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RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/24/2008 7:12:37 PM

whiteslavebitch

Posts: 479
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline

I haven't been collared yet (soon I hope), but once I am, I couldn't imagine personally removing it for less than an emergency situation.

MasterK will decide when I receive a collar, and he would also decide to remove it if he believed I did something to deserve that action. Also, if I did something that serious, I can't imagine circumstances where I would get it back.

_____________________________

MasterK's whiteslavebitch

formally collared 1/30/09

"I give to you my everything, you've given me these loving wings." - DMB

(in reply to MKssqueaker)

Post #: 21

RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/24/2008 7:33:56 PM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

Unless I am leaving the relationship I don't have a reason to remove it other than emergency situations. If he didn't ask for it then it seems she jumped the gun or was creating drama. Though I don't know the whole situation but if she was acting out in public then there are other issues.

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Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to MKssqueaker)

Post #: 22

RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/24/2008 7:36:46 PM

hiswetness

Posts: 30
Joined: 2/11/2008
Status: offline

i would never remove my Master's collar...it was a honor to receive his attention...let alone to have him own me fully. i believe accepting or removing a collar is something that should never be done in the heat of the moment. A collar is a symbol of a commitment. That commitment should be discussed fully before becoming a reality. The removing of it should be discussed also. i trust my Master to tell me if he was unhappy or had reasons to doubt me. He was very clear when he decided he owned me, i am quite sure he would be just as clear if he decided i was no longer worthy of his ownership.

(in reply to whiteslavebitch)

Post #: 23

RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/24/2008 7:36:56 PM

TracyTaken

Posts: 615
Joined: 2/1/2008
Status: offline

quote:

It sounded like a DQ moment to me. "I am not worthy!"

Or perhaps a blonde moment or a homonal moment. It's possibly a signal that she wants out, at least subconciously.

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 24

RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/24/2008 8:09:51 PM

SubbieOnWheels

Posts: 590
Joined: 12/14/2007
Status: offline

I am not a slave, but it would seem to me the equivalent of returning the ring. Some couples trade that ring back and forth many times, while with others, one transfer equals "Yer outa here."

I think this is a matter best left between this particular Master and slave.

_____________________________

Bethical
Beat me, strike me, take away my reindeer! I'll never tell! -- Walt Kelly, Pogo Possum
I yam what I yam - Popeye

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(in reply to TracyTaken)

Post #: 25

RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/24/2008 8:16:13 PM

sweetwenchie

Posts: 1993
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline

Not knowing the people involved, the first thing that comes to mind is attention seeking drama queen. The more adult way to handle it would be to talk to him, admit she knew she had made mistakes, and tried to find out the reasons behind her actions so as to avoid that type of situation in the future.

While there can be valid reasons for removing your own collar, in my mind, this would not be one of those times.

She might have acted quite poorly, but unless she wanted to end the relationship removing the collar was not her decision to make. It was his collar, and in the end, he should have made the decison of what to do and how best to handle things.

< Message edited by sweetwenchie -- 2/24/2008 8:31:36 PM >

_____________________________

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"You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist." - Nietzsche

(in reply to MKssqueaker)

Post #: 26

RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/24/2008 8:16:53 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

Yes, exactly.

quote:

ORIGINAL: alwaysuna

No no no no no no.

Removing your own collar is a horrible idea! I think that the consequence would be NEVER getting it back.

It is HIS choice to decide if you should have the collar removed, not yours.

(in reply to alwaysuna)

Post #: 27

RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/24/2008 8:29:59 PM

angelslave77

Posts: 478
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

And thus why I am not partial to jewellery particularly that with meaning attatched creates much misunderstanding, well at least for some people. Oh I love bling and I also have quite a few collars, but Sirs "collar" is around my heart (I read that in a post the other day so thankyou to whoever wrote it) and I couldnt remove it. Even for me a wedding ring would be something I only wore when out, and I just hate having stuff on me (clothes are bad enough goddamit

)

Personally from what was written it screams "drama queen" and handing "the collar" back was the icing on the cake

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 28

RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/24/2008 10:25:52 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

While I would understand why my girl anne would have done something like that, it's ultimately not HER decision if she's worth of my collar or not. It is MY decision. If she removed her collar, she'd be doing a hell of a lot more damage than the initial thing. But, then again, she has order to not remove it without permission, so doing such would be in direct violation of one of our first agreements. It might not be this way in the relationship you describe.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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(in reply to MKssqueaker)

Post #: 29

RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/25/2008 1:39:28 AM

MKssqueaker

Posts: 5
Joined: 2/24/2008
Status: offline

quote:

...that she didn't deserve to wear it, and when that he was ready she would accept it back.

Alexa,

I wasn't privy to the conversation between them, but I'm certain she didn't instruct him on this part but rather communicated to him that she wasn't expressing a desire for the permanent removal of the collar.

