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RE: Mentoring - 2/28/2008 4:25:00 PM

domiguy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

See, I think a lot of this comes down to personality types and expectations.

Mentors can provide guidence to those who feel they learn better from guidence. It isn't and shouldn't be for everyone; honestly, I don't think I would have done well learning from a mentor, but I'm grateful to the people who have taken the time to show me how things work from time to time. Personally, I learn the most from just talking about things and seeing how other people interact.

Stephan

As should everyone.

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Post #: 41

RE: Mentoring - 2/28/2008 4:32:46 PM

Lumus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

See, I think a lot of this comes down to personality types and expectations.

Mentors can provide guidence to those who feel they learn better from guidence. It isn't and shouldn't be for everyone; honestly, I don't think I would have done well learning from a mentor, but I'm grateful to the people who have taken the time to show me how things work from time to time. Personally, I learn the most from just talking about things and seeing how other people interact.

Stephan

As should everyone.

Even when it's something like mummification or fire play?

*is curious*

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Post #: 42

RE: Mentoring - 2/28/2008 4:35:23 PM

Jeffff

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You ask , you talk , you look. simple really

Jeff

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RE: Mentoring - 2/28/2008 4:35:50 PM

domiguy

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quote:

Lumus
Even when it's something like mummification or fire play?

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

If you want to learn how to use a toy...Practice. Take a course...Watch some vids....If you want someone to form a mental connection with...Find someone that you are compatable with...Not some creepy mentor. It is way to personal of a journey and experience to trust to some other schmuck to show you the ropes...(no pun intended).

Practice...Take a course...Watch some vids....Why do you need a mentor?

< Message edited by domiguy -- 2/28/2008 4:36:48 PM >

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Post #: 44

RE: Mentoring - 2/28/2008 4:39:05 PM

Jeffff

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Almost by its definition I see mentoring as more emotional and mental then physical.
I don't much care for other people telling me what to think and feel.
I have to agree with D.G. and Aileen, although only one is fuckable..:)

Jeff

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Post #: 45

RE: Mentoring - 2/28/2008 4:43:12 PM

RedMagic1

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You can have DG to yourself, Jeffff. I've been perving Aileen's new pics as it is.

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Post #: 46

RE: Mentoring - 2/28/2008 4:51:26 PM

Lumus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

Practice...Take a course...Watch some vids....Why do you need a mentor?

I wouldn't say need, I might say consider...and I didn't mean have some big-shlonged Dom-guy practice on your wife, either!

I actually meant something along the lines of a course, which I thought had previously been mentioned in passing earlier in the thread as a form of mentorship.

Same as learning a new knot at a bondage seminar; if the teach shows me how to do the knot, should that be considered a form of mentorship?

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Post #: 47

RE: Mentoring - 2/28/2008 4:53:49 PM

Jeffff

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No, I think thats instruction. I once asked someone, how do you learn to throw a whip? I kept picturing the Local ER knowing me on a first name basis. " Jeff PLEASE be more careful" . He told me, blow up a balloon when you can wrap the whip around it without breaking it, you are ready to start slow. I don't see that as mentoring, thats just advise

Jeff

< Message edited by Jeffff -- 2/28/2008 4:56:32 PM >

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RE: Mentoring - 2/28/2008 4:57:00 PM

Madame4a

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a good mentor is not going to tell you what to think, but rather help you to figure out what YOU think...

I'm hoping that anyone with any sense doesn't allow someone to tell them what to think.. but it takes all kinds

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RE: Mentoring - 2/28/2008 5:00:06 PM

Jeffff

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Perhaps this is semantics? I am not above talking or asking a thoughtful question. But what I feel is directly related to who I am with.

Jeff

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RE: Mentoring - 2/28/2008 5:02:51 PM

Lumus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

No, I think thats instruction. I once asked someone, how do you learn to throw a whip? I kept picturing the Local ER knowing me on a first name basis. " Jeff PLEASE be more careful" . He told me, blow up a balloon when you can wrap the whip around it without breaking it, you are ready to start slow. I don't see that as mentoring, thats just advise

Jeff

Ok...so what would be your example of a mentor? In the generic sense, a mentor is an instructor and teacher, and is often considered knowledgable. Granted, that could be assumed to be in all areas, not just one - yet the principle still applies.

So you know, I'm not a big fan of mentoring in my own sexual life; but I would attend a seminar to better tie up my girl. Other than the breadth of what may be covered, I just don't see the difference.

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RE: Mentoring - 2/28/2008 5:03:40 PM

Madame4a

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I'm sure you don't mean that what you feel is guided by the other person right? For example, don't you just feel what you feel regardless of a partner?

Yes, we make allowances, change our styles, perhaps leave some activities out of our lives (damn I haven't used a clothespin in ten years and I miss 'em) for partners.. but the core of who I am.. a Top, a Domme (hate the word), Princess, Sadist... and wicked girl is always there.. who I am.. that core of dominant is always there.. how I express that might change depending on who I am playing with.. or who I have in service.. certainly.. but the core is there

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Post #: 52

RE: Mentoring - 2/28/2008 5:06:40 PM

Jeffff

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Yes I agree, but the expression of me may change. Not on some deep moral? level but none the less change.

