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RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/25/2008 2:32:41 PM

SirMIkeSD

Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline

In public I say you suck it up and deal and do not be a downer for everyone around you. Human compassion be damned, unless you are phyically sick, no one better know that my boys are having issues. I do not allow airing of our issues in public, my boys know that if we are having issues and need to be in public that we all suck it up and deal. No one will know that there are issues or that we are having them. That does not mean that they or I can not talk with our friends about something that is troubling us, but it is not reflected by our public persona.

Mike

(in reply to SubbieOnWheels)

Post #: 61

RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/25/2008 4:09:08 PM

bislaveforuse

Posts: 6
Joined: 1/19/2008
From: Ohio
Status: offline

slave agrees with most on here.Removing His collar He placed around her neck is just wrong.If He wanted it removed He would do it Himself or tell her to do it.Removing the collar no matter what she thinks or thought,is telling Him she does not wish to be owned because of being unworthy.But was she?

(in reply to mbes)

Post #: 62

RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/25/2008 5:00:16 PM

LPslittleclip

Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline

if i took of my collar like that i wouldn't get it or M'Lady back. that said due to my job as a nurse i need a collar that can be removed for hygiene or safety reasons like surgery and near a MRI M'Lady always changes my collar form formal to vanilla, and as i hold it in a very high respect and i wont do anything to disrespect it.
happily collared by LadyPact

(in reply to mbes)

Post #: 63

RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/25/2008 5:12:58 PM

MistressVnus

Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline

quote:

btw... Can someone tell me how to change the little vanilla ice cream cone under my name to something else? Vanilla is definately not something that describes me! LOL

Hahahahaha! I said the same thing, almost word for word, when I started posting here!! Your icons get changed with the number of posts you make. I think the ice cream cone leaves at 100 posts. *chuckle*
So.....post! post! post! LOL

_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to MKssqueaker)

Post #: 64

RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/25/2008 5:18:19 PM

adoracat

Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirMIkeSD

In public I say you suck it up and deal and do not be a downer for everyone around you. Human compassion be damned, unless you are phyically sick, no one better know that my boys are having issues. I do not allow airing of our issues in public, my boys know that if we are having issues and need to be in public that we all suck it up and deal. No one will know that there are issues or that we are having them. That does not mean that they or I can not talk with our friends about something that is troubling us, but it is not reflected by our public persona.

Mike

i agree with you. if i have a disagreement with Daddy, or *any* other partner, i'd rather discuss it out of public...not just because its rude to air one's laundry in public, but because our relationship is ours, and the inner workings are our business and no one else's.

that plus i really dont like drawing attention to myself...

kitten

(in reply to SirMIkeSD)

Post #: 65

RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/25/2008 5:51:39 PM

Wildfleurs

Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MKssqueaker

Hi all,

I'm looking for some opinions. I don't think there's a "right" answer out there, but I'm curious what other peoples take on this is.

A friend of mine was at a party this weekend with her Dom (whom she has been collared by for about a year) and she was being/acting sad and ungrateful. It was enough that another Dom noticed it and asked her Dom if everything was ok. Not a huge infraction, but she sees it as dishonoring him since it was enough for the other Dom to notice. Other things played in and they ended up not speaking for the rest of the weekend. In the end, she wanted him to know that she understood the severity of her actions (both on her and on him) and she removed her collar, leaving it on the nightstand for him. When he questioned her about it, she told him that she wanted him to know that she understood the severity of the issue, that she didn't deserve to wear it, and when that he was ready she would accept it back.

My question is this: I would have come to him with keys in hand and said what I had to say first, then offering for it to be removed if he felt it was that serious. Would you? Or would you have removed it yourself and then had whatever conversation there was to have with him?

squeaker
Sir MK's brat

Maybe i'm confused but she decided by herself to remove the collar? That seems awfully presumptuous. I'm not collared, but if I were to do the equivalent it would be pretty much sending the signal that I wanted to be released. I would think removal of the collar is up to the dominant, not the submissive.

