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Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/18/2008 6:25:37 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		I know that there will be an instinctive gutteral reaction to this thread, but allow me to explain a bit.  The parties involved are a new, but somewhat more studied and self-aware submissive and a new, less than certain dominant.  The submissive knows the dominant is capable of taking her in hand as she desires because she has seen it before in matters outside of the bedroom and it had her blood boiling by the time they were ready for some intimate time.  The dominant treads lightly and will not push the submissive's limits and expand on what they already do.  Direct challenge of his authority seems to work well, but she hesitates to slap him.

I am not in a position to advise as I often consider such drastic measures in my primary relationship as well (only about half kidding LOL).  I tend to think that it may work in the beginning until they can both get their bearings.  I also think there will come a time where she will find that she will pay dearly for doing so and, at that point, it will not only be unnecessary, but very ill advised.  I am just wondering if, in this early part of the relationship with both of the parties' lack of experience, this would still be a complete breech of decorum.  I know opinions will vary and I am just interested to see the different perspectives.  Keep in mind the newbie status of each; they are not seasoned like many on this forum.  Please also understand that they have an awesome relationship otherwise with fabulous communication.  It is just difficult for him to get to the correct initial headspace on his own at this point.  Are there better things she could do?  Are there suggestions for him?

Eager for Courteous Responses,
lovingpet

<edited for typos> 

< Message edited by lovingpet -- 2/18/2008 6:28:57 PM >
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RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/18/2008 6:28:26 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		Hell no.  Slapping anyone's face regardless of role should only be done if it's something they've agreed upon.  Doing it to make the Dom push harder...well...that's just silly.  Has your friend tried the old-fashioned approach of you know...talking to the Dom?

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/18/2008 6:31:27 PM   
Bound2One


Posts: 614
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline 		Interesting question.  She wants to goad him into a deeper dom space.  I don't think this is a great idea.  A newer dom is learning that being a dom is all about control, and his mastery of his own self.  The sub may goad him out of being in control, which would not be a good thing for him.  If he strikes back at her in anger, this could be confusing for him.  Does that make sense?  It did before I started typing it out.  lol

I'm trying to think of things she could do which would help put him at ease in his new role.  It depends on what turns him on - is he into rituals, which they could explore together and see what he enjoys?  Does he enjoy begging?  What are his triggers to get into the right headspace?  If they can discover this, then she will be able to better submit to him and, in turn, help him get comfortable. 

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RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/18/2008 6:31:54 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		Yes.  He seems to enjoy affronts to his authority to get him in a fluster.  For him, it is more like break her each time.  He likes the brat thing, I think is to the point.  He needs that at this point, and he says he would not have hard feelings if she slapped him.  I just am not so sure it is appropriate.

Thanks for the response,
lovingpet

(in reply to laurell3)
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RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/18/2008 6:34:25 PM   
LadyLolly


Posts: 140
Joined: 5/21/2005
Status: offline 		He's new to all this and treading carefully finding his way within his own comfort zone.  All too often people forget that the Dominant also has limits and the right to consent....   

Besides, nonconsentual smacking someone is assualt.......

Perhaps she can find another way to stir him - being a "brat" perhaps?

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RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/18/2008 6:34:46 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

Yes.  He seems to enjoy affronts to his authority to get him in a fluster.  For him, it is more like break her each time.  He likes the brat thing, I think is to the point.  He needs that at this point, and he says he would not have hard feelings if she slapped him.  I just am not so sure it is appropriate.

Thanks for the response,
lovingpet


He wants her to slap him?  As in like primal play?  Or because he can't top without it?  It's a bit confusing.  If he's asking her to, yeah how is that a breach of protocol which is what you stated above?   Primal play isn't a breach of protocol...struggling when agreed upon isn't a breach of anything.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to lovingpet)
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RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/18/2008 6:35:00 PM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		I understand where he is comming from. Tell you friend to go ahead and do it. Everyone has their own style and that is his.

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RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/18/2008 6:35:06 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bound2One

Interesting question.  She wants to goad him into a deeper dom space.  I don't think this is a great idea.  A newer dom is learning that being a dom is all about control, and his mastery of his own self.  The sub may goad him out of being in control, which would not be a good thing for him.  If he strikes back at her in anger, this could be confusing for him.  Does that make sense?  It did before I started typing it out.  lol

I'm trying to think of things she could do which would help put him at ease in his new role.  It depends on what turns him on - is he into rituals, which they could explore together and see what he enjoys?  Does he enjoy begging?  What are his triggers to get into the right headspace?  If they can discover this, then she will be able to better submit to him and, in turn, help him get comfortable. 


I think that is part of the frustration at this point.  The things that spark him are just so random.  I told her to keep a journal of when he takes control, whether or not it is in the bedroom and try to determine together what initiated it. 

Thanks for the Thoughts,
lovingpet

(in reply to Bound2One)
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RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/18/2008 6:35:29 PM   
Bound2One


Posts: 614
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

Yes.  He seems to enjoy affronts to his authority to get him in a fluster.  For him, it is more like break her each time.  He likes the brat thing, I think is to the point.  He needs that at this point, and he says he would not have hard feelings if she slapped him.  I just am not so sure it is appropriate.

Thanks for the response,
lovingpet


::shrug::  If he likes it, and it's consensual, then it's 'appropriate' for them.  That's all that matters.  Now that I'm thinking about it, it's kinda hot in a way - rather Scarlett/Rhett.  hmmmmm.......

The journal is a good idea, probably for both of them to help them understand their new roles. 

