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RE: One could get very jaded... - 2/2/2008 9:43:25 AM

amayos

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quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx
Of course not every relationship will be (or should be) forever. And just because something doesn't last doesn't mean it wasn't of value to those who participated.

There is tremendous wisdom in this statement.

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RE: One could get very jaded... - 2/2/2008 9:43:43 AM

fluffyswitch

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

That assumption that people who do not shout about how wonderful their relationships are or constantly ask how others feel about their relationships, might be bitter or angry or jealous, is really wishful thinking on the part of those thinking that.

I, for one, am thrilled when someone truly is in a healthy, happy, productive and real life relationship.

i honestly just never think of doing that. beyond that raven tends to be really private and probably wouldn't want people knowing the day to day details of how well things are or are not going. and frankly i wouldn't want the relationship police all over my relationship--if i want help i'll ask for it. shrug.

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RE: One could get very jaded... - 2/2/2008 9:52:00 AM

ownedgirlie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

becoming jaded is a choice....

So very, very true. We can choose to be jaded, cynical, and/or bitter....or to not be.

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RE: One could get very jaded... - 2/2/2008 10:03:07 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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There's a huge rate of burnout after a year or two in the scene- that's about how long it takes for all the cycles to go through at least once and all the illusions and fantasy ideas to get seriously shaken up. This can be extended if the person stays solely online however.

I'm terribly jaded- but I'm aware of it and it doesn't prevent me from seeking and being what I want. I take what works for me and leave the rest.

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RE: One could get very jaded... - 2/2/2008 10:03:55 AM

celticlord2112

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Relationships should not be "perfect". Without flaws and imperfections, there's nothing to strive for, nothing to grow towards. Perfection strikes me as a special kind of hell.

My relationships are far from perfect....THANK GOD!!!!!

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RE: One could get very jaded... - 2/2/2008 10:07:24 AM

