RE: Not getting what i need.

RE: Not getting what i need. (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master

Message

christine1 -> RE: Not getting what i need. (1/21/2008 6:12:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19 You have watched Secretary too many times for your own good! Be glad when they bathe themselves! luscious...i'm going to have to get a spit gaurd for my monitor before i read anymore of your replies hehe. Well, jeez, its true. I am happy i have a Sir that showers twice daily and puts on colongne (Aramis, yum). As oppsed to many guys who hygiene is questionable. well i understand girl...and aramis is very yummy! you just have such a funny way of saying some things and i love it.... edited to add that i have no idea how to pick one quote from many...dumb blonde moment hehe

lusciouslips19 -> RE: Not getting what i need. (1/21/2008 6:56:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: christine1 quote: ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19 You have watched Secretary too many times for your own good! Be glad when they bathe themselves! quote: luscious...i'm going to have to get a spit gaurd for my monitor before i read anymore of your replies hehe. Well, jeez, its true. I am happy i have a Sir that showers twice daily and puts on colongne (Aramis, yum). As oppsed to many guys who hygiene is questionable. quote: well i understand girl...and aramis is very yummy! you just have such a funny way of saying some things and i love it.... edited to add that i have no idea how to pick one quote from many...dumb blonde moment hehe Blondes..... They drive BMW's cause they can't spell Porche!!!![:D]

kyraofMists -> RE: Not getting what i need. (1/21/2008 6:57:56 PM)
Kitten, You might want to be a little introspective and distinguish between what are wants and what are needs. Your post seems filled with a lot of wants and does not get to the heart of what your needs are. You say you want him to "bathe me, pamper me, and prepare me for his use". Why? What are those actions from him going to communicate to you that his other actions do not? Are they going to make you feel loved or cherished or some other emotion? Is feeling that emotion within your relationship what you actually need? The problem may be that you are not getting it. Being submissive to me does not mean that I get pampered by him at my will. Being submissive means that I do his will. That means if he wants to pamper me then he will. If he doesn't then it doesn't happen. However, he has only partially bathed and pampered me once. All the other times he has ordered me to go pamper myself. I really can not imagine going to him and demanding that he do these things to me. It just boggles the mind to even contemplate. Knight's Kyra

meticulousgirl -> RE: Not getting what i need. (1/21/2008 7:29:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx Not many Doms will bathe you and pamper you on their own volition. Perhaps you all could talk to each other about your fantasies, needs and desires, and then you could try to fulfill some of his, and he yours. Good luck! ~Christina mine has done little things but, to me at this point it just doesn't feel right. To the OP dont count it out but, for many of us being bathed and pampered is a never......we're typically the one's bathing and pampering. As it is our "jobs" to make our Owner(s) lives easier. ~meticulous~

xxblushesxx -> RE: Not getting what i need. (1/21/2008 8:21:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kyraofMists Kitten, You might want to be a little introspective and distinguish between what are wants and what are needs. Your post seems filled with a lot of wants and does not get to the heart of what your needs are. You say you want him to "bathe me, pamper me, and prepare me for his use". Why? What are those actions from him going to communicate to you that his other actions do not? Are they going to make you feel loved or cherished or some other emotion? Is feeling that emotion within your relationship what you actually need? The problem may be that you are not getting it. Being submissive to me does not mean that I get pampered by him at my will. Being submissive means that I do his will. That means if he wants to pamper me then he will. If he doesn't then it doesn't happen. However, he has only partially bathed and pampered me once. All the other times he has ordered me to go pamper myself. I really can not imagine going to him and demanding that he do these things to me. It just boggles the mind to even contemplate. Knight's Kyra Kyra said what I was trying to say....but....I'm shy and uhm...illiterate. Thank you Kyra. That was pretty much what I was going for. You just said it so much better. ~Christina

