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RE: VERY FIRST memory of indication - 1/25/2008 1:10:07 PM

loveNdevotion

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Joined: 10/9/2007
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It was long before puberty, and long before I had any idea of what sex was. I was 5 or 6...the only girl in a neighborhood full of boys aged 4-9. I was just "one of the guys". I remember playing cowboys and indians with them- and getting captured...and tied up. Being taken prisoner and feeling helpless- and thrilled! There was the added plus that my mom (who did not approve of her daughter being such a tomboy) could not complain if I was tied up- and thus was only playing against my will. *L* From then on, I was always allowing myself to get captured on purpose. By the time I hit puberty, I was having fantasies about being kidnapped by some kind, but strong and confident older male...

(in reply to Tigrita)

Post #: 21

RE: VERY FIRST memory of indication - 1/25/2008 1:40:54 PM

Abraxus

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Joined: 8/13/2007
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oops

< Message edited by Abraxus -- 1/25/2008 1:41:30 PM >

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Post #: 22

RE: VERY FIRST memory of indication - 1/25/2008 2:12:19 PM

KindLadyGrey

Posts: 358
Joined: 11/6/2007
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I am pretty sure I've posted about this on the forums before, but I'm more than happy to do it again :)

I was in college before I knew there was a label for what I am, but I've known I was a masochist since my very earliest memories. When I was 4ish I found a carpet tack, one of those round ones with six sharp pins in a circle. That tack was my best friend until my parents took it away because I freaked them out. I did all sorts of creepy self-mutilation stuff as a little kid. I bit myself, I cut myself with knives and scissors, I stuck safety pins through my skin, etc etc. I am not sure if it caused any kind of sexual arousal, but it certainly made me happy. Also, I thought blood was cool. . .but I think I'm in fairly good company there with even perfectly normal 4-10 year olds.

(Ironically, by the time I was 13 or so, the usual angst age for self-mutilation, I had realized that hurting yourself was supposed to be BAD and had mostly stopped doing it. Didn't resume until college, when I started exploring S&M. . .and by that point there were plenty of other people willing to hurt me

)

I've never been able to explain my fascination with rope/string/wire and the like. It's just so damn cool! Give me a piece of string, yarn, rope, or wire, and I will happily entertain myself for up to an hour. I make friendship bracelets. I do macreme. I crochet. I tie people up. It's all the same thrill for me. Also, as a kid, I always liked being tied up because I'm an escape artist and I liked the challenge. That is still kind of the case. I can't really relax in bondage unless I've tested the ropes and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I'm not going anywhere. . .and then. . .peace like buddha. Mmmmm.

I also remember being really struck by those trust games kids play. You know, the ones where someone blindfolds you and then leads you through an obstacle course? Or the one where you fall backwards and hope your pal catches you? I actually had some really terrible experiences with them (let's make the little geek run into a tree and giggle about it), but they continued to appeal to me anyway. They were terrifying and relaxing at the same time.

(in reply to MistressVnus)

Post #: 23

RE: VERY FIRST memory of indication - 1/25/2008 2:26:39 PM

PrizedPosession

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i remember when i was 11 or so i used to imagine being kidnapped and i would rub against blankets and things (not knowing what i was doing just that it felt good). Even younger than that whenever i played Barbie she would always be held hostage or something to that effect.
Plus when i was a kid i was always very courteous and did a lot of other peoples favors that most kids would hate to do.
i think my first experience in liking bondage but not realizing it would have to be japanese dancing. i would get all dressed up in this nice kimono but i couldn't move in certain directions or else it would unravel and once i hit puberty my boobs were "too big for asian culture" so i ended up having them being wrapped up a bunch of times and though i kinda complained it felt soo nice.
-bobcat

(in reply to KindLadyGrey)

Post #: 24

RE: VERY FIRST memory of indication - 1/25/2008 2:28:45 PM

Shammon5

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Joined: 7/17/2007
From: Ohio
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Ever since I can remember, all my dreams have been about being chased, captured, tortured, beaten, etc. I remember one dream in particular where I was a star wars rebel alliance pilot. I crashed my x-wing and got taken prisoner by some Empire soldiers. They then proceeded to haul me away into a dark, concrete room and interrogated/ tortured me (using one of those floating spherical robots with the syringe attatched that they used on Princess Leia in the first original movie) until I woke up. I remember crying in my dream, trying to wiggle out of the ropes on my wrists, etc, but to no avail. When I fell back asleep, the commander in charge was helping me escape because he had fallen in love with me... In many other dreams, I would convince a monster or murderer not to kill me, because I would be their slave if they didn't. They usually agreed, and I had to follow them around for the remainder of the dream.

