RE: Clarity and Consideration Collars

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RE: Clarity and Consideration Collars - 2/12/2008 5:48:03 AM

spanklette

Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ThundersCry

It was always my understanding that there were 3 types of collars that were *used* in the Old Guard...ways and days.

Consideration....Training....The Real Deal.

Not a way all want to appraoch their relationships nowdays....

I have always thought the collar has been bastersized thru the interent, in many ways...

I'm a huge fan of "do what makes you happy". The Old Guard ways may have been "bastardized" through use of the internet, however the internet has made the lifestyle available for many who wouldn't be able to participate otherwise. Like anything else, there are pros and cons.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to ThundersCry)

Post #: 21

RE: Clarity and Consideration Collars - 2/12/2008 6:10:36 AM

Kirren

Posts: 580
Joined: 9/5/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: darklilsub

Here is something that concerns me about the Consideration Collar. i have a friend that is interested in the lifestyle, got involved and accepted a Consideration Collar and now she is having second thoughts about it and feels like she is stuck, and doesn't know how to tell Him that she is starting to doubt things. Any ideas on how this can be done with a Collar of Consideration? They've been friends in r/t for years. Thanks to anyone willing to give ideas, as i'm basically out of advice on this, since i tend to try and think things out as much as possible beforehand. *shrugs* Thanks again, all.

She should be honest with him and tell him that something is amiss...first and foremost...this life style is about trust and communication. With out these two things, some one will get hurt. And a closed mouth does not get fed...so to speak.

I agree that its consideration both ways. I gave My girl a collar of consideration. I think that they should be used to the fullest extent. There should be alot of talking and looking at the pros and cons of the other person. I often ask her what she thinks about this or that. She lives 3 hours from Me so when she comes down, we work on something different. I dont tell her what we will be working on, I just give her different tasks each time to see how that thing goes, what her thoughts on that thing are, and how well she does them, so that I can train her to do better, or differently with them.

I agree that alot of people seem to have gone from the "old hat" way of doing things, (offering/begging for/ a collar) but I dont think this life is about judging them. I think its about people doing what they feel is the right thing to do.

What I dont agree with is when you see the Dom/mes speaking to a sub, one day, and then WHAM, with out really talking it over, you have a sub that is in tears because he/she didnt even know they were being considered, or had been collared are in trouble for having a conversation with another Dom/me, even if it was about nothing more than the weather.

The weight of a collar may only be a few ounces physically, but the mental and emotional ramifications are deep and can last for a very long time. I consider the collar of consideration to be like a pre engagement ring...its like saying, I want you, and I know that I do...but I also know that right now isnt the best time to make a long term committment, becuase what if you leave the seat up, or the cap off?

They call it consideration for a reason.

< Message edited by Kirren -- 2/12/2008 6:20:00 AM >

_____________________________

Everything has been said before
There's nothing left to say anymore
When it's all the same
You can ask for it by name

Did I fail to mention...I am a BITCH?

(in reply to darklilsub)

Post #: 22

RE: Clarity and Consideration Collars - 2/12/2008 8:00:15 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ThundersCry

It was always my understanding that there were 3 types of collars that were *used* in the Old Guard...ways and days.

Consideration....Training....The Real Deal.

Not a way all want to appraoch their relationships nowdays....

I have always thought the collar has been bastersized thru the interent, in many ways...

Uh, this is horseshit, "old guard" has become the noble idiocy BECAUSE of the internet, it was a bunch of gay men fucking each other in the backs of leatherbars. Read any of the non fiction books written by them, The Leatherman's Handbook is one or go visit the Leather Archives where REAL people wrote their histories.

They were into anonymous sex which is why they had hankie codes for god sakes!

Collars of consideration is new and collars of protection is absolutely a chatroom concept. I think they are idiotic and would never use them. I know a few who do who I also respect.

I know people who got collared long after their wedding, I know others who collared someone they day they met (me for one) and I know everything in between. Do what works for you and make it work for you, don't try and make it something it isn't, just be true to yourself.