laurell3 -> RE: Not getting what i need. (1/21/2008 11:39:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kyraofMists Kitten, You might want to be a little introspective and distinguish between what are wants and what are needs. Your post seems filled with a lot of wants and does not get to the heart of what your needs are. You say you want him to "bathe me, pamper me, and prepare me for his use". Why? What are those actions from him going to communicate to you that his other actions do not? Are they going to make you feel loved or cherished or some other emotion? Is feeling that emotion within your relationship what you actually need? The problem may be that you are not getting it. Being submissive to me does not mean that I get pampered by him at my will. Being submissive means that I do his will. That means if he wants to pamper me then he will. If he doesn't then it doesn't happen. However, he has only partially bathed and pampered me once. All the other times he has ordered me to go pamper myself. I really can not imagine going to him and demanding that he do these things to me. It just boggles the mind to even contemplate. Knight's Kyra Exactly. It sounds like you do want a more structured dynamic, but I would be prepared for the fact that with that structure what usually follows is you adhering to HIS will and he being able to call the shots of what activities are done. If I'm wrong and you just want an occasional topping experience with certain activities included, talk to the guy.

CelticPrince -> RE: Not getting what i need. (1/22/2008 2:05:58 AM)
kitten, Yours is not an unusual problem, but is reading your profile, I see that you can be a switch; so simply use that directive side of you and be candid with him. CP

Willowmoon -> RE: Not getting what i need. (1/22/2008 2:31:51 AM)
If you want to be his sub then start acting like your already his. Do things for him, make sure his needs are met, do things to make his life easier and see what happens. Willow

lilacs -> RE: Not getting what i need. (1/22/2008 3:29:07 AM)
~FR~ I've only browsed the replies thus far, so sorry if someone else has already mentioned... Have you discussed with your fella if the tying up/flogging/etc. are things that he does because he enjoys it or if he is doing them because he knows you like them? In the one vanilla relationship I was in, I tried to do things that were within his kink that were not at all something I was into, just because we cared about one another and wanted the other to feel fulfilled. If he is doing these things in an effort to fulfill your desires to a point, your best chance at getting needs and wants met with this particular patner would be to do your best to also find out what some of the things he might want to try are. Find out if he has kinks or fantasies and play with both of your fantasies sometimes. If it's that he's simply trying to find a way to work into his dominance, you have already gotten a lot of great advice. :)

DesFIP -> RE: Not getting what i need. (1/22/2008 5:13:26 AM)
He does get what you want. He just doesn't share it. And when are you going to change your needs to match his? His needs, for a partner who can happily pull her own weight is just as good a need as is yours to be pampered. The needs just don't match. Stop trying to change him. Either decide that who he is, is a person you can be happy with or isn't. But demanding he change his personality for you is the height of hubris. He deserves better than that, he deserves someone who thinks he's wonderful just as he is.

kitten4 -> RE: Not getting what i need. (1/22/2008 3:00:36 PM)
Excuse me, irishmist...but with all due respect, you know NOTHING. You don't know me, you don't know him, and you know nothing about what i do for him behind closed doors.

christine1 -> RE: Not getting what i need. (1/22/2008 4:25:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19 quote: ORIGINAL: christine1 quote: ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19 You have watched Secretary too many times for your own good! Be glad when they bathe themselves! quote: luscious...i'm going to have to get a spit gaurd for my monitor before i read anymore of your replies hehe. Well, jeez, its true. I am happy i have a Sir that showers twice daily and puts on colongne (Aramis, yum). As oppsed to many guys who hygiene is questionable. quote: well i understand girl...and aramis is very yummy! you just have such a funny way of saying some things and i love it.... edited to add that i have no idea how to pick one quote from many...dumb blonde moment hehe Blondes..... They drive BMW's cause they can't spell Porche!!!![:D] lol....i'll take a BMW....why didnt' i realize i could spell that easier than Honda?! geez...next time i'm going to confer with you before i buy a car!

