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"who's the dom in this relationship?" - 2/28/2008 5:15:44 PM

mrscolden

Posts: 21
Joined: 8/12/2007
Status: offline

ok, i got jealous when he told me he shared info about us to an old fuck buddy.
he gave her our screen name on a website (newbienudes.com) where he posts intimate pics of us but mostly me in bdsm poses. why would he give her such info about us? when i asked this his response was, "who is the dom in this relationship?"

Post #: 1

RE: "who's the dom in this relationship?" - 2/28/2008 5:16:55 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

That would be the guy holding the now broken camera.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to mrscolden)

Post #: 2

RE: "who's the dom in this relationship?" - 2/28/2008 5:19:38 PM

Pyrrsefanie

Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
Status: offline

And you didn't kick him in the balls and walk away... why?

(in reply to mrscolden)

Post #: 3

RE: "who's the dom in this relationship?" - 2/28/2008 5:23:38 PM

TracyTaken

Posts: 615
Joined: 2/1/2008
Status: offline

quote:

why would he give her such info about us?

He's posting nude, sexually explicit pictures of you on the worldwide web, but you're bothered that he told an old fuck buddy?

I guess I can envision his POV. If you don't care that he's showing the world, why would care that he shows one person?

(in reply to mrscolden)

Post #: 4

RE: "who's the dom in this relationship?" - 2/28/2008 5:24:47 PM

Lumus

Posts: 5968
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mrscolden

ok, i got jealous when he told me he shared info about us to an old fuck buddy.
he gave her our screen name on a website (newbienudes.com) where he posts intimate pics of us but mostly me in bdsm poses. why would he give her such info about us? when i asked this his response was, "who is the dom in this relationship?"

Ouch.

That's a serious indicator of communication breakdown.

Best of luck.

_____________________________

<Talk to educate; listen to learn.>

~ the other half of "L&L" ~

I have been dubbed the Rainmaker. Do not make me take your water for my tribe.

(in reply to mrscolden)

Post #: 5

RE: "who's the dom in this relationship?" - 2/28/2008 5:27:37 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TracyTaken

He's posting nude, sexually explicit pictures of you on the worldwide web, but you're bothered that he told an old fuck buddy?

I guess I can envision his POV. If you don't care that he's showing the world, why would care that he shows one person?

There are just some things you don't do, and that is share your current sexual activities with previous partners that your current partner is obviously not comfortable with.

And up until now, it may very well have been anonymous.

Cali

< Message edited by CalifChick -- 2/28/2008 5:28:19 PM >

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to TracyTaken)

Post #: 6

RE: "who's the dom in this relationship?" - 2/28/2008 5:29:15 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

Since this thread will be archived forever, how many of his sexual partners -- and your present and future work colleagues -- will click the link you posted in your OP?

I'm not saying your guy was correct in his actions. I am saying that something awfully weird is going on here.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Lumus)

Post #: 7

RE: "who's the dom in this relationship?" - 2/28/2008 5:29:44 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mrscolden

why would he give her such info about us? when i asked this his response was, "who is the dom in this relationship?"

Short answer: Because he wanted to.

Better question: Is something you've discussed previously? Valyraen knows giving pictures of me naked to his exes is a big no no. But we also don't post naked pictures up a website nor share them with anyone else in any way. Did he know this would bother you?

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to mrscolden)

Post #: 8

RE: "who's the dom in this relationship?" - 2/28/2008 5:30:44 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

If you don't know their screenname, you still won't be able to find her on that link.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 9

RE: "who's the dom in this relationship?" - 2/28/2008 5:34:44 PM

candisa

Posts: 127
Joined: 1/7/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mrscolden

ok, i got jealous when he told me he shared info about us to an old fuck buddy.
he gave her our screen name on a website (newbienudes.com) where he posts intimate pics of us but mostly me in bdsm poses. why would he give her such info about us? when i asked this his response was, "who is the dom in this relationship?"

greetings, mrscolden,
said with no disrespect, Why would you get jealous about shared info ? Maybe he is proud of you. He wished to share and/or show you off. As you say it is an "old fuck buddy", that is the past. yes? As for the photo, you are worried of him posting photos of you to another woman, yet your photo is here for all to see (a very bdsm position) please forgive me but, I just do not see your issues or point.

_____________________________

respectfully,
candisa

Freely we serve, because we freely love, as in our will
To love or not; in this we stand or fall.

(in reply to mrscolden)

Post #: 10

RE: "who's the dom in this relationship?" - 2/28/2008 5:35:57 PM

Pyrrsefanie

Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TracyTaken

quote:

why would he give her such info about us?

He's posting nude, sexually explicit pictures of you on the worldwide web, but you're bothered that he told an old fuck buddy?

I guess I can envision his POV. If you don't care that he's showing the world, why would care that he shows one person?

Speaking as someone who's been naked on the intarweb before... there's a big difference between the two.

It sounds like he's posting the photos on Newbie Nudes with her permission (correct me if I'm wrong here). It's a fairly big site, and while it's popular, the chances of his old fuckbuddy stumbling across the photos of her own accord are still pretty slim unless she knows what she's looking for. But then he takes those photos and sends them, specifically, to this former fuckbuddy WITHOUT his sub's permission, thereby taking away that element of chance.

To clarify, imagine you're modelling nude for some website... say Suicide Girls. You're under an assumed name and working in a job without a morality clause. You obviously accept the fact that there's a chance that somebody you know will stumble across them, but it's a big site and other than your face and possibly location there's no identifying information about you available, so it's pretty unlikely.

