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RE: Your physical appearance - 1/29/2008 9:00:51 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

I'm not sure how I'd feel. I think I'd struggle with it for a while. On the one hand, I had thought all along that I was physically attractive to my partner. It'd be a blow to my ego and probably my self esteem to find that I'm not. On the other hand, if it didn't actually change how he or she interacted with me and what not, I'd be happy that they loved me for me, not my body. In the end, I think I'd be ok with it, if my knowing didn't change how he or she treated me.

Master Fire


I understand....and yes, how wonderful it is to have someone that loves you(because they say the words "i love you" every day so it must be true) even though they don't find you physically attractive any more. Sex is practically non existent, but I'm still loved!  God....I know how I sound.... maybe this is one thread should have stayed in my head, I sound like a whiny asshole.



No, you do not sound like a whiny asshole.

I have been through similar, except he was never very attracted to me.... three years of friendship and affection and time invested... but I never felt he was attracted to me.. It hurt.

Attraction is not about looks all the time, it is sometimes about something ephemeral that we can't even explain. Even so, men are sometimes much more harsh on women than women are on men when it comes to gaining weight and aging.

I do not know how long it has been since you lost your weight, but I have lost 55 lbs, and I would love to lose about 15 more. My skin took a little while to go back... it is still recovering. I have found that weight lifting helped too.... the muscle under the skin gets tighter, and it makes the skin appear more supple. It is also healthy to build muscle. I perved your pics... you should be proud of how much weight you have lost....

We all age, we all lose the battle to keep our skin from sagging sooner or later. Most people tend to be attracted to people within their own age group according to studies (both men and women)... but some men do not see that they have aged right along with their female counterpart. I do not know if they are "stuck" or what... but like masterfiremaam said, it is "his" stuff... your stuff is to see your own beauty. It is hard for anyone else to see what we do not.

As for me, I have begun to get a very soft spot for old people... I watch them, and I often think that they are so beautiful.... I mean people in their 90s. There is something about some people... they radiate something from within... and age doesn't dim it.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/29/2008 9:02:13 PM   
SubbieOnWheels


Posts: 590
Joined: 12/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

I like all the POV... I just think if you have been with someone for a VERY long time...and had there children etc.....to be ignored sexually because you don't have the body you did twenty some years ago is hurtful....ESPECIALLY when they tell you they love you EVERYDAY.....


Weren't those HIS children you had?

A 40-something woman who has had several children is not going to look like she did at 20-something. It just isn't going to happen.

Sounds to me like somebody needs to get real.

It would make me spitting mad to be told something like that. I don't want to be loved in spite of a flaw anymore than I want to be loved because of a flaw. Please just love me with my flaws.


_____________________________

Bethical
Beat me, strike me, take away my reindeer! I'll never tell! -- Walt Kelly, Pogo Possum
I yam what I yam - Popeye

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(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/29/2008 9:03:16 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DommeofFantasies
But, a person cannot have a sexual relationship with someone they do not find attractive.


Given the number of thoroughly gay men who have wives and children...eh....I'm not sure I buy that either. What I WILL buy is that we don't have fulfilling AND healthy sexual relationships with someone we do not, in some way, find physically attractive.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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(in reply to DommeofFantasies)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/29/2008 9:03:43 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		It all depends.  If the thing they didn't like was something changeable, like body weight, it wouldn't hurt my feelings.  If however, I found out that he didn't like my face or something like that, well then I'd be really hurt, and I'd always be fretting over it every time he looked at me.

_____________________________

marie.


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Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/29/2008 9:06:49 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1
... if they do not truly love you wholeheartedly, then it is an empty shell of a relationship...


Yes. This is what would piss me off. I'd feel like I had been lied to because I put much more stock in "me" than I do in my body. My body is NOT me.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/29/2008 9:07:28 PM   
sweetwenchie


Posts: 1993
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline 		~fast reply~ 

when i am in love, i love the whole package, not just this bit or that bit.  Greedy really did say it best!  The deeper i fall, the hotter they get, despite the physical changes that happen to all of us...most of us anyway, the ones that cannot afford surgery to look as good as Barbie    i honestly do not know how i would feel if someone told me they loved me despite my appearance.  With the body issues and self esteem issues i have (not alone in that i know), most likely i would be devasted and simply unable to stay in that relationship.  Either love me for me, good and bad, or don't.  If you have to love me DESPITE my outter appearance?  Fuck ya then.  i might not be 'all that" but i deserve better.  Guess i did know how i would feel. 

< Message edited by sweetwenchie -- 1/29/2008 9:27:17 PM >

_____________________________

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(in reply to DommeofFantasies)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/29/2008 9:08:35 PM   
Gwynvyd


Posts: 4949
Status: offline 		*hugs* hun it really take two to tango... I wouldnt blame it all on yourself.

Having children, raising them..being Mommie, and being a productive member in the workforce some times takes it's toll. Weight loss is hard on a great many people. Some people have thyroid issues, some have other issues.

I know you feel side blinded by this... I do not blame you.

