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RE: Your physical appearance - 1/29/2008 10:00:18 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		It would hurt me.  But I would probably swallow that hurt until the end at which point it would erode my self esteem.  Which sucks, because in all likelihood, the man in question is no adonis.  Sadly, I think many women let these things bother them.  How odd that so many men I know believe they are fabulous, when in fact they are fabulous because we love them.
Kyst
<who is feeling less than today>

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/29/2008 10:01:18 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

Is your husband as good looking as he was back pre-kids? Did he gain weight? Did he lose hair? Does he have wrinkles? Is he working harder to take care of himself than you are? Are you still sexually attracted to him and lust for him? Those are the questions that come to mind.

Akasha

LOL...well now that you mention it.... he was a size 32 when we got married, now a size 42....He does have a patch of skin where hair used to be...LOL... and yes...I have always been sexually attracted to him...I can't remember the last time i turned my husband down for sex....he turns me down a lot....but I don't ask any more either.

< Message edited by breatheasone -- 1/29/2008 10:02:42 PM >

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/29/2008 10:07:21 PM   
Gwynvyd


Posts: 4949
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: greyangelus

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

You know, that is very true. I think that is a lesson that many women need to realize, especially women who are used to getting alot of attention or who always relied on men for that appreciation. Also as you get older and your star starts to fade, it is something you must do for yourself, difficult as it may be.


You know, there are men that love older women precisely because we have come into our own. We appreciate ourselves. We can water ourselves from our own well. I will be 40 in about two months... I have made it my goal to be the best me I could be when I hit that landmark.....



Too true.  In my opinion, a woman looks better at 40 than she does at 20, all other factors being equal at both ages. On the physical side of the house though, those  "other factors" become harder to maintain with passing years, and tends to elimante the advantage gives.  Due to my job, I see a lot of regualr faces, the ones I see that I find the most attractive are anywhere from 35-50.  But I know for a fact they are all women who worked continouly on their physical side as they aged.

To the OP: Physical attraction is what gets 2 people together in the hopes of forming a relationship.  IMO, as that relationship grows though any decline in physical attraction is matched by an increasing emotional and mental atttraction, transmuting from one form of attraction to another.


Ok sweetie.. can you now go door to door in every middle America town and explain that to every pot bellied balding married man who is dumping his wife for a 20something? Please? With sugar and a kiss on top?

We can clone you... we have the technology..

Gwyn,
who is only half joking... *smiles*



_____________________________

Self avowed Geek-Girl~
Come for the boobs, stay for the brains.

Be the kinda woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning the Devil says "Oh shit, shes awake..."
~ Softandshy's "Shiney"

(in reply to greyangelus)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/29/2008 10:12:47 PM   
Gwynvyd


Posts: 4949
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

quote:

Is your husband as good looking as he was back pre-kids? Did he gain weight? Did he lose hair? Does he have wrinkles? Is he working harder to take care of himself than you are? Are you still sexually attracted to him and lust for him? Those are the questions that come to mind.

Akasha

LOL...well now that you mention it.... he was a size 32 when we got married, now a size 42....He does have a patch of skin where hair used to be...LOL... and yes...I have always been sexually attracted to him...I can't remember the last time i turned my husband down for sex....he turns me down a lot....but I don't ask any more either.


Ok.. ya know that e-mail.. um.. yeah... *cracks her knuckles... Loudly*

I think after hearing his side of things.. I would have one hell of a time not calling him "Cupcake or Lunchbox" *mutters under her breath*

Now if he was Adonis come to Earth.. well la tee fuckin da... but um.. no he isnt is he?

Yeah I feel a rant on my blog being revisited.. oh the girls are gonna be lovin me.

*hugs ya again*

Gwyn,
Feeling Fully Rightous in her Wrath for others.

_____________________________

Self avowed Geek-Girl~
Come for the boobs, stay for the brains.

