How do You let go of obsessions?

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How do You let go of obsessions? - 1/23/2008 10:46:46 PM

Kalista07

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Okay, so i've sat here a while tonight trying to figure out if this was the right format to do it in..... i still don't know, so please feel free to move it if i'm wrong....
Here's the deal: Some things happened about 7 1/2 months ago...... i don't really think i need to go into much detail here except to tell You that i know full well what my part in that situation was. About 6 months ago HE and i entered a relationship. Because HE was aware that the criminal in the situation was met through here, HE was okay with me frequently checking his profile (and that of his significant other's)..... Somehow, things have changed and HE no longer believes this is a healthy obsession of mine...i no longer check his profile on here (maybe 1 time per month) but do frequently check his legal status..... Part of it is selfish, i know that.... Part of it is i want to see this mother fucker do at least three fucking days in jail.....The reality though is that he probably never will......They are not going to charge himhe's simply been fighting a misdemeanor charge of interference with official acts for the past 7 1/2 months.
i hate when things come between HIM and i..... And i did apologize to HIM recently because i felt like i had allowed that to happen...And the deal we made was i would try my best to not check the criminal record, but couldn't make any promises.......
Anyone have any suggestions for how to let go of this shit? The obsessive part of it i mean?

And before anyone gets their panties in a wad, let me put out my normal "clarifier's" : 1. i've changed screen names since then, so if they figure it out and wanna step up to the plate good for fucking them, 2. Anyone doubting my claims i'd be happy to give either one or both of our information so You can check it out online as well....Or HELL, i'd even mail ya the copy of the rape report that i have.... and 4. Of course this is something HE and i talk about frequently and Yes, i'm still in therapy.
Thanks,
and i'm sorry if i'm coming off like a bitch tonight.

< Message edited by Kalista07 -- 1/23/2008 10:54:29 PM >

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RE: How do You let go of obsessions? - 1/23/2008 10:56:06 PM

CuriousLord

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Okay.. please forgive me, but this is my guess.. (It's difficult to tell with all the changing caps referring to male pronouns; I'm guessing they're different people with different caps?)

So some guy.. let's say hurt you.. about seven and a half months ago, and, since, you've been obsessed with checking up on the guy who hurt you, hoping that he'll go to jail (or get whatever penalty the lesser charge has)? But your Dom doesn't think it's healthy and wants you to stop, so he's been having you lay off.. but it's hard for you to?

(in reply to Kalista07)

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RE: How do You let go of obsessions? - 1/23/2008 10:56:56 PM

sweetwenchie

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Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Sacramento, California
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Other than maybe finding a good therapist to help work through it, i just do not know. i wish i had some better advice. i just hate hearing about someone having to go through anything like this, and as i am at a complete loss for words, i offer my best wishes and thoughts... not worth much, but the best i have. Too bad he did not get jail time, perhaps that might have given you some small sense of closure.

< Message edited by sweetwenchie -- 1/23/2008 10:58:59 PM >

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RE: How do You let go of obsessions? - 1/23/2008 10:56:57 PM

SubbieOnWheels

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Kalista, I'm so sorry you went through what you did. I can't even begin to imagine what it's been like for you, but my heart goes out to you.

As for the "obsession," that is something I hope you're talking with your therapist about. It's part of the process. Unfortunately the legal process is all too many times long and drawn-out, and people tend to forget that the victim can't put it behind her as long as there's no real resolution.

Keep working on getting things back on an even keel, and know that there are people here ready to hold your virtual hand.

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RE: How do You let go of obsessions? - 1/23/2008 10:57:36 PM

Kalista07

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Damn CL....Could You just climb in my head and make everything that simple?

Yep, that preatty much sums it up, i guess.

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“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
~~Sweedish Proverb

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RE: How do You let go of obsessions? - 1/23/2008 10:57:40 PM

SimplyMichael

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Oh I don't know, gaping chest wounds seem to come to mind, fresh dirt mounds, the usual. Barring that, therapy and time.

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RE: How do You let go of obsessions? - 1/23/2008 10:59:13 PM

Guest123

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Joined: 9/6/2007
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my thought is this... what is the underlining emotion behind the obsession. since i was not completely clear, who and what happened... i can say that hate... consumes only yourself... fear takes time to become strong again, post traumatic ... etc... takes time and council to get over bad things... whatever they are...
if is it anger, revenge,... etc... i tend to lean to this...
everyone has done something wrong, hurtful, illegal, suffering, etc.. to another, whether intenional or accidental... that said... you can let go of the need for revenge because life comes in a full circle, it might not be you, or because of you, but people usually get back what they put out... not always from the same source but always as a natural law... if not now... then later but it always comes back full circle...
if you are a submissive, you may have to leave it in the hands of someone in authority over you,.. your Dom/Domme, your Guide, your Higher power, legal, policia... etc.. what ever that/ she/he may be.... surrender it and know that you are non longer responsible for checking on the situation... with surrender to One you can trust comes peace, security, sanity, and serenity. Priceless gifts i assure you, by continually checking, you are cheating yourself of all those gifts, and allowing not the One who originally harmed you but you to harm yourself. You have a responsibility to your own well being, putting your hand, heart, life, emotions, revenge, fears, anger, sensuality, etc... in the hands of One you trust releases you to enjoy life again... trust yourself to do the right thing, let go of it....

