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No more Daddy? - 2/20/2008 7:35:45 AM

breatheasone

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I had never heard of a "Daddy/little girl" dynamic before like 2 years ago. I thought it was an terrible thing, I have since learned about it, and have done a complete 180 on it. I also discovered that I actually need, and desire deeply this kind of connection with my Master.

I broached the subject with my Master, that was VERY VERY hard for me....I have NEVER felt that laid open or vulnerable. This kind of dynamic is for some reason very touchy for me, even though its what I feel my soul needs most.... He agreed to explore it and be everything I need, so we went forward....I discovered He had this kind of "Daddy" thing with others...(before me) and for some reason that caused me to recoil back into my shell about it(the Daddy thing) well some months later We revisited it. We talked, and agreed to forge that relationship anew..... Well a few days ago I found out that a friend of His,(a woman) also refers to Him as "dad"....apparently she lost her father at a young age, and views my Master as a "dad". Master and I have discussed this, and its all cool and all.....but I can't call Him Daddy anymore, I just can't say it. When I do think about calling Him that, I almost cry even. It seriously just about crushed my heart to know that another woman refers to Him as "dad"

I have ZERO clue whats the matter with me here.....I actually feel like I'm mourning a death or something. I so desperately wanted Master to be my Daddy.....and now I feel like its just not possible. and that makes me SO fuckin sad.

**gets out my asbestos outfit** I know none of this is logical....so let me have it!!

< Message edited by breatheasone -- 2/20/2008 7:54:50 AM >

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RE: Need Feedback please - 2/20/2008 7:55:23 AM

littlebitxxx

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Ah, breatheasone, hugs and cuddles to ya. If calling him Daddy as a right to acknowledge your special relationship means the world to you, call him Daddy. The other lady that calls him "Dad" does so for a whole different reason. She lost her real father and your Master had stepped up to the plate, treating her maybe the way her real father would have, lending her support (and probably the car on Saturday night), being there for the hugs and cries of a daughter needing her Dad. Your dynamic is very different from that. He is your DaddyMaster, still treating you with the love and care of a father-type figure, lending you support of a different kind. He causes your hugs and cries, not just stands there waitiing for the world to come after you. He is your life, your Daddy.....but not your Dad.

I know it's not the same...but my kids were always telling their friends just to call me "Mum" if they forgot my name. I became Mum to half the high school, after coaching all the carpet burners on their way up. Mine actually felt proud to have such a cool mum that the other kids all wanted and looked to with their cries and scraped knees.

The dynamics were totally different, of course, just as you and your Daddy. But if he was able to make one other little girl...then grown woman...feel as if her own Dad were not so far away, I think I'd be proud to know him. There's few enough men in this world that would do that for another.

He may be Dad to her, breatheasone, but he is still your Daddy. He hasn't changed, your dynamic hasn't changed. Except maybe to be a bit bigger man than most.

_____________________________

There is no such thing as can't unless it is followed by yet

It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

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RE: Need Feedback please - 2/20/2008 8:01:09 AM

toservez

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It sounds like to me you were wanting the term to be special just between you two and now that someone else uses it, even though for a completely different reason, that it has lost being special to you. You have attached false value to the term as you are confusing the term with your special ness to your Master. What is special is the relationship and not the term that represents it.

Look at it this way if you said you loved brownies does that make your love for your Master diminished, of course not. It just means what it means. I do not have any wonderful advice but to just push your way through it. To force yourself to call him Daddy and eventually your brain will adjust back.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

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RE: Need Feedback please - 2/20/2008 8:01:22 AM

Mercnbeth

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quote:

I know none of this is logical....so let me have it!!

this is the part that seems to lack logic the most:

why would your Master leave out the fact that another woman calls him "dad" when you were having and revisiting the discussions about exploring the whole concept of someone who is not his biological offspring calling him dad, before "a few days ago"?

(in reply to breatheasone)

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RE: Need Feedback please - 2/20/2008 8:01:44 AM

BlackPhx

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Joined: 11/8/2006
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Sounds a little like sibling rivalry tinging the relationship. Remember any feeling you have is a valid one, don't let anyone tell you differently and jealousy, rivalry are both very valid feelings.