(in reply to ThundersCry)

Post #: 23

RE: Clarity and Consideration Collars - 2/12/2008 8:29:29 AM

LadyHathor

Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline

I had to laugh Michael, My screen got hot from your response! LOL, I completely agree about what is good for the relationship is what should be---

however, I do also think that people throw out collars on the internet like paper at a ticker tape parade and that I think is the shame--however, there are also people that run to Vegas to get married and hit divorce before the plane lands--so I believe it is the meaning to the two--may not be for Me, but its non of My business---

ok so what ARE you getting for Valentine's Day??

_____________________________

Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 24

RE: Clarity and Consideration Collars - 2/12/2008 8:41:42 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

I want a clarity collar. It sounds pretty.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Post #: 25

RE: Clarity and Consideration Collars - 2/12/2008 8:44:07 AM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

nodsnods ... wants one too .. made of diamonds .. yanno diamonds graded on clarity ... clarity collar ... see what i did there?

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 26

RE: Clarity and Consideration Collars - 2/12/2008 8:46:55 AM

gypsygrl

Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline

Yes! A clarity collar! I love it! I'm sure there's a market for that sort of thang.

_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 27

RE: Clarity and Consideration Collars - 2/12/2008 8:48:09 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

Or when a sub has problems with indecision, the D-type can place her clarity collar around her neck, to aid in thinking more clearly.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to gypsygrl)

Post #: 28

RE: Clarity and Consideration Collars - 2/12/2008 9:16:49 AM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

FR

For those that are comfortable with the singular step of collaring, that's fine for them. I need transitionary periods. I don't feel that the collar of consideration (which is actually a typed agreement rather then metal around my neck) that I have means he has laid "dibs" on me without responsibility, in fact I feel that he accepts alot of responsibility. Also since we live in different cities and will for another 5 months or so, it seemed logial since he can't take all the responsibility that a permanent coller calls for IHO. I don't know if it's the equivilant of an engagement ring yet it is significantly more serious then a friendship ring. To me (and I suspect to him) it's a segue or transitionary period that falls between playing and getting to know one another and the foreverness of the permanent collar.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to ThundersCry)

Post #: 29

RE: Clarity and Consideration Collars - 2/12/2008 9:56:07 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ProlificNeeds

Engagement ring, wedding ring.
Consideration collar, formal collar.

What she said, 'cept I view them more as promise rings.

I don't understand why people expected to have one "all or nothing" commitment without any physical symbol of the earlier stages of a relationship. Whatever works works. I probably won't have a collar of consideration, though I suppose someday he will put a collar on me. To some people, the collar is be all and end all of this lifestyle. It just doesn't mean a lot to me anymore, no bad experiences. I've just realized that other things matter a lot more.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 2/12/2008 9:57:11 AM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to ProlificNeeds)

Post #: 30

RE: Clarity and Consideration Collars - 2/12/2008 9:59:05 AM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

for some weird reason I don't believe in wedding rings...but feel that a collar is very important.
Makes me think often..and I can't explain it....might be that I find Ds part of the relation deeper then the vanilla part of the relation...not sure

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 31

RE: Clarity and Consideration Collars - 2/12/2008 10:02:51 AM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

It is apparent that we require everything to be boxed up and perfect. No loose ends. One could trip and fall. I think collars look like ass...they look trashy. The equivalent of wearing a tube top to a wedding reception.

Collars of consideration? Has a sub ever requested one? It's stupid. Why even get collared?

Why not just say we are cool together...In love...In mid stroke or whatever floats your boat?

It's an odd thing. People like to picture themselves as being unique but will quickly adhere to the stupidest notions of "the majority" when given the opportunity....Fuck! Shouldn't we all be driving the new GM "Shibari." It's green and completely powered by burning rope made out of hemp.

Wear your collars of consideration...Dress Goth...Take a shuttle to Gor....Be like everyone else. Don't think for yourself.

< Message edited by domiguy -- 2/12/2008 10:04:23 AM >

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(in reply to OmegaG)

Post #: 32

RE: Clarity and Consideration Collars - 2/12/2008 10:06:06 AM

lauren0221

Posts: 681
Joined: 8/29/2006
Status: offline

I'm with domi here. Do what works for you. Don't worry about impressing anyone but the people in the relationship. Nothing wrong with symbols, when they work for you, but certainly not necessary for a successful, mutually satisfying relationship.

