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RE: Isn't there Just one Left? - 9/12/2005 11:01:52 AM   
frenchpet


Posts: 587
Joined: 8/19/2005
Status: offline
quote:


Well both "snippy" or "snappy" could work just as well. Snippy tends to imply a quick jab while snappy is more an active thrust towards something.

Thanks a lot ! Another word... learning english is a never ending quest, as it's the language with the most vocabulary.
I made this mistake because it wasn't in the first 2 dictionaries I checked, but I just found it in 2 other dictionaries. Sorry to interrupt this wonderful conversation...

< Message edited by frenchpet -- 9/12/2005 11:02:38 AM >

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Isn't there Just one Left? - 9/12/2005 1:22:45 PM   
caitlyn


Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
Status: offline 		I feel really bad that you are getting hammered so bad on this board RainGod. It would be better if that sort of thing never happened, but sadly it does.

I don't know enough about your situation to give more than general commentary, but for whatever it might be worth, here goes.

I think you are just going to have to just live with girls talking to tons of guys, right up until the time there is a serious commitment between you and her. Not when you "think" there is a serious commitment, but when you both agree that one exists. If you meet some girl you are really into, you may just have to outlast all the other guys until you rise to the top of the stack.

I know that sucks and isn't the answer you want to hear, but I think it is an honest one. So many people are very skilled at saying and doing anything it takes to get another person in bed, and unfortunately, the ones that do this the most, also do it the best.

What sucks, is that honest people like yourself that are looking for a real relationship, sound suspiciously like that slick talking player that only wants to get people into bed. Again, I know that sucks, but I think it's true.

So, you may just have to accept that this is just the way it is out there in the dating world. People are going to leave their options open and explore the field. There just isn't any other way to easily weed out the ones that just want sex, and find the ones that want a relationship. You can't tell them apart any other way.

Good luck finding that right person ... everyone deserves to have their dreams fulfilled!

(in reply to RainGod)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Isn't there Just one Left? - 9/12/2005 1:31:46 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I guess the question would be, did Rain and this chick ever have an agreement that they would be exclusive and not be open to other relationships? Otherwise there's really nothing to complain about.

If needing to keep your possible future dom or sub on a tight leash is what you need to feel secure and happy in the courtship phase, that's great. But you'd better make that clear so the other person can decide if they want to BE on that leash. Just because someone doesn't want to be on a leash like that doesn't mean they are just looking for sex, or aren't trustworthy or anything else.

(in reply to caitlyn)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Isn't there Just one Left? - 9/12/2005 3:03:34 PM   
LadyofLight


Posts: 60
Status: offline 		maybe he got snippy b/c he was being misunderstood.
I totally understand what he is/was trying to say in this b/c I feel the same way.Its impossible to build a r/t relationship built on trust when one talks to a bunch of romantic interests at the same time.
At least that's how I understood his posting but we all percieve differently.The net makes impossible to see nuances and gestures and body language.
Sounded to me like he had some pain and confusion going on and is looking for just one special one to build intimacy with.
We can all sit here and post and presume/assume to know what he meant.Only he knows what was in his head when he wrote it.

_____________________________

Life is all about ass:
you're either covering it,
laughing it off,
kicking it,
kissing it,
busting it,
trying to get a piece of it,
or behaving like one.

(in reply to happypervert)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Isn't there Just one Left? - 9/12/2005 3:43:33 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyofLight
Its impossible to build a r/t relationship built on trust when one talks to a bunch of romantic interests at the same time.

Umm no it's not, people do it all the time.

(in reply to LadyofLight)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Isn't there Just one Left? - 9/12/2005 3:51:22 PM   
LadyofLight


Posts: 60
Status: offline 		Maybe some do...
I know I don't--matter of personal opinion and beliefs.
I can't concentrate on more than one at a time.