C~

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to MKssqueaker)

Post #: 66

RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/25/2008 6:33:05 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Celeste sweetie, I love ya lots. I rarely disagree with what you have to say, but I had to go back and re-read the OP, because I'm just not seeing what you're seeing. He was giving her the silent treatment because other doms weren't drooling over her??? Where oh where did that come from? Was there an update post that I skimmed over (entirely possible)?

So they didn't speak for the weekend because "other things intervened". That could be because they both worked opposite shifts. That could be because he was so furious with her that he was unable to discuss it with her. It could have been a million things. We don't know why she was so "sad and ungrateful" (I believe those were the words) that another person (of any persuasion) noticed it and mentioned it to her dom. We don't know that he knew she was sad and forced her to go. We don't know that she wasn't a pouty princess who wasn't getting her time on the spanking bench. We just don't know.

What we do know is that she took it upon herself to take off his collar. To me, unless she was also packing her bags at the time, that was a bigger transgression than anything else that has been speculated so far.

My two pence.

Cali

Hi Cali. I said it was assumptions based on the scant clues in the op. I think what got to me was the fact that he didn't appear to notice or care that she was sad. I haven't figured out the ungrateful bit because what was she to be grateful for? The op states that he only got upset when another dom came and asked if she was okay. What that says to me is that he was so uninvolved with her, he didn't notice how unhappy she was, or worse that he didn't care. He only cared about the fact that the other dom obviously thought less of him for ignoring her having a problem.

And not having much time to talk is a lot different from total silence. I mean, we're crazy busy most of the time, but ten minutes can always be carved out if there's a need. I'm assuming he didn't see a need, which says that to him his standing among his peers is more important than his relationship. And that's just sad.

But there's a lot here we don't know. We don't know if he frequently plays on her fear of abandonment, which the silent treatment plays into. If she has to beg forgiveness for stuff he screws up on, or how (and if) they work out problems. Because for this to be the result of her not being all joy and laughter says that they do not have the most healthy relationship of all time.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 67

RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/25/2008 6:43:59 PM

bipolarber

Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline

You can't remove your collar by yourself... usually you need a friend to hold the bolt cutters for you. :)

If you've stopped being a willing part of the relationship, due to his abusive behavior, cut the POS off, and leave it on his doorstep.... Or a note saying that he can pick it up at the main desk of the local battered women's shelter, or police station.

(in reply to mbes)

Post #: 68

RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/25/2008 10:30:58 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

It's times like these that I think My boy knows Me well.

Before I ever put My collar on My sub, there were opportunities to have this discussion. I told him My views on what that collar represented to Me. I also make it fairly clear that it is, in fact, My collar. I explained what situations would warrent it's removal, and what him taking it off would signify.

That being said, I'm not talking about silly things like I'm still asleep and he needs to remove his leather (formal) collar for a shower or taking it off to clean it. Should he be rushed to the hospital and need a proceedure that would require his taking it off, by all means, it had better come off, if it means his health. My boy is certainly more important than My collar. One is replacable and one isn't.

My sub was also instructed on what situations he has the right to walk away from that collar. My sub was given one rule above all else. I told him from the first time it went on that he was to protect My property. That includes a lot of things, but it certainly covers the ground of him protecting himself from even Me if he thinks I am causing him harm. He knows the situations where it is appropriate for him to release himself. In those cases, abuse, neglect, etc., I would want the contract broken.

With all of that being said, and even the little bit of information provided by the OP, I absolutely agree that the sub should have consulted her Dominant about her feelings of wanting to remove the collar. It is his decision, and his right to decide whether she deserves to wear it or not. It was his evaluation of her worth to put it on her. It should be his evaluation to take it off over something this trivial. If My boy acted that way, sure there would be a discussion, but removing his own collar over it, to Me, would signify his desire to be released.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LPslittleclip

if i took of my collar like that i wouldn't get it or M'Lady back. that said due to my job as a nurse i need a collar that can be removed for hygiene or safety reasons like surgery and near a MRI M'Lady always changes my collar form formal to vanilla, and as i hold it in a very high respect and i wont do anything to disrespect it.
happily collared by LadyPact

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LPslittleclip)

Post #: 69

RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/26/2008 11:18:43 AM

trusting

Posts: 144
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Virginia
Status: offline

the way i see it is if someone that is collared removes the collar themselves, they are finished with being owned. i was always required to wait until He removed it... the day i did choose to removed it myself was the day i left for good.

we are all different in the way that we react to things.... maybe she was truly hurt by something and felt unable to speak to Him about it? it seems that she had shame in the way that she presented herself in a public place...

communication is a major thing in any relationship, i do not understand why they would not have spoken for days? but to each their own.

