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RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/14/2008 10:36:28 AM

celticlord2112

Posts: 5732
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

I was probably not being clear enough.

Expects her to be more than a fuck toy.

You were perfectly clear. If the master wants more than a toy and the toy wants nothing more than to be used, the desires are not in sync and the relationship will have problems.

Even the most obedient slave cannot be compelled to receive love from Master's hand if that is not her desire.

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Post #: 21

RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/14/2008 10:38:15 AM

sweetwenchie

Posts: 1993
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

Dunno,just made me curious. Especially in a place where people seem to think D/s is all romance and flowers.

Not sure what place that is, but from what i have seen, the majority do not think it all romance and flowers. That might work for some, and good, great, whatever gets them through the day. i myself see it more as blood, sweat, exquisite pain and tears. To each their own as the overused saying goes.

Those who want romance will be better off looking for a romantic Dominant, those who want the dynamic without any romantic trappings will look for that. i think the fact that they put it right there on their profile is perfect, lets anyone curious about them know right away if they are a possible match or not.

_____________________________

"To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is a very different thing from being a passive object." - De Beauvoir

"You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist." - Nietzsche

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 22

RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/14/2008 10:40:27 AM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

I was probably not being clear enough.

Expects her to be more than a fuck toy.

You were perfectly clear. If the master wants more than a toy and the toy wants nothing more than to be used, the desires are not in sync and the relationship will have problems.

Even the most obedient slave cannot be compelled to receive love from Master's hand if that is not her desire.

I didn't mean more=love.

It might well mean she had more important things he desired of her-not including love.

Let's try not to get fixated on romatic emotional content as the only reliable driver here please.

Others do exist, and they are just as valid as motivations.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to celticlord2112)

Post #: 23

RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/14/2008 10:42:00 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

wenchie your confusing me. Mmmm typical woman. Would I be better putting Im a Romantic Dom in my profile or a heartless Dom?

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Post #: 24

RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/14/2008 10:42:30 AM

celticlord2112

Posts: 5732
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

I was probably not being clear enough.

Expects her to be more than a fuck toy.

You were perfectly clear. If the master wants more than a toy and the toy wants nothing more than to be used, the desires are not in sync and the relationship will have problems.

Even the most obedient slave cannot be compelled to receive love from Master's hand if that is not her desire.

I didn't mean more=love.

It might well mean she had more important things he desired of her-not including love.

Let's try not to get fixated on romatic emotional content as the only reliable driver here please.

Others do exist, and they are just as valid as motivations.

Substitute any noun you wish. The issue arises from the differing desires/needs/objectives of master and slave. If those differences are not reconciled, they will tear the relationship apart.

If the differences are reconciled....the question ceases to exist.

< Message edited by celticlord2112 -- 2/14/2008 10:43:47 AM >

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Post #: 25

RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/14/2008 10:43:14 AM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetwenchie

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

Dunno,just made me curious. Especially in a place where people seem to think D/s is all romance and flowers.

Not sure what place that is, but from what i have seen, the majority do not think it all romance and flowers. That might work for some, and good, great, whatever gets them through the day. i myself see it more as blood, sweat, exquisite pain and tears. To each their own as the overused saying goes.

Those who want romance will be better off looking for a romantic Dominant, those who want the dynamic without any romantic trappings will look for that. i think the fact that they put it right there on their profile is perfect, lets anyone curious about them know right away if they are a possible match or not.

I think that I just find myself fascinated by dynamics that are based on driving forces not akin to more vanilla ones-I loved your input-thank you!

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

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Post #: 26

RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/14/2008 10:44:53 AM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

I was probably not being clear enough.

Expects her to be more than a fuck toy.

You were perfectly clear. If the master wants more than a toy and the toy wants nothing more than to be used, the desires are not in sync and the relationship will have problems.

Even the most obedient slave cannot be compelled to receive love from Master's hand if that is not her desire.

I didn't mean more=love.

It might well mean she had more important things he desired of her-not including love.

Let's try not to get fixated on romatic emotional content as the only reliable driver here please.

Others do exist, and they are just as valid as motivations.

Substitute any noun you wish. The issue arises from the differing desires/needs/objectives of master and slave. If those differences are not reconciled, they will tear the relationship apart.

I have no argument with you about dynamic mismatches. Only that you seemed to be a bit fixated on the love thing. When I was speaking of it only as something left OUT in this case,per se.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to celticlord2112)

Post #: 27

RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/14/2008 10:48:53 AM

celticlord2112

Posts: 5732
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist
I have no argument with you about dynamic mismatches. Only that you seemed to be a bit fixated on the love thing. When I was speaking of it only as something left OUT in this case,per se.

Merely a stylistic conceit on my part. Keeps a good rhythm to the words.

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Post #: 28

RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/14/2008 11:03:58 AM

sweetwenchie

Posts: 1993
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

wenchie your confusing me. Mmmm typical woman. Would I be better putting Im a Romantic Dom in my profile or a heartless Dom?

me, confusing? Hardly!

i do not know your personal style, but you could always go with Heartless Romantic Dominant, really confuse the poor dears.

