Not getting what i need.

Not getting what i need. (Full Version)

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kitten4 -> Not getting what i need. (1/21/2008 11:38:23 AM)
I am a 24 year old submissive female. My boyfriend of almost two years is somewhat Dominant, but it's not enough. I've tried telling him, he doesn't listen. I love him dearly, but this is something that i realize i NEED, and it's not going away. He's 27, and he'll tie me up, flog me when i'm lucky, and spank me. We use blindfolds on occassion, we roleplay once in awhile, and sometimes he has me call him Sir, which i love. I just need more. I want to be collared, i want to be his. I want him to bathe me, pamper me, and prepare me for his use. Sorry to get all graphic, i just don't know many people that enjoy the things that i enjoy, and have no one to vent to. If any one can give me some advice on what to say or do so he GETS IT i would really appreciate it. Regards, Kitten

SirMIkeSD -> RE: Not getting what i need. (1/21/2008 11:54:53 AM)
He tops you in some play that's good but that does not make him a Dom. You should talk to him about it and see if that is him or something he wants, just keep in mind that it maybe but it may not be him as well. The key is open honest communication, it may not get you what you want but at least you will know. Mike

xxblushesxx -> RE: Not getting what i need. (1/21/2008 12:02:12 PM)
Not many Doms will bathe you and pamper you on their own volition. Perhaps you all could talk to each other about your fantasies, needs and desires, and then you could try to fulfill some of his, and he yours. Good luck! ~Christina

trueshadow -> RE: Not getting what i need. (1/21/2008 12:05:29 PM)
You will have to decide whether you can live a vanilla life with this man, seek out a new lover and leave him, or seek to add to your life with or without his knowledge. I see nothing but frustration for you in the years ahead. That may be acceptable to you as 'soulmates' don't come along every day. But go into it with your eyes open.

AquaticSub -> RE: Not getting what i need. (1/21/2008 12:09:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kitten4 I am a 24 year old submissive female. My boyfriend of almost two years is somewhat Dominant, but it's not enough. I've tried telling him, he doesn't listen. I love him dearly, but this is something that i realize i NEED, and it's not going away. He's 27, and he'll tie me up, flog me when i'm lucky, and spank me. We use blindfolds on occassion, we roleplay once in awhile, and sometimes he has me call him Sir, which i love. I just need more. I want to be collared, i want to be his. I want him to bathe me, pamper me, and prepare me for his use. Sorry to get all graphic, i just don't know many people that enjoy the things that i enjoy, and have no one to vent to. If any one can give me some advice on what to say or do so he GETS IT i would really appreciate it. Regards, Kitten Keep talking to him. Spell it out for him exactly as you told us. Suggest he get on CM and look around, have him read The Loving Dominant or other books. But be prepared to not get exactly what you want. He may well decide that he is in charge but doesn't feel like pampering you.

TenchiRyokoMuyo -> RE: Not getting what i need. (1/21/2008 12:14:09 PM)
I agree with almost every point made in this thread. If you've come to the realization that you absolutely need this (Which by the way, if I'm not mistaken, the definition you've described of what you want, is 'pet'), then there are only those few solutions... Talk to him about it. Tell him you desperately want it all the time...from what it sounds like...he's only roleplaying right now. Which isn't what you want from the sounds of it. Just sit down, talk with him...make a list of some things you really like doing. Let him make a list right next to that list... You can put in 'calling you sir' and 'flogging', among anything else. Everything else, that you find you like about dominance. Then ask him to write what he likes about it...and see if you can live with that. You can't change a person to what you need. When you do that...you become neither sub, nor a girlfriend. You sort of...top from the bottom, as I've seen it called on here.

kitten4 -> RE: Not getting what i need. (1/21/2008 12:30:12 PM)
Thank you all so much for your replies. I understand that i should never try to change anyone, and i would never even consider that. It's just a tease because i get close to what i want, once in awhile. I guess it's better than nothing. You all have some great ideas that i'll try. I'll be sure to update ;)

TenchiRyokoMuyo -> RE: Not getting what i need. (1/21/2008 12:36:10 PM)
Haha, yeah, I can imagine it's a horrible feeling to know it's so close. Just tell him you cherish those moments when he's sitting on his bed, spanking your ass, turning it a beautifully welted red, or tugging your hair, and I'm sure he'll oblidge more often, or in totality. Good luck Kitten!

kinkypuppy2 -> RE: Not getting what i need. (1/21/2008 12:58:03 PM)
You may have to end the relationship and look elsewhere. Its something you can introduce them to but if its not in them then its not and you cannot put it there.