I'mremember almost all of my dreams since I wrote all of them down over the years, the earliest one was recorded when I was around 8, but I know they began earlier than that. I was embarassed by them a little and would always change "and then he whipped me" to "we fought" when I told my parents and friends about them, and after a while I just kept them secret. They were pretty awesome dreams, though.

(in reply to KindLadyGrey)

Post #: 25

RE: VERY FIRST memory of indication - 1/25/2008 2:36:45 PM

SubJordanTyler

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Joined: 4/16/2007
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For me, it was probably back in middle school or early on in high school. I can't exactly remember when, but it was about the time when I first really started noticing girls - in that way. But it was more than just seeing a girl that I thought I was attractive and feeling something sensual and sexual towards her. It was also a lot about the clothes and shoes - how I loved how a dress looked on and how nice (and sexy) the shoes could be.

I wanted to dress like them and wear what they were wearing. I wanted to look and be like them - not like a guy. I never really acted on it until only a few years ago - had to move away from the family before I felt free enough to endulge in it). But now that I have, it's full, complete feminization. It's not "sissy" or drag - but it's turning myself (as complete as I can) into a woman. And when I'm like that, it's when I most feel like the way I should - like myself.

I don't fully equate that with BDSM and being submissive, because that's not about this. That is more about getting in touch with, and being, who I am - and some might say who I should really have been or should be. I know I feel that way. Even in my everyday life, I can do very feminine things, act feminine and have my appearance that way. Even my body is shaped more female than male.

I suppose I was more focused on that side that I never fully realized my submissive side until my early 20's. Without getting too graphic, I was with a girl who was giving me oral. While it was nice, without warning, she put a finger into my ass while giving me the blow job........and I went absolutely crazy. I couldn't believe how amazing it felt - and the orgasm from it was like none I'd ever had before.

I wanted more and more of it. I wanted her (and any woman since) to just take control and do that to me. So after that, I just took it further and realized how much I loved a woman in control and to dominate me like that. Things just went pretty much from there to where I am now.

(in reply to KindLadyGrey)

Post #: 26

RE: VERY FIRST memory of indication - 1/25/2008 2:39:53 PM

MistressVnus

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From: Central Florida
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quote:

Watching people get tied up on the old fess parker "daniel boone" series, and getting excited by the idea of doing it to someone else. Is 1964 early enough for ya?

LOL! I used to watch that show too. As well as "Flipper."

_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
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"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

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Post #: 27

RE: VERY FIRST memory of indication - 1/25/2008 2:44:43 PM

MistressVnus

Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
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Thank you for sharing that, Lady Gray.

If you don't mind my asking, do you think self-infliction of pain at such an early age was a form of an emotional release for you due to a stressfull enviroment, or other similar factor? Or, just a fascination for it, plain and simple.

_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to KindLadyGrey)

Post #: 28

RE: VERY FIRST memory of indication - 1/25/2008 2:48:38 PM

MistressVnus

Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
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quote:

They were pretty awesome dreams, though.

Was there anything in your waking hours that triggered a sexual excitment for you that you can remember?

_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to Shammon5)

Post #: 29

RE: VERY FIRST memory of indication - 1/25/2008 3:24:00 PM

Tannie

Posts: 134
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline

I turned Candy Land into a live action roleplay and started locking my neighborhood friends into the Licorice Prison under my father's car. That was my first indication that I was an odd one. *grin*

(in reply to Tigrita)

Post #: 30

RE: VERY FIRST memory of indication - 1/25/2008 3:26:38 PM

Bound2One

Posts: 614
Joined: 1/11/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Tannie

I turned Candy Land into a live action roleplay and started locking my neighborhood friends into the Licorice Prison under my father's car. That was my first indication that I was an odd one. *grin*

Oh, that's cute! You made me smile.

