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RE: Is this common? - 1/21/2008 11:18:18 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Thanks to those who answered.  Yes, the most ridiculous part of this was that, on the thread I pulled it from, not just one, but two seperate cases of subs who were going to be 'punished' for not finding a third.  While I understand that some subs might assist in the search for a third for a poly situation, I can't see it being  responsibility of someone besides the one who would wish to be the Dominant, and the one who was ultimately in charge of the dynamic.  Sure, it's fantastic that the potential sister sub would want to be involved, but it's really more important that the Dominant and the secondary sub match.

Edited because the whole 'punishment' for not finding a third is so far fetched to Me, I couldn't even type properly.



This might be a better subject for another thread but honestly I have to wonder how many subs would consent to being a third without having more contact with the Dominant than the sub.  While I would talk to the sub, her opinion is important and how she feels about it of course, I've been approached by subs who have been instructed the prospective sub cannot talk to the Dominant. How could that possibly be an acceptable approach to a prospective sub?

The OP is obviously ridiculous.  Something that takes time and should not be rushed is an assignment to get done in a short amount of time? The numbers out there of submissives willing to engage in poly with a couple isn't all that high to begin with.  She's supposed to not only do the impossible without him but do it by 7? LOL.  She should accept that her punishment was getting involved with him in the first place and really look at reality.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Is this common? - 1/21/2008 11:49:42 PM   
Eleutherios


Posts: 85
Joined: 6/6/2006
From: Houston, Tx
Status: offline 		It is my understanding that a some people are aroused by having their partner find another partner for them.
So it may not always be out of their own ineptitude, but instead a legitimate kink.


_____________________________

-E


~
"I would rather be exposed to the inconveniences attending too much liberty than to those attending too small a degree of it."
—Thomas Jefferson—
~

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Is this common? - 1/22/2008 12:41:50 PM   
Kerjin


Posts: 41
Joined: 10/21/2005
From: Seattle, WA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Since this isn't something you find on the "Mistress" board, I came to ask My question here.  Are there really a number of Masters who are so inept at finding a third that the task is assigned to their sub/slaves?  Is it really appropriate to punish when the assignment given by the Master, who wasn't able to do for Himself, also isn't able to be completed by the slave?

Seems to Me, in this type of situation, the word Master or Dom is being thrown around a little too casually.

Opinions?  Thoughts?



Greetings everyone, long time lurker, first time poster here.  This question struck me as very interesting.  Personally I have always said that I'll never tell a bottom to do anything that I can't, won't or haven't done myself.  IMNSHO, giving a bottom an unrealistic assignment and then punishing them for it is a sign of a weak or inept Top.

Your mileage may very.   :)

< Message edited by Kerjin -- 1/22/2008 12:42:18 PM >

_____________________________

When I despair of the BS online, I remember that the ways of truth have always won. There are people that claim to be something that they are not, and, for a time, get away with the lie, but in the end they always fall. Think of it........ always!

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Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Is this common? - 1/22/2008 12:58:11 PM   
StrictMaster979


Posts: 23
Joined: 1/19/2008
Status: offline 		No not common, but I've heard of it before.  Cant disagree that this is one lazy dom, (no caps purposefully), it is not a sub's job.  Get urself a new Dom. I have been offered another sub by my (previous) sub, but it doesnt always work out-guess I'm too human, dont want to hurt feelings.  Punishment should not have been part of it, as well.

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Is this common? - 1/22/2008 7:11:51 PM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline 		I know a little off topic but yesterday I was contacted by a Domme  who told me she had the perfect Dom for  me....  WTF????

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Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Is this common? - 1/22/2008 10:37:42 PM   
MasterRoad


Posts: 188
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline 		It is being used entirely too freely. As is the Lifestyle by those who wish to use it and the name of Master to get a little kinky on the side. It's really a shame that this type of disgrace exists actually.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Ok, I pulled this from another thread here on this forum, so I just had to ask
quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetieSub37

This thread couldn't have come at a better time for me as i am about to get the silent treatment tonight from my Dom for not being able to complete an assignment.  it is similar to the OP's dillema - i was supposed to find someone for my Dom to chat with by 7:00 p.m. tonight or i would be ignored.  It's not like i haven't been trying...i've asked all my friends and tried to find nice people
online but to no avail. it's hard enough forging your own relationships without having to make a connection for someone else.

It made me feel better to read the replies in this thread anyway. I feel more confident about explaining my discomfort to my Dom and asking for him to
reconsider this assignment. 


Since this isn't something you find on the "Mistress" board, I came to ask My question here.  Are there really a number of Masters who are so inept at finding a third that the task is assigned to their sub/slaves?  Is it really appropriate to punish when the assignment given by the Master, who wasn't able to do for Himself, also isn't able to be completed by the slave?

Seems to Me, in this type of situation, the word Master or Dom is being thrown around a little too casually.

Opinions?  Thoughts?


(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Is this common? - 1/22/2008 11:15:19 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		In this case I agree he was clueless, it's stupid to punish on others behaviors, and it's stupid to think you can just run out and pick someone up by 7.

