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BlackPhx -> RE: BDSM101:communications is SO important...so who knows how to use a flogger? (2/28/2008 12:55:09 PM)
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quote:
I mean healthy people don't go head long into something without making sure they're going into it with the right person
If that were true there would be fewer people sitting in divorce courts. Instead we are at 53% marriage failure I think that was the last figure I saw. Some of those relationships dissolve after far too many years for it to be said that they weren't sure they were going into it with the right person.
As for Master and I, there is no negotiation when it comes to our relationship, and none for my relationship with someone I own. There are however Discussions, where I can put forth my point of view, feelings, etc about something freely and respectfully. He then makes his decision based on his thoughts, and what I have had to say. Sometimes he may alter his course of action, or modify it, but ultimately he makes the decision. this holds for all aspects of our life.
Right now we are shopping for replacement windows. We discussed it and my feeling was that we needed at least 3 independent contractor estimates (with different windows as well) and one from the local DIY store. He had originally thought 2 would suffice along with the DIY. He ordered me to contact 3 contractors, and the DIY store and set up the appointments, but included that I was to research the windows they offer, the cost of them, the warranties, permit costs, any pending law suits against manufacturer, and search for any consumer forums or reports on them as well so that we would have ALL of the information possible. We are now discussing the 2 most suitable brands, costs and he will make his final decision based on having all of the facts to hand.
So what does this have to do with the dynamic of M/s in our relationship? Simple. Concieve, Research, Discuss, Decide, same steps for anything we do in the bedroom as well. there are things that I enjoy that he has never done, he has no problem going there, but prefers to make an informed decision and that does include input about my experiences with it as well. There are things he wants to do that have always been limits for me..we discuss it, the problems that may arise from it and what can be done to limit any potential problems, then he makes his decision, yes or no as to whether we are going to go ahead, whether I am willing or not. The discussion allows him to know how I am feeling about something, what fears I may have and allows him to decide how he is going to address that. He may decide that he isn't going to do it now, or that he will, but at least he goes into it fully informed and ready for whatever it muight draw out of me, or him.
There is no compromise. Ultimately the decision lies in his hand and he is the one who will have to deal with the consequences if it blows up. Well to be honest I will as well, to a lesser degree I suspect than he will.
But there is an equality here as well. It is real hard to live a 24/7 M/s life if you don't have the M or the s. We are partners in this dance without the other it is a sad solo.
poenkitten
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