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RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/25/2008 8:06:09 AM   
Sweet1Maybe4U


Posts: 144
Joined: 8/1/2006
Status: offline 		Hi GreedyTop

But was she actually saying that?..or was she just taking everything for granted?  I dont know of any Dominant that can read minds yet...*blinks and hopes that they are incapable of such a feat..

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RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/25/2008 8:10:46 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		Thats my point, Maybe.. who can know except her?

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Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
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Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/25/2008 8:19:37 AM   
tigerseye


Posts: 79
Joined: 1/10/2008
Status: offline 		i brought the subject up with my Master and he sent me the following to post.  he has me posting it because he is at a school for the Army and can't access these boards:

A collar is not something that can be taken off and put on a whim. That being said, if she thought that the situation had degraded to the point that she had dishonored him and was undeserving of his collar then she was in the right. A collar is a mark of ownership AND a reminder of possession to the slave. Her removal showed herself and her master how much she had to make up for.

I can also agree with the girl who said she would go with keys in hand, while the symbolism would not have been as strong, it still would have been there. Her actions would have put the decision in the hands of her master.

They key in both situations is to keep lines of communication open and not for a misunderstanding to develop which would lead to the girl thinking that she would never receive the collar again.



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Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/25/2008 8:21:26 AM   
BOUNTYHUNTER


Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline 		Snip"
My question is this:  I would have come to him with keys in hand and said what I had to say first, then offering for it to be removed if he felt it was that serious.  Would you?  Or would you have removed it yourself and then had whatever conversation there was to have with him? "

squeaker


I think he did the correct thing,allowing for some colling off time,If she removed it because she was very bad,I would wait awhile before I offered it to her again if ever...One waits a long time here for a collar.,a long time in earn one and they know that its not a child's  game when one is offered to them....Like I stated a cooling off period is the correct thing...bounty

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Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/25/2008 8:25:13 AM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		A quick fast reply to the OP

Sounds much like a woman a few days before the wedding tossing her engagement ring on the counter and anouncing she wasnt ready.
Part of it is dramatic overreaction, part of it is emotional overreaction (wince it was obviously not donewhen she was thinking right) and part of it was definately immaturity.
She may have been digging for him to come tell her how much he still wants her in his coller and how everything would be ok. Or she may have really thought along the lines of she didnt deserve him and in her trouble mind at the moment she did the best thing she could for him.
We cant know for sure what was going on in her head, but if my boys ever did something like that (Angel doesnt physicaly wear one, but he knows he is collared, Fox's is physical) They might not get it back. They would be given a chance in the relationship, but I dont think I could ever take it back to the collared level again knowing they didnt take it to be serious enough that I need to be spoken to before they took it upon themselves to remove it. That sort of uncertainty as to the commitment of the relationship would color any future we had togehter.

DV



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I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

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Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/25/2008 8:26:15 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MKssqueaker

My question is this:  I would have come to him with keys in hand and said what I had to say first, then offering for it to be removed if he felt it was that serious.  Would you?  Or would you have removed it yourself and then had whatever conversation there was to have with him?

squeaker
Sir MK's brat



I would not have done that.  I would have spoken to Darcy had I felt I had done something wrong and listened to him, not jumped the gun offering keys or taken a collar that never belonged to me in the first place.  I am not going to second guess him.
 
The whole scenario smells of drama and of someone, if not more than one, who are not mature enough to be in relationships or comment on the relationships of others.
 
Removing a collar for such a reason would be a immature and stupid act that would get my byebye.
 
the.dark.

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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/25/2008 8:34:23 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Not my choice but I can see how, since he wasn't speaking to her, she felt she had no other way to express herself. More importantly is why he dragged her out to a party when she was so obviously sad. And why he considered her putting on an act to impress everyone else as being more important than spending half an hour finding out what was wrong.

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Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/25/2008 8:50:57 AM   
charlotte12


Posts: 471
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline 		If this slave removed her collar it would end the relationship. 

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Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/25/2008 8:51:23 AM   
SubbieOnWheels


Posts: 590
Joined: 12/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Not my choice but I can see how, since he wasn't speaking to her, she felt she had no other way to express herself. More importantly is why he dragged her out to a party when she was so obviously sad. And why he considered her putting on an act to impress everyone else as being more important than spending half an hour finding out what was wrong.


An excellent point.

Another thing that discomforts me here is the second-guessing going on. There are two people involved here - not characters in a book or play, not automatons, not perfect entities - human beings, with all the emotional, hormonal, and egotistical baggage that goes along with that state. No one here knows the whole story - not even the two directly involved, because no one but each player in the incident knows what was happening inside his or her head as it played out. Placing blame on one, the other, both, or neither is not constructive.

