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Boys - 9/7/2005 4:38:33 PM

pollux

Posts: 657
Joined: 7/26/2005
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I read a lot of criticism about male subs here. To me, a lot of it could be lumped into a general category that you might call "immaturity". The qualities that seem to turn off a Domme are the types of things you see in, well, *boys* of a certain age -- social awkwardness, excessive shyness, rudeness, problems controlling sexual impulses, a failure to communicate effectively, not having full awareness of his emotions, feelings, needs, etc.

Now, I also notice that many (but certainly not all) Dommes refer to their submissive partners as "boys", and I'm just wondering how these two things are related. Do Dommes call them that because of these negative qualities? Or do the subs act that way because that's what they are called (and maybe believe that's what's expected of them)?

Dommes, why do you call your mates/partners/subs/slaves, etc. "boys"? Is it a conscious choice you made? Do you think either your own partners or the pool of available guys in general would respond better if you called them men, or -- maybe more importantly -- if the ones who were clueless thought of themselves as grown-up men?

What would it do to the female dominant/male submissive dynamic if both parties stopped using the word "boy"?

I guess I see all these threads about the dominant partner not wanting a doormat and variations on that theme, and I just wonder if what the dominants are really craving is not strength, independence, assertiveness, etc., but simple maturity.

Curious what both sides think about this...

Post #: 1

RE: Boys - 9/7/2005 5:07:06 PM

fastlane

Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline

Boys? hmmm, such a vague expression.

"I go my boys in hand"....meaning my balls.
"These are my boys"....meaning my dogs
"I'm going to round up my boyz"....meaning my peeps
"You're such a little boy"...meaning my son
"Look out for this bad boy"...meaning my dick
and last, but not least, every subbie to the Mistresses here...are...."there boys"

Love em or leave em!

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to pollux)

Post #: 2

RE: Boys - 9/7/2005 5:37:10 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pollux

I read a lot of criticism about male subs here. To me, a lot of it could be lumped into a general category that you might call "immaturity". The qualities that seem to turn off a Domme are the types of things you see in, well, *boys* of a certain age -- social awkwardness, excessive shyness, rudeness, problems controlling sexual impulses, a failure to communicate effectively, not having full awareness of his emotions, feelings, needs, etc.

Now, I also notice that many (but certainly not all) Dommes refer to their submissive partners as "boys", and I'm just wondering how these two things are related. Do Dommes call them that because of these negative qualities? Or do the subs act that way because that's what they are called (and maybe believe that's what's expected of them)?

Dommes, why do you call your mates/partners/subs/slaves, etc. "boys"? Is it a conscious choice you made? Do you think either your own partners or the pool of available guys in general would respond better if you called them men, or -- maybe more importantly -- if the ones who were clueless thought of themselves as grown-up men?

What would it do to the female dominant/male submissive dynamic if both parties stopped using the word "boy"?

I guess I see all these threads about the dominant partner not wanting a doormat and variations on that theme, and I just wonder if what the dominants are really craving is not strength, independence, assertiveness, etc., but simple maturity.

Curious what both sides think about this...

I don't think there is any intentional reasoning behind it. I think saying "My boy usually listens to what I say," sounds more natural than "My man.." Some people don't like to use the terms sub, submissive, slave or "subbie" when they refer to their significant other.

If anything I've been careful about the use of the word 'boy' as it might imply underage. I think I use whatever term feels least clumsy at the time.

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to pollux)

Post #: 3

RE: Boys - 9/7/2005 6:17:21 PM

slave4mzpatti

Posts: 39
Joined: 10/20/2004
Status: offline

Yes Mistress lovingly refers to me as her boy. i like to think it is because i am young at heart. We all put on our grown up hats at work or in public, but our relationship is such that we can be our true selves with each other. It is not immaturity if i cry but openness.The older i get (45) the more i see how we all are children in some way, and feel sorry for those who can never take off that hat of maturity and so called strength.

(in reply to pollux)

Post #: 4

RE: Boys - 9/7/2005 6:24:29 PM

Shayna

Posts: 205
Joined: 1/16/2005
Status: offline

I don't use the term boy. Doesn't do anything for me.

(in reply to slave4mzpatti)

Post #: 5

RE: Boys - 9/7/2005 6:32:59 PM

fastlane

Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline

Bad Boys, Bad Boys, what's you goin to do...what's you goin to do when they cum for you?

Submit and say yes ma'am!

