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RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/14/2008 12:02:42 PM

Leatherist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

Well I don't say that in my profile it's how I approach things. The power dynamic is more important to me that the romantic notions of "love." Do I have love in my relationship? Yes but it's not romantic. And I enjoy a freedom in knowing that I don't have to negotiate that part in our relationship. The power dynamic prevails entirely...meaning the D/s is first always.

Does this feel more stable to you" More secure?

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RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/14/2008 12:15:11 PM

DesFIP

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I find that's more common in people who have a happy non D/s relationship. Their partner isn't strict and uncaring, because you can't live with that 24/7, you need other needs met too. So they find a non romantic partner to fulfill this side of them. And then they go home to their wife/husband/whatever, and process it inside of loving arms.

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Post #: 42

RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/14/2008 12:23:11 PM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

One thought did occur to me on reflection.

Most kink and D/s based relationships seem to fizzle out and die, once that new relationship infatuation wears off. It's a huge problem.

Perhaps people looking for something more performance and authority based........are seeking stability? Something more consistent and reliable as a foundation?

It would seem that putting accountabilty as a higher priority than emotion might well point in this direction.

Most relationships wear off once that new feeling is over, it's not a BDSM or kink thing. Otherwise relationships that make it in the long-term wouldn't be as special and celebrated as much as they are.

I think people are just being more open about the fact that they don't want a relationship but they do want sex.

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Post #: 43

RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/14/2008 12:44:21 PM

Leatherist

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It keeps coming back to saying that not wanting love means you only want sex.

It's possible to have a relationship that's worthwhile,and not be in romantic love people.

Try a peek outside of the box.

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RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/14/2008 12:45:38 PM

KatyLied

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What do you consider a relationship without love, yet has caring and affection? It's loveless, but not in the strict master sort of way.
There are shades of gray

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RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/14/2008 12:53:03 PM

Leatherist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

What do you consider a relationship without love, yet has caring and affection? It's loveless, but not in the strict master sort of way.
There are shades of gray

Of course. I sometimes wonder why people who think they want strict and abusive.......owners.... do so.

I could only think they were ither intesity junkies,or had romantic things that soured-and dissapointed them. Maybe it's overcompansation,hard to tell.

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Post #: 46

RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/14/2008 1:26:31 PM

Lashra

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Yes, some don't want to be loved, they want to be controlled, used, objectified (insert need/kink here). Personally I would have to be a least friends with someone before I'd even consider taking them on as a sub.

~Lashra

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RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/14/2008 1:29:28 PM

meticulousgirl

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yes, althought, it's not my cup of tea...it's one some do want for themselves for various reasons..

Nothing wrong with that, as long as they are putting it out in the open...

~meticulous~

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Post #: 48

RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/14/2008 1:29:59 PM

Leatherist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

Yes, some don't want to be loved, they want to be controlled, used, objectified (insert need/kink here). Personally I would have to be a least friends with someone before I'd even consider taking them on as a sub.

~Lashra

Same here, and that they were sane.

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RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/14/2008 1:44:37 PM

IrishMist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

What do you consider a relationship without love, yet has caring and affection? It's loveless, but not in the strict master sort of way.
There are shades of gray

Of course. I sometimes wonder why people who think they want strict and abusive.......owners.... do so.

I could only think they were ither intesity junkies,or had romantic things that soured-and dissapointed them. Maybe it's overcompansation,hard to tell.

Do I want love in relatinship? Absolutly not.
do I want those tender feelings of 'being pampered and cared for"? Absolutly not.

Am I an intensity junkie...according to you anyway?...yes, most would say that I am.
Have I ever had a bad experience with a 'romantic' relationship? Nope. In fact, the relationships that I base my answers and experience on were all long lasting; they just were NOT romantic. Nor would I have been happy in a relationship of that kind; so naturally, I sought men who DID NOT want romance.

it gets really old trying to explain to people that romance is not the only thing that makes a relationship work; that two or more people can be quite happy with no emotional ties whatsoever; and still be considered quite sane.

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RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/14/2008 1:50:44 PM

Leatherist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

What do you consider a relationship without love, yet has caring and affection? It's loveless, but not in the strict master sort of way.
There are shades of gray

Of course. I sometimes wonder why people who think they want strict and abusive.......owners.... do so.

I could only think they were ither intesity junkies,or had romantic things that soured-and dissapointed them. Maybe it's overcompansation,hard to tell.

Do I want love in relatinship? Absolutly not.
do I want those tender feelings of 'being pampered and cared for"? Absolutly not.

Am I an intensity junkie...according to you anyway?...yes, most would say that I am.
Have I ever had a bad experience with a 'romantic' relationship? Nope. In fact, the relationships that I base my answers and experience on were all long lasting; they just were NOT romantic. Nor would I have been happy in a relationship of that kind; so naturally, I sought men who DID NOT want romance.

it gets really old trying to explain to people that romance is not the only thing that makes a relationship work; that two or more people can be quite happy with no emotional ties whatsoever; and still be considered quite sane.

Indeed, and much more fun for a heavy duty sadist.

And yes, it does get rather old. With people who think a bottom needs to be treated with kid gloves and several layers of padding. Like a delicate flower.

