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RE: So why do women like jerks? - 2/26/2008 3:45:02 AM   
Cuffkinks


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  Go get yourselves a snack kiddies, 'cause I've got a lot to say on this one...

 This is a question that has been around forever and as we can see here...doesn't have any one simple answer.
As a former "jerk," I, and the other "jerks" I hung out with in My youth did very well with the ladies. I don't say this to brag, I mention it because it gave me the opportunity to study women. To get into their minds and see some of the things that made them "tick."
  What I'm about to say is by no means a complete answer, just My opinions based on My experiences. So please, take it as just that.
Some women, maybe even most, have what some call the "Florence Nightingale Syndrome." They want to fix, heal, cure, save...etc. That trait can be found in some men, but mostly it's women who have it. Maybe it's due partially to being maternal...Maybe not. They want to be the one that saved him...even if it's saving him from himself. And they'll stick around and put up with a lot of crap in doing so. Those types are drawn to the jerk so they have something to fix, heal, cure, save...etc. I remember a comedian talking about relationships saying: "A guy wants a project...He gets himself a car to fix. A woman wants a project...She gets herself a man." I also remember a title of a play from the past: "I love you, you're perfect...Now change." (Never saw it.) God bless women for trying.
  Then there's the "drama queen." The one who's happiest when she's miserable. This type can't be happy with things rolling along smoothly. That's boring. If there's no drama, there's no excitement. That type is drawn to the jerk because she doesn't know what's going to happen next. What will the next episode bring? Some will even go as far as to create things just to get a reaction from the jerk. Of course, this could also be just a way to get attention from the jerk who doesn't give her enough attention because he just doesn't care. This is the type to cry to all that will listen about what kind of jerk he is, but won't leave.
  Then there's the really good looking woman. The "hot chick" who is so used to guys that will bend over backwards to please her, that the jerk who doesn't giver her the time of day will be the one who stands out. (My personal favorite, back in My "jerk" days.) She's not used to not being the center of attention, so she'll go out of her way to try and get noticed. The less attention the jerk pays her, the harder she tries to get noticed by him. This type can often have "Father issues." She'll even convince herself that she actually likes him. Then, if/when they hook up, she will usually go all out to be the best he's ever had. So that she's the one to stand out in his mind. Eventually, she either sees him for the jerk he is and gets out, or falls in line because he was the one who actually "tamed the shrew" and she sees in him something she didn't see in any other man. But he's still a jerk. It just paid off in this case. Then if/when he tires of her, he dumps her. Like I said...He's a jerk. It can go either way. I remember a conversation with a past sub who fell into the "hot chick" category:
Me: I'm going to make some observations about you and you tell Me if I'm wrong.
Her: Yes Sir.
Me:  You don't or you didn't have a good relationship with your father, did you?
Her: No, I didn't. He was never around when I was young.
Me: Being as attractive as you are, men have always given in to you and gave you what ever you wanted, didn't they?
Her: Yes.
Me: So, the asshole who comes along and treats you like shit is the one that's going to win out, right?
Her: Everytime.
Me: I thought so.
  Having dealt with all of the above type women in My past, There was one constant. I was a jerk. Not as bad as some of My friends, but still a jerk. I did develop the ability to turn it on or off as the situation called for. One of My buddies who was really bad back in those days put it to Me in the simplest terms. He said: "Chicks expect you to be an asshole...So be one." I have to say...It did work. I also have to say...I'm really glad I grew up.
  If you're still reading, I hope this made some sense. Again, these are just observations and opinions based on past experiences. I hope I didn't offend anyone. I'm really not a jerk...Anymore.

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RE: So why do women like jerks? - 2/26/2008 3:50:41 AM   
Justme696


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quote:

I'm really not a jerk...Anymore


did you turn it off? or did you really change?
just curious.


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RE: So why do women like jerks? - 2/26/2008 4:57:47 AM   
kittinSol


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Women don't like jerks, but they often fall for liars  .

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RE: So why do women like jerks? - 2/26/2008 6:06:46 AM   
defiantbadgirl


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Exactly. They lie to get what they want and the woman doesn't find out until after the fact. If  he's honest about his intentions, she won't consent which is why the jerk lies in the first place. He could just as easily be honest and find someone seeking the same thing he is. But what's the fun in that since nobody gets hurt? He's a jerk, and therefore what excites him is non-consentual emotional abuse.

< Message edited by defiantbadgirl -- 2/26/2008 6:07:54 AM >


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RE: So why do women like jerks? - 2/26/2008 6:44:21 AM   
Smith117


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quote:

ORIGINAL: kittinSol

Women don't like jerks, but they often fall for liars  .


Women don't have the corner market for falling for liars. Women *are* capable of lying as well and they do so *quite* frequently.

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RE: So why do women like jerks? - 2/26/2008 6:48:09 AM   
Smith117


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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

Exactly. They lie to get what they want and the woman doesn't find out until after the fact. If  he's honest about his intentions, she won't consent which is why the jerk lies in the first place. He could just as easily be honest and find someone seeking the same thing he is. But what's the fun in that since nobody gets hurt? He's a jerk, and therefore what excites him is non-consentual emotional abuse.