However having your sub search for a third does not automatically make you a lazy or clueless dom. Should Daddy and I want a third I'd be the one searching, since I have have to like her as well, and in that case it'd benifit me to do the searching, and then introduce any one I found to him. That and I am the more outgoing of the two of us.
quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

The confusing part to me is the fact she is punished because other submissives declined this ~wonderful opportunity~ to chat with a lazy and clueless dominant.  How is it remotely realistic to be held accountable for what others do?  What lesson is learned from such a punishment? 

(in reply to catize)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Is this common? - 1/26/2008 5:57:43 AM   
Manawyddan


Posts: 701
Joined: 1/2/2005
From: Petaluma (Northern California)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kerjin
IMNSHO, giving a bottom an unrealistic assignment and then punishing them for it is a sign of a weak or inept Top.


Some folks are kinked for this, and while it's not my thing, I can accept that. But as pointed out, the OP did not seem kinked for such a double-bind situation.

Also ... I would find this hard enough to accept as a form of crassness from a so-called dom if it was a search for an actual third, but ... the fact that the search was for an online chat ... pushes the whole thing into the realm of absurdity to me.

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"She always had a terrific sense of humor"
(Valerie Solonas, as described by her mother)
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Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Is this common? - 1/26/2008 6:43:52 AM   
wolfsprincess


Posts: 57
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Ok, I pulled this from another thread here on this forum, so I just had to ask


Since this isn't something you find on the "Mistress" board, I came to ask My question here.  Are there really a number of Masters who are so inept at finding a third that the task is assigned to their sub/slaves?  Is it really appropriate to punish when the assignment given by the Master, who wasn't able to do for Himself, also isn't able to be completed by the slave?

Seems to Me, in this type of situation, the word Master or Dom is being thrown around a little too casually.

Opinions?  Thoughts?




i have never been ordered to find another for my Master, but i HAVE and still DO volunteer when i can.  i do so for several reasons.

1) He is first and foremost in my life.  i want Him happy.  And if His happiness includes a third, then i'm MORE than happy to search.
2) i have been His slave many years - i KNOW what He seeks in another.  Why not take the "weeding" out of His hands?
3) i need to be able to get along with her too.  What better way to find out whether or not we'll be a match as well?

As far as the punishment aspect ... i don't see that as a "punishable task".  But then, i don't know the situation first hand.

_____________________________

princess
"...slave isn't just a word - it's who and what i am ... walking forever in His light and seeking shelter in His shadow"
http://absoluteslavery.com

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Is this common? - 1/26/2008 12:15:25 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

...., I would think that a relationship would be developed between all three people .....


One would think so, but I suppose one could try other methods... I just wonder.. how successful these other methods are. 

I have found a poly-relationship developed by all people involved to be rather successful... so I will stick to that approach.


_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Is this common? - 1/27/2008 1:01:36 PM   
NCbluezMan


Posts: 1
Joined: 8/24/2004
Status: offline 		There's a couple ways I look at this....Part of it is strictly ego.....When i was in a  poly relationship I found the sub....Why? Because i had to know her well enough to now what she would like...You can never make the mistake of bringing the wrong submisisve to your girl....
 
The other viewpoint is if you want to have a serious third for a long term thing then have her find someone she is compatable with...Then she has to take the time to find some one pleasing to her and you.....She has to make a great effort......She has to be as careful what she brings home as you do.....
 
Or just make it a family thing and do it together....Just have fun with it.....

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Is this common? - 1/27/2008 1:14:35 PM   
BOUNTYHUNTER


Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline 		ITS a piss poor Dom that has to sent his sub out looking for another one in the first place,I see it done every day here,alt and bondage,true the sub in question should get to know the other after contact is made in a feeling out situation..I haven't nor will I ever send mine out on a fishing expedition for another sub/slave...

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US going to hell in a hand basket/

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Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Is this common? - 1/29/2008 5:14:40 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Ok ladies Im going to do this different. I do not repeat I do not want any of you to look for subs for me. I can see all of saying wow what a nice guy. What I want is for all of you to come to me on your own. Dont worry about long lines. I can take several of you on at once. I dont want to read long resumes. Just show me what you can do. Knee pads are optional. To all of the Dom's out there. See how easy this is.

(in reply to BOUNTYHUNTER)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Is this common? - 1/29/2008 8:09:11 AM   
servantheart


Posts: 960
Joined: 10/26/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Are there really a number of Masters who are so inept at finding a third that the task is assigned to their sub/slaves?  Is it really appropriate to punish when the assignment given by the Master, who wasn't able to do for Himself, also isn't able to be completed by the slave?

Seems to Me, in this type of situation, the word Master or Dom is being thrown around a little too casually.

Opinions?  Thoughts?



The words loser and single come to mind.  What a wimp 

_____________________________

When you really trust someone, you have to be okay with not understanding some things.
~Real Live Preacher, Real Live Preacher weblog, 07-08-04; Anonymous author of RealLivePreacher.com

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Is this common? - 1/29/2008 8:51:51 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		This has turned out to be a very interesting thread, and I thank everyone who took the time to respond.  I appreciate everyone's opinions on the subject.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to servantheart)
Profile   Post #: 75
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