Now imagine that somebody downloads those pictures and emails them to your mom (this is assuming that your mom is one of the conservative types and not like mine, who'd just tell me that my eyeliner was smudged in one of the shots). You're going to be upset and probably feel like your privacy has been violated, because the downloader went behind your back to make SURE that your mom saw those pictures.

Make sense, kinda?

Then again, some guys are just dense when it comes to thinking about this kind of stuff, so maybe he legitimately CAN'T see what the big problem is from his point of view.

(in reply to TracyTaken)

Post #: 11

RE: "who's the dom in this relationship?" - 2/28/2008 5:41:09 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

Since we don't know what those pictures actually are, he may be thinking that if this ex ever tries to cause trouble they can simply deny, deny, deny. However, he hasn't actually sent her photos, he simply told her where they can be found - where they could have been found accidently anyway. Provided they don't show her face or other factors, he may think he can pull the old "She's just making this shit up because she's jealous" line.

That said... his response honestly bothers me - if they are in a relationship where she can expect to have her feelings considered. Some don't, but I would hope that he would have made that quite clear to her.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Pyrrsefanie)

Post #: 12

RE: "who's the dom in this relationship?" - 2/28/2008 5:47:33 PM

littlebitxxx

Posts: 732
Status: offline

Agree with most here. It's not so much the jealousy of having an old fuck buddy being given access to their nudie site...hell, everybody and their dog has probably been there seen that, what's one more?? It's his response to her question. What an asshat cop-out answer that was. It's right up there with "because I said so" in immaturity.

_____________________________

There is no such thing as can't unless it is followed by yet

It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 13

RE: "who's the dom in this relationship?" - 2/28/2008 5:52:56 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

I never ever ever post pics of past exes anywhere. I usually destroy them after. As far as a current partner? Only with a full fledged model release-with full reporting info per federal regs. Never on an *ametuer* basis without......it's tacky.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to littlebitxxx)

Post #: 14

RE: "who's the dom in this relationship?" - 2/28/2008 6:00:51 PM

StormsSlave

Posts: 629
Joined: 2/6/2008
Status: offline

On the one hand, you have given him permission for the pics to be posted, and they are available for the fuck buddy to look at, yes? I've never been to that page, but I am assuming it's set up like most other pages of the type, with a search function and public galleries.

On the other hand, it seems to me that the major offense here seems to be his complete dismissal of your thoughts and feelings on the matter. I can only speak for me and my household, but if this were to happen here, My Lord would find his recliner a very cold place to sleep. Being "sub" in this house doesn't mean completely subjugating one's rights.

I'm going to refer to scripture, which is weird to do here, but fits, so bear with me. We've all heard that a wife should "submit" to her husband in all things. What is usually missing is the rest of that passage...that a man should love his wife as he loves himself. This definitely applies to d/s relationships, where submission is key. If he objected to you sending pics of him to your former lovers, would he appreciate you completely dismissing any objections he had? I'm guessing no.

I am extremely careful about any kind of innapropriate pics of myself on the net. I have two teenage daughters who don't need some kid coming to school and telling them they saw their mom on the net. This has been communicated and agreed to. I can't imagine how I would respond to him telling me, "Who's the dom?" My Lord respects me too much to go this route, and I wouldn't be with him if he didn't.

_____________________________

Congratulate me...I'm a missus!!

--nobody's resident anything.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 15

RE: "who's the dom in this relationship?" - 2/28/2008 6:13:31 PM

LadyHathor

Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline

I see it as a case of nanny nanny boo boo, after all he is with you not her and it is a sexually explicit site, she could have stumbled there her self and according to a post you made earlier today, you two are madly in love so whats the rub?

To Me you can't post sexually explicit photos on a WWW, where the world can see them, then get peod because he directs someone there---you're with him, not her.

_____________________________

Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

(in reply to mrscolden)

Post #: 16

RE: "who's the dom in this relationship?" - 2/28/2008 6:24:14 PM

junecleaver

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline

Whether or not you have previously talked over this issue with your Dominant would affect my opinion.

In my own relationship, He would have every right to say that.

Also, it sounds like the problem is your jealousy, not whether or not people see you naked. If I knew your motivation was jealousy, as a Dominant I probably wouldn't tolerate it. But again...I don't know the dynamics of your relationship so...who knows?

_____________________________

"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to mrscolden)

Post #: 17

RE: "who's the dom in this relationship?" - 2/28/2008 6:25:16 PM

lronitulstahp

Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline

i can see it now...he wrecks your car drunk driving

quote:

"who is the dom in this relationship?"

he shoots the dog

quote:

"who is the dom in this relationship?"

he lies to the IRS and has you brought up on tax-evasion charges

quote:

"who is the dom in this relationship?"

Point is...that isn't an excuse for everything a Dominant does that goes against a previously understood limit(i assume he knew this was a deal breaker, since you're pissed). Communicate...communicate...communicate or masturbate...masturbate....masturbate...whatever...

(in reply to mrscolden)

Post #: 18

RE: "who's the dom in this relationship?" - 2/28/2008 6:33:43 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

Or tell him........

NEVER SLEEP

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to lronitulstahp)

Post #: 19

RE: "who's the dom in this relationship?" - 2/28/2008 7:06:42 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

Or tell him........

NEVER SLEEP

That would be my pick.
HoneyMaster would not say such an insensitive thing (generally) unless He were feeling defensive.
And I can tell you when a man starts feeling defensive about something like that, they will say any dumb thing that pops into their head. (NOT HoneyMaster of course...

) *lol*
Tell him you need a better answer than 'I said so' and that from now on you have right of first refusal regarding where your pics are going.
Just for assurance ask him to dress in frilly panties and heels and let you keep the pics of Him.
He f's up...Out go the pics to his exes...

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 20

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