That someone else calling him "Dad" is hurting you is apparent, but, perhaps looking at it slightly differently may help a little. To her he is "Dad" wise man, guide, and sound board...to you he is "Daddy" comfort, safety, smiles and cuddles, discipline and love as well as the above. You get it all, she is grown and on her own while you have all of him..You may need to find another term for him until you have gotten past this, perhaps in another language. suggestions, Vati (German) Papi (Spanish), Nana (Russian).

poenkitten

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 5

RE: Need Feedback please - 2/20/2008 8:03:32 AM

breatheasone

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlebitxxx

Ah, breatheasone, hugs and cuddles to ya. If calling him Daddy as a right to acknowledge your special relationship means the world to you, call him Daddy. The other lady that calls him "Dad" does so for a whole different reason. She lost her real father and your Master had stepped up to the plate, treating her maybe the way her real father would have, lending her support (and probably the car on Saturday night), being there for the hugs and cries of a daughter needing her Dad. Your dynamic is very different from that. He is your DaddyMaster, still treating you with the love and care of a father-type figure, lending you support of a different kind. He causes your hugs and cries, not just stands there waitiing for the world to come after you. He is your life, your Daddy.....but not your Dad.

I know it's not the same...but my kids were always telling their friends just to call me "Mum" if they forgot my name. I became Mum to half the high school, after coaching all the carpet burners on their way up. Mine actually felt proud to have such a cool mum that the other kids all wanted and looked to with their cries and scraped knees.

The dynamics were totally different, of course, just as you and your Daddy. But if he was able to make one other little girl...then grown woman...feel as if her own Dad were not so far away, I think I'd be proud to know him. There's few enough men in this world that would do that for another.

He may be Dad to her, breatheasone, but he is still your Daddy. He hasn't changed, your dynamic hasn't changed. Except maybe to be a bit bigger man than most.

This made me cry....and I know I sound like an illogical selfish asshole.....I just wish I knew WHY I felt this badly about it...when like you said...I should be proud and happy that Master is such a good, caring, and generous Man.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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RE: Need Feedback please - 2/20/2008 8:07:49 AM

SubbieOnWheels

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littlebit, I just have to say that was a beautiful post! I'm glad the first response was so gentle and understanding. And I agree wholeheartedly with what you've said.

breatheasone, you are special to your Master in a way this woman will never be. And she is special as you will never be. There may be areas in which your dynamics overlap, but her "Dad/daughter" dynamic was one that evolved as she grew from child to adult. Your "Daddy/little girl" dynamic will evolve as a relationship between consenting adult.

I hope that makes sense to you.

_____________________________

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RE: Need Feedback please - 2/20/2008 8:08:40 AM

breatheasone

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toservez you and poenkitten make perfect sense...Now if I can get my head and heart to get together on this.

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Post #: 8

RE: Need Feedback please - 2/20/2008 8:13:24 AM

breatheasone

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Merc, Master has known this woman for a few years, and He said He had forgotten she has called Him that. Apparently she doesn't use the term often even though she fully views Him as friend and "dad"

SubbieOnWheels you make sense....Its just a pill I can't seem to get down my throat is all.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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Post #: 9

RE: Need Feedback please - 2/20/2008 8:22:27 AM

littlebitxxx

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I wonder if a little role-playing would help differentiate in your mind?
a) Breeze in to the room, wave a careless hand, and "Hey Dad, what's up? C'mere and give me a hug."
b) Sidle over to your Master and hand him coffee, then sit gently at his feet and rest your head on his knee. Look up from under, and "Daddy? May I have a hug?"

I wish, my dear, I could wave a magic wand and make it all better. But work calls just the now. Will check in later to see how you're doing. It's these little innocuous illogical situations that seem to play the heaviest on our minds, eh?

_____________________________

There is no such thing as can't unless it is followed by yet

It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 10

RE: Need Feedback please - 2/20/2008 8:25:38 AM

breatheasone

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Joined: 7/14/2007
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quote:

It's these little innocuous illogical situations that seem to play the heaviest on our minds, eh?

Boy Howdy!.....thats a true statement. I like things to make sense, and me feeling this way makes NO sense to me. I just can't seem to shake it either though. So just fuck me already!

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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Post #: 11

RE: Need Feedback please - 2/20/2008 8:29:43 AM

KatyLied

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What is the part that most bothers you in all of this?
Just the word "dad"?
Or the fact that he has this relationship that started before he knew you?
I"m not asking to be hurtful, but perhaps some exploration of why this is sensitive to you would help.
Also turn it around and look at it from other vantage points (not your own). I have a feeling that these are two completely different dynamics and that he does not do D/s with her (and I reading this correctly?). He fulfills a need she has by being her "Dad". By being your "Daddy" he fulfills a need you have, or at the very least something you want to explore and something he wishes to explore with you. Something he wishes to explore with you. Repeated for emphasis. I would offer that you try this dynamic with him and see how it develops. Remember that people are multi-faceted and have many things to offer.

