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RE: Is this common? - 1/20/2008 10:34:39 AM   
venusinblu


Posts: 165
Joined: 1/12/2008
Status: offline 		i'd be heartbroken if my Master asked me to find another - or even want to play with another (we are in an exclusive relationship, whereby playing with another is the ultimate hard limit for us both).  i'd consider He was adding insult to injury if i had to find the other AND get punished for not finding her! ... 

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Claudia: No you would not Louis. Danger holds you to me.
Louis: Love holds you to me.

~~~~~~

When the going gets tough, the tough get under the table . ... Edmund Blackadder

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RE: Is this common? - 1/20/2008 10:35:50 AM   
PanthersMom


Posts: 2215
Joined: 11/26/2007
From: Cleveland Ohio
Status: offline 		good heavens!  what submissive in her right mind wouldn't want to be the plaything of such a treasure who sends his primary out to find him other diversions and then punishes her for not succeeding?  a submissive in her right mind, that's who!  who wants to associate with a dominant who treats his submissive so poorly?

PM

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RE: Is this common? - 1/20/2008 10:42:56 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Playing devil's advocate here...  is it that he told her to find a third that is troublesome, or that he's going to punish her? Or both?


If you were asking me this question, I find both troublesome. I accept that many find poly acceptable; I don't but, cool for others. What I find troublesome is the picture that comes to mind when I read these things:

A plain guy who calls himself a Dom, sits at home, he finds a woman who wants to be a sub, she has dreamed of it, craved it for a long time. So, he has been fantasizing about a threesome for ages and has never been able to make that happen (not easy, 'cause he is not all that, but I digress).

Anyhoo, he then gets the bright idea to send Miss New Subbie out and about to find a third under the pretext that this is what happens in all BDSM relationships. And, to make it more interesting, he says he will punish her so THAT will be foremost in her mind and rid her mind of any thought of (hey, wait..I don't REALLY want another chick here to play with me and Mr. Dom) 'cause now, she is so worried about being punished, she has no time to analyze why he is asking her to find a playmate for him.

Clear as rain now?  Now, I could be completely wrong about my assessment, but that is what immediately springs to mind when I read these types of threads.

Oh, and the 7pm deadline?? That is just fucking hilarious. I think he needed the deadline to watch his 8pm TV shows.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 1/20/2008 10:45:27 AM >

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RE: Is this common? - 1/20/2008 10:50:09 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		It was a question to anyone wanting to answer, but thanks for yours, red.

There's little doubt that scenario you gave happens (probably a lot).

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Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

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RE: Is this common? - 1/20/2008 10:58:59 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Since this isn't something you find on the "Mistress" board, I came to ask My question here.  Are there really a number of Masters who are so inept at finding a third that the task is assigned to their sub/slaves?

Personally, I want to be assigned to that task if we ever feel the need to add the third. We'd both be looking, but I would probably be looking more.
quote:


  Is it really appropriate to punish when the assignment given by the Master, who wasn't able to do for Himself, also isn't able to be completed by the slave?


I don't think so. Adding a third isn't like going out and buying a puppy. It can take a very long time and there isn't anything to be done about that.

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

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RE: Is this common? - 1/20/2008 11:01:18 AM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Playing devil's advocate here...  is it that he told her to find a third that is troublesome, or that he's going to punish her? Or both?

Refers you to post #16 for my thoughts

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RE: Is this common? - 1/20/2008 11:06:36 AM   
Level


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Joined: 3/3/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Playing devil's advocate here...  is it that he told her to find a third that is troublesome, or that he's going to punish her? Or both?

Refers you to post #16 for my thoughts


quote:

What lesson is learned from such a punishment?

 
To not hook up with a bonehead?
 
Personally, I have no problem with poly. I have no problem with him having her look. What seems lame to me is the punishment aspect of it.... I don't like "punishment" anyway, correction or teaching seems better IMO (speaking in a general sense -- she should not be admonished in any way for doing her best).

< Message edited by Level -- 1/20/2008 11:07:25 AM >

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

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RE: Is this common? - 1/20/2008 11:13:00 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I don't even think this question was about being poly; we don't even know enough to make a comment. It was simply a comment upon the way the original post sounded; like oh no Mr. Bill, I had to call all my friends to get someone to chat with my Dom before 7pm or I get the silent treatment.

It just makes me....

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RE: Is this common? - 1/20/2008 11:15:16 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		LOL at "oh no, Mr Bill"

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Is this common? - 1/20/2008 11:27:49 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Thanks to those who answered.  Yes, the most ridiculous part of this was that, on the thread I pulled it from, not just one, but two seperate cases of subs who were going to be 'punished' for not finding a third.  While I understand that some subs might assist in the search for a third for a poly situation, I can't see it being  responsibility of someone besides the one who would wish to be the Dominant, and the one who was ultimately in charge of the dynamic.  Sure, it's fantastic that the potential sister sub would want to be involved, but it's really more important that the Dominant and the secondary sub match.

Edited because the whole 'punishment' for not finding a third is so far fetched to Me, I couldn't even type properly.