_____________________________

Life is all about ass:
you're either covering it,
laughing it off,
kicking it,
kissing it,
busting it,
trying to get a piece of it,
or behaving like one.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Isn't there Just one Left? - 9/12/2005 3:51:40 PM   
RainGod


Posts: 230
Joined: 7/11/2005
From: Hendersonville, NC
Status: offline 		Hello again everyone...
To some I suppose an apology would not matter for the way I reacted to the rather close-mindedness I received from a few here. To those of you who would accept such apology, I do say I regret it, and I am sorry.
I had decided it was pointless to ever return here and post after the response I got. I suppose I chose a really shitty time to post because I was genuinely upset and basicly just came looking to see if I was the only one this was happening to. Often My mind works faster than I can type (or speak) for that matter and things are not conveyed as clearly as they ought to be. I would like to try to explain My OP a little better in a sec ond, but first I gotta say something else.
After I left the board last time, I began getting emails from some really righteous folks in here- male, female, Dom/me, sub, slave... alot of them. They all were extremely cool to email Me and offer friendship and I gladly accepted. I just want to say thank you to them (they know who they are).
Now back to trying to straighten this out. Yes, it was a fact that I met the girl in question on this site. Yes she did live very nearby. Yes we were real life and met quite often. We were, I believed with all My heart exclusive.
What I was crushed over is this: If you are with someone, and you accept a collar, and you lie in that persons bed and share very intimate thoughts and secrets with.... is it not wrong to continue "shopping" online for another Dom whose house may be bigger, or His money more abundant, or what ever other superficial reason? Knowing full well the person who gave you a collar gave you a certain amount of trust to not cheat ( and yes I consider Dom shopping when youre collared to be cheating, I am sorry if you disagree)
I saw where someone had shot out a jab about it being merely online. To that I ask: what if it was? No, I am generally not into online romance, but some people are. Do their feelings mean any less because they are online? I know well what I said in disgust about online doesnt mean shit, but it does. There are real people behind those profiles who are here because, obviously, they want someone to be with. Do their hearts not bleed if cut? Do they not cry when hurt? Do they not respond when loved? If so, how can leading someone on as if they are the only person one is interested in be justified? Is it "keeping your options open"? Is it "gold-digging"? Is it "looking for Mr Right but settling for Mr, Right Now"? If those are the case wouldnt it be better... scratch that... be more HUMANLY considerate to simply say so... instead of saying "oh yes, I would love to accept your collar and be Yours."?
I am basicly questioning this: Is honesty...complete and total honesty with oneself and others completely outdated? Is loyalty something that has recently died? Am I so freaking old-fashioned that no one wants these qualities? I came asking a question. I asked it rashly and did not fully explain nor was I clear of the situation. I was hurt, and simply trying to see if after 20 years in the lifestyle I had become an "old fogie" and My ideas about relationships were so old I was no longer even in the right league.
I hope My apology has been accepted by you who were offended, and I also hope this has made My case a bit more clear. For some of you, I realize I will never be vindicated and that's cool. I did what a Man ought to do, and My conscience is clear.
In closing, I offer something I read once that I totally did not understand at the time. I believe Tolstoy wrote it. He said, "Trust is an odd thing. It is absolutely necessary yet virtually impossible." Funny how a few years and some experiences can shed light on a quote once so misunderstood.


(in reply to LadyofLight)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Isn't there Just one Left? - 9/12/2005 4:14:44 PM   
LadyofLight


Posts: 60
Status: offline 		Hope you stay with us here.
Being led on sux the bigone!
But there are those of us that have old-fashioned values in this technological society.

_____________________________

Life is all about ass:
you're either covering it,
laughing it off,
kicking it,
kissing it,
busting it,
trying to get a piece of it,
or behaving like one.

(in reply to RainGod)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Isn't there Just one Left? - 9/12/2005 4:52:52 PM   
DesertRat


Posts: 2774
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: NM/USA
Status: offline 		You did not say anything to offend me, but I have to say you have now done a great job of clarifying what you were feeling when you made the OP. I think your feelings are justified. The original post did not say that she had accepted your collar and otherwise seemed to describe a much more preliminary situation. It was very cool of you to come back and open up. With your help, I now see things differently. I would be pissed, too.

Bob

(in reply to RainGod)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Isn't there Just one Left? - 9/12/2005 4:58:08 PM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline 		With the new info, I can get behind your irritation and anger. It makes sense to be angry if one isn't living up to the commitment one has made.

