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RE: slave rights vs subs - 2/11/2008 11:13:46 AM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

I agree completely. A slave cannot keep anything from his or her master. There can be no privacy.

What about the other person's privacy? Are you demanding to know proprietary business secrets that she'll get sued for sharing? What if her sister calls and tells her of trouble in her marriage and asks her not to tell anyone? You going to be privy to that?

Or does she have to turn down the job and tell them it's because she isn't allowed any privacy? Does she start out every conversation reminding the other person they can't tell her anything private?

Speaking of my own relationship, I have not had any person (friend or family) that I know ask me or expect me to withhold information from my partner. I would not ask or expect my friends or family to keep information from their partners either. If someone were to ask me to keep a conversation secret between us, then I would say that I could not do that because I do not keep secrets from my partners. If people can't appreciate that, then they are not someone that I want in my life anyway.

In regards to proprietary business information, he made the decision to allow me to remain at my job knowing that there were certain things that I could not discuss with him. They were not things he was interested in hearing about anyway. He could have made the decision that I would leave the job and I would have.

It isn't really that hard to manage and for us it isn't really about me being a slave. It is about being a family together and having people in our lives that appreciates what we have together.

Knight's Kyra

< Message edited by kyraofMists -- 2/11/2008 11:15:07 AM >

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to DesFIP)

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Post #: 61

RE: slave rights vs subs - 2/11/2008 11:37:27 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

I suppose those are intended to be reductio ad absurdum questions? Well, they're not. Look, if that kind of relationship isn't for you, don't pursue it.

And yes, any friend who tells her anything in confidence will have to know that she has a master whom she must tell everything. It has to be the primary relationship in your life.

Otherwise you're not a slave. You're sumpin else.

Actually I was dead serious. So she has to inform her boss of your lifestyle, and her mother and her old friends. Because otherwise she would be lying to them. Unless you countenance lying to others in order to be truthful with you. Do you?

Because to me integrity is something you either do or do not possess. And it runs throughout your entire life, it isn't something you can compartmentalize.

I was going to answer your first post about this, but kyra pretty much said all my thoughts on this.

Not everyone in my life knows I am a slave. They do know there is a "Mr. Wonderful" in my life and that I don't keep secrets from him. My integrity is that if someone wants me to hold something in confidence, I make them aware that telling me means, potentially, telling me AND Mr. Wonderful (he doesn't ask for all my friends' intimate details, unless it affects me somehow, but he might, and if he did I would tell all).

As for my job, he prefers I remain professionally ethical. Back when I was working on mergers and acquisitions for an organization, where the info I was dealing with was confidential according to SEC regulations, he would not compromise that....unless of course it impacted him negatively, which it did not. In other words, he will not set me up for insider trading charges and the like. That would be abusing his authority, and he's not an idiot.

(in reply to DesFIP)

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Post #: 62

RE: slave rights vs subs - 2/11/2008 12:24:44 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Actually I was dead serious. So she has to inform her boss of your lifestyle, and her mother and her old friends. Because otherwise she would be lying to them. Unless you countenance lying to others in order to be truthful with you. Do you?

Because to me integrity is something you either do or do not possess. And it runs throughout your entire life, it isn't something you can compartmentalize.

You're coming across as being very argumentative and not really thinking things through. It's quite simple really. For some of us, we don't allow others to tell us 'secrets' that we can't share. Anytime anyone says .. "I want to tell you something but you can't tell anyone, even Michael" I stop it right there and inform them they shouldn't tell me because I don't keep things from Himself.

As for business .. a no brainer for me in every sense of the word. I don't take jobs that require me to keep things from Himself. My main priority in life is Himself, not a friend, not a parent, child, pet or boss.

It shouldn't surprise you to know that you can have both integrity and a transparent relationship with another person and you certainly don't have to lie to remain true to your self, your relationship and your partner.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

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Post #: 63

RE: slave rights vs subs - 2/11/2008 1:19:04 PM

IronOre

Posts: 24
Joined: 5/22/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

He has other women calling him? HE has a fit? WTF????

Shove the phone up his arse and make him say thank you.

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Post #: 64

RE: slave rights vs subs - 2/11/2008 1:23:53 PM

IronOre

Posts: 24
Joined: 5/22/2007
Status: offline

Coutos to you MissMagnolia.