I also agree that there are limited times when a submissive could remove her own collar, such as abuse or a gross violation of her contract. I also believe that everything can be resolved - one way or another - in communication so a conversation should be had first. If you can't talk to your Dom... therein lies a problem of it's own.

squeaker
Sir MK's brat

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 30

RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/25/2008 1:52:41 AM

DaddyAndCarina

Posts: 1789
Joined: 2/8/2008
Status: offline

With Master I do not wear a collar .... but it makes me no less owned ... A lie made me walk away from him last time. I didnt look back for a long time ... But I see my walking away no different than removing a collar. If she was the cause of her removing and not him ... then I believe she may have screwed herself unless she doesnt wish to return in that case this would be a moot point. Doing it to *show him* usually back fires anyway....When I returned he basically told me i would be marked in many ways, all non removeable so that I would have to think twice about leaving ....It is his choice now she removed her variables.

_____________________________

What Daddy wants ... Daddy GETS ~ Carina

I am not simply a label ~ I am simply what he created

(in reply to mbes)

Post #: 31

RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/25/2008 2:10:18 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MKssqueaker

Hi all,

I'm looking for some opinions. I don't think there's a "right" answer out there, but I'm curious what other peoples take on this is.

A friend of mine was at a party this weekend with her Dom (whom she has been collared by for about a year) and she was being/acting sad and ungrateful. It was enough that another Dom noticed it and asked her Dom if everything was ok. Not a huge infraction, but she sees it as dishonoring him since it was enough for the other Dom to notice. Other things played in and they ended up not speaking for the rest of the weekend. In the end, she wanted him to know that she understood the severity of her actions (both on her and on him) and she removed her collar, leaving it on the nightstand for him. When he questioned her about it, she told him that she wanted him to know that she understood the severity of the issue, that she didn't deserve to wear it, and when that he was ready she would accept it back.

My question is this: I would have come to him with keys in hand and said what I had to say first, then offering for it to be removed if he felt it was that serious. Would you? Or would you have removed it yourself and then had whatever conversation there was to have with him?

squeaker
Sir MK's brat

She serves in her way instead of his way. Very common, actually, especially with those who are newer to their submission. I would not have gone to him with the keys in my hand nor would I have offered up what doesn't even belong to me (the collar belongs to Himself). I would have gone to him and said ..

"I screwed up, Sir. ABC happened, it was childish and unneccesary and I accept whatever consequences you deem fit for for the actions I took. I'm really sorry."

If Himself felt punishment was necessary, it would have fit the crime of ABC, and when complete, the incident would have been put behind us, hopefully, never to be repeated.

However, barn doors and horses and all that .. now it becomes something which needs 'fixing' and the first step towards that is realizing the real issue which is that.. she is serving 'her' way instead of 'his' way. When she starts actually submitting, a lot of her problems with submission will disappear. She'll start submitting when she realizes that she's supposed to do so because it's true to her nature and he's the right dominant for her.

It's a process and she has yet to take the first step despite being collared for an entire year. She'll get there if she's supposed to and if she's not, she won't. I know she's your friend, but you really can't help her in this one. It's something they'll have to work out together as they find the walls and break them down to expose the submissive under all the layers .. you know .. if she exists in there somewhere.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to MKssqueaker)

Post #: 32

RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/25/2008 2:23:00 AM

petpete

Posts: 677
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline

Yes i had to remove it as the collar that my ex Mistress put on me is a real chain with a real padlock that within the first half hour of wearing it its effects where felt on my chest and neck for days after. Also my neck has wilted and if i tend to run i am in danger of causing serious injury to myself..... (But she is a Darling with the kindest of hearts)

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Max: And loving it!

(in reply to mbes)

Post #: 33

RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/25/2008 3:53:11 AM

adoracat

Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline

~~fast reply~~

Daddy has given me several symbols of my submission to him. i am not always able to wear them. right now, the collar necklace is in its box, in my bedside table drawer. my neck is irritated, and i had to take it off. he knows this. the bracelet is on my wrist, true. to Daddy, the bits and pieces he has given me are not anywhere as important as the invisible collar round my heart, and that one is never removed.

would i have taken my collar off and made the statement to Daddy that i didnt deserve it, as the OP's friend did? no, never. would i have asked forgiveness in acting in a manner not befitting Daddy's girl? absolutely. and accepted my correction.

have i been asked if everything was ok because of how i looked/acted? mm-hmm. have i been guilty of acting poorly? no, i just didnt look ok.

kitten, who doesnt look ok right now, either, but is smelling very sexily of vapo-rub

(in reply to petpete)

Post #: 34

RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/25/2008 7:13:30 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirMIkeSD

quote:

ORIGINAL: alwaysuna

quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: alwaysuna

It is HIS choice to decide if you should have the collar removed, not yours.

quote:

Incorrect. There are a million situations that would provide a submissive with enough reason to remove their own collar.

In this particular case I suspect it was just a need for drama. The more adult thing would have have sitting down and having a discussion.

Of course there are. In this particular case, (as you yourself suspect) it was probably a need for drama. Now I don't know about ya'll but I know that shit wouldn't fly in MY world.

