HouseDV8
Posts: 37
Joined: 5/10/2007
From: Houston
Status: offline
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OK, now that we covered safety/security, fear, low self-esteem, fatal optimism, drugs/alcohol, history of abuse, lack of healthy male role-model, need for entertainment, space and hard core fucking that the majority of nice guys do not provide...and if we didn't cover all that we have now...here is my somewhat comical but also possibly valid theory as to why this sometimes happens.
Consider that many women (and men) do not always know themselves very well at all, and i mean holistically...emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically, etc...however, for the purposes of not making this even more long winded than it will already be, i will focus this particular example on the physical...i am sure most of you can see how it could be any of the other aspects of ourselves or any combination.
Let's say that this woman does not have a very good understanding of exactly what gets her off...what makes her cum. She might find herself addicted to a jerk because a jerk will shamelessly FUCK her and it gets her off. Because she does not know herself well, she thinks this is "chemistry"...a magical connection that only the two of them share. (For some reason this particular thought process can take place repeatedly...in other words, the woman maybe had this happen to her before...and liked the sex then too, but somehow that never helps her to understand that there are other men she would also enjoy sex with...so each and every new jerk is also the new "one and only"...i have no explanation for this.) Unfortunately, jerks often are wild when it comes to sex...but it is not because they are superior lovers, practiced and studied, thoughtful and knowledgable...it is because they do not give a shit at all. Keep in mind that many women they have been with probably did not enjoy the sex. A truly powerful lover (and not just a jerk that happens to be hitting the right spot because he is not a nice guy so he just fucking grabbed her hair and shoved her legs into that position and just happens to be pounding just the right spot that she never found because she never looked and she never asked a nice guy to try it even though she fantasized about it her whole life) studies each partner.
This thought is reaffirmed by the fact that when she does try and make herself go out with a nice guy she is never fulfilled in the bedroom. She thinks there is no chemistry, or maybe she thinks he is a bad lover.
In my opinion, it is very possible that she is the below average lover, and that if she only took the time to get to know her body better she would discover its secrets and be able to share them. When you know what gets you off you can teach any nice guy how to do it. The only reason the nice guy didn't do those things in the first place is precisely because he is nice. If you communicate, and you let him know you like it, and that it is OK, then he will GLADLY do it.
You see, there is something fundamentally true of most men...Dom, sub, switch, vanilla, straight, guy, bi, etc...they all get a thrill out of getting their partner off.
When he realizes she likes it...unless the request is truly something he is not interested in at all, he will be very eager to do it.
I would like to define it as anything and everything that gets you off. All of it.
Now, if you translate all of that into some other aspect, it still applies. Emotional: If someone does not know about themselves that they crave humiliation, for example...the body gets what it needs one way or another. Many women in abusive relationships are masochists that don't realize it and have never had any exposure to the concept of consensual and healthy BDSM. Spiritual: If a woman was unaware of her spiritual need for enlightenment through trials of the body and emotional self...you see? Mental: Some of us have a mentality that leads us to always want to help, save, fix. ...you see how this leads down the same path? If a woman with this mentality is completely aware of it, she can fulfill in in healthy ways...like helping to build houses for the homeless, or donating time to charities.
In the end, it is all about self evaluation and giving ourselves the time we need to figure out just exactly what we do want, instead of allowing ourselves to be swept away by "chemistry" that only happened on accident.
< Message edited by HouseDV8 -- 2/25/2008 10:12:12 PM >
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It is not how long we have known each other, it is how well.
"Artists have the power, through our imagination, to escape a degenerate world and create a better one." - Infamous
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RE: So why do women like jerks? - 
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