega how can you disagree without being disagreeable. Isnt that why you are disagreeing in the first place???.

(in reply to OmegaG)

Post #: 45

RE: What is it with you people? - 1/17/2008 10:03:41 AM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Omega how can you disagree without being disagreeable. Isnt that why you are disagreeing in the first place???.

it's all in the wording-- you could say "I hate doing X and I'm pissed that you want me to do it right now"

or you can say "I'm haveing a rough day and I'm a bit emotionally raw, as X is something I do for you rather then myself I'd prefer not to do that right now, if you don't mind"

You can say "Chocholate ice cream sucks" or you can say "I prefer not to eat chocholate ice cream"

You can say "I can't believe you want me to wear that blue thing, it's ugly" or "The blue outfit isn't the most attractive on me, can I wear something else"

you can say "there is no freakin way I am putting that damned gag in my mouth" or you can say "My sinuses are stuffed up tonight and I'm afraid I'll have difficulty breathing if I wear that"

Now granted, he may choose to still go with what he desires, but then I know that he's in a particularly sadistic mood and can get over myself and be happy about the relationship in general or I can throw a tantrum-- honestly, if I can't put my big girl panties on and serve him even when he knows my point of view, I'm not in the right frame of mind to be in that relationship.

I've told him that there are things I don't prefer, sometimes he says that's OK because it's not his favorite, other times he tells me that he likes it and he will expect it at times. And the gag thing is something we talked about as I have bad sinuses-- he told me to always tell him if I think I'll have trouble breathing. Breath play in his control is fun, but when it's not in his control he has no desire to indulge.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 46

RE: What is it with you people? - 1/17/2008 10:29:47 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Omega how can you disagree without being disagreeable. Isnt that why you are disagreeing in the first place???.

It all depends on how you word it. You can say things in a way that would demand the other person take offense and defend themselves; or you can say things in a way that keeps the peace and calm.

I am very ummm....skilled...at causing people to take offense LOL; you have seen that in the way I answer the board at times lol; and yet, I can say the same thing in a way that is clear, calm, with no intention at causing friction.

Disagree without being disagreeable

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 47

RE: What is it with you people? - 1/17/2008 10:31:41 AM

SubbieOnWheels

Posts: 590
Joined: 12/14/2007
Status: offline

Well, my dad proposed to my mom on the second date, and they were married for 55 years (until my dad passed away). But that was in 1933, and they were special people.

I'm of an age that I was brought up in the belief that a woman NEVER approached a man - it was up to the man to decide if he wanted to "chat up" the woman. As a result, I find it very difficult to open a dialog with the men whose profiles look interesting to me. My inner wallflower tells me, "If he is interested in you, he'll contact you. If you contact him first he's going to think you're too desperate, and he's going to ignore you." And that is discouraging.

So I can see why other women hesitate to contact a man they find interesting.

_____________________________

Bethical
Beat me, strike me, take away my reindeer! I'll never tell! -- Walt Kelly, Pogo Possum
I yam what I yam - Popeye

http://www.myspace.com/bethical_wheels

(in reply to kittinSol)

Post #: 48

RE: What is it with you people? - 1/17/2008 10:37:10 AM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

I'm of an age that I was brought up in the belief that a woman NEVER approached a man - it was up to the man to decide if he wanted to "chat up" the woman. As a result, I find it very difficult to open a dialog with the men whose profiles look interesting to me. My inner wallflower tells me, "If he is interested in you, he'll contact you. If you contact him first he's going to think you're too desperate, and he's going to ignore you." And that is discouraging.

So I can see why other women hesitate to contact a man they find interesting.

Mmm it is good to hear such things. People don't think about such.
Reminds of the time, in movies you see that, where the girls sit in chairs around the dance floor and the guys ask them to dance.

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to SubbieOnWheels)

Post #: 49

RE: What is it with you people? - 1/17/2008 10:56:32 AM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SubbieOnWheels

Well, my dad proposed to my mom on the second date, and they were married for 55 years (until my dad passed away). But that was in 1933, and they were special people.

I'm of an age that I was brought up in the belief that a woman NEVER approached a man - it was up to the man to decide if he wanted to "chat up" the woman. As a result, I find it very difficult to open a dialog with the men whose profiles look interesting to me. My inner wallflower tells me, "If he is interested in you, he'll contact you. If you contact him first he's going to think you're too desperate, and he's going to ignore you." And that is discouraging.

So I can see why other women hesitate to contact a man they find interesting.

I also don't make first contact-- it was the way my father raised me and it works for me. But I also am discriminating about who I form relationships with when they contact me.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to SubbieOnWheels)

Post #: 50

RE: What is it with you people? - 1/17/2008 12:58:30 PM

realtuffdom

Posts: 108
Joined: 7/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hermione83

Sorry, having a bad day, but why is it every Dominant male I meet starts to profess his love within a minute or a few weeks, talk about marriage and make all kinds of empty promises - and then after the first real argument or two - they run for the hills. Especially if they're wrong. And none of you all can admit it, or apologize - much less communicate. Bah, men.

Maybe it's just one of those weird spurts of time where that sort of thing happens. Oh wait...um, I think I love you. A lot. And want to marry you and give you...um, the moon! Yes, the Moon! And um, oh wait, what was I saying again?

_____________________________

Always, Ram Ford Tough....