Had the question been "is there EVER a good reason to remove your own collar", I would have given an entirely different answer. So I stick by my response, as it is totally applicable in this instance.

You are right there is a reson to remove your Masters collar and that is to end the relationship.

Mike

You
re aboslutely correct. It is to end the relationship. However, the person that I quoted said that the choice belongs to the Dominant.....and that is not the case. It's statements like that, that convince the newbies that they can never leave unless their Master releases them.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to SirMIkeSD)

Post #: 35

RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/25/2008 7:18:16 AM

Constrictor1

Posts: 143
Joined: 6/29/2006
From: Constrictor1
Status: offline

MKssqueaker, Sir Mike has it right in my opinion. His collar. And only His to remove. Also, LA seems to have a very good read on this situation.

I am going to go out on a limb here and give my opinion on what you described. If they are in a 24/7 tpe, then several things would have happened differently in My world. First, she would not have been at the party long. After observing her bad behavior she would have been pulled aside for discussion. Another fellow Dom should not have been necessary to alert her owner in this scenario. Having said that I still would have been appreciative of the other Dom for informing Me of any poor behavior.

Now to the crux of the matter. It was her Masters choice to let this behavior go unchecked. Second the escalating pattern of the slave seems to be "notice me,notice me". A common passive aggressive tendency. When communication was withdrawn, another passive aggressive tendency, she removed His collar to get the attention she wanted.

Now to my world: This slave wanted attention and she would have gotten it. Discussion, followed clear outline of acceptable behavior. If that didn't improve the situation, she would be punished. Since she chose a public venue to misbehave, she would have been punished in the same venue and NOT in a way that I would expect she would enjoy. Immediately upon finishing punishment, she would have been removed from the venue with more discussion to clarify both O/our positions.

If upon waking up in the morning, she had removed My collar, as an attention device or an attempt to control My behavior, I would have been more than happy to call U-Haul and help her move, wishing her only the best in life and hoping she finds what she wishes.

Constrictor

(in reply to MKssqueaker)

Post #: 36

RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/25/2008 7:29:50 AM

littlebitxxx

Posts: 732
Status: offline

Personally, I read in the OP a story of a little girl, a little drama princess. Instead of talking it over with her Master, she runs away. "Ooh, there's a situation. I don't wanna talk. I'm gonna run away and YOU come after ME and beg me to stay." All couched in perfectly submissive and honourable terms like "not worthy of your collar" and "YOU decide if you want to keep me". Who just made all those decisions and told the Master what to do?

_____________________________

There is no such thing as can't unless it is followed by yet

It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

(in reply to Constrictor1)

Post #: 37

RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/25/2008 7:35:47 AM

jenf

Posts: 45
Joined: 12/26/2007
Status: offline

If her Master wasn't angry enough over the incident to remove her collar, then she should have left it in place. He, apparently, dealt with her in the manner that He wanted to...my opinion: she WAS topping from the bottom and craving drama.

(in reply to mbes)

Post #: 38

RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/25/2008 7:55:26 AM

Sweet1Maybe4U

Posts: 144
Joined: 8/1/2006
Status: offline

I think the removing of her collar was another act of disobedience on the sub's part. It is all a part of learning. It seems to me that if the Owner had intended to remove the collar He would hav done it in the first place. Maybe the subbie is just skiddish and unlearned at this point as to what is expected from the Owner. Lack of communication seems to be happening here.
In my POV, she had no right to remove the collar in this kind of situation. She maybe unknowingly tried to "top" the situation my saying she was unworthy and just deciding everything on her own. Why does she need a Dominant? She can have the whole relationship happen without any involvment from the Dominant...
I have LEARNED what is expected from me from my Dominant. Its not always an easy thing but I did thankfully know better than to just do whatever the heck I felt like at the moment I was being instructed even if it had happend hours earlier I still knew better than to remove my collar. That would have been the end of my relationship with Him because it changes the dynamics of what is taking place.
That being said, I have removed my collar but with His permission. I have permission if I feel it is going to be damaged in any way..or to thoroughly clean it..etc..but that still leaves the dynamics between D/s intact. It is not removed out of little girl pouting..
When I wear my "play" collar I remove my "real" everyday collar as to not damage it..*shrugs..
I agree with littlebit and jen....she was pouting...

_____________________________

It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
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(in reply to jenf)

Post #: 39

RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/25/2008 8:03:27 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

~FR~

Ok, I havent read all the posts, but what if the slave was saying (with the removal of her collar) "hey, I'm terribly sorry I did something that may have reflected badly on you. I feel badly enough about it that I am unsure if I am worthy of continuing to wear your collar. By removing it, I acknowledge that I royally screwed up. I am hoping that you will forgive me, and allow me to wear it again"

ETA: Or perhaps, the perception of the 'importance' of the collar is viewed differently by each of the parties involved? or by parties outside of the relationship?

< Message edited by GreedyTop -- 2/25/2008 8:06:26 AM >

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polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to Sweet1Maybe4U)

Post #: 40

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