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RE: Humbly asking for advice ... - 2/25/2008 6:32:57 PM

MissHarlet

Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
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Now you wont be struggling with if you should submitt .. you will submit because you know it is the thing you want for yourself and therefore will complete the circle with a Dominant ...for without your submission an Dominant cant dominante and without a Dominant you cannot submit ...

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Protectress of hearts/souls of all submissives calling Bounty's Place home, by order of Bounty~Proprietor

To be respected you must be respectful, to be loved you must be willing to love,
to be trusted you must be willing to trust.

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RE: Humbly asking for advice ... - 2/25/2008 6:45:11 PM

SassySarijane

Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
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Technically one can submit without a dominant, it's just that you are submitting to whatever you submit to, ie family, friends, everyone?, etc. rather than in the context of a D/s or M/s relationship dynamic; and it's the relationship and dynamic with a dominant I want to and can submit in/to.

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RE: Humbly asking for advice ... - 2/25/2008 7:36:39 PM

liljoy

Posts: 577
Joined: 3/25/2004
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ok i'm going to take a shot at this. If you keep getting the same results with different women perhaps it's not just them. Imagine for a bit that there was something that you could have handled better. No i don't mean your choice of women either. What could you have done better?

i too have had trust issues along with abandonment issues. i didn't fight my submission as panic at what it can involve. There were several times that i freaked out on Master.
You want to know how He helped me? By being the Master He said He would be. He didn't push me faster than i was ready, He calmed me when i was afraid.

He didn't change the way He is because i had a moment of panic. He has always been true to what He told me He was and He has always expected me to be true to what i told Him i was. Because that has never faltered my trust has grown.

There are still rare moments when the fear arises but it doesn't stick around long. They are further and further apart every time and not near as intense as they once were.

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RE: Humbly asking for advice ... - 2/25/2008 7:55:14 PM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Loveisallyouneed

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

It has little, if anything, to do with having been physically abused.

True perhaps for you and the people you know, but certainly you do not speak for everyone.

I've known women who were physically abused and the abuse certainly affected their ability to trust.

1 out of 4 women have been sexually abused Bob, it's hardly a rare thing. Most women have to get over it at some time or another, it has little to do with submission.

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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RE: Humbly asking for advice ... - 2/25/2008 10:02:47 PM

heartfeltsub

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Apparently i am one of those armchair psychiatrists in the OP's opinion, though i am glad that you got something out of what i said and what i have experienced SS.

heartfelt

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Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.

Life is either a great adventure or nothing.

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RE: Humbly asking for advice ... - 2/26/2008 12:23:59 AM

Bound2One

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Joined: 1/11/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SassySarijane

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissHarlet

Yeaaaaa You !!! This I think is just what the OP was talking about .. in his own way ... you are doing your struggle on your own .. come thru to a healthy spot and Knowing you will be ready when you are !!!

*grins and blushes* Thanks; and I'll let you in on a little secret about it too. I've never been happier than I am now. I'm much more confident and don't feel I need a man or to be in a relationship to validate me. Make sense?

I'm just skimming through this rather nutty thread and came across this exchange between MissHarlet and SassySarijane. What a fantastic thing it was. SassySarijane... congratulations, on all the work, time and effort you've put into your recovery. To know you're happier now than ever before - and I don't even know you - made me so happy! :-) All of us know people who need to heal. It's validating and wonderful to hear from someone who made it through to the other side. Enjoy and be well!

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RE: Humbly asking for advice ... - 2/26/2008 12:34:59 AM

Bound2One

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[It is unfortunate that there is no civil forum wherein we can discuss the submissive who fights her submission and how that impacts the master/dom she is with.

It seems we lack sufficient civility to discuss what such a master/dom can do in that situation, if anything.

It would seem the idea of a submissive abusing a master/dom emotionally is absurd and ludicrous to the immature set. ]

I'm a slave to my Master of two months. So, obviously, we are in the early stages of our relationship. I have also only identified as a submissive for a little over a year. Master has a wealth of experience.

