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RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/16/2008 1:22:24 AM   
nephandi


Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline 		Hi

Yes some pepole really mean it. It is not my cup of tea, but for some they just want to serve, not be in love whit their Dominant. Often a sort of affection is there regardless, but not romantic love, more the caring of a owner for his or her pet. Some even believe that to be truly enslaved the Master can not own you. That if there is love the relationship is just a normal one whit kink, but only when the Master can see his slave as a priced possession and not as a lover the slave are truly property.

i wish you well


_____________________________

Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace and power in it.--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Futon torpedoes, make love not war!--Aswad


(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/16/2008 3:07:06 AM   
probablyknowme


Posts: 1875
Joined: 9/19/2007
Status: offline 		See, I have served a dominant without loving him or him loving me. Did the power dynamic work? You betcha! Was the relationship satisfying for both of us? Absolutely. Would I actively seek that out again? No.



_____________________________

The human mind is like a TV set. When it goes blank, it's a good idea to turn off the sound.
-Anon.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NewcomersOK/


(in reply to nephandi)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/16/2008 12:06:50 PM   
chatondamore


Posts: 86
Joined: 12/22/2007
Status: offline 		Woohoo! thank you!

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Check out my journal
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Profile   Post #: 83
RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/16/2008 2:59:15 PM   
windsorslave4one


Posts: 7
Joined: 12/10/2007
Status: offline 		 kl

< Message edited by windsorslave4one -- 2/16/2008 3:01:12 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 84
RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/16/2008 3:05:39 PM   
Reflectivesoul


Posts: 1777
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline 		yer welcome

_____________________________

ooooo..I bet THATS gonna leave a mark!!!!

Equal opportunity pisser on-er ... heh..

Gimme some crayons, I want color and I want it now DAMNIT!

(in reply to chatondamore)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/17/2008 7:18:09 AM   
ItalianSMistress


Posts: 427
Joined: 1/19/2007
From: Niagara Region Ontario Canada
Status: offline 		I must have missed this one a few days back when it first came out.  My profile is that same idea, on a D side, of course.  I have found in My experience that those that want that are serious in thinking it, however, once dealing with a Dom/me like Me, many change their minds as to what they can handle.  To many, esp new male slaves, they think that is what they want, but they find out that what they like in fantasy is much different than what they can acutally handle in reality.  On top of this, I also have had the experience that even the ones that can handle it long term, sooner or later change their minds, lol, and want more.  I have had to let go of at least 4 or 5 slaves that have started as this, but after a few years, want to change up the agreement and be more to Me.  I have come to understand that this happens, after a long period of time, some people can not help but want more.  Rather like a vanilla relationship where the intent upon meeting might be casual dating, but after a couple of years of that, the goal may change to marriage.  The only thing is, if both parites are not wanting that, it wont happen. 



_____________________________

Governess

"Dominance is the ability to create a hunger in someone that's so strong they will do anything, anytime, anywhere just to please you."


http://italianmistress.livejournal.com/


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Profile   Post #: 86
RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/17/2008 7:26:31 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		That's pretty much the difference between doing a relationship based on a dynamic-or one that uses a dynamic as something more on the side.

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My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

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Profile   Post #: 87
RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/17/2008 8:29:48 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: probablyknowme
See, I have served a dominant without loving him or him loving me. Did the power dynamic work? You betcha! Was the relationship satisfying for both of us? Absolutely. Would I actively seek that out again? No.


me too and yes, the power dynamic worked wonderfully and was intensely satisfying!

i am now in a loving M/s relationship.  i specifically told my Master i do not want Him to be my "boyfriend" because i need Him to be my Master.  He does not feel the need to be harsh i suppose because i dearly want to serve Him but i would rather He be harsh than to allow me to be lazy or inattentive or self-serving.   i love Him with all my heart.  He loves me.  But Boyfriend/girlfriend?  Not on your life!


_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to probablyknowme)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/17/2008 11:22:25 AM   
pyrobabe


Posts: 53
Joined: 10/5/2005
Status: offline 		Some people just want the rough sex, without having to do the work of being disciplined. They want the relationship only when they are horny and when it fits into their schedule. The sub/slave that only wants this is usually trying to top from the bottom.

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/17/2008 1:04:40 PM   
ItalianSMistress


Posts: 427
Joined: 1/19/2007
From: Niagara Region Ontario Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pyrobabe

Some people just want the rough sex, without having to do the work of being disciplined. They want the relationship only when they are horny and when it fits into their schedule. The sub/slave that only wants this is usually trying to top from the bottom.


While I certainly not speak for everyone, this is not anywhere close to the dynamic of any of My Ds relationships. I am not sure if you are being general or not, but that is what it looked like to Me.  From My point of veiw, this type of relationship keeps from things like topping from the bottom, bc there is not much, if any, compromise.

_____________________________

Governess

"Dominance is the ability to create a hunger in someone that's so strong they will do anything, anytime, anywhere just to please you."


http://italianmistress.livejournal.com/


(in reply to pyrobabe)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/17/2008 1:06:51 PM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pyrobabe

Some people just want the rough sex, without having to do the work of being disciplined. They want the relationship only when they are horny and when it fits into their schedule. The sub/slave that only wants this is usually trying to top from the bottom.