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Bethical
Beat me, strike me, take away my reindeer! I'll never tell! -- Walt Kelly, Pogo Possum
I yam what I yam - Popeye

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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/25/2008 9:05:28 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		I agree with alex. Is her Dom really in control of the drama queen.

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Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/25/2008 9:44:06 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SubbieOnWheels

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Not my choice but I can see how, since he wasn't speaking to her, she felt she had no other way to express herself. More importantly is why he dragged her out to a party when she was so obviously sad. And why he considered her putting on an act to impress everyone else as being more important than spending half an hour finding out what was wrong.


An excellent point.

Another thing that discomforts me here is the second-guessing going on. There are two people involved here - not characters in a book or play, not automatons, not perfect entities - human beings, with all the emotional, hormonal, and egotistical baggage that goes along with that state. No one here knows the whole story - not even the two directly involved, because no one but each player in the incident knows what was happening inside his or her head as it played out. Placing blame on one, the other, both, or neither is not constructive.


Exactly :)

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polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/25/2008 12:36:47 PM   
LeatherBentOne


Posts: 469
Joined: 9/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Alexantraining

I am REALLY new and am reading the message boards for some of my input, so please forgive my inexperience here.  But with that said, is the submissive in question actually controlling the situation by behaving the way she did?  Telling her Dom that if he wants to, he can put it back on her???  I cannot imagine that sort of behavior being acceptable at all.  Did I miss something?


I dont think you missed a thing.  She was seeking attention, being manipulative and taking control by putting her Dom in a place where he has to respond to her, whether he choose to, or not. 

Ignoring bad behavior is sometimes more painful than being punished, especially when getting attention and/or creating drama is used to manipulate.  In short, the sub doesn't get what she wants when a Dom refuses to play the "game."

It would be a long day in hell before I'd put that collar on her neck.  Maybe forever.  For a sub to remove her own collar through her own free will, tells me that she is withdrawing her consent to be my submissive.  I dont take those actions very lightly, nor do I consent to Dominate any without their consent, especially one who voluntarily removes her collar.

(in reply to Alexantraining)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/25/2008 12:43:05 PM   
sweetwenchie


Posts: 1993
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Not my choice but I can see how, since he wasn't speaking to her, she felt she had no other way to express herself. More importantly is why he dragged her out to a party when she was so obviously sad. And why he considered her putting on an act to impress everyone else as being more important than spending half an hour finding out what was wrong.


i guess i see at as... because he can, because she belongs to him.  There will always be times when we do not feel our best, but we have to put that aside to please the person we are collared to.    There have been times when i had to do things i did not want to do, but i sucked it up and did what he wanted me to... why?... because i wore his collar.

We only know what was said on this board, which did not give us all the details.  Perhaps she told him how she felt, but he decided she had to go anyway.  In the end, it was his decision, and she should have put on her best party face, and done all she could to make him proud. 

Just my thoughts  :) 

_____________________________

"To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is a very different thing from being a passive object." - De Beauvoir

"You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist." - Nietzsche

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Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/25/2008 12:47:39 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Ok...I'm a drama queen...
I have removed my collar with intent to provoke HoneyMaster several times.
In the heat of the moment, (without my doing that) He has said 'it's over' many times.
We don't mean it.
I'm a fiery French redhead, He's a macho, Dominant Italian.
I guess I'm very lucky to be with someone that thinks more of *me* and less of the collar.

~Christina

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A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

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Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/25/2008 2:03:56 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetwenchie

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Not my choice but I can see how, since he wasn't speaking to her, she felt she had no other way to express herself. More importantly is why he dragged her out to a party when she was so obviously sad. And why he considered her putting on an act to impress everyone else as being more important than spending half an hour finding out what was wrong.


i guess i see at as... because he can, because she belongs to him.  There will always be times when we do not feel our best, but we have to put that aside to please the person we are collared to.    There have been times when i had to do things i did not want to do, but i sucked it up and did what he wanted me to... why?... because i wore his collar.

We only know what was said on this board, which did not give us all the details.  Perhaps she told him how she felt, but he decided she had to go anyway.  In the end, it was his decision, and she should have put on her best party face, and done all she could to make him proud. 

Just my thoughts  :) 


Obedience may be tops in priority in your relationship. In mine, emotional transparency is. As a result of having to share with him my feelings, he has promised not to brush them aside and say "tough, I don't care". Simply because he can't have it both ways; he can't claim I am always to be emotionally honest except for the times when he wants me not to be.

So I saw it in the light of my relationship. But if she went, and was simply quiet and passive (which is my assumption as the op didn't say she was sobbing in a corner), because she was having a bad day/week/month/year then he shouldn't berate her for not being the perfect belle of the dance. Plus he didn't seem to notice her mood, he only cared because someone else noticed her. And that's what waves a red flag for me, that he cares not for her, but only for other doms' perceptions of him. Basically that he wants a trophy sub.