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 33

RE: Clarity and Consideration Collars - 2/12/2008 10:08:44 AM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

It is apparent that we require everything to be boxed up and perfect. No loose ends. One could trip and fall. I think collars look like ass...they look trashy. The equivalent of wearing a tube top to a wedding reception.

Tube tops are hot.....the breasts are so happy to be released!! ......maybe not at a wedding.....but still....

As for the Old Gaurd.... Christ! can we please stop with that phrase? Everyone makes it up as they go along

Jeff

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 34

RE: Clarity and Consideration Collars - 2/12/2008 10:16:47 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

Does anyone else laugh at the thought of hetero men calling themselves Old Guard Masters? I can't be the only one.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Jeffff)

Post #: 35

RE: Clarity and Consideration Collars - 2/12/2008 10:17:41 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

for some weird reason I don't believe in wedding rings...but feel that a collar is very important.
Makes me think often..and I can't explain it....might be that I find Ds part of the relation deeper then the vanilla part of the relation...not sure

*shrugs* I do not buy, in the slightest, that ds is somehow deeper. However, the wedding ring means more to me. The collar is a symbol of Valyraen and I, where the wedding ring and the wedding are symbols of us and our families merging together. Others disagree I know, but I've realized it means to me that he has asked me to marry him than asking me to wear a collar.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Justme696)

Post #: 36

RE: Clarity and Consideration Collars - 2/12/2008 10:17:48 AM

lauren0221

Posts: 681
Joined: 8/29/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

Does anyone else laugh at the thought of hetero men calling themselves Old Guard Masters? I can't be the only one.

I'll admit to a snicker or two.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 37

RE: Clarity and Consideration Collars - 2/12/2008 10:28:17 AM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

Does anyone else laugh at the thought of hetero men calling themselves Old Guard Masters? I can't be the only one.

I'd buy their anti-perspirant...

After a nice long session with subsusie...How does Domiguy stay dry and cool?.....I use Old Guard!

And women, Old Guard is safe to wear with black...No white residue or smudges.

As a bonus.... Old Guard's wide round applicator can double as a butt plug! Buy Old Guard today!!!

_____________________________

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 38

RE: Clarity and Consideration Collars - 2/12/2008 10:31:02 AM

charlotte12

Posts: 471
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline

Master collared this slave the first night we met in person. We had been talking for 4 months though and had a pretty good idea of where we both stood with these things. He calls this collar a training collar. He believes that a slave best learns how to be a slave by ....being a slave! He will not consider replacing the training collar with a permanent slave collar until at least a year has passed. He believes (and this slave agrees) that something like a permanent collar (or marraige as another example) is an acknowledgement of a change that has already taken place in the relationship, not something to change the relationship. Thus, he wishes to train his slave as his slave from the beginning and will take steps to acknowledge changes and growth in the relationship accordingly.

Of course, this is just what works for this relationship. Obviously it will be different for everyone and this slave wouldn't necessarily reccomend others go about things in this fashion. We did jump into combining our lives very quickly and it is only because it felt right in this situation and not because we were trying to create something that wasn't there. Consideration collars can work well for some people, not so much for others and as long as everyone is being true to what it is that feels right for them instead of trying to create a fantasy by pushing something based on other peoples expectations than this slave says "good for them!"

charlotte

_____________________________

Stephan's slaveling

"I'm not superior, I'm just more important." Master (Stephann)

"When you are your freest self, who are you?" Jack Rinella

(in reply to greyangelus)

Post #: 39

RE: Clarity and Consideration Collars - 2/12/2008 10:43:29 AM

greenearth21

Posts: 228
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline

I can't think of anyone who would offer someone and engagement ring if they aren't sure that's the person they want to be with. I, like some/most of you see the "pre-collar" to be a way of takign their partner off the market, yet not taking full responsibility. I don't want to say the concept is stupid because everyone has a different view for it. I mean...geez; you are either engaged or not. I've never heard anyone say "well we are kind of engaged but not sure if we want to take it to the next level"...wtf?
But ya know...it doesnt work for me, but I'm sure others who use it dutifully have great respect for it based on their agreements or understanding of its meaning.

(in reply to charlotte12)

Post #: 40

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