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Was I wrong? - 1/25/2008 8:47:20 PM   
slvcari


Posts: 16
Joined: 1/22/2007
Status: offline 		Greetings all-

I'm in need of some advice.  I am presently speaking with a submissive and her dom. After contact was establish, i informed them both that i'm attending college online and what my major is and what i'm currently taking course wise.

We agreed last week that yesterday we would meet for dinner/possible play.  Until last night i was under the impression that i was doing well in the class, the professor is slow at posting grades and finally posted grades yesterday for the first 3 weeks.  I thought i had a B , found out its a D.  I 've spoken with the professor and was told that i can redo the assigments for a better grade. 

He hoped online yesterday and I informed him that i finally got my grades back as he had told me that my grades had to stay at a B or higher or I would be in trouble.  I informed him that my one grade is an A but my other grade is a D .

I chose to stay at home and redo the assignments instead of going out to dinner with him and now he is mad at me .  Should i have gone and had dinner with them instead ?  My classes are only 8 weeks long one is religion and one is biology (the one i've got the D in ) midterms are next week.

Would you have gone or stayed and redone the assignments? He asks daily how i'm doing on the homework.  I also only have their cm id and yahoo id for contact. I've also posted this to "Ask a Master"

thank you in advance

slvcari
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Was I wrong? - 1/25/2008 8:53:17 PM   
MissHarlet


Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
Status: offline 		In my opinion you did the best thing for yourself.  You do not belong to this dominant at this time from what I read in your post.  Your first priority has to be your education.  

You explained the situation to the Dominant so it is not as tho you stood them up.  Hopefully, he will accept this and even tho all of you are disappointed, you will be able to reschedule play time with them.

Good luck in bringing your grades up.

_____________________________

Protectress of hearts/souls of all submissives calling Bounty's Place home, by order of Bounty~Proprietor

To be respected you must be respectful, to be loved you must be willing to love,
to be trusted you must be willing to trust.

(in reply to slvcari)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Was I wrong? - 1/25/2008 8:54:43 PM   
slavetaboo


Posts: 408
Joined: 11/30/2007
Status: offline 		As a slave I sometimes struggle myself with what is right or wrong. I don't feel comfortable deciding whether or not you were. I think I would be terrified to ask this question here. The main reason for that being that you're asking it in a place where several people have most likely had an experience of expecting to meet someone and then them backing out at the last minute.

The training I've had would suggest that if your owner decides you were in the wrong then you were. I realize not all slaves are trained in the same manner. I suggest that if you were disappointed in disappointing him then you should try to make up for it in a creative and thoughtful way.

P.S. lots of groveling might help, wink wink.


_____________________________

For I long for a man with nests of wild things in his hair.

(in reply to slvcari)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Was I wrong? - 1/25/2008 8:55:03 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		You are new here so you may not know that with duplicate threads, one usually gets pulled.  One thread is sufficient, and if you have a question for both dominants and submissives, you can ask it on the general forum.  I replied to you in Ask a Master, but that thread is gone now, as is my reply.  I will attempt at recreating it:

Had you already made plans to meet them and then did not show up?  If so, I would say yes, you were in the wrong.  Any number of things could have been done - Call the restaurant and leave word that you can not make it (along with your phone number); show up at the restaurant and apologize for not being able to stay, while explaining your situation and that you didn't just want to not show up; or stay for dinner while explaining an inability to stay on to play, because of your circumstance. 

Did you email them anyway?  My Master and I get Yahoo email on our cell phones, so we always retrieve messages.  They may have had the same option.

If you did not make a commitment to them and simply declined and invitation to dinner, I don't see any reason for anyone to be angry.

When was your make-up assignment due?

(in reply to slvcari)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Was I wrong? - 1/25/2008 8:57:18 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		I think the bigger question is why you agreed to meet someone for "dinner/possible play" when you don't even have their phone number?  And worse, you are questioning whether meeting that same person was more important than your schooling?  Perhaps you need to step back and concentrate on your schooling.

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Was I wrong? - 1/25/2008 9:00:56 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		If you cancelled because you really didn't think you had the time to do the extra course work AND make time for them, then in my opinion, you did the right thing. 

If you cancelled because you were having apprehensions about meeting them, then you're not being honest with them or with yourself.

_____________________________

marie.


I give good agita.









(in reply to slvcari)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Was I wrong? - 1/25/2008 9:01:07 PM   
slvcari


Posts: 16
Joined: 1/22/2007
Status: offline 		Owned Girl-

When plans were made nothing was discussed as to time or place.  I hopped online and saw he was online and contacted him right away.  As for the assignments the professor said to get them in ASAP as midterms are next week.  Also i've not submitted to him yet nor wear his collar.   I was only trying to please him by showing that I understand lower then a B would get me in trouble and as its a D he would want me to attempt to bring it up .

slvcari

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Was I wrong? - 1/25/2008 9:02:49 PM   
sweetwenchie


Posts: 1993
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline 		Not to be Cali's parrot... but i honestly could not phrase my response any more succinctly.  Schooling should be right at the top of your priority list.

_____________________________

"To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is a very different thing from being a passive object." - De Beauvoir

"You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist." - Nietzsche

(in reply to slvcari)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Was I wrong? - 1/25/2008 9:02:56 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		I think you know the answer to that..you did correctly..if he were truly concerned about your grades,and ordered grades to be kept at a certain level..then he has contradicted himself on his instruction to you.by insisting you needed to meet,as he also instructed....And frankly, I am not a big proponent of online Domination..especially since you have never met as yet...I am not sure if you have formalized a D/s relationship as yet..or if you are in the simply getting to know you phase..if you have not perse entered into such a dynamic as yet, then he has no right to be ordering you, he can request, but not really much else. And frankly if he can get his panties into a wad about you being unable to meet, then what does that tell you how he will deal with future school conflicts?..Your focus should be first and foremost your education, Any good Dominant will make that his focus as well, without manipulationg your emotions in 10 different directions...I wish you well..Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to slvcari)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Was I wrong? - 1/25/2008 9:04:12 PM   
slvcari


Posts: 16
Joined: 1/22/2007
Status: offline 		MissHarlet-

He was on yahoo earlier and informed that perhaps if the class is giving me trouble to drop it thereby more free time for them. He also informed me to treat his training as a class and have to attend every day to pass it.. I've asked for a phone number and have yet to get it. 