Personaly I feel it is his way of coping out. But that is just my opinon.

My dearest friend in the world Winfield and I are both in a lose weight & get fit compition with each other. Because we love our signifigant others so much.. and we have all gotten "fat and happy" we have dragged our wives into it as well.

Our wives are very much the same... both have some physical issues... so we have to go slow and easy on them.. both are stubborn.. and both right now are in a "slump" or bit of a depression. In my mind... When you love someone you want them to be healthy, you want to support them, and *be* supportive... I know for my girls health she needs to lose some weight and get into better shape. Her family gene pool is a cesspool of bad diseases that increase when you are over weight. Mine is the same.. and I am no super model by any ones imagination. LOL

I think open communication is key in every realtionship.. and it sounds like he certainly was not communicating to you, or being supportive.

I would certainly *calmly* bring that to his doorstep.

Gwyn

_____________________________

Self avowed Geek-Girl~
Come for the boobs, stay for the brains.

Be the kinda woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning the Devil says "Oh shit, shes awake..."
~ Softandshy's "Shiney"

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/29/2008 9:09:37 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I am a bit confused, are you married to your master? Or are you now divorced and you have a master? Is this your master that you are speaking about?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/29/2008 9:15:42 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I am a bit confused, are you married to your master? Or are you now divorced and you have a master? Is this your master that you are speaking about?

I have been married for 24 years. about 2 years ago my husband gave me permission to explore this life style, and seek a D/s relationship....I have been with my Master for almost 11 months now....My husband knows of my Master, and even likes Him LOL. I am not speaking of my Master in this instance.



_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/29/2008 9:19:28 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I am a bit confused, are you married to your master? Or are you now divorced and you have a master? Is this your master that you are speaking about?

I have been married for 24 years. about 2 years ago my husband gave me permission to explore this life style, and seek a D/s relationship....I have been with my Master for almost 11 months now....My husband knows of my Master, and even likes Him LOL. I am not speaking of my Master in this instance.




What does your master say about your appearance? Not that it makes up for your husband's lack of enthusiasm... but it would help me to know that there was one person in my life that appreciated what I had to offer.

You know, there is this guru guy I used to listen to often on a podcast that talked about how no one else's appreciation of us can ever fill us up... we have to give that to ourselves. It is a hard thing to do, but it is possible to love ourselves first and best.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/29/2008 9:23:16 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I am a bit confused, are you married to your master? Or are you now divorced and you have a master? Is this your master that you are speaking about?

I have been married for 24 years. about 2 years ago my husband gave me permission to explore this life style, and seek a D/s relationship....I have been with my Master for almost 11 months now....My husband knows of my Master, and even likes Him LOL. I am not speaking of my Master in this instance.




What does your master say about your appearance? Not that it makes up for your husband's lack of enthusiasm... but it would help me to know that there was one person in my life that appreciated what I had to offer.

You know, there is this guru guy I used to listen to often on a podcast that talked about how no one else's appreciation of us can ever fill us up... we have to give that to ourselves. It is a hard thing to do, but it is possible to love ourselves first and best.

My Master says He thinks I'm HOT! LOL....He even said He thinks my belly is CUTE!...ewwww.....


_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
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(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/29/2008 9:25:38 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania




You know, there is this guru guy I used to listen to often on a podcast that talked about how no one else's appreciation of us can ever fill us up... we have to give that to ourselves. It is a hard thing to do, but it is possible to love ourselves first and best.


You know, that is very true. I think that is a lesson that many women need to realize, especially women who are used to getting alot of attention or who always relied on men for that appreciation. Also as you get older and your star starts to fade, it is something you must do for yourself, difficult as it may be.

You know, there is a Bette Davis movie called Mrs. Skeffington that I saw that I never forgot. There was a line in the movie where someone, I think it was Claude Rains, her husband, said, "A woman is her most beautiful when she is truly loved".

So if you find someone who truly loves you, you will be beautiful to them.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 1/29/2008 9:30:20 PM >

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/29/2008 9:31:00 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

My Master says He thinks I'm HOT! LOL....He even said He thinks my belly is CUTE!...ewwww.....

 
Then you have a person that appreciates you... and you know you are sexy to some, just not to one.

People sometimes do not grow up as I said in my other post... Like my Daddy says, because of nature looking at a 20 something female with a young fertile body makes him want to "fuck", but the idea of trying to have a conversation with her afterwards is rather deflating. My Daddy also thinks that women who have given birth get a curve to their hips that is very sexy.... some men just don't adjust to their age.

I will say last winter I had started putting back on the weight and my Daddy commented that it was getting out of hand. It hurt my feelings, in fact it made me cry. I knew he was right. I immediately began to lose weight. In my estimation not telling you that your weight gain was impacting his sex drive was not fair to you, perhaps you would have done something about it sooner had you known.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/29/2008 9:32:31 PM   
Gwynvyd


Posts: 4949
Status: offline 		I completely agree...