I have lots and lots of experience at domination. Now I'd just like to try it with a partner....

(in reply to hermione83)

Post #: 51

RE: What is it with you people? - 1/17/2008 1:13:11 PM

celticlord2112

Posts: 5732
Status: offline

quote:

I apparently just attract that type.

Nobody "just attracts" any type. Attraction happens for a reason. Change the reason and you'll change the type of men who are attracted to you.

(and yes...that is a LOT easier said than done).

_____________________________

(in reply to hermione83)

Post #: 52

RE: What is it with you people? - 1/17/2008 2:47:13 PM

winterlight

Posts: 1319
Joined: 2/18/2006
Status: offline

i was raised you don't contact a man also. I guess i am a rare breed..

(in reply to celticlord2112)

Post #: 53

RE: What is it with you people? - 1/17/2008 2:56:14 PM

SeeksOnlyOne

Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: winterlight

i was raised you don't contact a man also. I guess i am a rare breed..

me three......i have been in real life and on line situations where i thought.....dammit speak to him....speak to him......just cant do it though.......

but i am ok with that.......its just "my normal"

_____________________________

it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

(in reply to winterlight)

Post #: 54

RE: What is it with you people? - 1/17/2008 3:56:32 PM

wildangel3825

Posts: 15
Joined: 5/14/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: winterlight

i was raised you don't contact a man also. I guess i am a rare breed..

me three......i have been in real life and on line situations where i thought.....dammit speak to him....speak to him......just cant do it though.......

but i am ok with that.......its just "my normal"

_____________________________

i initiated contact with my Dom...to this day he remembers what it said and how he replied. He loves to tease me about it!!! It has worked out very well for us. i highly recommend it. But, you may also wish to take a small break and figure out what you want. Men who give love too easy often take it back even easier...you are a beautiful and sweet girl. Stop settling just to have a Dom. The right one will come when you are supposed to find Him and all the trouble you have had will be worth it. i look at all my prior experiences as steps to get where i was. i dont regret even the bad relationships. They helped me to grow and develop and be the person i am now. Even if they just helped me to figure out what i DONT want!!!!

(in reply to SeeksOnlyOne)

Post #: 55

RE: What is it with you people? - 1/17/2008 4:58:45 PM

SirJohnMandevill

Posts: 546
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hermione83

Sorry, having a bad day, but why is it every Dominant male I meet starts to profess his love within a minute or a few weeks, talk about marriage and make all kinds of empty promises - and then after the first real argument or two - they run for the hills. Especially if they're wrong. And none of you all can admit it, or apologize - much less communicate. Bah, men.

Can you say "hasty generalization," boys and girls? I knew you could.

Dominants come in all sizes, shapes and personality. We don't all do what you've described -- not by a long shot! Keep looking...you'll find one.

Les (who bets every Dom who doesn't act like that looked at your profile!)

_____________________________

Iam an eroticist
I am a fully eroticized being
No more neuroses
I found my strip naked soul soup
With the deviant ingredient
---The B-52s

(in reply to hermione83)

Post #: 56

RE: What is it with you people? - 1/17/2008 5:07:04 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

If you "always" meet a certain type, then YOU are the reason and it is YOUR pattern you need to change. "Gee, I always meet men who want to party" says the girl sitting at the bar, or "Gee, I always meet these really creepy guys into cross dressing and having anonymous gay sex" says the girl at the Republican convention, or "I don't know what is wrong with men, they all seem to be addicts" says the girl at the AlAnon meeting...

As for "not contacting men first"...I almost never bother contacting women, especially on the internet, I have almost never struck up a relationship that way so I don't bother. BSB got up the nerve to email me and start flirting and if she hadn't I would never have fallen head over heals in love with her. Besides, I bet your dad didn't approve of anal sex, fisting, flogging, and buttplugs either...

(in reply to SirJohnMandevill)

Post #: 57

RE: What is it with you people? - 1/18/2008 4:50:33 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

By not saying hello to someone first you are missing out on a lot of friends. Did it ever occur to you that by not saying hello first makes you look like a self centered snob.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 58

RE: What is it with you people? - 1/18/2008 5:22:57 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SubbieOnWheels

Well, my dad proposed to my mom on the second date, and they were married for 55 years (until my dad passed away). But that was in 1933, and they were special people.

I'm of an age that I was brought up in the belief that a woman NEVER approached a man - it was up to the man to decide if he wanted to "chat up" the woman. As a result, I find it very difficult to open a dialog with the men whose profiles look interesting to me. My inner wallflower tells me, "If he is interested in you, he'll contact you. If you contact him first he's going to think you're too desperate, and he's going to ignore you." And that is discouraging.

So I can see why other women hesitate to contact a man they find interesting.

I understand the logic behind this but it's never served me well. Sitting around a waiting for men to notice me always meant I was sitting around eating ice cream. Then I figured out that if I went out and made friends with both genders, it upped my odds of someone realizing they are into me.

Don't contact someone to chat them up, just contact them to chat and let them figure out if they want to chat you up.

My .02

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to SubbieOnWheels)

Post #: 59

RE: What is it with you people? - 1/18/2008 5:24:07 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Besides, I bet your dad didn't approve of anal sex, fisting, flogging, and buttplugs either...

Thank you for making my morning with that phrase!

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 60

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