Thank you for your advice.

slvcari

also requestr permission to speak on the otherside with you via email

(in reply to slvcari)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Was I wrong? - 1/25/2008 9:05:24 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		I would be unimpressed with a dominant who became mad at that.  Now, if he simply expressed disappointment and you interpreted it as mad, that's different.  I would advise you to talk to him and find out what's up.

(in reply to slvcari)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Was I wrong? - 1/25/2008 9:05:54 PM   
slavetaboo


Posts: 408
Joined: 11/30/2007
Status: offline 		I misread your original post. If you're not owned by this person then stand by the decision that you made. After all, it's too late to correct it now. I would suggest it's best to proceed down the path you've chosen to the best of your ability. Get studying! hehe.

Edit: I'm sorry but I just don't trust someone who won't share their phone number especially when so many people now have cell phones which aren't listed in information along with your address.


< Message edited by slavetaboo -- 1/25/2008 9:08:09 PM >

_____________________________

For I long for a man with nests of wild things in his hair.

(in reply to slvcari)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Was I wrong? - 1/25/2008 9:08:42 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slvcari

He was on yahoo earlier and informed that perhaps if the class is giving me trouble to drop it thereby more free time for them.



This concerns me greatly.

Here's an example - I'm back in school, and when I struggled with my Stats class, my Master put my assignments to him on hold.  Since the class was in trouble, he expected me to get to work and do better, find a tutor, spend more time on homework, etc.  He was willing to forego some of his desires because his greater desire was educate me by way of a Bachelors Degree.  There would be plenty of time to learn the things he wanted me to learn for him personally.

If someone who only knew me for three weeks told me to drop a class to spend more time with him, he would soon find me spending no time with him at all.

(in reply to slvcari)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Was I wrong? - 1/25/2008 9:09:37 PM   
MissHarlet


Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
Status: offline 		Yes you may email me .... I stand by my opinion that your education should come first ... especially as you are not owned by this person.  I also agree with others on here that have stated that you should not meet anyone that will not or has not given you a phone number etc.

_____________________________

Protectress of hearts/souls of all submissives calling Bounty's Place home, by order of Bounty~Proprietor

To be respected you must be respectful, to be loved you must be willing to love,
to be trusted you must be willing to trust.

(in reply to slvcari)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Was I wrong? - 1/25/2008 9:14:32 PM   
cautiousiasub


Posts: 199
Joined: 10/17/2005
Status: offline 		I definitely agree with you on this. School needs to be a priority, no matter what. My Master is the same way, whether it is a class that is going smoothly or one that I am struggling with--studying comes first. He helps me stay motivated on days when I just don't feel like it, and wants to see me succeed.

_____________________________

"If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam." - Johnny Carson

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Was I wrong? - 1/25/2008 9:22:14 PM   
corsetgirl


Posts: 824
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline 		There were times that I had to take a break from this site because I also had schooling.  The last one was an accelerated teacher's certification program that took 42 weeks to complete.  I started out with two evenings and one full day of Saturday classes, which took up the majority of my time that I could not afford to play with a dom.

You are not owned by him and they need to understand the importance of your education, if not, then move on.  I would not throw my learning away for anyone.

(in reply to MissHarlet)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Was I wrong? - 1/25/2008 9:44:25 PM   
bbwsubnnorcal


Posts: 104
Joined: 4/24/2006
Status: offline
 
OU! OU! ME! ME!!  i know the answer to this one!!!!!
 
HELL, NO!  you were not wrong.
 
Look at this way...
 
*pick up her phone and pretend to be talking to someone*
 
Hello?  Hellloooo?? Oh Hi... who's this?.... what do you mean none of my business... YOU call me... what do you want?
 
Excuse me... you've never met me before... but you want me to give up my education and my future for your infantile need for instant gratification... Who is this really? Is this some sort of joke? Yeah, it is my business... my safety and my future is on line here...
 
You know buddy... the one thing i've learned over the years is this... there is a difference between being a Dom and being a DOMINEERING ASS HAT!  You obviously are the latter. *click*
 
Think of it that way my dear...
 
Just because you're a sub, it does not mean you are a doormat...
 
Learn it.
Love it.
Live it...
 
*looks around the room* is it me or am i getting ready for some psycho-PMS this month?? 

_____________________________

"i Have Nothing Against God, It's His Fanclub i Can't Stand!!!"

(in reply to corsetgirl)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Was I wrong? - 1/25/2008 9:51:33 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		I would say that if he can't understand the importance of school coming before playtime, he wouldn't be the right person for me.

And further more my opnion would be compounded by him telling me to drop the classes then simply so I'd have more time for him.

(in reply to slavetaboo)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Was I wrong? - 1/25/2008 9:57:57 PM   
Bound2One


Posts: 614
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline 		**whistling**

Making mental note to stay on bbwsubnnorcal's good side for a few days... lol

(in reply to bbwsubnnorcal)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Was I wrong? - 1/25/2008 10:05:18 PM   
corsetgirl


Posts: 824
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline 		bbwsubnnorcal:

Want some chocolate?  It is a girl's best friend!

(in reply to Bound2One)
Profile   Post #: 20
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