In addition there was zero communication, the silent treatment going on. I don't know about you, but I'm not allowed to do that. He will get my feelings out of me, willingly or dragging them. But I can't drag his out. So again I'm going on the assumption that it was him giving her the silent treatment simply because all the other doms weren't drooling over her. Which says to me that he's very immature.

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Cynical and proud of it!


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Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/25/2008 2:18:29 PM   
sweetwenchie


Posts: 1993
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline 		i was not trying to judge you, nor your relationship.  i was merely offering my viewpoint... which is the point of the boards, no?

There was not enough information in the OP for me to know one way or another in regards to his actions or hers.  i can only speak as to how i viewed the OP, and the actions stated therein.

There have been times in past relationships that he needed time to think, and process events without wanting or needing my input.  That was his right.  i have removed a collar once, and that was to end a relationship, not because of drama.  That is just me, not saying i am so weal and twue all must be as i am.

In the end, only the two people involved know the reasons behind their actions, and all of us posting can only offer up our personal viewpoints, no matter how right or wrong those viewpoints will seem to others.

_____________________________

"To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is a very different thing from being a passive object." - De Beauvoir

"You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist." - Nietzsche

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Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/25/2008 2:19:07 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		Celeste sweetie, I love ya lots.  I rarely disagree with what you have to say, but I had to go back and re-read the OP, because I'm just not seeing what you're seeing.  He was giving her the silent treatment because other doms weren't drooling over her???  Where oh where did that come from?  Was there an update post that I skimmed over (entirely possible)?

So they didn't speak for the weekend because "other things intervened".  That could be because they both worked opposite shifts.  That could be because he was so furious with her that he was unable to discuss it with her. It could have been a million things.  We don't know why she was so "sad and ungrateful" (I believe those were the words) that another person (of any persuasion) noticed it and mentioned it to her dom.  We don't know that he knew she was sad and forced her to go. We don't know that she wasn't a pouty princess who wasn't getting her time on the spanking bench.  We just don't know.

What we do know is that she took it upon herself to take off his collar. To me, unless she was also packing her bags at the time, that was a bigger transgression than anything else that has been speculated so far. 

My two pence.

Cali






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Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/25/2008 2:22:01 PM   
SubbieOnWheels


Posts: 590
Joined: 12/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetwenchie
because he can, because she belongs to him.  There will always be times when we do not feel our best, but we have to put that aside to please the person we are collared to.    There have been times when i had to do things i did not want to do, but i sucked it up and did what he wanted me to... why?... because i wore his collar.


Where does human compassion come into this mindset? Compassion of the Master for the slave, I mean. To do something just "because one can" is not, IMO, a valid reason to do it. Again, IMO, if a man of whatever relationship to me treated me rudely, especially in public, just "because he can," I would call a cab and be packing up to move by the time he got home.

But then, I am not now, nor have I ever been, nor will I ever be a slave.

_____________________________

Bethical
Beat me, strike me, take away my reindeer! I'll never tell! -- Walt Kelly, Pogo Possum
I yam what I yam - Popeye

http://www.myspace.com/bethical_wheels


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Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/25/2008 2:26:59 PM   
sweetwenchie


Posts: 1993
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline 		Which is why i have always said... to each their own.  Some view a collar as more than just a collar, it is symbolic of a deep commitment, and the act of removing it can (and should in my mind) have repercussions.  To others it is merely a collar.  Whatever works for them, great.

i say over and over, in my own opinion, because what i say is just that... my opinion.  

Would i be collared to someone who never cared about me or my feelings?  No.  Would i be collared to someone who at times knows how i feel, but wishes me to do something anyway?  Hell Yes.  This isn't about me me me, it is about a commitment that was made. 

That is just my opinion.


_____________________________

"To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is a very different thing from being a passive object." - De Beauvoir

"You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist." - Nietzsche

(in reply to SubbieOnWheels)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/25/2008 2:29:38 PM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SubbieOnWheels
Where does human compassion come into this mindset? Compassion of the Master for the slave, I mean. To do something just "because one can" is not, IMO, a valid reason to do it. Again, IMO, if a man of whatever relationship to me treated me rudely, especially in public, just "because he can," I would call a cab and be packing up to move by the time he got home.

But then, I am not now, nor have I ever been, nor will I ever be a slave.


OOooo...  Daddy has done this.  used that "just because i can" remark.  however, what he was doing was doing things that he knows embarass me terribly, but do NOT harm me in any way, nor are they rude.

he is the Daddy.  he is the Master.  therefore he does.  he says i am his slave....but at the same time, in our relationship, that doesnt stop my right to say "i cant believe you did that!" nor his right to laugh at me when i do.  we have a M/s relationship, but at the same time he likes that i have a mind of my own.

kitten

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Profile   Post #: 60
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