However, you do have to admit that based on the information we were given, our reactions weren't off base.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to DesertRat)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Isn't there Just one Left? - 9/12/2005 5:05:14 PM   
frenchpet


Posts: 587
Joined: 8/19/2005
Status: offline 		My conclusion is that you shouldn't have written your OP while angry (it was certainly a "shitty time"), as you are now telling a completely different story, that would explain your disappointment (but all we had to understand what happened was what you had written).
In your fist 2 posts you said that you only talked to her, for several weeks. It's not the same as "Yes we were real life and met quite often" and "If you are with someone, and you accept a collar, and you lie in that persons bed and share very intimate thoughts and secrets with..."

I must be stupid, but I feel a bit strange that you apologize and in the same sentence call close-minded the people you are apologizing to (" To some I suppose an apology would not matter for the way I reacted to the rather close-mindedness I received from a few here."). It's probably customary where you live, what do I know... Or maybe you're still angry...


Now that you've explained better what happened, I understand your feelings, but again it was really not a good idea to post something while angry about it. Shit happens, and I'm sorry it did, but being betrayed by one person doesn't mean that "loyalty rencently died".

Be well.

(in reply to RainGod)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Isn't there Just one Left? - 9/12/2005 5:29:57 PM   
RainGod


Posts: 230
Joined: 7/11/2005
From: Hendersonville, NC
Status: offline 		In regards to frechpet's reply

quote:

I must be stupid, but I feel a bit strange that you apologize and in the same sentence call close-minded the people you are apologizing to


Ya know, frenchpet, somehow I knew someone would be miniscule enough to pick that post apart to find fault... had to be you first, dear? does that make you feel good?

quote:

It's probably customary where you live, what do I know...


Now, why ya gotta go hatin' on where I live? lol. However, that is a rather poignant question: What Do you know? After reading My last post, I would think the subject was better explained.

quote:

Or maybe you're still angry...


heh heh... naw, sugah, I ain't mad at 'cha




(in reply to frenchpet)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Isn't there Just one Left? - 9/12/2005 5:31:06 PM   
carefulsub


Posts: 32
Joined: 3/7/2005
Status: offline 		No you are not to be put out to pasture but, I would like you to think of this from another point of view. We have a ratio of doms that are making young inexperienced submissives close off all contact with others so they can be abusive in private. I as a submissive am encouraging these girls to keep talking with others, not neccessarily other Doms for play, but for assurance that they are OK to feel the way that they are.

I am not saying this is the way you are, but I would not exclusivly talk to you just becasue I would want first of all to share my experiences with others and because I am of course CAREFUL.


carefulsub

(in reply to RainGod)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Isn't there Just one Left? - 9/12/2005 5:44:30 PM   
RainGod


Posts: 230
Joined: 7/11/2005
From: Hendersonville, NC
Status: offline 		Thank you carefulsub, and I do understand and appreciate your point.
I would like to make clear once again this was not something that happened right after we met. It was after real committments had been offered and agreed to. A collar was offered and accepted.
Not to be abrasive, but I would hope she could at least trust I wasn't abusive or wierd before taking My collar. There is a certain amount of trust a submissive wants when collared, I am sure, but there is also a desired amount of trust a Dom wants to have in her as well.
Thanks for responding :)

(in reply to carefulsub)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Isn't there Just one Left? - 9/12/2005 5:47:27 PM   
RainGod


Posts: 230
Joined: 7/11/2005
From: Hendersonville, NC
Status: offline 		Thank you perverseangelic and DesertRat. I appreciate your understanding.

I find I am having trouble replying to every post and as I am new to the whole posting thing, I am hoping if I miss someone they will understand I am not snubbing... Bear with me... lol

(in reply to perverseangelic)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Isn't there Just one Left? - 9/12/2005 6:04:45 PM   
frenchpet


Posts: 587
Joined: 8/19/2005
Status: offline 		I had nothing against you one minute ago...
You should have read my post to the end : I said that I understood your feelings, and that I was sorry for what happened to you.

I did not insult you, you insulted me and you just repeated. This completely makes me change my mind again and now I think you absolutely deserve what happened to you : you know nothing about me, you call me narrow minded, and then after I tell you I understand your feelings you call me "miniscule" : Are you outside of your mind ? If you behave like this with other people, what kind of respect do you expect ? Don't bother answering, though, especially if you can't do it without name-calling (which is a sure sign of maturity).

