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RE: A Poem - 3/2/2008 6:51:17 PM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

If Buk were still around, he'd chalk it all up to the mysteries of the universe..... sleep well.


I have one of Hank's books by my bed. Post Office.

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Profile   Post #: 101
RE: A Poem - 3/2/2008 7:01:14 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

If Buk were still around, he'd chalk it all up to the mysteries of the universe..... sleep well.


I have one of Hank's books by my bed. Post Office.


Same here, I've read it several times. Women, Shakespeare Never Did This, Living On Luck, and Sunlight, Here I Am are on the shelf, too.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

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Profile   Post #: 102
RE: A Poem - 3/2/2008 7:05:50 PM   
domahpet


Posts: 1505
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Santa Rosa
Status: offline 		 
quote:

ORIGINAL: Noah

quote:

ORIGINAL: domahpet

well, at least I know who the real poet is around here..... ;)


Thank heavens. Finally someone who knows what he's talking about.
I guess I can go rustle up some dinner.  Much obliged.




WTF???

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Zeedaddys
~DJ domahpet~
*Love is giving someone the power to break your heart, but trusting them not to*

*crystal*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SLI12uN6k5k

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Profile   Post #: 103
RE: A Poem - 3/2/2008 7:07:23 PM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

If Buk were still around, he'd chalk it all up to the mysteries of the universe..... sleep well.


I have one of Hank's books by my bed. Post Office.


Same here, I've read it several times. Women, Shakespeare Never Did This, Living On Luck, and Sunlight, Here I Am are on the shelf, too.


Ham on Rye is worth reading too. It is his boyhood horrific life.

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You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

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Profile   Post #: 104
RE: A Poem - 3/2/2008 7:08:04 PM   
charmdpetKeira


Posts: 916
Joined: 6/2/2007
Status: offline 		Adding to the fun.
 
“I Promise”
 
The words his tongue formed,
Slipped through his lips.
The kiss that sealed our fate.
 
The door it closed,
Left no way out.
Words to regret?
Only time could tell.
 
Tonight, my thoughts are churning deep,
As I wait for time to speak.
Has a change of plans kept him away,
Or the promise he didn’t keep?
 
Thanks for the playground.
 
k


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Life is tough, that does not mean it isn't fair.

There is no wrong choice, only consequence.

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Profile   Post #: 105
RE: A Poem - 3/2/2008 7:11:32 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

If Buk were still around, he'd chalk it all up to the mysteries of the universe..... sleep well.


I have one of Hank's books by my bed. Post Office.


Same here, I've read it several times. Women, Shakespeare Never Did This, Living On Luck, and Sunlight, Here I Am are on the shelf, too.


Ham on Rye is worth reading too. It is his boyhood horrific life.


That's one I've missed..... adding it to the list, right now. Thanks.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)
Profile   Post #: 106
RE: A Poem - 3/2/2008 7:13:32 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: charmdpetKeira

Adding to the fun.
 
“I Promise”
 
The words his tongue formed,
Slipped through his lips.
The kiss that sealed our fate.
 
The door it closed,
Left no way out.
Words to regret?
Only time could tell.
 
Tonight, my thoughts are churning deep,
As I wait for time to speak.
Has a change of plans kept him away,
Or the promise he didn’t keep?
 
Thanks for the playground.
 
k



Hey, k.
 
Oooooo, I did one.....
 
Nice poetics..... I liked the "the words his tongue formed, slipped through his lips"..... flows nicely.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to charmdpetKeira)
Profile   Post #: 107
RE: A Poem - 3/2/2008 7:55:06 PM   
charmdpetKeira


Posts: 916
Joined: 6/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level



Hey, k.
 
Oooooo, I did one.....
 

Lol, Level.
Would it be too pretentious of me, to think I helped inspire this fine piece of art you have created?
 
quote:

Nice poetics..... I liked the "the words his tongue formed, slipped through his lips"..... flows nicely.

 
Thank you.
 
It was a spare of the moment thing. Perhaps the rest could use some find tuning? Kind of mixing my metaphores.
 
k

_____________________________

Life is tough, that does not mean it isn't fair.

There is no wrong choice, only consequence.

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Profile   Post #: 108
RE: A Poem - 3/2/2008 8:57:01 PM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

Your poem touched me in a way the OP's didn't. I liked it. Creative writing should evoke some sort of feeling, in my opinion, so in that regard, for me, this succeeds where the other failed. I didn't care about the story told in the OP and I did care about this one. Good job.

Celeste


my thoughts as well~
Good poem SteelofUtah
peace of lyrics,
        j

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There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

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Profile   Post #: 109
RE: A Poem - 3/2/2008 8:57:29 PM   
charmdpetKeira


Posts: 916
Joined: 6/2/2007
Status: offline 		Revised

“I Promise”

The words his tongue formed,
Slipped through his lips.
The kiss that sealed our fate.

One door closed, leaves one way out.
Words to regret?
Only time would tell.

Now, here I sit.
Time holds its tongue.
Its secrets could cut deep.

Does the bond hold strong,
Or fall apart;
With the promise he didn’t keep?