< Message edited by LadyPact -- 1/20/2008 11:29:32 AM >

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RE: Is this common? - 1/20/2008 12:11:05 PM   
DesertRat


Posts: 2774
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: NM/USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: venusinblu
you'd send a girl to do a man's job, DesertRat? <simper, simper .... lol! >


Can the wisecracks and get me laid...or else!

Bob

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When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro--Hunter S. Thompson
It's crackers to slip a rozzer the dropsy in snide!--Chief Dead St. Knockout, 1933, Liverpool
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RE: Is this common? - 1/20/2008 12:16:10 PM   
MissHarlet


Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
Status: offline 		Why is it always Doms that have their subs do this ?? I havent heard of a FemDom asking this ... are we missing out on something wonderful ?? and yes Im KIDDING>>>>

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To be respected you must be respectful, to be loved you must be willing to love,
to be trusted you must be willing to trust.

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RE: Is this common? - 1/20/2008 12:23:10 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		Okay, I checked google, I checked yahooanswers, I even checked mapquest.

Someone, puhleeeeeese tell me where Subs-4-U is located?  I mean seriously, this WAS a shopping assignment right? Because it's that easy, right??

Cali


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RE: Is this common? - 1/20/2008 12:26:20 PM   
KnOcala


Posts: 260
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline 		I could see using the sub to come up with some ideas as a way of getting inside her head and opening up if she is shy or bashful and not giving much insight as to what they really desire but are not communicating.  But I would use nothing suggested at that time but I would  take what I get for future reference. 


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RE: Is this common? - 1/20/2008 12:54:21 PM   
kinkypuppy2


Posts: 345
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline 		Could be thisis a "training" task that was assigned for a specific reason other then what is on the surface.


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See nic "Kinkypupper" also as "slvseeker" As I cannot reply to any posts or log into collarchat under that name I had to create this profile.

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RE: Is this common? - 1/20/2008 12:57:22 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Okay, I checked google, I checked yahooanswers, I even checked mapquest.

Someone, puhleeeeeese tell me where Subs-4-U is located?  I mean seriously, this WAS a shopping assignment right? Because it's that easy, right??

Cali



Well, the sale for low end subs ended at 7pm at Costco.

The sale for high maintenance subs ended at 7:05 at Bloomingdales. (just because they are ALWAYS late, damnit.)

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Is this common? - 1/20/2008 1:35:52 PM   
Honsoku


Posts: 422
Joined: 6/26/2007
Status: offline 		~fr~

First the silly;

The time limit was ridiculous. Finding people who are willing to talk (I noticed that the post did not say that the person had to be a submissive) is largely random. This is setting the submissive up to fail, which is generally poor behavior. What was this supposed to accomplish?

The way the post was phrased leads me to think this was all online anyway, which makes the whole thing even sillier. Why on earth do you need someone else to find people for you to talk to online?

Now the not so silly;

I see nothing wrong with having a submissive do the majority of the weeding out, especially if given clear guidelines for the weeding. Some people are just better at talking to other people and weeding is a time consuming process. The submissive should have significant contact with any potential third, as their ability to get along is important.

As for why sub males don't do the searching for their mistresses; there are considerable gender differences in how the two genders tend to relate to members of the same gender. Men tend to get along better in close quarters than women do. Finding two men who will get along is a lot easier than finding two women, especially when there is a member of the opposite gender present.

Not to mention that on sites like this, another woman is more likely to get the time of day from a woman than yet another dark blue e-mail. While a sub male is more likely to pay attention to a bright red message than a light blue one. Then there is the advantage that the submissive woman being contacted knows (within reason) that it isn't happening behind the other woman's back. So the differences in the general expectations of M/f vs. a F/m relationship also play a big role in why you see more female subs searching for thirds than male subs.





< Message edited by Honsoku -- 1/20/2008 1:37:19 PM >

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RE: Is this common? - 1/20/2008 1:39:49 PM   
BOUNTYHUNTER


Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline 		I for one am always suspicious of the Dom's that sends their property to find another toy,Is it that he was dam lucky to find the first one and doesn't want to take the chance of being refused or that he is just to damm lazy to spend the time and engery..Any how I don't send mine out trolling thats just me...I can just imagine what those that are approached are thinking...Boy he must either be a lazy sob or dog ass ugly or probably both...

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RE: Is this common? - 1/20/2008 1:41:07 PM   
Rushemery


Posts: 310
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline 		I dont know if I would request someone to find me another or not but I wouldnt punnish them if they didnt unless I monitored her progress and she didnt try.
Another way to look at it is maybe her Master gave her the job so she could find someone she is also compatable with

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RE: Is this common? - 1/20/2008 2:32:34 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Okay, I checked google, I checked yahooanswers, I even checked mapquest.

Someone, puhleeeeeese tell me where Subs-4-U is located?  I mean seriously, this WAS a shopping assignment right? Because it's that easy, right??

Cali



It's just across the street from Dommes R Us.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 40
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