And most important, don't change : keep insulting people when you apologize, insult people who sympathize with you, never wonder if you could do better... if it has worked so far, why change ?

(in reply to RainGod)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Isn't there Just one Left? - 9/12/2005 8:29:53 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RainGod

What I was crushed over is this: If you are with someone, and you accept a collar, and you lie in that persons bed and share very intimate thoughts and secrets with.... is it not wrong to continue "shopping" online for another Dom whose house may be bigger, or His money more abundant, or what ever other superficial reason? Knowing full well the person who gave you a collar gave you a certain amount of trust to not cheat ( and yes I consider Dom shopping when youre collared to be cheating, I am sorry if you disagree)


Well, this is different. Your initial post said "talking". Talking is talking, but a collar is a committment. A very serious committment in my mind. Had your first post said this I'm sure many of the responses would have been different, including mine. It's one of the joys of being words typed on a screen in cyberspace. The nuances, emotions, and gestures are lost and becomes difficult to get things across sometimes.

Good luck in your search.



_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to RainGod)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Isn't there Just one Left? - 9/13/2005 6:51:51 AM   
FTopinMichigan


Posts: 571
Joined: 7/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: frenchpet

And most important, don't change : keep insulting people when you apologize, insult people who sympathize with you, never wonder if you could do better... if it has worked so far, why change ?


I noticed that too, frenchpet!

RainGod, I think you can see that your clarification completely changed your initial post. IMO, you might try to better understand where people were coming from, with regards to the reactions posted.

Somehow I don't see the posted apology, as an apology, when it starts out so negatively.

But...I don't think you need to apologize either, if you're just being yourself. You were admittedly angry, and that's acceptable, as I see it. Attacking people isn't the best way to handle things, and it's apparent you've figured that out too.

I think you'll find most people agreeing with your situation, now that it's been cleared up to understand. A relationship that includes the commitment of a collar, as well as intimacy, beyond friendship, is a committed relationship in my book. Not continuing to chat/meet with other Dom/mes, is a reasonable expectation, with a collar, IMO.

K

(in reply to frenchpet)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Isn't there Just one Left? - 9/13/2005 11:33:43 AM   
pinkpleasures


Posts: 1114
Status: offline
quote:

not that it is really any of your business, but yes we did meet in person, and we happen to live in the same town.
I can see I came here to gain insight and got nothing more than a bunch of bullshit from some folks with too much self pride to care about anyone but themselves and their own agendas.
Peace out... besides, this is just online, you dont mean shit.

RainGod


i for one acknowledge Your pain and confusion. i do ask, when i want to, whether a Dom is speaking to other subbies, and generally He is; things have rarely gone beyond that point for me. However, when it has happened, i expect honesty and attentiveness. If a Dom is truely interested in me after a period of getting to know me, it seems it's time to forego other opportunities and i do the same. Different people would set the bar at different places, but it seems self-evident that you'd be exclusive before a Dom spent a great deal of money to meet you in real life.

pinkpleasures

_____________________________



(in reply to RainGod)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Isn't there Just one Left? - 9/13/2005 12:22:05 PM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
I know that when one is feeling angry and sad and all those negative thoughts are flowing through ones brains - that it can be helpful to offload onto something or someone that doesnt know one.

It can also confused people and in turn, also your anger can make you feel as though some are posting negatively in response.

I can only say, that I hope my words did not come across that way, and that I was trying only to find out the exactness of your prediciment and open it up more.

At least you have had the strength and ability to respond and communicate with us again. Communication is always good!

Making your OP clearer, it is definately understandable why you were so angry. It also clears up why your responses were as they were.

It hurts and it sucks. Please try and hang in there and know that there is someone out there who can serve in the way you need. It may just mean you need to take some time to draw back to your centre and focus. I do hope that your initial experience here doesnt put you off. Not everyone agrees with all... but there are some good people here(as you have seen by the emails you have reportedly received) -

Peace and Love

_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to RainGod)
Profile   Post #: 60
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