(in reply to Tannie)

Post #: 31

RE: VERY FIRST memory of indication - 1/25/2008 4:26:34 PM

Araven

Posts: 149
Joined: 3/16/2006
Status: offline

Oh where can I begin? i'de probably have to say it started around 8 or 9 and I loved to play hide and seek. The thing was, I remember the thrill and rush of being captured by the girls as they found me. Something about being hunted down was incredibly primal and fun, being captured. in this little game.

After puberty came, I'de say vampire movies such as the cheesy Bordello of Blood, and Once Bitten. In these movies there is an older, very dominant woman in both cases that take men and use them for their blood by seducing them. Once the men relize they are in that situtation its far too late! Being seduced, bound, and my blood taken from the man as the woman uses sexual primal energy to get a better taste of blood.. just makes me so aroused. I'de say I was probably 12 or 13 when I saw some of these movies. I also have a sort of werewolf thing from those movies as well. The general theme being used for anothers primal, deepest, darkest, ugres really turns me on.

Things just sort of went from there, but those are some of my earliest memories.

(in reply to Bound2One)

Post #: 32

RE: VERY FIRST memory of indication - 1/25/2008 4:38:40 PM

SirJohnMandevill

Posts: 546
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: loveNdevotion

It was long before puberty, and long before I had any idea of what sex was. I was 5 or 6...the only girl in a neighborhood full of boys aged 4-9. I was just "one of the guys". I remember playing cowboys and indians with them- and getting captured...and tied up. Being taken prisoner and feeling helpless- and thrilled! There was the added plus that my mom (who did not approve of her daughter being such a tomboy) could not complain if I was tied up- and thus was only playing against my will. *L* From then on, I was always allowing myself to get captured on purpose. By the time I hit puberty, I was having fantasies about being kidnapped by some kind, but strong and confident older male...

Similar here -- WAAAAAAY before puberty. I remember getting enjoyment from women's feet literally as long as I can remember. And I was first "aroused" by a female whipping scene in a mainstream movie at age 7!

Stories like those on this thread are one reason why I think at least some of us are hard-wired for kink(s) from birth.

Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)

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(in reply to loveNdevotion)

Post #: 33

RE: VERY FIRST memory of indication - 1/25/2008 4:39:45 PM

tulitukka

Posts: 95
Joined: 10/11/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressVnus

quote:

not quite SSC yet.

I have to chuckle at this because although I practice SSC....many of my fantasies SURELY are still NOT!!
There are many new horror flicks coming out depicting abduction, sadism and such which is NOT consentual that I find extremely titillating. I recently found one called "Captivity". The opening scene was off the chart and I was glued to the couch for the rest of the movie.

The same goes for me. I've seen quite an interesting variety of reactions from people by telling them that acting out some of my fantasies would put me behind bars for a very, very, long time. And rightfully so.

(in reply to MistressVnus)

Post #: 34

RE: VERY FIRST memory of indication - 1/25/2008 5:13:22 PM

MistressVnus

Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline

quote:

my fantasies would put me behind bars

Now there's another hot fantasy right there!!! The prison scenario. I would have to be the guard, of course. Or, the bitch who ran the block...*chuckle*

_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to tulitukka)

Post #: 35

RE: VERY FIRST memory of indication - 1/25/2008 5:18:02 PM

MistressVnus

Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline

quote:

vampire movies

I remember those always being a turn on as well. Still today, that scene in "Bramstroker's Dracula" with Kneau Reeves where he is left in the castle alone and the shevamps come up through the sheets in a very erotic manner is HOOOTTT!!

_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to Araven)

Post #: 36

RE: VERY FIRST memory of indication - 1/25/2008 5:21:02 PM

TheLookingGirl

Posts: 162
Joined: 7/26/2007
From: A city near you.
Status: offline

Hmm well this has certainly made me think. The first memory? I'm not sure which came first. But one distinct incident comes to mind. Not sure what age I was, but we would play house...and I was always the one who handed out the punishment (meaning the punished would have to pull thier pants down and get a few smacks with a limb...for some rediculous made up thing). There was a little boy and girl who I would always play this 'game' with at one of my babysitters. One time her daughter (who was alot older than the three of us...between 14-16 I would guess...its hard to judge because I was so young) saw it happening and told on me, only to have her mom (the babysitter) ask the boy and girl what we were doing...to which they replied "Playing.." and if I had hurt them...to which they replied "No...."