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RE: How do You let go of obsessions? - 1/23/2008 11:02:46 PM

Kalista07

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Oh I don't know, gaping chest wounds seem to come to mind, fresh dirt mounds, the usual. Barring that, therapy and time.

Michael, You wouldn't happen to know anyone that would have access to say items such as: hammers, axes, saws, lime, nails, and big ass knives would ya?? Wouldn't happen to know maybe 5 or 8 men like this?

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~~Sweedish Proverb

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RE: How do You let go of obsessions? - 1/23/2008 11:06:07 PM

laurell3

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Kali I'm not sure this paticular obsession is all that unusual. We have whole departments created to help victims do just what you are doing. However, the justice system is a poor substitute for you coming to terms with what happened. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying "get over it". Anger is a step of the grieving process. Being angry and wanting justice are not unhealthy. Letting it control your life might be (although not really sure that's happening here). I've seen so many people convinced that when the person that wronged them went to jail they would be whole again horribly disappointed when they realized that wasn't really much of an answer for them personally. I'm not saying he shouldn't go to jail, obviously people that endanger society should. I'm saying I'm not sure him going to jail is going to give you the end you really need. I think you're going to have to do that. I think I would focus more on what your therapist says than your partner. What does he/she say about it? You know you can ask your local victim/witness department to notify you when and if there is a conclusion in your case. Whether they will actually follow through with it or not is another story. Here victim notification is mandatory by statute for any and all hearings/dispositions.

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When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to Kalista07)

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RE: How do You let go of obsessions? - 1/23/2008 11:27:59 PM

CalifChick

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I'm thinking large chest freezer, nice sharp meat cleaver, and a good size chipper/shredder.

You want "meat pieces" that are about the size of small hams, partially frozen (but not rock hard).

Cali

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RE: How do You let go of obsessions? - 1/23/2008 11:42:51 PM

MissMagnolia

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You have mail Kali.

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RE: How do You let go of obsessions? - 1/23/2008 11:43:12 PM

daddyncherry

Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
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i wish i could help ya here, but i suffer from a similar thing.

What i can tell you, is it can get much better. my abuser wasn't online, it was 20 years ago (unless you count a few years stalking time aftrer it), but i still do check his wherabouts, legal status or anything i can find on him a few times a year. my thought is not in an obsessive way anymore, more like wanting to know what the enemy is doing and where he is.

good luck

Edited to add: Maybe if your HIM orders you not to do it, and helps to condition it out of you? Just a thought on curbing the obsessive behavior.

< Message edited by daddyncherry -- 1/23/2008 11:45:04 PM >

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RE: How do You let go of obsessions? - 1/23/2008 11:49:02 PM

CuriousLord

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalista07

Could You just climb in my head and make everything that simple?

Only in person, I'm afraid. Sorry. =/

(in reply to Kalista07)

Post #: 13

RE: How do You let go of obsessions? - 1/24/2008 12:04:28 AM

MissMorrigan

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What you are experiencing is natural. Human nature being what it is, it picks away at us if we don't have closure... when someone has offended us or behaved in a way that has been detrimental to our well-being and haven't really been held accountable for their actions (to our satisfaction), we find difficulty in processing those emotions healthily b/c (to those wronged) justice hasn't been done.

The short version - Some years ago I was deeply in love with a man, he assured me he felt the same, we spent so much time together and compatabilities were in tune to the point we were head over heels. the wedding was planned and my dress being made, we made the decision to start a family and three days prior to him moving into the home I had put a hefty deposit on he disappeared - this was after telephoning me to tell me I was his world, that he couldn't wait for us to be married and watch his child growing inside me. Some days later I discovered that he was married and had returned to his wife. I had spoken personally with his family (including his mother), no one had informed me he was married. The night before he disappeared he'd been working at a water treatment place, telling me it was treacherous and that one slip in the water filled shafts and the person would not likely be recovered for days, if ever. So when he disappeared I assumed the worse. When I eventually discovered he was alive and well, and had returned to the wife I knew nothing about I was distraught. I miscarried the baby (a very sad blessing) and he went on the run.