_____________________________

"Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one." -Malcolm Forbes

(in reply to MKssqueaker)

Post #: 70

RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/26/2008 11:36:58 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

I would never romove my collar unless i decided i did not want to belong to him anymore. That and the fact if i was having surgery would be the only reasons i would ever remove my collar. If i removed it i think he would have to think hard about giving it back to me. It is around my neck but it is his collar only he can remove it from me.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to trusting)

Post #: 71

RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/26/2008 11:53:49 AM

sextoygirlNY

Posts: 194
Joined: 7/25/2007
From: Long Island, NY
Status: offline

[/quote]she told him that she wanted him to know that she understood the severity of the issue, that she didn't deserve to wear it, and when that he was ready she would accept it back. [/end quote]

am i reading this right????? Who is the one in charge here?
1-the said girl removed her own collar, then gives an ultimatum type passive aggressive attitude that when her dominant is ready she would accept it...Accept it???
This is a classic case of topping from below, along with a whiny temper tantrum type attitude on the submissive.
2-she made the choice for her dominant, rather then leaving it in her Masters hand. squeaker you said it correctly if that girl simply got on her hands and knees with the key, appologized and begged for her Masters forgiveness, he may have probably had a long talk about his disappointment then just pushed it away. All is well, talked it over, got to the root of it, and give her a kiss for realizing her mistake.
In this case, she broke the very symbol that held them together, took control of the situation, as well as devalue what a collar means. There was no seriousness in her actions. By taking it off, she failed to understand her place.

wishes you well,
melanie

_____________________________

Don't Dream It, Be It!

Do not ask how to live, but instead proceed to do so.

"Do i have a choice?" Of course you do, but it would please me if you said "on it"

(in reply to MKssqueaker)

Post #: 72

RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/27/2008 12:56:41 AM

sub4sub123

Posts: 51
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline

I have to agree with Osidegirl. The only reason you should remove a collar is if you feel that the Master is no longer qualified for you to submit to them. In this case, the slave should have sat down and had a conversation with the Master. If she couldn't do that, then maybe there was good cause to remove it because communication is the key to any sucessful relationship S/M or not.

(in reply to mbes)

Post #: 73

RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/27/2008 8:03:22 PM

need2bused6

Posts: 49
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline

My view is her removing her collar means she is releaseing herself, yes I beleive that is a subs right. I don't think it is to be done lightly, by either party. If it is at the point the Dom appears not to realize a problem then a lot more is wrong than one night. My last time serving due to work a collar was out of the question there. Even then I had my Dom take it off even if he had to be woke up to do so.

_____________________________

“There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.”

(in reply to MKssqueaker)

Post #: 74

RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/28/2008 5:39:58 AM

Sirandlil1

Posts: 272
Joined: 8/15/2007
Status: offline

In the end, she wanted him to know that she understood the severity of her actions (both on her and on him) and she removed her collar, leaving it on the nightstand for him. When he questioned her about it, she told him that she wanted him to know that she understood the severity of the issue, that she didn't deserve to wear it, ******and when that he was ready she would accept it back******

So how long does she expect it to take before hell freezes over????????.

_____________________________

A true Master exhibits honor, integrity, honesty, self discipline, personal responsibility and caring for his property.

(in reply to MKssqueaker)

Post #: 75

RE: Removing your own collar? - 2/28/2008 7:21:16 AM

ProlificNeeds

Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirMIkeSD

It's not her collar it's her Masters, it is his choice.

Mike

Dito that.
If she takes it off she's superceding his bond and authority over her. Only time she should be taking it off herself like that, is if she is saying "I no longer want to be your property".

(in reply to SirMIkeSD)

Post #: 76

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