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RE: Your physical appearance - 1/30/2008 2:12:43 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		Now that this thread has become so long i'm sure this post will be missed but i want to tell my story.   About 10 years ago i went out with a man and he wanted me to pick where to go so i picked the river walk in Savannah.  As we walked he was getting agitated and finally said that the place was just one more example of cheap commercialism just shop shop shop spend spend spend.  i got mad.  i got really mad.  i said:

"Squint your eyes just a bit.  Can't you see the tall ships at their moorings?  Can't you hear the sails slap in the wind?  Don't you see the wagons weighed down with cotton and lumber?  Don't you hear the horses' hooves on the cobblestone?  Wait!  Look here!  Look at this hinge on this door!  See the square nail heads?  They were forged by the smithy down the street!  Can't you hear his hammer on the anvil?  Can't you look past all these people and see the history here?  If all you can see are these people and these 'tourist traps' then you and i have absolutely no reason to see each other again."

What a person sees is what they have in focus. 

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Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

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Profile   Post #: 121
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/30/2008 2:16:10 AM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

Now that this thread has become so long i'm sure this post will be missed but i want to tell my story.   About 10 years ago i went out with a man and he wanted me to pick where to go so i picked the river walk in Savannah.  As we walked he was getting agitated and finally said that the place was just one more example of cheap commercialism just shop shop shop spend spend spend.  i got mad.  i got really mad.  i said:

"Squint your eyes just a bit.  Can't you see the tall ships at their moorings?  Can't you hear the sails slap in the wind?  Don't you see the wagons weighed down with cotton and lumber?  Don't you hear the horses' hooves on the cobblestone?  Wait!  Look here!  Look at this hinge on this door!  See the square nail heads?  They were forged by the smithy down the street!  Can't you hear his hammer on the anvil?  Can't you look past all these people and see the history here?  If all you can see are these people and these 'tourist traps' then you and i have absolutely no reason to see each other again."

What a person sees is what they have in focus. 
[/quote]
I can't thankyou enough for posting that. It REALLY gave me some more perspective

< Message edited by breatheasone -- 1/30/2008 2:35:44 AM >

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
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(in reply to eyesopened)
Profile   Post #: 122
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/30/2008 2:20:31 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

quote:

What a person sees is what they have in focus.
quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

Now that this thread has become so long i'm sure this post will be missed but i want to tell my story.   About 10 years ago i went out with a man and he wanted me to pick where to go so i picked the river walk in Savannah.  As we walked he was getting agitated and finally said that the place was just one more example of cheap commercialism just shop shop shop spend spend spend.  i got mad.  i got really mad.  i said:

"Squint your eyes just a bit.  Can't you see the tall ships at their moorings?  Can't you hear the sails slap in the wind?  Don't you see the wagons weighed down with cotton and lumber?  Don't you hear the horses' hooves on the cobblestone?  Wait!  Look here!  Look at this hinge on this door!  See the square nail heads?  They were forged by the smithy down the street!  Can't you hear his hammer on the anvil?  Can't you look past all these people and see the history here?  If all you can see are these people and these 'tourist traps' then you and i have absolutely no reason to see each other again."

What a person sees is what they have in focus. 

I can't thankyou enough for posting that. It REALLY gave me some more perspective



Mmm yes indeed.  Wel perhaps it is me (and my focus) I lately see so many people only focus on bad things. Discussions at work go about ..crap this..shit this...instead of..oh we had so much fun talking to a friend.
PErhaps it is the time we live in....or just me.

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~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

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Profile   Post #: 123
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/30/2008 5:39:27 AM   
LadyHathor


Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Say you are in a LTR...and you both love each other. Would it bother you to find out that your partner loved you in spite of your physical appearance? When you thought they liked how you looked?


quote:

 

I hear you...but the thing is...the person IS less interested sexually, but not emotionally.