While I would not categorize my acts as 'fighting my submission', I have given Master some instances where he has to deal with figuring out what was at the bottom of my behavior so that he/I could then address it and get over the bump in the road. I won't share personal details here, but suffice it to say that I challenged him to really dig deep within himself, use his patience and strength to stand firm for me, showing me that he wasn't going anywhere and that his love was there for me. Communication, as has been said, is key, though sometimes it's tough because the emotional confusion the sub may be experiencing is hard to put into words. This may be where the experience of the Master can come into play again, in helping her understand herself or suggesting possible feelings she may be having (or may not be, if he's wrong!).

There have been two such bumps within our relationship thus far. Coming through each one has solidified our feelings for each other, identified smaller issues which we are more aware of and are dealing with and really, made our bond tighter. It's not easy on either of us. It's confusing and scary for me and challenging and confusing for him. Turning the other way and saying 'screw it' would probably be easier for both of us... but there is a love between us which we will not give up. So our greatest motivation to getting through the submissive issues is the love that we stand to lose if we don't thrash it out. I really wish I could say that the road to submission has been easy for me. Even though it's exactly where I want to be, I still have a few issues that pop up here and there. It's learning how to deal with them with maturity which will help both of us. :-)

< Message edited by Bound2One -- 2/26/2008 12:41:34 AM >

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RE: Humbly asking for advice ... - 2/26/2008 6:56:29 AM

Loveisallyouneed

Posts: 348
Joined: 2/5/2008
From: Ontario, Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bound2One

Communication, as has been said, is key, though sometimes it's tough because the emotional confusion the sub may be experiencing is hard to put into words. This may be where the experience of the Master can come into play again, in helping her understand herself or suggesting possible feelings she may be having (or may not be, if he's wrong!).

(snipped for brevity only)

Thank you for sharing your insights.

While I've known for some time communication is criticial to the success of a relationship, I don't think I fully appreciated how the inability to communicate signalled the likely outcome of the relationship.

I had thought, with patience and time, the issues she could not discuss would surface and be resolved.

In future I do not think I'll be quite so patient about that.

If a lady starts censoring the topics, I suspect I wll be giving the relationship a much more criticial assessment, in future.

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When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

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RE: Humbly asking for advice ... - 2/26/2008 7:24:42 AM

SassySarijane

Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bound2One

I'm just skimming through this rather nutty thread and came across this exchange between MissHarlet and SassySarijane. What a fantastic thing it was. SassySarijane... congratulations, on all the work, time and effort you've put into your recovery. To know you're happier now than ever before - and I don't even know you - made me so happy! :-) All of us know people who need to heal. It's validating and wonderful to hear from someone who made it through to the other side. Enjoy and be well!

Thanks

. It's not an easy thing, but so worth the huge effort to do it. I'm not 100% all healed, all better and doubt I ever will be. There are scars there, but I'm in a much better place now and have moved on and been rebuilding my life which I believe is a neverending process really.

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Sarah2
Deviant Mind
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RE: Humbly asking for advice ... - 2/26/2008 7:57:27 AM

liljoy

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Joined: 3/25/2004
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ahh see cesnorship has never been an allowed option for me. If there was a topic or question that was hard for me to discuss it instantly became more important to Master to get the answer. He would assure me that whatever i was going to say would not shock Him or cause Him to reject me. If i still had a hard time with it He might drop it for a bit and get back to it at another time

quote:

ORIGINAL: Loveisallyouneed

Thank you for sharing your insights.

While I've known for some time communication is criticial to the success of a relationship, I don't think I fully appreciated how the inability to communicate signalled the likely outcome of the relationship.

I had thought, with patience and time, the issues she could not discuss would surface and be resolved.

In future I do not think I'll be quite so patient about that.

If a lady starts censoring the topics, I suspect I wll be giving the relationship a much more criticial assessment, in future.

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RE: Humbly asking for advice ... - 2/26/2008 8:00:29 AM

KatyLied

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Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
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quote:

But I do believe good relationships complete those involved.

This is not how I view it. I feel that people should strive to be as complete and healthy as possible. All you really have in life is you. It's not sad or cynical, it's the truth. At the end of the day the only person you can truly depend on is you. I live my life for me. If someone enters it, hopefully he will appreciate my life as I will appreciate his. But I certainly don't think I need another person to validate me and complete me. Because if/when that person is no longer in your life, where do you get that validation/completeness that only they provided?

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