Be the kinda woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning the Devil says "Oh shit, shes awake..."
~ Softandshy's "Shiney"

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/29/2008 10:13:18 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		OH!!....and speaking of my hideously ugly body, I put a picture of said hideous body on this profile wearing *gasp* just lingerie

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to Gwynvyd)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/29/2008 10:15:48 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

OH!!....and speaking of my hideously ugly body, I put a picture of said hideous body on this profile wearing *gasp* just lingerie
'

Hey, you go girl!! Black lingerie will do it all the time, you look great. So now, stop with the self deprecation and be happy you have that nice guy there in the photos with you and enjoy!

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/29/2008 10:16:05 PM   
sweetwenchie


Posts: 1993
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline 		i perved it... and you are beautiful!  your Master is a lucky Man, and your husband is being an asshat. 

~edited because maybe that was a bit... harsh of me to say.  your husband in an insensitive hypocritical jerk.  Was that a little nicer? 

< Message edited by sweetwenchie -- 1/29/2008 10:17:57 PM >

_____________________________

"To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is a very different thing from being a passive object." - De Beauvoir

"You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist." - Nietzsche

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/29/2008 10:17:23 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetwenchie

i perved it... and you are beautiful!  your Master is a lucky Man, and your husband is being an asshat. 

LOL...she said "asshat"...

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to sweetwenchie)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/29/2008 10:21:09 PM   
sweetwenchie


Posts: 1993
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline 		hey, it seemed apropos  

_____________________________

"To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is a very different thing from being a passive object." - De Beauvoir

"You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist." - Nietzsche

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/29/2008 10:22:27 PM   
SubbieOnWheels


Posts: 590
Joined: 12/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

OH!!....and speaking of my hideously ugly body, I put a picture of said hideous body on this profile wearing *gasp* just lingerie


Well, if that doesn't attract your husband, maybe he needs to have his eyes checked.

_____________________________

Bethical
Beat me, strike me, take away my reindeer! I'll never tell! -- Walt Kelly, Pogo Possum
I yam what I yam - Popeye

http://www.myspace.com/bethical_wheels


(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/29/2008 10:22:38 PM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline 		Furking hell sugar. You look absolutely stunning!!!! (yes, I perved ya pics). Little waist, great boobs, fabulous legs. I don't know what the fuck you're husband is on, but he needs to come off it right now. Or possibly UP the dosage. Whatever, he hasn't a clue what he's talking about. Dickhead.

Count me in on that rant too please Gwyn honey.

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.


(in reply to sweetwenchie)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/29/2008 10:23:22 PM   
SirDaniel


Posts: 93
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Las Vegas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Muttling

Actually, the exact opposite would be true.


Looks are quite fleeting.   Just think of the trauma of being disfigured in a car accident and then having your LTR say he/she is now less interested in you because of your appearance.


I want to look appealing to my partner and I want to be physically attractive to them, but I don't want the relationship to hinge upon that.


No it would not bother me at all. In fact I love my Cate not because of her faults, but inspite of them already.



_____________________________

Sir Daniel
Las Vegas (Sin City), NV

http://members.cox.net/sirdaniel

quote:

Be true, honest, caring and loving,
and you will be found.
It is true, be you Master or slave.

(in reply to Muttling)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/29/2008 10:23:25 PM   
greyangelus


Posts: 192
Joined: 1/22/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gwynvyd

quote:

ORIGINAL: greyangelus

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

You know, that is very true. I think that is a lesson that many women need to realize, especially women who are used to getting alot of attention or who always relied on men for that appreciation. Also as you get older and your star starts to fade, it is something you must do for yourself, difficult as it may be.


You know, there are men that love older women precisely because we have come into our own. We appreciate ourselves. We can water ourselves from our own well. I will be 40 in about two months... I have made it my goal to be the best me I could be when I hit that landmark.....