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Not getting what i need. (1/21/2008 1:38:05 PM)
You cannot change him if he doesn't want to change...and expecting him to want it is unfair. Change is hard and therefor unlikely. If he's not willing to meet your needs, talk to him about going elsewhere for them. If he's not willing to consider that, then you have two choices as I see it: 1) leave the relationship and find someone who does meet your needs or 2) stuff your needs into a psychological box and ignore them. I don't recommend the latter. Master Fire

KatyLied -> RE: Not getting what i need. (1/21/2008 2:35:05 PM)
quote: prepare me for his use. aka: "hand me the lube"

LordShadow -> RE: Not getting what i need. (1/21/2008 2:46:08 PM)
I would agree with most everyone here, start by making a list of the things that you need, sit down and talk with him about it. He may want those things as well, but is unsure how to go about it or lacks the self confidence to go there, either way those are things that can be worked out and built upon. If he doesn't have what you need then you have two choices, move on and find someone who has what you need or lock your needs in a box and make the best of it. And I will agree 100% with Fire, locking away secret desires will come back to bite you both in the ass later. Shadow Ride Safe live Free

IrishMist -> RE: Not getting what i need. (1/21/2008 5:03:47 PM)
Everyone else was nice in their advice, unfortunatly, I am going to be blunt and to the point...which usualy translates as cruel quote: My boyfriend of almost two years is somewhat Dominant He either is; or he is not. There is no...somewhat quote: I've tried telling him, he doesn't listen Perhaps he's tired of listening to you whine about it? quote: I just need more. I want to be collared, i want to be his. I want him to bathe me, pamper me, and prepare me for his use. I want...I want...I want...I want...I want...I want Hell of alot of I WANTS , and yet, I have seen nothing about what YOU are doing to satisfy HIS WANTS. Kind of one sided, don't you think? It may be that he is giving you all he is capable of giving. Now you simply have to ask yourself if it is enough. If it's not, then it's time to break the relationship and find someone new.

MadRabbit -> RE: Not getting what i need. (1/21/2008 5:11:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kitten4 I want him to bathe me, pamper me I want a unicorn. Still waiting....

lusciouslips19 -> RE: Not getting what i need. (1/21/2008 5:14:17 PM)
quote: I just need more. I want to be collared, i want to be his. I want him to bathe me, pamper me, and prepare me for his use. You have watched Secretary too many times for your own good! Be glad when they bathe themselves!

Jeffff -> RE: Not getting what i need. (1/21/2008 5:14:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MadRabbit quote: ORIGINAL: kitten4 I want him to bathe me, pamper me I want a unicorn. Still waiting.... ask for a pony.....you have a better chance Jeffwey

christine1 -> RE: Not getting what i need. (1/21/2008 5:17:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19 quote: I just need more. I want to be collared, i want to be his. I want him to bathe me, pamper me, and prepare me for his use. You have watched Secretary too many times for your own good! Be glad when they bathe themselves! luscious...i'm going to have to get a spit gaurd for my monitor before i read anymore of your replies hehe.

xxblushesxx -> RE: Not getting what i need. (1/21/2008 5:47:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Jeffff quote: ORIGINAL: MadRabbit quote: ORIGINAL: kitten4 I want him to bathe me, pamper me I want a unicorn. Still waiting.... ask for a pony.....you have a better chance Jeffwey HoneyMaster calls me a pony, but....I'm not really sure. Wanna glue a horn to my head and make me prance? lol ~Christina

lusciouslips19 -> RE: Not getting what i need. (1/21/2008 6:08:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: christine1 quote: ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19 quote: I just need more. I want to be collared, i want to be his. I want him to bathe me, pamper me, and prepare me for his use. You have watched Secretary too many times for your own good! Be glad when they bathe themselves! luscious...i'm going to have to get a spit gaurd for my monitor before i read anymore of your replies hehe. Well, jeez, its true. I am happy i have a Sir that showers twice daily and puts on colongne (Aramis, yum). As oppsed to many guys who hygiene is questionable.

lauren0221 -> RE: Not getting what i need. (1/21/2008 6:12:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Jeffff quote: ORIGINAL: MadRabbit quote: ORIGINAL: kitten4 I want him to bathe me, pamper me I want a unicorn. Still waiting.... ask for a pony.....you have a better chance Jeffwey You giving out ponies, Jeff????

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