IrishMist -> RE: Not getting what i need. (1/22/2008 4:34:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kitten4 Excuse me, irishmist...but with all due respect, you know NOTHING. You don't know me, you don't know him, and you know nothing about what i do for him behind closed doors. LOL thank god for that. I do know though that you are extremely selfish; that's apparant from the original post that you put up; and it was to that selfishness that I responded. You don't like my answer, then child, I suggest you stay home where it's safe.

utterlybutterfli -> RE: Not getting what i need. (1/22/2008 4:47:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kitten4 <snip> I just need more. I want to be collared, i want to be his. I want him to bathe me, pamper me, and prepare me for his use. Sorry to get all graphic, i just don't know many people that enjoy the things that i enjoy, and have no one to vent to. If any one can give me some advice on what to say or do so he GETS IT i would really appreciate it. Regards, Kitten Maybe what you actually need... is to make him your submissive?

xxblushesxx -> RE: Not getting what i need. (1/22/2008 5:54:45 PM)
Kitten; Some of us sugarcoat our answers. We try to put things into perspective for the OP without actually saying something in a brash manner. Others get tired of all the sugarcoating and just say what needs to be said. Irish may not have been pc in her answer, but, for most of us, even though we get our needs met, it's not all about what we want. It can actually be a very fine line. As I said in my first post, talk to him about your wants, and his, and see if you can't meet somewhere in the middle. ~Christina

IrishMist -> RE: Not getting what i need. (1/22/2008 6:19:26 PM)
quote: Irish may not have been pc in her answer Fuck politically correct...I don't adhere to it in real life, I sure as hell am not going to do so here.

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Not getting what i need. (1/22/2008 8:34:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kitten4 I am a 24 year old submissive female. My boyfriend of almost two years is somewhat Dominant, but it's not enough. I've tried telling him, he doesn't listen. I love him dearly, but this is something that i realize i NEED, and it's not going away. He's 27, and he'll tie me up, flog me when i'm lucky, and spank me. We use blindfolds on occassion, we roleplay once in awhile, and sometimes he has me call him Sir, which i love. I just need more. I want to be collared, i want to be his. I want him to bathe me, pamper me, and prepare me for his use. Sorry to get all graphic, i just don't know many people that enjoy the things that i enjoy, and have no one to vent to. If any one can give me some advice on what to say or do so he GETS IT i would really appreciate it. Regards, Kitten I think you have been reading to many romance novels...Thing is, to me..that he does get it..he is doing that which he wishes, and is trying to do what also may please you....you are the one who does not "get it"..In a D/s relationship, it is not always about what is wanted by one,but what is needed by 2...Tempting

sexyred1 -> RE: Not getting what i need. (1/22/2008 8:37:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IrishMist quote: Irish may not have been pc in her answer Fuck politically correct...I don't adhere to it in real life, I sure as hell am not going to do so here. I think if you used fiddlefuck in the sentence, it would have been more pc.

Kalista07 -> RE: Not getting what i need. (1/22/2008 11:46:07 PM)
*Note to self...fiddlefuck is now key word for 'i want sexyred'. Noted.

Jayxkes -> RE: Not getting what i need. (1/23/2008 1:38:09 AM)
kitten, asking for advice like this on a web board is alwasy going to attract answers from people who look at the question differently!!!! [;)] If thjey are not pertinant, just ignore them. The way I see it, you are looking for something and just wanting help in finding a way to get it. Just as we all are wanting something! My advice would be to talk to him very honestly and openly. Do it in a positive way e.g. I love it when you tie me/make me call you sir/ etc. Keep well away from the 'I don't like it when you are just vanilla' type comments. You need to show him that you are still in love and happy with him, just that you'd like to improve the relationship if it would benefit you both. Having wants is not a sin. As long as you accept that you may not get them or at least all of them. As said already, communication is the key. No matter whatthe problem, if both parties talk, listen and compromise, there's a very good chance of reaching a happy ending. If you or he want to caht privately, feel free. Good luck, Jay

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 5 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875