< Message edited by Bound2One -- 2/18/2008 6:37:59 PM >

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RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/18/2008 6:36:14 PM   
LadyHathor


Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline 		WTF?? slap Me to make Me give you what you want---hell no, your happy happy ass would be heading for the happy happy door!!!!

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Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

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RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/18/2008 6:38:57 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		If he likes it, its not innaproprite.  It is, however, something that might become a necessity in their play. It is not neessarily something he will get over, so she should prepare herself for him needing that sort of prompting all the time.

DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

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VampiresLair

(in reply to LadyHathor)
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RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/18/2008 6:41:49 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

Yes.  He seems to enjoy affronts to his authority to get him in a fluster.  For him, it is more like break her each time.  He likes the brat thing, I think is to the point.  He needs that at this point, and he says he would not have hard feelings if she slapped him.  I just am not so sure it is appropriate.

Thanks for the response,
lovingpet


He wants her to slap him?  As in like primal play?  Or because he can't top without it?  It's a bit confusing.  If he's asking her to, yeah how is that a breach of protocol which is what you stated above?   Primal play isn't a breach of protocol...struggling when agreed upon isn't a breach of anything.


He has agreed to it.  I am not saying he wants her to do so.  In knowing the couple, if they succeed in forming the relationship they desire, she will be repaid in spaids for this behavior once he is comfortable in his dominant status.  They do a lot of forced sex scening also.  They are a wonderfully complex couple, so it is a little tough to break down the greys much more than this.

lovingpet

(in reply to laurell3)
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RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/18/2008 6:42:08 PM   
SirJohnMandevill


Posts: 546
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

Hell no.  Slapping anyone's face regardless of role should only be done if it's something they've agreed upon.  Doing it to make the Dom push harder...well...that's just silly.  Has your friend tried the old-fashioned approach of you know...talking to the Dom?


I could see it being done as part of a resistance/rape scene, but it ought to be discussed beforehand, even it's as simple as, "Do whatever you want to resist." If my submissive slaps me as part of the scene, she can expect the same in return.
 
Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)

_____________________________

Iam an eroticist
I am a fully eroticized being
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(in reply to laurell3)
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RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/18/2008 6:44:01 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirJohnMandevill

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

Hell no.  Slapping anyone's face regardless of role should only be done if it's something they've agreed upon.  Doing it to make the Dom push harder...well...that's just silly.  Has your friend tried the old-fashioned approach of you know...talking to the Dom?


I could see it being done as part of a resistance/rape scene, but it ought to be discussed beforehand, even it's as simple as, "Do whatever you want to resist." If my submissive slaps me as part of the scene, she can expect the same in return.
 
Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)


I think that's different than this based on the post above.  It seems this struggling is his motivation for being dominant more than it's a primal type thing.   Honestly talking to the guy and telling him it's ok would seem to be a better approach for me, but I'm not them.  If it works it does.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to SirJohnMandevill)
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RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/18/2008 6:45:16 PM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Go for it SirJohn. If she is a blonde there is no chance of you slapping her silly.

(in reply to SirJohnMandevill)
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RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/18/2008 6:45:17 PM   
xolarkinxo


Posts: 73
Joined: 9/10/2005
Status: offline
quote:

He seems to enjoy affronts to his authority to get him in a fluster.  For him, it is more like break her each time.  He likes the brat thing, I think is to the point.  He needs that at this point, and he says he would not have hard feelings if she slapped him.  I just am not so sure it is appropriate.

Sounds like it is approriate for them.  I can understand your reluctance to give the go-ahead.  I would never slap Tacs.
Larkin

(in reply to LadyHathor)
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RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/18/2008 6:46:01 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

I understand where he is comming from. Tell you friend to go ahead and do it. Everyone has their own style and that is his.


I am not sure it is his style as much as her frustration.  It brings out some traits she likes, but I doubt he has the control he needs to have over them in this context.  She does not want to top from the bottom, but she is in order to bring him along the path.  That is why I prefer mentoring methods for helping me with my particular quandry.  It has been a slower process (grrrrr), but I think it will be healthier overall.  Thanks for your observation, however.  It may turn out to be their thing in the long run, but I would rather be sure of it.

lovingpet

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RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/18/2008 6:48:01 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bound2One

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

Yes.  He seems to enjoy affronts to his authority to get him in a fluster.  For him, it is more like break her each time.  He likes the brat thing, I think is to the point.  He needs that at this point, and he says he would not have hard feelings if she slapped him.  I just am not so sure it is appropriate.

Thanks for the response,
lovingpet


::shrug::  If he likes it, and it's consensual, then it's 'appropriate' for them.  That's all that matters.  Now that I'm thinking about it, it's kinda hot in a way - rather Scarlett/Rhett.  hmmmmm.......

The journal is a good idea, probably for both of them to help them understand their new roles. 


Oh great, now I will be slapping my dominant and hoping he will tell me how he doesn't give a damn!!!!  Did it just get hot in here???? 

lovingpet

(in reply to Bound2One)
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RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/18/2008 6:49:42 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHathor

WTF?? slap Me to make Me give you what you want---hell no, your happy happy ass would be heading for the happy happy door!!!!


If only he were so bold, the slap would be unnecessary...unthinkable....(swoon)

lovingpet

(in reply to LadyHathor)
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RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/18/2008 6:52:05 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

If he likes it, its not innaproprite.  It is, however, something that might become a necessity in their play. It is not neessarily something he will get over, so she should prepare herself for him needing that sort of prompting all the time.

DV



I agree, but think he should get his dominance established without it as much as possible so that he is not play from a place of being out of control.  Newness can lead to things getting out of hand as it is.  I think it could be an interesting element if it develops that way, however.

lovingpet

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
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