Too true.  In my opinion, a woman looks better at 40 than she does at 20, all other factors being equal at both ages. On the physical side of the house though, those  "other factors" become harder to maintain with passing years, and tends to elimante the advantage gives.  Due to my job, I see a lot of regualr faces, the ones I see that I find the most attractive are anywhere from 35-50.  But I know for a fact they are all women who worked continouly on their physical side as they aged.

To the OP: Physical attraction is what gets 2 people together in the hopes of forming a relationship.  IMO, as that relationship grows though any decline in physical attraction is matched by an increasing emotional and mental atttraction, transmuting from one form of attraction to another.


Ok sweetie.. can you now go door to door in every middle America town and explain that to every pot bellied balding married man who is dumping his wife for a 20something? Please? With sugar and a kiss on top?

We can clone you... we have the technology..

Gwyn,
who is only half joking... *smiles*




Maybe I should have said a continuing successful relationship? .  Then again, I'm not yet in my 30's, so to me this is theoretical, thus is easy to say. It logically makes sense, unfortunately logic and attraction/relationships are strangers on the verge of beating the crap out of each a lot of times.

TBH, I don't understand about half the dumb shit guys do, including the "dumping the wife for the newer model" phenomenom.  I don't understand why guys cheat (althogh ironically, women are more likely to cheat depending on their age).   I don't know why certain men will hit on anything with 2 legs and a pair of breasts when it comes within speaking distance.  I don't understand why a huge chunk of men totally ignore anything mental and emotional about a woman when it comes to dating her, even though he most likely had to lie off his ass in order to do.  

The only rational explanation I've heard "It's the sex, stupid".  Unfortunately, "stupid" is a pretty apt description of the whole thing.

(in reply to Gwynvyd)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/29/2008 10:25:18 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		Wow Ladies....Y'all have no clue how big you have made me smile....I TRULY and sincerely appreicate the kind words....

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to MissMagnolia)
Profile   Post #: 94
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/29/2008 10:33:57 PM   
girlygurl


Posts: 6973
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: in the palms of His hands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

OH!!....and speaking of my hideously ugly body, I put a picture of said hideous body on this profile wearing *gasp* just lingerie


Girl growlzzzzzzzzz.... wooo hooo You look sexy as hell baby.  Great new picture.  Your Master is a fortunate man, and well, the spouse is visually impaired.

girly

_____________________________

i see You

happily forever one

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 95
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/29/2008 10:38:30 PM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Wow Ladies....Y'all have no clue how big you have made me smile....I TRULY and sincerely appreicate the kind words....


*hugs*

i read the entire thread before i responded.  see...i'm pretty much in the same boat as far as not getting anywhere close to what i need.  and i know damned well i look better than his g/f, so i  know that isnt it, he's being his typical hardheaded asshole self (his words, not mine) and there's a lot there that isnt optimal.

that said...i know me, and what i am superficially attracted to is a tall rangy wiry man.  and i giggle when i think of Daddy and of mr weekend, cause both of them are tallish...but not thin.  well, mr weekend is more than a foot taller than i am, not that 5'2" is that tall. 

so yeah, i know that looks arent everything, cause DAMN wolf is slender and good looking and all that, but as far as being able to actually LOVE a person.....Daddy and mr weekend have it all over him. 

which makes me want to kick myself sometimes because i still adore him, too.

and yeah, i hear ya on the losing weight and skin not bouncing back and the ravages of children and in my case illness.  then i think about how i am looked at by Daddy's eyes, and by mr weekend...who has loved me for about 6 years now and carried that torch even when we werent talking to one another much.  and i feel better.

kitten

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/29/2008 11:04:17 PM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Say you are in a LTR...and you both love each other. Would it bother you to find out that your partner loved you in spite of your physical appearance? When you thought they liked how you looked?


You do pose the most thought provoking questions!  And this is probably the most difficult one yet... 

I consider myself to be a bit of a pragmatist.  I try to be very reasonable and realistic... but my emotions don't always let me.   I suppose I am a very vain woman... I want FirmhandKY to be physically attracted to me... very much so.  In fact, I'd like to think I'm his ideal.