I suppose I think of a mentor as a guide

Jeff

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Post #: 53

RE: Mentoring - 2/28/2008 5:11:19 PM

Lumus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame4a

I'm sure you don't mean that what you feel is guided by the other person right? For example, don't you just feel what you feel regardless of a partner?

Yes, we make allowances, change our styles, perhaps leave some activities out of our lives (damn I haven't used a clothespin in ten years and I miss 'em) for partners.. but the core of who I am.. a Top, a Domme (hate the word), Princess, Sadist... and wicked girl is always there.. who I am.. that core of dominant is always there.. how I express that might change depending on who I am playing with.. or who I have in service.. certainly.. but the core is there

I only meant in the sense of gathering knowledge, not in my self-perception. I was viewing the words, and their meanings, from a literal standpoint.

There is the negative connotation of the evil Internet Dom "mentoring" a novice submissive; there's also the idea of a Dom trying to instruct another Dom on "how to be". I didn't take the initial OP as either. I took it literally as learning from someone who has more knowledge than you; and that seems to apply to anyone going to, say, a seminar [in the previous example].

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Post #: 54

RE: Mentoring - 2/28/2008 5:18:47 PM

Madame4a

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I actually am always speaking offline.. I generally don't think much of online mentoring.. except for some discussion of ideas...

I was really addressing Jefffffffffff (enough Fs there?) ... but I do understand what you're saying...

I think mentor=guide certainly.. a mentor can be many things.. I have several who provided several things in my life.. and actually continue to... not just in a leather sense.. but in a life sense too... we all have them, whether we actually view them as such or not.. my best friend is one to me.. she kicks me in the ass when needed.. and helps me.. and provides advice.. and teaches me when necessary...

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RE: Mentoring - 2/28/2008 5:53:01 PM

Aileen1968

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*fast reply*
Domi and Jeff said what I have been unable to verbalize. (Heh...guess they just mentored me)
Showing someone how to tie a knot or throw a whip is completely different then trying to show someone how to feel or even how to process what they are feeling and thinking.

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RE: Mentoring - 2/28/2008 6:13:42 PM

Archer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

quote:

ORIGINAL: Archer

I'm not sure how much clearer it can be than to tell you it is the difference between having a teacher and having a counsilor.
Councilors, give you help in self examination, they help you figure out yourself and what works for you and what you think might be working for you but isn't.
A wise council who provides you with someone to bounce ideas off.
They ask the probing questions that are really ment to be answered to yourself. They force you to clarify your beliefs in order tobe able to communicate them. They don't teach you how to be a dominant they help you find the answers you already know to be true but had not connected all the dots just yet.

Please don't talk to me like I'm an idiot. I understand everything you've said. I just think it's sterile and unemotional. That's what I can't get. It doesn't mesh with my personality. I never said anything to the effect of it being wrong or anything like that. If that's what works for two people in a relationship then that's great. To me it just feels like a textbook relationship.

edited to add...I don't want a counselor in my sex life.

And I find yours overly emotional, thus not meshing with my personality. Your response didn't communicate to me that you "Got what I was saying". So I tried to be more clear. You taking it as a personal affront in the way of talking down to you is your baggage not mine. I also made plenty of room for it not being the only way. In fact at least twice I made sure that I said so bluntly. Mentors are not sexual partners they are freinds and councilors, and as such there is no need for the attachment to be any more than just that a more experienced freind who is willing to help you find your own way.
As to a sex life councilor who said the first thing about sex, I'm talking about someone who helps you with the D/s dynamic. (obviously we come at this from far different perspectives) think of it as a marriage councilor gone to as a preventative measure if it helps, or even draw the line to a real world mentoring group Big Brothers/ Big Sisters.

BTW To dismiss even the potential for abuse I advoctate same side of the / mark. Not much chance of crossing that sexual line if I'm mentoring another Dominant male. But I agree that the entire idea of mentoring has gotten a black eye from far too many using the term as comoflage for predation.

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RE: Mentoring - 2/28/2008 8:24:49 PM

Fox108

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Hi, thanks for the reply, I have another question. The misstress that I'm refering to wants me to feel comfortable with me being her number 1, but she wants her subies to stay in the pic. She also just had one of her subies from overseas come and live with her even though I told her that I didn't want this to happen. And she has said if she wants to have intercourse, if she feels she will. I don't know how any of this helps me to come into the life style. Being that we have only known each other for less than 3 months. But she wants to continue a relationship. I don't see how she can mentor me if shes moving so fast, regardless of what I say. I think I need her for mentoring, and I would like to develop the relationship but I have reservations. What should I do

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RE: Mentoring - 2/28/2008 8:48:30 PM

Owner4SexSlave

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I have been mentored and have mentored on an informal level. Basically, friends help friends out and share with others knowledge advice and past experiences. Really, not much of an issue that should turn into a can or worms.

Dare I admit this out in the open, but a friend of mine who was officially into the lifestyle was my first true lifestyle mentor. Turns out she was a submissive. Yeah, yeah, yeah... a Dom mentored by a submissive can you imagine that one for a moment. LOL..

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RE: Mentoring - 2/29/2008 4:28:53 AM

Dnomyar

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Fox sounds like your trying to Dom the Domme.

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