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to Shayna)

Post #: 6

RE: Boys - 9/7/2005 6:39:27 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

When I use the word "boys", it's generally as a way of showing that I'm further up on the chain of command---as in "you boys take care of cleaning up the kitchen". I don't refer to any male that I am involved with as a boy, since I am only interested in MEN. I never refer to myself or any grown female as a girl, nor do I accept being called one---though I confess I have fallen into using "gal"---so the same works for males.

I know many dommes who refer to their "boy" or "girl", and it does seem like common parlance, as a way of showing dominance, ownership, and paternalism/maternalism. Maybe that's why I don't like it, since the parent/child dynamic that often seeps into d/s creeps me out totally.

Words are powerful things, though, or we wouldn't put so much stress on their proper and appropriate usage. What would happen if my friend stopped calling her slave her "boy", and started calling him her "guy"? The world wouldn't come to an end, but doesn't that make the relationship sound more like a vanilla one than a d/s one?

Thanks for a neat new thread, Pollux.

Francine

(in reply to fastlane)

Post #: 7

RE: Boys - 9/7/2005 6:59:08 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

What Francine said. And I do not use the term in a disparaging way. It is a habit and indicates that I am Dominant, and the boy is...well..."the boy".
He may be a man in every sense of the word, and to the outsiude world...but he is "My boy". And any of those who correspond with Me, or are referred to in the submissive sense, are "the boys".

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 8

RE: Boys - 9/7/2005 9:32:31 PM

lonewolf05

Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

quote:

The qualities that seem to turn off a Domme are the types of things you see in, well, *boys* of a certain age -- social awkwardness, excessive shyness, rudeness, problems controlling sexual impulses, a failure to communicate effectively, not having full awareness of his emotions, feelings, needs, etc.

==
social awkward? yeah. i hate society.
shy? yeah. i am a hermit.
rude? some say i am. i just call it damned blunt.
sexual impulse? naw..celebate.
bad communication? ya betcha. i am no college boy...i use small words and i talk slow..if that is an issue..sue me, i dont care.
full awareness of emotions? i am o.c.d. and i have an unstable emotional level..i roller coaster...so what? your point is?
what is your etc?

wolf--with bristled tail fur

_____________________________

"there is no gravity, life sucks!"

(in reply to pollux)

Post #: 9

RE: Boys - 9/7/2005 10:44:09 PM

Misstoyou

Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline

I call my sub a lot of things, but "boy" isn't one of them, though that's probably because he's African-American, and I don't like the racial overtones.

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"

(in reply to pollux)

Post #: 10

RE: Boys - 9/8/2005 12:47:36 AM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold

What Francine said. And I do not use the term in a disparaging way. It is a habit and indicates that I am Dominant, and the boy is...well..."the boy".
He may be a man in every sense of the word, and to the outsiude world...but he is "My boy". And any of those who correspond with Me, or are referred to in the submissive sense, are "the boys".

That's pretty much how we are - but we also refer to our boys as our pets, our submissives, our lovers, our loves, our boyfriends/fiances, our bitches, or whatever the hell else we feel like. Mostly is to denote that we are in charge and they are not - no matter how manly our boys are (and both of them are quite manly ... but they are still our boys).

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)

Post #: 11

RE: Boys - 9/8/2005 2:43:50 AM

UtopianRanger

Posts: 3251
Status: offline

I must admit, in the beginning I found this term to be quite amusing. Though not used to it, I always felt it was very affectionate, and never disparaging. I still get a big grin on my face when I see it consistently used throughout a thread.

I tend to use it myself, also! ''Ok boys, it's last call. Let's get those shot glasses ready for one last pop'' or ''Say boys, are we ready to punch this rapid''

On the other side, I've always been partial to the term ''Lady.'' For me, the term ''Lady'' is very regal, as it embodies the essence of what I find most attractive in any woman, which is both class and elegance

And while never disrespectful, I still like the term ''girl.'' It takes me back to a day when I first remember and loved ''the smell of a girl'' or ''the change in the air when the girls walked into the room'' - What a fine feeling that is.

- The Ranger

< Message edited by UtopianRanger -- 9/8/2005 2:47:54 AM >

_____________________________

"If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do... the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."

-General George S. Patton

(in reply to pollux)

Post #: 12

RE: Boys - 9/8/2005 6:59:26 AM

pollux

Posts: 657
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: UtopianRanger

Though not used to it, I always felt it was very affectionate, and never disparaging.

I don't get the vibe that it's disparaging either. I don't think the ladies who use it intend anything negative at all. I hope the OP didn't come off that way. It's more a question I had that maybe use of that word is feeding the whole dynamic in a lot of male subs that frustrates so many Dommes.