However, I have to be realistic.  Every man has his own preferences for what he finds most appealing.  Quite honestly, I've avoided asking him what his are.  That he and I are as well suited for each other as we are in most respects, it might be asking too much for me to just happen to match his physical ideal.  

Besides... I'm a 45 year old woman.  I don't look bad for my age, but I'm certainly not the twenty-something that typically gets mens' motors running.  Personally, I think that's an evolutionary thing... nubile young women represent good breeding stock; men are hard-wired to be sexually attracted to that.

Of course, with maturity, most mens' libidos get tempered some and they come to fully appreciate the merits of seasoned women.  Especially when their hearts are vested in that mature woman and her time-worn visage is evidence to him of a lifetime of shared experiences.

But therein creeps doubt.  He was not there each time my body was swollen with new life and forever transformed... my imperfections are not trophies memorializing the gift of progeny that I bore for him.  He has no youthful remembrances of me with a lithe body and smooth skin to overlay and soften the reality my aging countenance.  To expect that my flaws are invisible to him seems unfair. 

Yet he is with me... he chose me.  I know that he found me attractive when we met.  In that, I take great joy.  I can only hope that whatever love he has for me is such that it forever overshadows any deficits.

Despite rational consideration, it would hurt nonetheless if in the future I found that he was no longer attracted to me outside of his emotions.  I don't think any amount of reasoning could prevent that hurt.

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 97
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/29/2008 11:05:10 PM   
faithbunny


Posts: 99
Joined: 10/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DommeofFantasies

NEWSFLASH!!!  Men and Women, in or out of the lifestyle do not have long term relationships with a partner that he or she finds unattractive.  Granted, his or her partner may not be what he or she is normally attracted too or may not even be their ideal physical type, but the attraction is there.

To tell someone that you loved them in spite of their appearance is just emotionally cruel.  If my partner told me that he was in love with me in spite of my appearance, I would pack his bags, make a hotel reservation for him, and wish him well because I deserve better then his sorry, arrogant ass.

Life is too short for such pettiness.



This happened to me. My fiance/first dom told me a couple of years into the relationship that he had never found me attractive. Never mind that he begged to date me in the beginning. He told me that he likes petite, slender woman, and I am neither. I stayed for 3 more years, having him periodically mention again that I was unattractive, going so far as to say that I needed to makemyself look more like his exes. Not once did he agree to go to the gym with me, or watch the kids so I could go, or anything else even remotely supportive. But I stayed, because clearly it was my responsibility as his fiance and his submissive to make him happy.

Well, he had a breakdown of sorts and just stopped taking my calls one day. He's been trying to get me back ever since, for more than a year and a half now. We attempted a reconciliation in October, and when, 6 weeks later, he reverted to form and insulted me, I left him.

My self-image has definitely been damaged, but when he walked out on me, I realized that putting myself first, when he does not, does not make me a bad submissive or a bad partner. When he left me, he broke the spell. I may always love him, but I no longer feel the need to accept being his emotional punching bag. I'm dating other doms now, who know that I take a lot less BS than I used to, and they find me beautiful. When I select one, he'll be a man who loves me the way I am, but will support me if I want to improve myself--the same way I loved my fiance.

~faith



(in reply to DommeofFantasies)
Profile   Post #: 98
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/29/2008 11:26:47 PM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline 		Faith, tell him to fuck off.

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.


(in reply to faithbunny)
Profile   Post #: 99
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/29/2008 11:33:03 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

Of course, with maturity, most mens' libidos get tempered some and they come to fully appreciate the merits of seasoned women. Especially when their hearts are vested in that mature woman and her time-worn visage is evidence to him of a lifetime of shared experiences.

TreasureKY when my husband 1st started to turn me down I was thinking that was the case.... but I was wrong.


_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to TreasureKY)
Profile   Post #: 100
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