It doesn't seem as though selena is going to post here again. Since none of us knows the parameters of her relationship I say we drop this discussion as selena is not going to tell us them, and we cannot give informed advice.

(in reply to IronOre)

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Post #: 65

RE: slave rights vs subs - 2/12/2008 1:36:45 PM

jssubc

Posts: 46
Joined: 5/29/2006
Status: offline

i am a slave - my master can open and read my mail, go on my computer and read my email - do what ever he wants when he wants - because he is my master. Most of the time he chooses not to do these things - but he could, and would if he desired. I have no rights - i have what my master wants me to have. And i love that.

Ditto to that!
I am in exactly the same situation and it's fabulous.

(in reply to kiwisub12)

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Post #: 66

RE: slave rights vs subs - 2/12/2008 8:20:55 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Actually, I was thinking things through. You compromise relationships with family members you have known all your life if you have to tell them they can't talk privately with you. As far as my ums, I'm a parent first. I chose to submit to him, they didn't. So telling him things they ask me not to tell would be to destroy my relationship with them and their trust in me. Telling them not to tell me anything they needed to discuss privately would make me a poor parent by not giving them a safe person to talk with who they know is devoted to their interests. Either way, I'm not interested.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

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Post #: 67

RE: slave rights vs subs - 2/12/2008 8:59:15 PM

TracyTaken

Posts: 615
Joined: 2/1/2008
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I was thinking about conversations I could never have had, such as my dad telling me: Don't tell anybody; I'm not ready to talk about it yet. But I have cancer.

(in reply to DesFIP)

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Post #: 68

RE: slave rights vs subs - 2/12/2008 10:38:43 PM

domahpet

Posts: 1505
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Santa Rosa
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quote:

ORIGINAL: whiteslavebitch

quote:

"Dominance is the ability to create a hunger in someone that's so strong they will do anything, anytime, anywhere just to please you."

ItalianSMistress,

Small hijack, I just wanted to say I love your sigline.

we have a thread for that in polls and other random stupidity...

_____________________________

Zeedaddys
~DJ domahpet~
*Love is giving someone the power to break your heart, but trusting them not to*

*crystal*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SLI12uN6k5k

(in reply to whiteslavebitch)

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Post #: 69

RE: slave rights vs subs - 2/13/2008 3:44:03 AM

Chaze

Posts: 26
Joined: 1/31/2008
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I think the real answer is found in the separation of rights and responsibility.
I am a slave and therefore have responsibilities; perhaps the foremost is to assist the broad in working through her insecurities. Often that means the restructuring of her thinking generally the end product of busting her damn head a few times. Remember in general dommes are irrational children unpolished and unskilled in social graces regardless of the advanced age and extensive body mass of most of them.

(in reply to selena123)

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Post #: 70

RE: slave rights vs subs - 2/13/2008 2:46:28 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Actually, I was thinking things through.

It didn't appear that way.

quote:

You compromise relationships with family members you have known all your life if you have to tell them they can't talk privately with you.

I'm going to assume you are stating that as a general (albeit wrong) assumption since you know nothing of my personal familial relationships and what I may or may not have compromised in chosing to put my relationship with Himself above all other relationships and you most certainly have no business speaking for the masses.

quote:

As far as my ums, I'm a parent first.

I don't see what they has to do with the subject, but okay.

quote:

I chose to submit to him, they didn't.

I don't choose to keep secrets of any sort from my Master. That is hardly the same thing as my children submitting to him. I think that whole line of thinking is a bit off. You think that by me telling people they can't have a conversation with me that I must keep from Himself is them to submitting to Him? That's just warped. They still get to choose whether or not to have the conversation with me.

quote:

So telling him things they ask me not to tell would be to destroy my relationship with them and their trust in me.

My relationships are stronger than that and would not be destroyed by sharing with my partner anything which is said to me. Maybe you could try building stronger relationships so that something so simply doesn't destroy them. I don't, generally speaking, have such weak people around me but to each their own.

quote:

Telling them not to tell me anything they needed to discuss privately would make me a poor parent by not giving them a safe person to talk with who they know is devoted to their interests.