Personally, I'd rather a woman lie to me to get me in the sack (the common male lie as I understand it). The female lie lasts much longer and is much more damaging. Men's lies cause women to feel used and rejected, etc. Women's lies cause men to file for bankruptcy. A man will lie, in many cases, just long enough to get the nookie, and then move on. A woman who lies will maintain that lie for as long as she needs to in order to get every bit of cash she can.

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RE: So why do women like jerks? - 2/26/2008 6:53:27 AM   
kittinSol


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Smith117

quote:

ORIGINAL: kittinSol

Women don't like jerks, but they often fall for liars  .


Women don't have the corner market for falling for liars. Women *are* capable of lying as well and they do so *quite* frequently.



I couldn't agree more. I was trying to stay on topic, for once, and the thread was about jerks, ie. men. You'll note the the OP is a bloke as well :-) .

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RE: So why do women like jerks? - 2/26/2008 6:55:23 AM   
kittinSol


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Smith117

A man will lie, in many cases, just long enough to get the nookie, and then move on. A woman who lies will maintain that lie for as long as she needs to in order to get every bit of cash she can.



You're funny... I wonder if other women on this thread will agree with me that the above comment is a typical example of abysmal jerkitude? I hope you spoke in jest :-) .

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RE: So why do women like jerks? - 2/26/2008 6:59:13 AM   
meatcleaver


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Heh heh heh, honesty, is what women want? I let all my friends know my view on relationships, though my last two lovers appeared not to be listening. I told them I had no intention of having a serious relationship, meaning I am single, I live alone, I'm not going to promise loyalty, though I would be honest enough if there was someone else on the scene and that is the way its going to stay. Maybe they did listen but thought it was worth making the effort to try and change my mind and got pissed off when they couldn't or maybe they were just eagerly deaf. When my last lover eventually got the message I was a man having a good time and there was no way I was going to change, she had a bitch fit and accused me of being a 'lying, chauvanist fucker.' After telling her her behaviour wasn't very classy (red rag to a bull), I said, a chauvanist fucker I might be but lying, definitely not. Women tend to hear what they want and try to change the man to what they want and when the man doesn't change, they accuse him of double dealing or not developing or some other defect. My ex-wife used to complain about my life style and when I pointed out that it was the same life style I had when we married and a life style she once found attractive, she accused me of being stuck in my teenage years. Huh?  Actually I get on better with my ex than I ever did when we were married, maybe that has to do with us living in different countries.

I did try to change for one women, lesson learnt, never ever ever again!

< Message edited by meatcleaver -- 2/26/2008 7:01:17 AM >


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RE: So why do women like jerks? - 2/26/2008 7:38:30 AM   
Cuffkinks


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

quote:

I'm really not a jerk...Anymore


did you turn it off? or did you really change?
just curious.



I really changed. 
I grew up, and realized that I didn't have to be a jerk.

_____________________________

Resident "11"

"I love you, Sir. You make my heart sing and my panties wet. What more could a girl ask for?" - hejira92

"And that's why it's good to be...Me." - Gene $immons

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RE: So why do women like jerks? - 2/26/2008 7:40:13 AM   
Justme696


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That is a good thing. :)

And it is respectfull you are so open about it.

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RE: So why do women like jerks? - 2/26/2008 12:47:09 PM   
defiantbadgirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver

Heh heh heh, honesty, is what women want? I let all my friends know my view on relationships, though my last two lovers appeared not to be listening. I told them I had no intention of having a serious relationship, meaning I am single, I live alone, I'm not going to promise loyalty, though I would be honest enough if there was someone else on the scene and that is the way its going to stay. Maybe they did listen but thought it was worth making the effort to try and change my mind and got pissed off when they couldn't or maybe they were just eagerly deaf. When my last lover eventually got the message I was a man having a good time and there was no way I was going to change, she had a bitch fit and accused me of being a 'lying, chauvanist fucker.' After telling her her behaviour wasn't very classy (red rag to a bull), I said, a chauvanist fucker I might be but lying, definitely not. Women tend to hear what they want and try to change the man to what they want and when the man doesn't change, they accuse him of double dealing or not developing or some other defect. My ex-wife used to complain about my life style and when I pointed out that it was the same life style I had when we married and a life style she once found attractive, she accused me of being stuck in my teenage years. Huh?  Actually I get on better with my ex than I ever did when we were married, maybe that has to do with us living in different countries.

I did try to change for one women, lesson learnt, never ever ever again!


In situations such as yours where honesty about intentions is expressed in the beginning, the person should NOT be blamed and isn't a jerk. Sometimes one partner develops feelings for the other. If one falls in love and the other doesn't, the one with the strong feelings ends up feeling hurt. That's just a part of dating and it happens all the time. In such cases, it's nobodys fault. I'm talking about the men (or women) who lie about their intentions to get what they want, not caring if they violate the other person's hard limits and/or morals. There is no excuse for for this, especially since they can find someone looking for the same thing they are by just being honest. I don't think love should be an expectation because it either happens or it doesn't. Honesty and respect on the other hand should be expected of partners as well as friends. When someone lies about their expectations after being told the other person's hard limits, they are in violation of both honesty and respect.

_____________________________


Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.


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