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RE: So why do women like jerks? - 2/24/2008 1:48:28 PM

caitlyn

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quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy
Were these "nice guys" that were transformed into jerks by your presence?

I'm confident that is the case. I have always said ... I woudn't wish dating me, on my worst enemy.

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RE: So why do women like jerks? - 2/24/2008 1:54:14 PM

GreedyTop

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quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

quote:

ORIGINAL: caitlyn

quote:

ORIGINAL: cyberdude611
...or a grave?

... or sarcasm?

I've dated quite a few jerks. The easy truth is that they didn't manifest as jerks, until a relationship was well formed.

But there in lies the dilemma? Back to the chicken and the egg....Were these "nice guys" that were transformed into jerks by your presence?

Maybe you send out some man altering vibe? You both enter the relationship as caterpillars....Then after awhile you both climb happily into the chrysalis of love....A few months later after being immersed within your presence and personality what emerges from your cocoon is a poo covered, bitter and spiteful man.

I think it's you.

I was supposed to be a good guy. I was such a nice domiboy. It has been the influence of women that has made me all that I am not today.

c'mere... lemme influence you ;)

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RE: So why do women like jerks? - 2/24/2008 1:55:46 PM

MissMorrigan

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You nawty temptress!

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop
c'mere... lemme influence you ;)

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RE: So why do women like jerks? - 2/24/2008 2:01:31 PM

cyberdude611

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SensualPassion41

How can you say they aren't worth a nice guy or woman's time? That's the problem, they are worth it....they just don't know it or believe it. For some reason or another their self esteem and respect is gone. Until they know and believe they are worth it, they just keep recycling jerks. The jerks have different names, eye, hair and skin color, but they have the same asshole personality.
It is possible to break the cycle, but they have to know and believe they are worth it.

Women are the ones making a massive mistake here and not realizing the consequences of their actions. caitlyn said it right here in this thread that nice guys are "boring, clingy, and bad in bed." If nice guys start to believe that they are and that women dont want them that way, they will change....and change for the worse.

Sure the jerk is good in bed. He's confident, has a lot of charm, and a lot of experience since he's probably done it with half the girls in town. But he's also arrogant, self-centered, and in reality only cares about satisfying his own wants and needs. He really does not have much respect for anyone else.

It's not the nice guy's fault. When a nice guy loses a girlfriend to a jerk, what is the nice guy supposed to think? The jerks get rewarded for their behavior. They always have an endless supply of women lining up for his attention. Look at serial killers who get dozens and dozens of marriage proposals. It just appears that women reward the bad boys much more often than the good guys. Whether it is low self-esteem or thrill-seeking or she thinks she can change them....It doesnt matter. It really doesn't show that much intelligence on the woman's part to want to seek out those type of bad relationships. I'll just never understand it.

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RE: So why do women like jerks? - 2/24/2008 2:05:52 PM

GreedyTop

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMorrigan

You nawty temptress!

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop
c'mere... lemme influence you ;)

Why, thank you :)

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RE: So why do women like jerks? - 2/24/2008 2:08:04 PM

Lovearts

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Well, first off, i don't think it's simply women who fall for jerks. I've been with woman (and men too, but i primarily date women) who definetaly fall into the "jerk" categorey. And truth be told we have all encountered a relationship that we look back and go "why?".

Well i can tell you why were attracted as people. Jerks value themselves, and their existance centers around this described self value. And nowadays that ain't a common thing, whether your young or not. it is a demonstration of higher value, and in turn we are attracted to this because if a mate can value themselves, success and health are portrayted. However, a jerks version of self worth is actually the opposite, it's insecurity and disgust diguised as self worth, and this is destructive to the people they interact with, which is why we lable them jerks.

though i love how the woman in the article describes her "learning experience", because that is often what these relationships and most life experiences are.

< Message edited by Lovearts -- 2/24/2008 2:09:55 PM >

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RE: So why do women like jerks? - 2/24/2008 2:08:07 PM

MissMorrigan

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Good grief, reread your comments below. You actually believe that the dysfunctional women are to blame if the 'nice guys' they are interacting with come to 'believe' they are boring, clingy and bad in bed? What happened to personal responsibility, can you not see that the boring, clingy and bad in bed guy is also dysfunctional insofar as the type of woman he is going after? Mutual accountability, CD. Both have their own set of issues.

quote:

ORIGINAL: cyberdude611
Women are the ones making a massive mistake here and not realizing the consequences of their actions. caitlyn said it right here in this thread that nice guys are "boring, clingy, and bad in bed." If nice guys start to believe that they are and that women dont want them that way, they will change....and change for the worse.