(in reply to UtopianRanger)

Post #: 13

RE: Boys - 9/8/2005 7:01:33 AM

pollux

Posts: 657
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lonewolf05

quote:

The qualities that seem to turn off a Domme are the types of things you see in, well, *boys* of a certain age -- social awkwardness, excessive shyness, rudeness, problems controlling sexual impulses, a failure to communicate effectively, not having full awareness of his emotions, feelings, needs, etc.

==
social awkward? yeah. i hate society.
shy? yeah. i am a hermit.
rude? some say i am. i just call it damned blunt.
sexual impulse? naw..celebate.
bad communication? ya betcha. i am no college boy...i use small words and i talk slow..if that is an issue..sue me, i dont care.
full awareness of emotions? i am o.c.d. and i have an unstable emotional level..i roller coaster...so what? your point is?
what is your etc?

wolf--with bristled tail fur

Hey, you're in the service of Ms Laura, so you can't be in too bad a shape, right?

I'm talking about the clueless hordes, wolf, not alpha-subs like you ;) No need for bristled tail fur.

Peace,
p

(in reply to lonewolf05)

Post #: 14

RE: Boys - 9/8/2005 7:08:43 AM

pollux

Posts: 657
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Words are powerful things, though, or we wouldn't put so much stress on their proper and appropriate usage.

Yeah. They sure are.

quote:

What would happen if my friend stopped calling her slave her "boy", and started calling him her "guy"? The world wouldn't come to an end, but doesn't that make the relationship sound more like a vanilla one than a d/s one?

I hear ya. I wish I had a better suggestion. We're probably stuck with "boy". Still, it might be an interesting thing for a Domme who refers to her partner as "boy" to experiment with, esp. if she's having problems with him.

quote:

Thanks for a neat new thread, Pollux.

Francine

I aim to please ;)

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 15

RE: Boys - 9/8/2005 7:14:30 AM

lonewolf05

Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Peace,
p

==========

i'll buy that..

wolf

(in reply to pollux)

Post #: 16

RE: Boys - 9/8/2005 7:15:09 AM

FTopinMichigan

Posts: 571
Joined: 7/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pollux

Dommes, why do you call your mates/partners/subs/slaves, etc. "boys"? Is it a conscious choice you made?

I don't use the term "boy" and when a man uses it to describe himself, I tend to say, "thanks for your interest, but I'm ONLY interested in men." A self described "boy," to me, is going to need much more attention that I'm willing to give. As I see it, he's probably better served by having a Momma, and that aint me.

I view the term as derogatory, although I know many women that use the term, but don't mean it that way. And if not used to deflate a man, than it's usually to bring down a "brat"...which is another one I won't entertain getting to know.

I don't enjoy the term "girl" either.

At my age, I only enjoy men and women, and if boys and girls are there, then it better be for a children's party.

K

(in reply to pollux)

Post #: 17

RE: Boys - 9/8/2005 7:26:54 AM

lonewolf05

Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

wellllllllllllllllll???????????????????

"I" DO self describe myself as the-boy..........because it is how i was trained by my 1st Ms.........to be. so i guess if i sent YOU an email and said "hello, i am just a boy seeking for a permanent domme" and You got uppity about it i guess YOU have some issues that need to be looked at,.........that is way too stressful for me.

i feel sorry for You.....

wolf

_____________________________

"there is no gravity, life sucks!"

(in reply to FTopinMichigan)

Post #: 18

RE: Boys - 9/8/2005 8:05:56 AM

RosaB

Posts: 852
Joined: 1/10/2005
Status: offline

My preference is to date a man that knows he is a man in every sense of the word, however, for me boy is both a term of endearment and show of my dominance over my, "pet," another word I use on occassion. Calling my partner boy/pet or whatever floats my boat at that moment, doesn't mean I see him as a lesser human being, it's just something that helps with mindset as well as show my affectionion for the person I'm involved with. My partner and I would have had prior discussion before my using such words, It's important for me to be, clear, beforehand, that any such terms are not meant to be derogatory.

Rosa

(in reply to pollux)

Post #: 19

RE: Boys - 9/8/2005 10:31:39 AM

kc692

Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline

I have called some of my subs boys or girls in the past, or have had other terms of endearment. My present sub is my pet, as I cherish him highly. I tend to call him that, or other names, rather than boy, because it fits him. The terms of endearment I use have changed for each sub, as they are different people, and certain terms fit different ones more accurately. I will say , when I have used the term boy and girl, it was not meant disparagingly, and they never described themselves to me as being a boy or girl prior to our meeting, or I would probably not have been interested if they thought of themselves in that manner.

(in reply to pollux)

Post #: 20

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