Wow, I had to really think about My response to this one--I did go back and grab your next response as it did throw a twist in that makes it more complex---so I will start with a response, then share a bit of Me--
 
If I was allowed to believe that attractiveness was one of the qualities he/she loved--and in some conversation that comment was made, I would feel devastated----because for all our noble platitudes, every one of us wants to feel attractive to some one--our society, well every society has defined attractiveness and not to be on the A list means well, we are less than---now add the fact that sex has fallen off adds a new twist---sex is not solely driven by beauty, if it was, only beautiful people would be having sex----I mean very old people have sex, so it is driven by the individual by a variety of factors---it could even be the way the spaghetti smells when he/she cooks it---who knows--so to Me the lack of sex is a cop out and demonstrates the shallowness of the statement " I love you but you aren't attractive--one hopes that love transcends looks---(heh human desparate fraility there)--so based on those two factors, by now, I would be pretty pissed---however, defining the role that sex plays and the driver for it for BOTH, I believe is the defining issue---IMHO.
 
 
Now given all that----I have watched those around Me, those here, those in our life and vanilla at this stage of life--I become at once amused and sad---Many men My age and older--seek the nubile---Domininants want the cute chick/stud, subs want a hot Master/Mistress---of course who would not want their self esteem validated by a sexy companion--there are times when I scream---IDIOT, it isn't about your cock, its about passion, commitment, fulfillment, laughter, love, devotion, ( I speak to male subs only), its about a relationship--once I wanted to be wanted for My looks, My body-been there, done that, bought more than a few t-shirts---and needless to say, have nothing to show for it---these days, I look for someone who wants the essence of Me--who thrills at My laugh, who loves to read aloud in the evenings, thrives on spirited discourse--yes sex is there, but not for the sake of sex, it is the manifestation of so much more than looks.  I have come full circle in the desire, the belief that looks are nothing and  yet there is always that small need to feel our partners are not repelled by what life deals us--and that he/she sees within most of all--for that to Me is what a lifetime is made of--all else is fleeting and shallow.
 
 



_____________________________

Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

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Profile   Post #: 124
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/30/2008 5:45:14 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		I'm always surprised by any positive comments I get about how I look.

As many of you know, I had a very crappy start in life in terms of self-esteem issues. So I very rarely think I even look average, usually I think I'm ugly.

Compliments then about my looks or body is very hard to accept.

So a comment such as "I like you in spite of your physical appearance" while it would hurt (why wouldn't it) would also not be surprising because it fits with the paradigm I'm still fighting in my own mind.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 125
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/30/2008 6:05:19 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

I'm always surprised by any positive comments I get about how I look.

As many of you know, I had a very crappy start in life in terms of self-esteem issues. So I very rarely think I even look average, usually I think I'm ugly.

Compliments then about my looks or body is very hard to accept.

So a comment such as "I like you in spite of your physical appearance" while it would hurt (why wouldn't it) would also not be surprising because it fits with the paradigm I'm still fighting in my own mind.


It is so sad that the past can hunt you so long. I had a friend that had soem probs..also the past...and compliments made her feel strange. She always thought..well in the beginning..that I was teasing her..of making fun.

and miss the tammyjo, you look great on the pic...a strong lady

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

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Profile   Post #: 126
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/30/2008 6:07:53 AM   
Evility


Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Say you are in a LTR...and you both love each other. Would it bother you to find out that your partner loved you in spite of your physical appearance?


Not as much as it might bug me if I found out they loved me only for my physical appearance alone.

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 127
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/30/2008 6:27:39 AM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Evility

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Say you are in a LTR...and you both love each other. Would it bother you to find out that your partner loved you in spite of your physical appearance?


Not as much as it might bug me if I found out they loved me only for my physical appearance alone.


But thats what it felt like he was saying...I'm mean whats with the  "I love you but you are too ugly for me to fuck" thing? Or does the fact that he "still" loves me make that all better?


_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

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Profile   Post #: 128
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/30/2008 6:47:35 AM   
meticulousgirl


Posts: 969
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline 		i know where your coming from and it's a really hard place to be at.  The sex and the BDSM disapear after awhile but, the emotions are still there because you've shared so much together....there's no easy answer on this topic, do you stay and be miserable, devestated, and be bumbarded with questions to your self esteem or do you leave and hope to find someone who loves you for it all.....your brain tells you to do one thing but, your heart wont let you, it's a heart wrenching place to be at.