Sure the jerk is good in bed. He's confident, has a lot of charm, and a lot of experience since he's probably done it with half the girls in town. But he's also arrogant, self-centered, and in reality only cares about satisfying his own wants and needs. He really does not have much respect for anyone else.

It's not the nice guy's fault. When a nice guy loses a girlfriend to a jerk, what is the nice guy supposed to think? The jerks get rewarded for their behavior. They always have an endless supply of women lining up for his attention. Look at serial killers who get dozens and dozens of marriage proposals. It just appears that women reward the bad boys much more often than the good guys. Whether it is low self-esteem or thrill-seeking or she thinks she can change them....It doesnt matter. It really doesn't show that much intelligence on the woman's part to want to seek out those type of bad relationships. I'll just never understand it.

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RE: So why do women like jerks? - 2/24/2008 2:14:23 PM

liketophoto

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I believe there are plenty of jerk women out there and as many stupid guys that fall for them also.

People are not logical.

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RE: So why do women like jerks? - 2/24/2008 2:15:07 PM

cyberdude611

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Im telling you right now that it is not understood by the vast majority of men. Most men arrive to the conclusion that women like a relationship where they are not treated well.

I have guy friends that think this whole-heartedly because they have been burned by women so many times in the past that went for the "bad boy" instead of them.

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RE: So why do women like jerks? - 2/24/2008 2:27:56 PM

domiguy

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Cybey..Here are some universal truths....

1) The one who shows the least interest controls the relationship.

2) It is much easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.

Most people want to hang out for the long run with someone who is decent. Decent doesn't mean that you have to be boring, uninspiring, bad in the sack, or a push over.

There are people that are boring. It's a fact. They will suffer if someone ever decides that they deserve something more.

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RE: So why do women like jerks? - 2/24/2008 2:33:39 PM

Sinergy

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It is not just Male / Female relationships, and in some cases former dictator / Satan.

Kenny told Satan that he would be better off leaving Saddam Hussein.

But God told Satan that if he was not attracted to Chris sexually, that he never would be.

So Satan returned to hell alone and unloved.

Sinergy

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Satan "why do you always want to take me from behind? so you can pretend I am somebody else?"
Saddam "Your ass is big and red and scaly, who am I going to pretend you are, Liza Minelli?"

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RE: So why do women like jerks? - 2/24/2008 2:41:39 PM

MissMorrigan

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I don't doubt that for a minute, CD. But why is it those guys deliberately seek out the attentions of women who prefer men that would shit all over them and treat them poorly. If they're honest with themselves, they like the unpredicability, the 'devil may care' attitude and are looking to save those damsels. Basically, these guys, without realising it, are looking for women who will highlight the faults they know are there deep within themselves. Moths to the flame. They know they're going to get burned, but still they pursue, why? They are no less accountable for their actions than the females that choose to have relationships with arseholes.

Some people are attracted to danger. It's why we love to be scared at theme parks by riding those ultimate rides that get our adrenalin pumping. The 'femme fatale' only exists while she has willing 'victims'.

quote:

ORIGINAL: cyberdude611
Im telling you right now that it is not understood by the vast majority of men. Most men arrive to the conclusion that women like a relationship where they are not treated well.

I have guy friends that think this whole-heartedly because they have been burned by women so many times in the past that went for the "bad boy" instead of them.

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RE: So why do women like jerks? - 2/24/2008 2:48:52 PM

domiguy

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First off....If you haven't noticed this is a bdsm site....I'm not saying that all guys are jerks who are out here...but I'm sure there are many misogynists hiding behind a Dom's profile. It only stands to reason.

Many people would view the d/s relationship as being wrong...Where it would be easy to construe the Dom as being a jerk.

All I know for sure, is that caitlyn is evil.

< Message edited by domiguy -- 2/24/2008 3:14:04 PM >

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RE: So why do women like jerks? - 2/24/2008 2:55:02 PM

Kirata

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I recall reading some research which indicated that female partner preferences varied with their hormonal cycle. This was investigated in some detail, as I recall, to interesting result.

It seems that during the part of her cycle when she is most primed to conceive, a woman is more likely to experience attractions to certain men, mediated by odors and processed in an old part of the brain. Apparently, her nature drives her instinctively toward mating with men whose genetic makeup stands in some preferred relation to her own.