I recieved no punishment =)

_____________________________

The strongest & most effective force in assuring the long-term maintenance of power is not violence in all the forms deployed by the dominant to control the dominated,but consent in all the forms in which the dominated acquiesce in their own domination.

(in reply to tulitukka)

Post #: 37

RE: VERY FIRST memory of indication - 1/25/2008 5:50:48 PM

meticulousgirl

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Joined: 2/20/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Tigrita

Oh, another one... I remember watching a TV show in my early teens, it was Lois and Clark actually, and Lex was getting totally Domly on Lois. He had her in a dungeon-type lair, and had her just standing in the middle, and he was just circling her slowly, inspecting her, tormenting her verbally, touching her delicately and suggestively but not crudely (the sexual tension being entirely mental)... his composure, restraint and command of everything about her and the situation; her torment, the tension and shame, fighting to retain her pride while being made so vulnerable... so fucking hot!

omg i remember that.....i use to love that show...

mine started at somewhere around 6 or so i was always spanked for "whatever" but, i was always after my grandfather to play w/ me so i could be george washington and "role play" the cherry tree story.....lmao. Of course he never entertained it.....and i think everytime it came up which was often, i would go and do something wrong a short time later(same day, same timeframe) and there was my grandmother with the paddle...LOL

~meticulous~

(in reply to Tigrita)

Post #: 38

RE: VERY FIRST memory of indication - 1/25/2008 6:37:39 PM

MidMichCowboy

Posts: 665
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My grandparents came from Norway. I remember uncles talking about Viking ancestors. When I was in first grade, I saw a movie "The Vikings" starring Tony Curtis and Kurt Douglas. Janet Leigh is kidnapped. I was so aroused. I think I had a hard on for days and it was the first time I masturbated and came. So, I began kidnapping girls. I'd tie them up and rub against them. I'd spank their ass a few times and make them kiss me. I loved it.

_____________________________

I want to capture your mind, your spirit, your soul, your body, your devotion and your love. Then, will I give you my heart.

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Post #: 39

RE: VERY FIRST memory of indication - 1/25/2008 7:22:53 PM

Marc2b

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As the youngest child and only boy of three siblings I frequently engaged in fantasies of tying up my sisters and abandoning them in the deep woods as revenge for their numerous attempts to kill me. Okay, maybe sneaking up behind me and sticking a string bean down the crack of my ass doesn’t count as a murder attempt but dammit...

When I was about eight or nine I saw a show on the television (I think it was an episode of Gene Roddenberry’s failed Genisis II series) where this was this colony where the women ruled and the men were slaves (kept on drugs to make them docile). The whole concept of gender based slavery fascinated me but (thanks to my sister’s influence no doubt) I thought they had it backwards. I kept rooting for the men to rebel and give those women a taste of their own medicine. The men did rebel but alas, they wussed out in the end in taking their revenge.

After that I frequently had fantasies about the girls at school being my slaves. There really wasn’t anything too sexual about these fantasies (the main purpose of "my slaves" was to do all the crap at home I didn’t want to do like take out the garbage and make my bed) but my fantasy slaves were required to kneel before me and kiss my feet as a sign of respect and punishment for disobedience was a good old fashioned whipping. I also liked to take walks in the woods behind my house where I would pretend that one of my slaves had run away and I was going to hunt her down, bring her back, and punish her.

A few years later when I was thirteen (and just discovering new and interesting things I could do with my pecker) I walked into a book store and spotted a novel titled "Tarnsmen of Gor." The rest, as they say, is history.

For the record, now that we are all adults in our forties, my sister’s and I get along fine – but I still don’t like to have my back turned toward them.

< Message edited by Marc2b -- 1/25/2008 7:48:59 PM >

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Post #: 40

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