domahpet

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~~~Happiness should be taken whenever we can get it, and it should be shared. There is far too much negativity in the world.~~~
this is true, ive said it before and ill say it again (didnt i say it on one of your threads taken?). but, try to keep your eyes open when youre taking it!

~~~A perfect relationship to one, does not mean that it's a perfect relationship. it just means that it is perfect for them. My Prince Charming may be your worst nightmare and visa versa.~~~
true true too true! i can totaly see where my Prince would be a total nightmare to someone else, but to me he is amazing, so he is!
very good points taken

but as to the OPs post, my thinking is some people are "in love with falling in love", or, still stuck in some teenaged mindset, and actually do thrive on all the drama that goes with being in the perfect relationship, as well as all the drama of a ruined relationship.
tag words, drama, prima dona, wonderful, perfect, oh poor me, why why why

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RE: One could get very jaded... - 2/2/2008 12:25:15 PM

xxblushesxx

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Yanno; everytime I think that we've covered every thing that can be covered, in every way in which it can be covered, some people bring up things that have not entered my mind...or...maybe they have, but, not consciously.
There is a lot to learn here for those who have the ears to hear.
Thanks guys!

~Christina

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RE: One could get very jaded... - 2/2/2008 1:18:18 PM

RCdc

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quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

Relationships should not be "perfect". Without flaws and imperfections, there's nothing to strive for, nothing to grow towards. Perfection strikes me as a special kind of hell.

My relationships are far from perfect....THANK GOD!!!!!

Absolutely QFT

the.dark.

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RE: One could get very jaded... - 2/2/2008 1:18:53 PM

SirJohnMandevill

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

This may sound cynical, but I think that those who proclaim the loudest are trying to convince us and them that they are in a wonderful relationship. When I've been in a great relationship I've talked a little about it, mainly I've enjoyed it privately, because I don't want it to be a thing of public consumption.

Precisely the way I feel, Katy! When I find someone special, it will be enough for the two of us to know. Later, perhaps, our happiness might spill over to lifestyle friends...perhaps even to the boards. But first, we'll let the rose grow in its own private little greenhouse.

Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)

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RE: One could get very jaded... - 2/2/2008 1:27:42 PM

sweetwenchie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

This may sound cynical, but I think that those who proclaim the loudest are trying to convince us and them that they are in a wonderful relationship. When I've been in a great relationship I've talked a little about it, mainly I've enjoyed it privately, because I don't want it to be a thing of public consumption. I may share good things with a few people. I think that people who gush constantly on the message board need to have public approval for what they do. Perhaps because they aren't getting that acknowledgement in their relationship.

cynical or realistic? ~smile~ i have never been one to splash my public life all over a public venue. i am quite content to enjoy what i have with that one person. While my close friends might know what is going on in my private life, i see no need to loudly proclaim to one and all that which should be (in my opinion) kept to ones self.

If they are so happy they just have to gush fine, go for it, just keep the smug attitude out if possible please. :) That would never work for me personally however.

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RE: One could get very jaded... - 2/2/2008 2:28:52 PM

swtnsparkling

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quote:

I think that those who proclaim the loudest are trying to convince us and them that they are in a wonderful relationship.

That very well could be true of some- but I certintly don't think it is the case with all who proclaim the loudest.

Some people are very open-outgoing-talkative love to share how happy they are. No biggie. I actualy think it's nice to see some one on cloud 9. Those I think are full of puppypoo I shake my head-feel sad for them

I tend to believe those who belittle others who do speak loudest about their most perfect wonderful loving relationship are envous. They get a tick on their ass because they don't have anyone - last thing they want to read is about some one else's awesome relationship. I know there had been times I'd read about some ones relationship and I was envious.
Or maybe they dont like reading about such happiness because their own relationship sucks they dont get any affection. Ah who knows

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RE: One could get very jaded... - 2/2/2008 2:34:51 PM

swtnsparkling

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quote:

I, for one, am thrilled when someone truly is in a healthy, happy, productive and real life relationship.

How do you know those who yell the loudest over and over of their relationships are not ?

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RE: One could get very jaded... - 2/2/2008 2:39:41 PM

takenbyjohnr07

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So, beautifully put, as all your posts are. Thank you so much. i wish you every happiness in the world.

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RE: One could get very jaded... - 2/2/2008 2:40:20 PM

cherrypez

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

This may sound cynical, but I think that those who proclaim the loudest are trying to convince us and them that they are in a wonderful relationship. When I've been in a great relationship I've talked a little about it, mainly I've enjoyed it privately, because I don't want it to be a thing of public consumption. I may share good things with a few people. I think that people who gush constantly on the message board need to have public approval for what they do. Perhaps because they aren't getting that acknowledgement in their relationship.

I like being sort of private about the intimate details of my relationship too so I can totally relate with Katy on this. It's not that I have never gushed about a relationship, I have but it seems the ones I gushed the most about were the ones that were pretty much doomed from the start and I was really trying to convince myself that all was 'perfect'.

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RE: One could get very jaded... - 2/2/2008 3:24:53 PM

petpete

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First of all i wanna say hello to sexyred that i haven't greeted for a while, and secondly and more important adding to this my two bob cents is that most of theses relationships are based online. i suppose some of them may make the effort to meet and find out some dissapointments afterwards and i believe that's where it all lays. i always pointed out that the online relationship is not real life therefore it lacks communication and natural human understanding gestures. It can be deceiving and misleading at times and certainly has proven to be unreliable. (can anyone define the word reliable please??)

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RE: One could get very jaded... - 2/2/2008 4:13:25 PM

TreasureKY

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As I'm sure anyone who has been reading these forums for a while knows, FirmhandKY and I are not particularly secretive about the relationship we have... but we aren't really vociferous either and we certainly don't share the details.

For what it's worth, though, we do have a relationship that is about as close to perfection as it can get for us. Does that mean we are doomed, or trying to convince ourselves or others?

I don't think so.

quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

Relationships should not be "perfect". Without flaws and imperfections, there's nothing to strive for, nothing to grow towards. Perfection strikes me as a special kind of hell.

My relationships are far from perfect....THANK GOD!!!!!

I understand what you're saying and generally agree on the principle, but where you say relationships should not be perfect, I say that life should not be perfect. I don't place that onus on the relationship itself, but rather how we live our lives. To me, our relationship is perfect... it's life that offers the challenges to overcome. It's up to us to create the goals that we will grow from.

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RE: One could get very jaded... - 2/2/2008 5:22:50 PM

xxblushesxx

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Treasure; I find a huge difference between how you speak of your relationship, and the ones who, after a week, a month or two or whatever, proclaim to the world how wonderful and perfect theirs is.
This post is not about people who think they have a perfect relationship, but, about how long the relationships which are proclaimed so loudly on these boards as 'the ONE' actually do last.
I'd listen more carefully to you, to Kyra, to LA to...others who are IN long term relationships who have weathered the storms of adversity, and even the calm of mediocrity, rather than those who are still in their own little dream world.
And, I'm wondering, for anyone who keeps track of this type of thing, how long these wonderful, great, perfect relationships actually last.
I was SO lucky because when I found this site, and the 'b' site, I was able to take the wisdom of others (especially LA) and realize what subspace is, and how to go through it without dragging others in with me. I went through it, and THEN I felt I was ready to meet someone, as an equal.
I just feel so lucky due to the wisdom that was imparted to me, and the fact that I was smart enough to use it.
And I feel for those who choose not to listen.
I really do.

~Christina

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RE: One could get very jaded... - 2/2/2008 5:26:06 PM

KatyLied

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http://www.collarchat.com/m_1481690/tm.htm

In response to a happy announcement someone responded in kind that they found theirs, then checked back a few weeks later to say it didn't work.

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RE: One could get very jaded... - 2/2/2008 5:31:09 PM

sexyred1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TreasureKY

As I'm sure anyone who has been reading these forums for a while knows, FirmhandKY and I are not particularly secretive about the relationship we have... but we aren't really vociferous either and we certainly don't share the details.

For what it's worth, though, we do have a relationship that is about as close to perfection as it can get for us. Does that mean we are doomed, or trying to convince ourselves or others?

quote:

No, because you are never smug or condescending about your relationship; you simply come in and discuss whatever topic is being discussed and relate it to your relationship. And so people can hear what goes on in a healthy relationship, hear your opinions and you are not being exclusionary or trying to be "better than".

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RE: One could get very jaded... - 2/2/2008 5:32:56 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Blushes, I am glad to have helped, I can point you to a few people who *I* look up to for good examples of relationship dynamics and use for reflection and advice as well.

Wonder if I'll ever get past that whole "bumps" phase and just go onto smooth sailing? I can be pretty stubborn and stupid and force myself to relearn lessons very well.

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