You're entitled to your opinion. I disagree. I think giving your kids boundaries and letting them know they're are actually two people who they can trust and who will give them sound advice based on the information presented is much better parenting. I wouldn't have kept something from their father either and I don't believe that children should be allowed to play one parent against the other which is what it sounds like you advocate with your privacy issue. My kids are not my 'friends'.. they are my kids and they don't get to do things their way in our relationship with one another. Now, they are grown with families and relationships of their own but even when small, my daughter and son didn't get to come up and say things like.. "don't tell dad but..." so nothing has changed and nothing is compromised. It's the way they were raised and they are quite used to it. In fact, I hope that I've instilled that open communication enough into them so they carry it on with their partners as well. So far, it seems to be working.

quote:

Either way, I'm not interested.

::shrugs:: Then I suppose our conversation is done.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to DesFIP)

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Post #: 71

RE: slave rights vs subs - 2/13/2008 3:02:35 PM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

quote:

Telling them not to tell me anything they needed to discuss privately would make me a poor parent by not giving them a safe person to talk with who they know is devoted to their interests.

You're entitled to your opinion. I disagree. I think giving your kids boundaries and letting them know they're are actually two people who they can trust and who will give them sound advice based on the information presented is much better parenting. I wouldn't have kept something from their father either and I don't believe that children should be allowed to play one parent against the other which is what it sounds like you advocate with your privacy issue. My kids are not my 'friends'.. they are my kids and they don't get to do things their way in our relationship with one another. Now, they are grown with families and relationships of their own but even when small, my daughter and son didn't get to come up and say things like.. "don't tell dad but..." so nothing has changed and nothing is compromised. It's the way they were raised and they are quite used to it. In fact, I hope that I've instilled that open communication enough into them so they carry it on with their partners as well. So far, it seems to be working.

Celeste, this sounds much like our house except there are three adults that they can rely on. The eldest's friends are somewhat envious of the relationship that she has because she can talk to us about anything. Unfortunately, some of her friends do not have that open dialouge. It isn't the promise of confidentiality that fosters an open dialouge.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to BitaTruble)

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Post #: 72

RE: slave rights vs subs - 2/13/2008 3:28:38 PM

Constrictor1

Posts: 143
Joined: 6/29/2006
From: Constrictor1
Status: offline

selena,
Just my opinion. I feel that the basic difference between slave and sub is degree. A sub has more control. Safewords, scene negotiation, limited -to full- privacy, hard and soft limits,and other individual "rights." A slave gives up those safety nets when accepting the role/choice of consentual slavery. Once comitted to that choice there is NO "his". there is only Yours. It is difficult on both sides to keep a correct mindset. It takes alot of work. Having said that, If your slave feels that you would be jealous , then you both have some things to work out. If you cannot control your jealousy ,and ultimately yourself, you will have trouble controlling others. your slave needs to remember which side of the exchange he is on and not engage in an activity that he knows creates conflict with you.

Constrictor1

(in reply to selena123)

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RE: slave rights vs subs - 2/13/2008 3:29:51 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Actually, I was thinking things through. You compromise relationships with family members you have known all your life if you have to tell them they can't talk privately with you. As far as my ums, I'm a parent first. I chose to submit to him, they didn't. So telling him things they ask me not to tell would be to destroy my relationship with them and their trust in me. Telling them not to tell me anything they needed to discuss privately would make me a poor parent by not giving them a safe person to talk with who they know is devoted to their interests. Either way, I'm not interested.

This is an unfamiliar perspective to me, since in all relationships I have had with people in my life - be they parents, friends, acquaintances, or distant relatives - it has always been unfathomable for me to ask someone to keep something from their spouse. And these are non-D/s people. I see this as a complete disrespect and disregard to someone's relationship to ask someone to lie or keep secrets from their partner. It has nothing to do with submission and dominance to me, and everything to do with basic respect. To each their own, of course, but anyone who confides in me will know in advance that what they share with me may well be shared with the most important person in my world. They then have the choice of confiding in me or not. If they start by saying, "Don't tell Mr. Wonderful" I will say No can do. By saying agreeing to keep secrets, I'm placing the person confiding in me over my Master, which will never happen. I conduct myself with the assumption that if I'm confiding in someone their partner may be told of what I share.

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