I know it is part of the teachings of Rumi ( which is why I make sure my submissives read his works )

the basic concept is you have to get to know yourself and love yourself.. warts and all before you can expect others to do the same. If you have no respect or love for yourself why would any one else? Also how could you honestly love someone or respect someone else if you have not found it within yourself first.

It also goes on to teach that we each create our own happiness or saddness. Regardless of what outside forces or people are doing... we can *chose* to be in any emotional state we wish. ~ we can not effect what happens to us.. only how we react to it.

It is an easy lesson to forget when those outside forces seem overwhelming. ~I know.. I recently forgot this lesson.. and it is the first lesson I teach my students.

People can chose thier own direction... such as her husband... but that does not mean our choices are taken from us. It takes a lot of strength to stand up to someone like that... but she is not without choices.

Breatheasone I hope you find your warrior spirit and can gain some strength... You are not with out friends, or choices.

Gwyn

_____________________________

Self avowed Geek-Girl~
Come for the boobs, stay for the brains.

Be the kinda woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning the Devil says "Oh shit, shes awake..."
~ Softandshy's "Shiney"

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/29/2008 9:35:26 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

You know, that is very true. I think that is a lesson that many women need to realize, especially women who are used to getting alot of attention or who always relied on men for that appreciation. Also as you get older and your star starts to fade, it is something you must do for yourself, difficult as it may be.


You know, there are men that love older women precisely because we have come into our own. We appreciate ourselves. We can water ourselves from our own well. I will be 40 in about two months... I have made it my goal to be the best me I could be when I hit that landmark.....


_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/29/2008 9:48:39 PM   
SubbieOnWheels


Posts: 590
Joined: 12/14/2007
Status: offline 		Let me see if I have this right.

You are married, and your husband is OK with you having a Master on the side. Your Master finds you very attractive, and at the same time your husband finds you less attractive.

Could there be a little less "OK" in his heart now?

_____________________________

Bethical
Beat me, strike me, take away my reindeer! I'll never tell! -- Walt Kelly, Pogo Possum
I yam what I yam - Popeye

http://www.myspace.com/bethical_wheels


(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/29/2008 9:53:19 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SubbieOnWheels

Let me see if I have this right.

You are married, and your husband is OK with you having a Master on the side. Your Master finds you very attractive, and at the same time your husband finds you less attractive.

Could there be a little less "OK" in his heart now?

Yes you have that correct...and like I said before...my husband is fine with me having a D/s relationship. If my husband is suddenly not ok with this he hasn't told me, and I do ask from time to time to make sure he is not uncomfortable


_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to SubbieOnWheels)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/29/2008 9:55:24 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

quote:

ORIGINAL: SubbieOnWheels

Let me see if I have this right.

You are married, and your husband is OK with you having a Master on the side. Your Master finds you very attractive, and at the same time your husband finds you less attractive.

Could there be a little less "OK" in his heart now?

Yes you have that correct...and like I said before...my husband is fine with me having a D/s relationship. If my husband is suddenly not ok with this he hasn't told me, and I do ask from time to time to make sure he is not uncomfortable



Is your husband as good looking as he was back pre-kids?  Did he gain weight?  Did he lose hair?  Does he have wrinkles?  Is he working harder to take care of himself than you are?  Are you still sexually attracted to him and lust for him?  Those are the questions that come to mind.

Akasha


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Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/29/2008 9:55:39 PM   
girlygurl


Posts: 6973
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: in the palms of His hands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Say you are in a LTR...and you both love each other. Would it bother you to find out that your partner loved you in spite of your physical appearance? When you thought they liked how you looked?


I had to read this several times... good question. 

If they had told me all along that they thought I was attractive, and then for some reason this wasn't the case anymore... well yes, it would be an upset.  I was attractive at some point, what brought on the change?  Physical appearance?  I suppose if someone was casting stones based on changing from a young perky thing to a mature sexy woman... well screw em'!  But I know me, I'd be devistated that they didn't find me physically attractive anymore. 

girly



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Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/29/2008 9:57:13 PM   
greyangelus


Posts: 192
Joined: 1/22/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

You know, that is very true. I think that is a lesson that many women need to realize, especially women who are used to getting alot of attention or who always relied on men for that appreciation. Also as you get older and your star starts to fade, it is something you must do for yourself, difficult as it may be.


You know, there are men that love older women precisely because we have come into our own. We appreciate ourselves. We can water ourselves from our own well. I will be 40 in about two months... I have made it my goal to be the best me I could be when I hit that landmark.....



Too true.  In my opinion, a woman looks better at 40 than she does at 20, all other factors being equal at both ages. On the physical side of the house though, those  "other factors" become harder to maintain with passing years, and tends to elimante the advantage gives.  Due to my job, I see a lot of regualr faces, the ones I see that I find the most attractive are anywhere from 35-50.  But I know for a fact they are all women who worked continouly on their physical side as they aged.

To the OP: Physical attraction is what gets 2 people together in the hopes of forming a relationship.  IMO, as that relationship grows though any decline in physical attraction is matched by an increasing emotional and mental atttraction, transmuting from one form of attraction to another.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 80
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