~meticulous~

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 129
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/30/2008 6:54:36 AM   
LadyHathor


Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:


But thats what it felt like he was saying...I'm mean whats with the  "I love you but you are too ugly for me to fuck" thing? Or does the fact that he "still" loves me make that all better?



First of all, I would be like--great, have a good life because you aren't going to fuck the babe next door and have a life here--and good luck that someone finds attractive enough to fuck and support---
fuck is an animalistic term--and that right there smacks to Me of shallowness and not capable of love--so have a nice life fkfce and may all the babes in the world roll over for you--pfffttt yeah right.  He'd be gone in a newyork second.

_____________________________

Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 130
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/30/2008 7:45:10 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

I'm always surprised by any positive comments I get about how I look.

As many of you know, I had a very crappy start in life in terms of self-esteem issues. So I very rarely think I even look average, usually I think I'm ugly.

Compliments then about my looks or body is very hard to accept.

So a comment such as "I like you in spite of your physical appearance" while it would hurt (why wouldn't it) would also not be surprising because it fits with the paradigm I'm still fighting in my own mind.


It is so sad that the past can hunt you so long. I had a friend that had soem probs..also the past...and compliments made her feel strange. She always thought..well in the beginning..that I was teasing her..of making fun.

and miss the tammyjo, you look great on the pic...a strong lady


Thank you.

I think it's fairly common for a lot of people to have difficulty taking compliments of one type or another. For some it's physical, for others mental, for others various skills.

If nothing else my past taught me how NOT to treat others.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Justme696)
Profile   Post #: 131
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/30/2008 7:48:03 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo


quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

I'm always surprised by any positive comments I get about how I look.

As many of you know, I had a very crappy start in life in terms of self-esteem issues. So I very rarely think I even look average, usually I think I'm ugly.

Compliments then about my looks or body is very hard to accept.

So a comment such as "I like you in spite of your physical appearance" while it would hurt (why wouldn't it) would also not be surprising because it fits with the paradigm I'm still fighting in my own mind.


It is so sad that the past can hunt you so long. I had a friend that had soem probs..also the past...and compliments made her feel strange. She always thought..well in the beginning..that I was teasing her..of making fun.

and miss the tammyjo, you look great on the pic...a strong lady


Thank you.

I think it's fairly common for a lot of people to have difficulty taking compliments of one type or another. For some it's physical, for others mental, for others various skills.

If nothing else my past taught me how NOT to treat others.


It is good to see you past as a guide "to be different" then you were treated. Sadly for many it also makes them..as the one who treated them bad.

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 132
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/30/2008 8:11:31 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

What a person sees is what they have in focus.


Or another favorite of mine... when we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change


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Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to eyesopened)
Profile   Post #: 133
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/30/2008 8:27:48 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		First hugs sexred1 for the great answers she gave here. DommeofFantasies. That a person cannot have a sexual relationship with an unattractive person is pure garbage. I know of relationships that would have you tossing that ideal out the wimdow. The op claims that her hubby had an affair on her. Mmmm Tell me again what is it that she is having now. You are attractive in your own eyes. That is great. If it bothers you now that your hubby finds you unattractive then what is stopping you from leaving. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. So not everyone is going to find you attractive. Live with it.  

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 134
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/30/2008 9:15:56 AM   
giveeverything


Posts: 348
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline 		You know this happened to me, in a LTR with a woman (we were together for almost 8 years).  We just broke up this summer and yes it still hurts.  Recently I was with a guy who kept telling me I was beautiful, I couldn't stand to hear it.  People flirt with me, I don't trust it.  I think it's going to take a long time to unwind this.  For myself, I couldn't stay.

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 135
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/30/2008 10:54:22 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		I have met people who I've talked to on the internet for a long time.
They were very attractive to me, because of WHO they were.
Had we not 'met' previously on the internet and talked on the phone, I might not have given them half a chance.
As it happened though, these people were wildly attractive to me. (and still are!)
Respect, laughter, love, friendship, all of these things can colour (perhaps I should say 'should colour') how we see others.
OP; I doubt your husband actually 'sees' you any more. It's like he's forgotten what a wonderful, interesting and complex person you are.
Perhaps he could do with some time without you?
(that always works for me)
Yanno, I just want to add that I would not beat myself by staying with someone who felt he could say that sort of thing to me, or to treat me as if I were unattractive.
Oh, and I perved your pics too. Great body. **** him.
(sorry it pisses me off when people are cruel to others and use 'honesty' as an excuse.)