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RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/14/2008 3:19:20 PM

faerytattoodgirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetwenchie

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

wenchie your confusing me. Mmmm typical woman. Would I be better putting Im a Romantic Dom in my profile or a heartless Dom?

me, confusing? Hardly! i do not know your personal style, but you could always go with Heartless Romantic Dominant, really confuse the poor dears.

yes my wifey is very confusing...she still hates the M word and thinks we're not married...very sad...

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RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/14/2008 3:31:39 PM

MadRabbit

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

It keeps coming back to saying that not wanting love means you only want sex.

It's possible to have a relationship that's worthwhile,and not be in romantic love people.

Try a peek outside of the box.

Yeah, no shit.

It is possible that some of us feel and prcoess the emotion called "love" in different ways other than those detailed in vanilla romance novels.

I happen to be one of those people. I do not nor ever have formed a connection with someone or felt the feelings that is often described as "romantic love".

I don't want it. I don't fantasize about it. I don't desire it.

I want to own a slave.

I want a companion.

I want someone I am compatible with.

I want someone that interests me and intriques me so that I have a desire to call them, talk to them, and see them the following day.

I want someone that I can love and care for in the sense that they become woven into my life as an important person and part.

I don't want to buy them flowers on Valentines day. I want them to make me a good drink and give me a back rub. I don't want them to wear a ring. I want them to wear a collar. I don't want to cuddle. I want them to curl up around my legs. I don't want to kiss. I want them to kiss my feet.

The yuppy, "Oh, I think about you so much. I can't wait to see you", staring deeply into your eyes, "I can't keep my arms off you. I want to kiss you", kind of love and affection doesn't have to be involved for a successful long term and healthy relationship.

There is different kinds of love which is why the Greeks had different words for love. For some people, eros love is the summum bonum. It's not for all of us.

Nor does not desiring automatic love equate to "I will serve/do or own/be done by anyone". It's just a different kind of love and a different kind of connection.

< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 2/14/2008 3:33:52 PM >

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RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/14/2008 3:47:58 PM

joy2u

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

I run across the occasional profile where the person says they don't want a boyfriend or girlfriend, just a harsh, strict owner.

Do you think they really mean it?

Have you tried asking the people who have written this in their profile?

quote:

Why?

Maybe it's because that's what they know they want in a D/s relationship.

As for me, i was someone who wasn't seeking a boyfriend but, i wasn't seeking a "harsh, strict owner" either. Then again, i have never looked for a boyfriend or for love. Instead, i look for someone who i share common interests, values and goals with and let things happen. If love is going to happen, it's going to happen whether i'm looking for it or not. If it's not going to happen, so be it.

There are some who seem overly anxious to make love happen. There have been men who have used the word "love" with me when we hadn't even met and had only exchanged a few emails and some pictures. That is a huge signal to me that they have a very different feeling about love than i do. For me, love is something that takes time to nuture and grow. After being with my Master for just over 2 years now, love blossomed and it wasn't something that happened quickly and it wasn't something that was expected or required but, it is very nice and it feels right.

joy
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RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/14/2008 3:58:27 PM

faerytattoodgirl

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i wuvs u joy.... there now you have had a woman say it without meeting and not even an email!

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RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/14/2008 4:16:48 PM

YourhandMyAss

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Then the owner doesn't pick someone who doesn't match what the owner seeks. very simple.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

I think that quite possible, but what if the owner expects more of them?

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RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/14/2008 4:27:52 PM

celticlord2112

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Why does it matter whether people want something besides "love"?

People want to be happy and fulfilled in their relationships. Whether that means they want love or wild spider monkey fucking....who cares? If it works for them, hallelujah!

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RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/14/2008 5:25:58 PM

BoiJen

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I'll tell ya now I'm an intensity junkie. I love a good rush and I seek the rush out when I get the chance. And because I'm in a relationship where I am responsible for myself to another person I have to make sure that I take care of my being in the search for that rush. Luckily I serve a crazy Bitch.

Don't get me wrong...there's love...it's not romantic. It's the type of love close friends and choosen family have. I DO feel more secure. I DO feel that the relationship is more protected and structured.

And I enjoy that structure. There is a deep, deep emotional connection...it's also spiritual. Yes my relationship is performance based. I MUST do a good job...otherwise I feel like I'm not doing MY job. And She's the only One who can tell me if I'm doing a good job. And yes, I grew up in a military family...if you choose to draw that conclusion...the structure is very comforting for me. I rely on it on a daily basis.

Now...to give a bit of clarity because collarme doesn't have a "servant" category to identify with, I don't identify as a submissive or submissive at all. I am a servant...my relationship is based on what I DO...not how I feel. I will function and perform no matter how I feel emotionally. And therefore the dynamic I participate in is very different than what most people describe as ideal or what they are actively participating in. And no I"m not new...I been doing this for a while...and it's how I know who I am and what I want. It's not about the fantasy...it's about the reality of SERVING.

< Message edited by BoiJen -- 2/14/2008 5:29:43 PM >

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RE: Loveless D/s. - 2/14/2008 5:30:31 PM

joy2u

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Thank you, faery. You are too sweet