EponasChylde
Posts: 65
Joined: 12/31/2007
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On the issue of financial stability, I do agree that you are scaring people away. It makes you come across as someone who believes that a degree equals intelligence and financial stability.
If, for the sake of conversation, I was exactly the perfect girl for you, I still would not write to you. I would assume, without ever even contacting you, that I wouldn't meet your education criteria. I'm an intelligent individuals, have a high IQ, was valedictorian of my senior class, and now have a good job in the law enforcement industry making a quite respectable middle class income. However, I never completed my college degree (I dropped out while going through my divorce.)
If what you mean is, "I don't want a bitch on welfare", then perhaps you should say so rather than scaring off a large number of intelligent, middle class women who never happened to attain a college degree.
You mention the example of a woman who claims to be stable but expects you to pay for travel expenses. This in no way indicates that a women NEEDS a handout. Maybe she just feels that it's your job as the dominant to cover the expense of her trip. I certainly would never use my own money to pay for such a trip. This is not because I LACK the money, but rather because I feel that if he wants me to inconvenience myself (taking time from work, arranging for pet sitters, etc) by coming to see him, then he should at least pick up the tab. Furthermore, I simply have things in my life that I consider more important than romance and I choose to spend my money on them. It's not that I can't AFFORD a $500 trip to see a man...but more that I'd rather spend that money on my show horses or some such.
As for the original question of finding both intimacy and compatibility, I can most certainly relate. What I seek is very specific and all I ever find seems to fall outside the range of my preferences. I used to be very steadfast in believing that I wouldn't give any man the time of day if he wasn't an experienced dominant who enjoyed all the same fetishes that I do. I've seen moderated my stance a bit.
Overall, kinky sex is great. However, I also know that I can live without some of the more extreme versions of it that I enjoy. I do believe that refusing to compromise at all can keep us from otherwise wonderful partners who would make us happy. Therefore, I've come to the point where sexual compatibility is just one of many factors, and not necessarily the most important.
Granted, there has to be SOME compatibility. If his idea of a good sex life is doing it once a week in the dark, missionary style, then I'm not interested. However, he also doesn't have to be King-Kong-Uber-Dom willing to tie me up with chains, whip me until I bleed, call me a whore, then piss on me. I'll settle for someone who's adventurous, open-minded, and seems willing to try new things. Maybe he's willing to tie me up with fuzzy handcuffs and spank my ass but not into more severe things. You know what? If he has all the other traits I'm looking for, I'll take that. An adventurous mostly-vanilla guy who meets all my other standards will win out over a man who only has the bedroom traits I seek. In fact, I just ended a 3yr relationship with a dom because despite his amazing bedroom prowess, he was leaving me cold on any number of other issues.
We can't always find EXACTLY what we want. If we could, I'd go down to Doms-R-Us and order one that was 6ft1, 240lbs, black hair, blue eyes, makes a billion dollars a year, loves animals, is a pagan, listens to the same music I do, enjoys all my fetishes and none of the ones I don't like, has a 7.5 in penis with appropriate girth, is capable of fucking 3x a day minimum, etc etc.
Since this isn't an option, I simply lay out the whole list of criteria and judge how well a person fits in .... Maybe he's only 70% compatible with me. If I like him, I'll give it a shot. Now, I probably won't bother with someone who has 30% compatibility. It would be a waste of time.
I'm certainly not going to turn down every person I meet simply because they don't meet criteria #1-20 exactly. That's a great way to miss out on an awesome partner.
They may not turn out to be "the one," but they could still constitute a worthwhile life experience. None of the men I've been with turned out to be my Knight in Shining Armor, but I don't regret ANY of them. They were all wonderful experiences that were fun while they lasted.
As they say, "You have to kiss a lot of frogs..." Why not enjoy the frog kissing while hoping that that the Prince will turn up?
< Message edited by EponasChylde -- 1/29/2008 2:16:42 PM >
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). My own profile reads very similar to these two gentlemen and I don't apologize for it. I do try to take reasonable measures to protect myself but I too have been deceived. 
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