~Christina

(in reply to giveeverything)
Profile   Post #: 136
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/30/2008 11:01:08 AM   
SoCurious2Feel


Posts: 38
Joined: 6/28/2005
Status: offline 		"Gotta disagree my friend. I have a co-worker, there is no lingerie that would help....... of course, that's all subjective. She has a b/f that loves and lusts for her.
 
Not sure when he fell and hit his head..... "
 
 
LOL I have to agree with you Level, I too have a co-worker that nothing would help.  But then I'm a bigger girl and not all people like that either.
 
To the OP...   Yes it would hurt.  Knowing he loves me otherwise is important and would hopefully sway my feelings, but admittedly I'm an all or nothing kinda girl when it comes to emotions.  I am not sure I could deal with "I love her, but......"

_____________________________

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us."

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Profile   Post #: 137
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/30/2008 11:31:07 AM   
GrizzlyBear


Posts: 278
Joined: 3/26/2004
From: Missoula Montana
Status: offline 		This sounds like it could have come from one of those "Does this dress make my butt look big?" questions.

Too hypothetical to answer.  How long is the LTR?  Is the complaint based on a dearth of sex?  Is it a male half that finds the female half less attractive?  Any changes in her over that time?  (How much weight gain, has she stopped taking the same care of her appearances, etc.)  Any changes in his health?

I know what happens with the changes of aging, no man in his fifties, especially one with high blood pressure or diabetes, has the same degree of sexual desire that he did in his twenties.  Speaking personally, when I was 25 just thinking about sex with nearly any female got my dick hard.  That is no longer the case. Now, if I'm not attracted enough, I'm not attracted and its not going to happen. It's way more than just appearance though.

If he has trouble getting or maintaining an erection, he should talk to his doctor and not just blame it on not finding her as attractive as he used to.  ED is often a sign of other more serious health issues.  Plus the drugs they have for it now can REALLY help.


_____________________________

GrizzlyBear

"Come to the edge," he said.
They said, "We are afraid."
"Come to the edge," he said.
They came. He pushed them. And they flew.
~Guillaume Apollinaire

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 138
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/30/2008 11:39:07 AM   
Gwynvyd


Posts: 4949
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: greyangelus

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gwynvyd


Some people should just have Asshole tatooed on thier forehead to warn the rest ya know?

Since that is highly subjective we could never get that law passed.. *sighs*

Gwyn


Wouldn't it be grand though?   Then all the Assholes could go date each and leave us by-comparison normal and emotionally stable folks out of their drama and baggage.

Also on the plus side, the ratio of men assholes to women assholes is at least 6-1, so the remaining non-asshole population would be heavily skewed towards a woman heavy population, which would leave me in a pretty good spot .

Although, I may have just rendered myself up for "Asshole" tatto with that last statement



Neah... youre ok... *smiles*

Gwyn

_____________________________

Self avowed Geek-Girl~
Come for the boobs, stay for the brains.

Be the kinda woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning the Devil says "Oh shit, shes awake..."
~ Softandshy's "Shiney"

(in reply to greyangelus)
Profile   Post #: 139
RE: Your physical appearance - 1/30/2008 11:42:50 AM   
sweetwenchie


Posts: 1993
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GrizzlyBear

This sounds like it could have come from one of those "Does this dress make my butt look big?" questions.




What is wrong with asking someone if a potential outfit makes my butt look big?  i am not looking for an ego stroke or pat on the head when asking, i seriously want to know...   If i go out in public wearing this dress will i need a wide load sticker on the back?

_____________________________

"To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is a very different thing from being a passive object." - De Beauvoir

"You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist." - Nietzsche

(in reply to GrizzlyBear)
Profile   Post #: 140
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