The upshot is that I went through an incredibly dark period where I focused on ensuring personal harm to him. I wanted him to go through every day of the rest of his life suffering the consequences of his actions towards me, our baby. And then, one day, I awoke and the sun was shining on my face and I lay there basking in the warmth, thinking about all the good things about my life... he didn't enter my thoughts that day. Nor the next. When I did eventually allow myself to have thoughts of him, the rage was no longer there. I had gotten to a place, emotionally speaking, where I refused to allow him another moment's hold over me/my life. I no longer wish him any form of harm, I believe we reap what we sow in life and I know that eventually he will face the consequences of his actions. Will I care? No.

I sincerely hope you are finally able to put to rest whatever has occurred to you, and as others have said, perhaps counselling would help with this.

(in reply to Kalista07)

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RE: How do You let go of obsessions? - 1/24/2008 1:49:13 AM

petpete

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So sorry about your story kallista but somehow you'll have to move on.. i say this to every female submissive who can be exposed to pigs who take advantage of them in such fashion. Such acts makes the rest of us (males) feel great shame. Sometimes i wonder through profiles of dominant males and some of them are so dumb that they almost give away there nature..

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RE: How do You let go of obsessions? - 1/24/2008 2:00:23 AM

spanklette

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One day, without an intense therapy session or twelve, you will realize how unimportant he is to you. That's when you'll get over the obsession. As long as you allow him a place in your thoughts...you allow this obsession to take hold.

I'm not trying to place blame on you...but you did want to know when it will stop, and that's when.

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RE: How do You let go of obsessions? - 1/24/2008 2:18:32 AM

Justme696

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I can't add more to all good advise above. I knowmyself how hard it is to let bad things behind you. Even though "the bad"stopped it keeps ruining life years later. Takes away all the energy that could have used for nice things. You need professional help, to get this habbit out of you. Not sure If I dare to say it, but even in your posts this past seem often to come above, while you also seem to try hard to forget it. Wouldn't it be nice just to let it be as it is, to enjoy things. I am not talking about forgetting the past, I am talking about controllong the past.

Anyway, just telling this as some one caring...I am not a professional.

< Message edited by Justme696 -- 1/24/2008 2:19:31 AM >

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RE: How do You let go of obsessions? - 1/24/2008 3:06:14 AM

GoddessTeaze

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalista07

Because HE was aware that the criminal in the situation was met through here, HE was okay with me frequently checking his profile (and that of his significant other's).....

Does that mean he is still on collarme???
I asked the Mods, and they asured Me they would ban those people off here??

quote:

Somehow, things have changed and HE no longer believes this is a healthy obsession of mine...i no longer check his profile on here (maybe 1 time per month) but do frequently check his legal status.....

I believe this is a control issue, He took control over you at that time and place, and now your fighting to get your control back over your life, and this is one part of it, which is very understandable.
Give it time ,
Time is a great healer.
Don't beat yourself up over this.
And find your way through this pain.

I wish you loads of strenght & light.

GoddezzT`

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RE: How do You let go of obsessions? - 1/24/2008 4:00:48 AM

Sexynmentalinkc

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

I am not talking about forgetting the past, I am talking about controllong the past.

Or perhaps, about the past having control over you (or any of us). It's wise to mind your history lest you repeat it but you can't focus too much on it. That's like getting shopping and getting stuck at the same 'dog in the window' for days, weeks or months at a time. You just have to step away and get back on track - and sometimes that means getting a helping tug from someone you trust.

OP: Answer for yourself...(to paraphrase a current fav song of mine)...

What makes us whild away the hours...afraid of what's inside?

What makes (you)/us weep over memories...and miss the present day?

Your obsession, if you in fact clinically have one, gives 'him' the power, the control - and it's not his to have. It's His. If He tells you to cool it, it's because He knows it's in your best interests. He's giving you your helpful tug (along with others, like professionals).

To borrow another song lyric (Sister Hazel): If you wanna be somebody else, change your mind.

*tips his hat*

- Mr. S

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RE: How do You let go of obsessions? - 1/24/2008 4:09:29 AM

vampiresscammy

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Joined: 12/25/2007
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as far as the obsessive part, I got no advice, other than it does wear off after time, the need to know how far away this person is for you at all times, eventually lessons to a dull ping in your mind

as for helping move beyond it, yes therapy is good, but if that won't work for any reason, might I suggest you try writing? this was very cathartic for me, didn't completely take it away, but it helped the healing come about faster

whatever you do, hope you fidn some peace soon

(in reply to GoddessTeaze)

Post #: 20

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