Unfortunately, this occurs without respect to how suitable the man is as someone to live and share a life with. During the other times, the research found, they were more attracted, albeit differently, to men whose personalities suited a relationship.

Men don't follow the female hormonal cycle. They just react to it when they, I guess, smell it, which, given the number of females around, is probably more or less all the time from somewhere.

I would suppose that the best relationships occur when we find both the Zap! and a liveable-with human being in the same person. In any case, it seems to be just one of those things.

K.

< Message edited by Kirata -- 2/24/2008 3:09:28 PM >

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RE: So why do women like jerks? - 2/24/2008 3:14:15 PM

CuriousLord

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quote:

ORIGINAL: caitlyn

I've dated quite a few jerks. The easy truth is that they didn't manifest as jerks, until a relationship was well formed.

Yeah.. a lot of girls seem to say that. I'll tell one of my friends the guy she's interested is a jerk, and she says that's stupid, there's no way of telling, even though it's blantantly obvious to me and my male friends. Then, a month later, she'll be crying about it and how she couldn't tell from the beginning.

I've come to believe that their emotions cause them to overlook the truth, not that the truth is hard to figure out.

Oh, and I played the jerk for a while. It was hard to keep girls off of me. It would've been really easy to play the jerk to get them, then to just be nice after that if I wanted to keep them. (Truth be told, that's pretty much how it did go, even though I didn't plan for it to be like that.) I really don't know why more guys don't do it. It's really easy.

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RE: So why do women like jerks? - 2/24/2008 3:30:19 PM

Smith117

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cyberdude611

Ever notice how practically every woman seems to go through the phase at some point in their lives where she somehow finds a jerk of a boyfriend she refuses to leave? Usually this bad relationship only ends when the jerk boyfriend decided to break it off. The women get played, reeled in, and refuse to give up.

It's interesting how mostly each gender blames the other for this.

Here is an interesting article from both the male and female perspective....

The answer to this question is as complex as women are as a whole. You see it's all about the subconcious. Women seek out daddy, subconciously, or they seek out Mr. Hottie. These two quests sometimes match, if their dad was a decent guy. If not, then the Hottie search wins out. (I've known many who had a good dad and still got stuck with a jerk.)

I'm going to ramble a bit here, to buckle up, it's likely to be a winding road.

Nearly all women seek out Mr. Hottie. Trouble with "Mr. Hottie" is most know they're hot, and that is their first door into the world of jerkdom. They KNOW they're hot so they can get away with being an ass. Since women don't find that out until later, they get stuck. They also get stuck because most jerks are mistaken for confident. Women like confidence. However, they see the 'jerky' qualties as things they can change.

Perhaps the jerk doesn't always 'come out' around the girl.....at first. But little by litte....voila: Jerk. The girl feels already invested, so she seeks, albeit subconciously, to change the jerk into a nice guy. But here's the dilemma: if the girl succeeds in changing him, then he's a pushover and she's bored and no longer interested. If she fails, she spends countless hours crying to her friends and her mom about "he's such an asshole...I can't believe he would do that to me."

It's like what Rosario Dawson says in Clerks II.....it's a lesson that every mom tries to teach their little girl, but in the end they have to find out on their own: Mr. Hottie will treat you like crap because he knows he can. The lesser hot, more 'cute' guys will always be more human and treat you better.

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RE: So why do women like jerks? - 2/24/2008 3:32:34 PM

Alumbrado

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Perhaps it is the flip side of kindness being mistaken for weakness.

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RE: So why do women like jerks? - 2/24/2008 3:35:07 PM

faerytattoodgirl

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quote:

Women seek out daddy, subconciously, or they seek out Mr. Hottie.

hmm....oddly enough...i seek out mommy! or MS HOTTIE! yum!

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RE: So why do women like jerks? - 2/24/2008 3:36:15 PM

Smith117

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quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

quote:

Women seek out daddy, subconciously, or they seek out Mr. Hottie.

hmm....oddly enough...i seek out mommy! or MS HOTTIE! yum!

Heh. I don't 'seek' anything anymore. I just sit back and find amusement in the games the 'hotties' play.

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RE: So why do women like jerks? - 2/24/2008 3:49:25 PM

Lordandmaster

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Men always complain about the OTHER jerks that women are dating. It's ridiculous. I might take threads like this seriously if someone ever complained about the jerk that his OWN girlfriend is dating.

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