_____________________________

Life is tough, that does not mean it isn't fair.

There is no wrong choice, only consequence.

(in reply to charmdpetKeira)
Profile   Post #: 110
RE: A Poem - 3/2/2008 9:56:25 PM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline 		This is good too Keira! ^^^

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to charmdpetKeira)
Profile   Post #: 111
RE: A Poem - 3/2/2008 9:59:49 PM   
charmdpetKeira


Posts: 916
Joined: 6/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dawntreader

This is good too Keira! ^^^


Thank you, J.

_____________________________

Life is tough, that does not mean it isn't fair.

There is no wrong choice, only consequence.

(in reply to dawntreader)
Profile   Post #: 112
RE: A Poem - 3/2/2008 10:20:59 PM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline 		You are welcome!

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to charmdpetKeira)
Profile   Post #: 113
RE: A Poem - 3/2/2008 10:38:07 PM   
heartcream


Posts: 3044
Joined: 5/9/2007
From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

I'm very sad. My dam has never erupted like the mother load.


I'm sorry you've never experienced a real dom.



I have never experienced a real dom either. When it happened to me, I was all alone.



< Message edited by heartcream -- 3/2/2008 11:34:44 PM >

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I'd Rather Be With You

Every single line means something.
Jean-Michel Basquiat



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Profile   Post #: 114
RE: A Poem - 3/3/2008 2:40:39 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: charmdpetKeira

Revised

“I Promise”

The words his tongue formed,
Slipped through his lips.
The kiss that sealed our fate.

One door closed, leaves one way out.
Words to regret?
Only time would tell.

Now, here I sit.
Time holds its tongue.
Its secrets could cut deep.

Does the bond hold strong,
Or fall apart;
With the promise he didn’t keep?


Very, very nice . I wished I would write more sometimes, but it makes my head  hurt, usually.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to charmdpetKeira)
Profile   Post #: 115
RE: A Poem - 3/3/2008 4:02:55 AM   
charmdpetKeira


Posts: 916
Joined: 6/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level
Very, very nice . I wished I would write more sometimes, but it makes my head  hurt, usually.


Thank you, Level.

I made one last final revision on the last paragraph:

Does the bond hold strong;
Or fall apart?
Is this The Promise he didn’t keep?

Now it is complete.

I hear what you’re saying; I wish I could write on command, but it just doesn’t work that way for me.

k

< Message edited by charmdpetKeira -- 3/3/2008 4:03:18 AM >

_____________________________

Life is tough, that does not mean it isn't fair.

There is no wrong choice, only consequence.

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Profile   Post #: 116
RE: A Poem - 3/3/2008 5:27:38 AM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		Peter peter big ass beater
had a slave and couldn’t lead her,
put her in a dungeon cell
and there he kept her, shhhhh don’t tell

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Little sub horny
Sat and felt corny
Eating a pussy pie
She stuck in her finger
And there she would linger
And said, “What a good sub am I”


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Naughty-subs, Naughty-subs, wilt thou behave?
Thou shalt not hide floggers, nor get on a rave;
But sit on a cushion, and rest your sore bum,
And hope that-your derriere’s color’s not plum

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was an old Master
 
Who lived in a club
 
He had so many subbies
 
He didn’t know what to rub
 
He gave them some spanks
 
Without any belts
 
He birched them all soundly
 
And left them with welts

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~





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(in reply to charmdpetKeira)
Profile   Post #: 117
RE: A Poem - 3/3/2008 7:08:24 AM   
liketophoto


Posts: 763
Joined: 6/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: charmdpetKeira

Revised

“I Promise”

The words his tongue formed,
Slipped through his lips.
The kiss that sealed our fate.

One door closed, leaves one way out.
Words to regret?
Only time would tell.

Now, here I sit.
Time holds its tongue.
Its secrets could cut deep.

Does the bond hold strong,
Or fall apart;
With the promise he didn’t keep?


very nice!

< Message edited by liketophoto -- 3/3/2008 7:10:05 AM >

(in reply to charmdpetKeira)
Profile   Post #: 118
RE: A Poem - 3/3/2008 7:20:40 AM   
charmdpetKeira


Posts: 916
Joined: 6/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: liketophoto
very nice!


Thank you, very much.
 
The fully revised version:
 
“I Promise”

The words his tongue formed,
Slipped through his lips;
The kiss that sealed our fate.

One door closed, leaves one way out.
Words to regret?
Only time would tell.
 
Now, here I sit.
Time holds its tongue.
Its secrets could cut deep.
 
Does the bond hold strong;
Or fall apart?
Is this The Promise he didn’t keep?


_____________________________

Life is tough, that does not mean it isn't fair.

There is no wrong choice, only consequence.

(in reply to liketophoto)
Profile   Post #: 119
RE: A Poem - 3/3/2008 1:30:24 PM   
subtee


Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline 		Oh my Keillor, you have such a large, throbbing, masterful, almost scary..........critique.

Very hot. And I'm sure I find it thus not just because I'm an English major. Woah, Noah.

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Don't believe everything you think...

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Profile   Post #: 120
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