Maybe if the only choices were slave or submissive but there are plenty of wonderful people who identify as bottom and enjoy open and honest relationships with Tops where the bottom has the freedom to dictate the who, what, when, where and how.  These are not dynamics to be scoffed at and indeed are often more honest than a lot of the D/s relationships i've witnessed.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to pyrobabe)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/17/2008 3:02:56 PM   
probablyknowme


Posts: 1875
Joined: 9/19/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you! I currently have a Top friend, to whom I am nothing more than a bottom. We play, we play hard, and it works for both of us. I refer to him as Mr. Top on the boards here. He is very sadistic, and I am very masochistic. He teaches classes here locally, and I serve him regularly as a demo bottom. We both bring a need to the table and we fulfill that need together.

I can see where this wouldn't work for everybody. I can also see that it isn't a long term relationship. But for now, I am perfectly happy being his bottom.

_____________________________

The human mind is like a TV set. When it goes blank, it's a good idea to turn off the sound.
-Anon.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NewcomersOK/


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Profile   Post #: 92
RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/17/2008 9:11:19 PM   
ChainedExistence


Posts: 507
Joined: 2/5/2005
Status: offline 		Oh Good Grief...Have to speak up for the romantic types...I've never held his hand while frolicing down the ocean shore, nor do I get get lazy, and self-serving because Master is also my boyfriend. If anything it deepens my resolve to be more submissive. He loves me, but it doesn't make him negligent about doling out the discipline. I don't see myself having to compete to be his equal , nor do I think my love for him or his for me gives me any greater power in the relationship. It's simply a reality of our dynamic. I absolutely believe in an individual's  right to any kind of relationship they want-one with love or without..but it is just as big a fallacy to assume that love is the D/s destroyer as to believe it is the be-all, end-all for everyone. It's a matter of preference. I prefer love- I serve better when I can love, and be loved.

< Message edited by ChainedExistence -- 2/17/2008 9:12:05 PM >

(in reply to probablyknowme)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/17/2008 9:17:55 PM   
kiyari


Posts: 631
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

I run across the occasional profile
where the person says
they don't want a boyfriend or girlfriend,
just a harsh, strict owner.

Do you think they really mean it?

Why?


Walking Wounded.

Either believing they deserve the Hell they seek to [re-]live

...else...

Subconsciously DRIVEN to find that SAME dilemma
[something dark in their life heretofore]
...in hopes of MAKING IT RIGHT, this time around.

Sorta like,
NEEDING 'Romeo and Juliet' to turn out Happily Ever After.

DOOMED :(

_____________________________

Black Water Dragon

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Profile   Post #: 94
RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/17/2008 9:23:28 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ChainedExistence

Oh Good Grief...Have to speak up for the romantic types...I've never held his hand while frolicing down the ocean shore, nor do I get get lazy, and self-serving because Master is also my boyfriend. If anything it deepens my resolve to be more submissive. He loves me, but it doesn't make him negligent about doling out the discipline. I don't see myself having to compete to be his equal , nor do I think my love for him or his for me gives me any greater power in the relationship. It's simply a reality of our dynamic. I absolutely believe in an individual's  right to any kind of relationship they want-one with love or without..but it is just as big a fallacy to assume that love is the D/s destroyer as to believe it is the be-all, end-all for everyone. It's a matter of preference. I prefer love- I serve better when I can love, and be loved.


Since you referred to what I wrote in my post (frolicking down the ocean shore), I'm not sure if you saw that I was speaking up for the non-romantic types, since so many disparaging remarks were made against those who are non-romantic.  So you pretty much "good griefed" my "good grief" 

Ultimately, my point was what I wrote at the end of my post:  "But a boyfriend/girlfriend/romantic type of dynamic isn't the only way to make a connection, folks.  There are many ways for spirits to collide and create something wonderful.  There are many paths toward creating intimate connections and relationships."

Meaning, neither way is better or worse...but there are more ways than one to connect and express love.

(in reply to ChainedExistence)
Profile   Post #: 95
RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/17/2008 9:29:28 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		I have actually met women like this in the past. I find it interesting, the reasons that they wanted a Top like this.

The main one was being held accountable. It gave them a reason to avoid being a screw up. If they screwed up, there would be no shrugging off-no compromise for less than thier best. There would be a price to pay, and there would be suffering.

No "Poor baby,you tried your best."

Instead, "Go back and do it until you get it right, and quit your sniveling-act like an adult."

Is that abuse, or another way to express love? You tell me.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/17/2008 10:19:39 PM   
laurelgoat


Posts: 12
Joined: 2/6/2008
Status: offline 		I've only once had any 'feelings' for a sub. I've always cared very deeply for any subs that I've had, but loved? The only case where I loved, I had been involved with the girl in question for a while before she vanished for several years. When we ran into each other again, I'd spent a lot of time getting comfortable with my dominant side and she'd become even more subby than she had been. But that's another story. The point is, with every other sub, I haven't been able to cross the line. I couldn't picture being married to a sub I considered mine. To me, marriage, or any other 'traditional' relationship, requires an equal partnership. A D/s relationship...not so much.                

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 97
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