_____________________________

"To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is a very different thing from being a passive object." - De Beauvoir

"You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist." - Nietzsche

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 29

RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/14/2008 11:10:28 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I think that I just find myself fascinated by dynamics that are based on driving forces not akin to more vanilla ones-I loved your input-thank you!

Sorry, but well, I HAVE to do this

Please define or explain what you mean by driving forces not akin to more vanilla ones?

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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

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Post #: 30

RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/14/2008 11:15:41 AM

LadyHathor

Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

I run across the occasional profile where the person says they don't want a boyfriend or girlfriend, just a harsh, strict owner.

Do you think they really mean it?

Why?

Yes, as Jeffff stated there are people who need a connection, but who need not the depth of emotion---OR who cannot feel or express emotion. To them this is less risk than getting the heart involved.

_____________________________

Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 31

RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/14/2008 11:19:13 AM

yrstocollar

Posts: 95
Joined: 8/14/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

I run across the occasional profile where the person says they don't want a boyfriend or girlfriend, just a harsh, strict owner.

Do you think they really mean it?

Why?

Maybe they already have a girlfriend or boyfriend and/or they literally just want someone to scene with... without emotional attachment... bit like good hard sex as opposed to a bit of lovin'.

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 32

RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/14/2008 11:20:02 AM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

I think that I just find myself fascinated by dynamics that are based on driving forces not akin to more vanilla ones-I loved your input-thank you!

Sorry, but well, I HAVE to do this

Please define or explain what you mean by driving forces not akin to more vanilla ones?

I doubtless mean a reordering of the more conventional priorities for being in a relationship.

A la, the emotive being placed as most important.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

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Post #: 33

RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/14/2008 11:21:28 AM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: yrstocollar

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

I run across the occasional profile where the person says they don't want a boyfriend or girlfriend, just a harsh, strict owner.

Do you think they really mean it?

Why?

Maybe they already have a girlfriend or boyfriend and/or they literally just want someone to scene with... without emotional attachment... bit like good hard sex as opposed to a bit of lovin'.

No primaries were ever mentioned that I could see. Only the desire to be property.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

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Post #: 34

RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/14/2008 11:22:43 AM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHathor

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

I run across the occasional profile where the person says they don't want a boyfriend or girlfriend, just a harsh, strict owner.

Do you think they really mean it?

Why?

Yes, as Jeffff stated there are people who need a connection, but who need not the depth of emotion---OR who cannot feel or express emotion. To them this is less risk than getting the heart involved.

I might venture that turning your entire life upside down to become property does entail a bit more risk than just having one's feeling hurt by a rejection.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

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Post #: 35

RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/14/2008 11:26:02 AM

BoiJen

Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline

Well I don't say that in my profile it's how I approach things. The power dynamic is more important to me that the romantic notions of "love." Do I have love in my relationship? Yes but it's not romantic. And I enjoy a freedom in knowing that I don't have to negotiate that part in our relationship. The power dynamic prevails entirely...meaning the D/s is first always.

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 36

RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/14/2008 11:26:51 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHathor

Yes, as Jeffff stated there are people who need a connection, but who need not the depth of emotion---OR who cannot feel or express emotion. To them this is less risk than getting the heart involved.

I agree with this. I would not take a profile like the one referenced by the OP and think they are just wanting sex.

There are many relationships throughout the world that love/emotion have nothing to do with them but are about fitting the needs of the two people. For most being in a relationship a need/strong desire is love but that is simply not for all.

Who knows the reasons why someone does not want love in a relationship but I do know that you can probably think of all the couples you know and find one that appears to you is loveless and both of them could be quite content in it.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Post #: 37

RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/14/2008 11:36:28 AM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

One thought did occur to me on reflection.

Most kink and D/s based relationships seem to fizzle out and die, once that new relationship infatuation wears off. It's a huge problem.

Perhaps people looking for something more performance and authority based........are seeking stability? Something more consistent and reliable as a foundation?

It would seem that putting accountabilty as a higher priority than emotion might well point in this direction.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

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Post #: 38

RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/14/2008 11:56:12 AM

Nineveh

Posts: 1299
Joined: 2/5/2008
Status: offline

I disagree that they are just looking for sex, I have seen some people who are just looking for sex, and they are usually quite clear about that. I am sure there are a few who are new to the whole field, who honestly think they want a master who doesn't care about them, and then there are others for whom the power, control, and discipline matter far more than any sort of emotional connection that might exist.

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 39

RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/14/2008 12:00:15 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nineveh

I disagree that they are just looking for sex, I have seen some people who are just looking for sex, and they are usually quite clear about that. I am sure there are a few who are new to the whole field, who honestly think they want a master who doesn't care about them, and then there are others for whom the power, control, and discipline matter far more than any sort of emotional connection that might exist.

This comes back round to what I was trying to get at. Newbies and fantasies aside......

It's actually more like a military discipline. A dynamic based not on emotive value, but performance. Interesting.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

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Post #: 40

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