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RE: Need Feedback please - 2/20/2008 8:38:20 AM

breatheasone

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

What is the part that most bothers you in all of this?
Just the word "dad"?
Or the fact that he has this relationship that started before he knew you?
I"m not asking to be hurtful, but perhaps some exploration of why this is sensitive to you would help.
Also turn it around and look at it from other vantage points (not your own). I have a feeling that these are two completely different dynamics and that he does not do D/s with her (and I reading this correctly?). He fulfills a need she has by being her "Dad". By being your "Daddy" he fulfills a need you have, or at the very least something you want to explore and something he wishes to explore with you. Something he wishes to explore with you. Repeated for emphasis. I would offer that you try this dynamic with him and see how it develops. Remember that people are multi-faceted and have many things to offer.

From what I know He is friends with this woman, and her husband....but more so with the woman(Masters assessment not mine) He has not been in a D/s dynamic with this woman according to my Master. I really don't think its that she has known Him long that bothers me at all. Its just that it "feels" like this is supposed to be special and mine..... and its not special....and its certainly not feeling like mine....It feels like its been every bodies....the other women before me...and this friend He has, that sees Him as a "dad"....

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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RE: No more Daddy? - 2/20/2008 8:38:32 AM

Owner4SexSlave

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Just call him Daddy, cry and let it all out and have him hold you. This would be my advice.

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RE: Need Feedback please - 2/20/2008 8:44:38 AM

sweetwenchie

Posts: 1993
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Sacramento, California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Merc, Master has known this woman for a few years, and He said He had forgotten she has called Him that. Apparently she doesn't use the term often even though she fully views Him as friend and "dad"

SubbieOnWheels you make sense....Its just a pill I can't seem to get down my throat is all.

He had forgotten she called him that... does that not show something to you? Would he ever forget that you call him Daddy? He sounds like he is a friend to her, and a mentor of types. That should not detract from your own personal relationship with him.

Jealousy is not logical, does not mean it does not have the power to hurt. Give your mind time to convince your heart of that, talk to him, get reassurance if that will help.

_____________________________

"To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is a very different thing from being a passive object." - De Beauvoir

"You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist." - Nietzsche

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RE: No more Daddy? - 2/20/2008 8:47:28 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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This is the downside of all that crazy needy energy.

I agree that obviously you guys have not talked things out thoroughly and fully understood the scope of it. If it's just not something you can get over, then it isn't. However, you seem to truly desire this and perhaps with some real quality talking, time, and understand, you can be less like the only-child who doesn't want to share their daddy, and more like a secure girl who knows other relationships do not have anything to do with the security of yours.

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RE: Need Feedback please - 2/20/2008 8:50:15 AM

breatheasone

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetwenchie

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Merc, Master has known this woman for a few years, and He said He had forgotten she has called Him that. Apparently she doesn't use the term often even though she fully views Him as friend and "dad"

SubbieOnWheels you make sense....Its just a pill I can't seem to get down my throat is all.

He had forgotten she called him that... does that not show something to you? Would he ever forget that you call him Daddy? He sounds like he is a friend to her, and a mentor of types. That should not detract from your own personal relationship with him.

Jealousy is not logical, does not mean it does not have the power to hurt. Give your mind time to convince your heart of that, talk to him, get reassurance if that will help.

To be honest I didn't even think about it that way untill you said it....and its an excellent point. I think the advice about giving my heart time is a very good one....perhaps I'll be able to even speak about it with Him someday. I just can't right now.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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RE: No more Daddy? - 2/20/2008 8:53:41 AM

breatheasone

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Joined: 7/14/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

This is the downside of all that crazy needy energy.

I agree that obviously you guys have not talked things out thoroughly and fully understood the scope of it. If it's just not something you can get over, then it isn't. However, you seem to truly desire this and perhaps with some real quality talking, time, and understand, you can be less like the only-child who doesn't want to share their daddy, and more like a secure girl who knows other relationships do not have anything to do with the security of yours.

The thing is....I wasn't needy until I met Master....This emotional, crying, "little girl" I swear to God I didn't know existed....I have always prided myself on being a together wife, mother, and woman. I don't seem to be much of that lately LOL.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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RE: Need Feedback please - 2/20/2008 8:54:16 AM

sweetwenchie

Posts: 1993
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Sacramento, California
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If you can, talk to him before your feelings about this issue affect your own dynamic with him.

Good luck!

_____________________________

"To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is a very different thing from being a passive object." - De Beauvoir

"You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist." - Nietzsche

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 19

RE: Need Feedback please - 2/20/2008 9:26:34 AM

Sundowner

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Joined: 3/11/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlebitxxx

Ah, breatheasone, hugs and cuddles to ya. If calling him Daddy ...
... lots of good stuff

This made me cry....

Huh! Made you cry? littlebit's comments made me cry and I'm an uninvolved bloke. But high quality "nice" thoughts are worth a tear or two.

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 20

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