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CreativeDominant -> RE: Why bdsm? (3/3/2008 12:24:04 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Seraphyim
Ok. Let me start by saying that I am not in the bdsm lifestyle. I am seeking closure in my life and I am hopeing that I can get it here. Illl apologize now if I speak badly. I mean to disrespect to any of you. If I speak poorly please understand that it is out of ignorance, not malice or spite.
Many years ago I met someone who tried to involve me in the bdsm lifestyle. It wasn't for me. I got some insights into my charactor and I realized that I am capable of greater cruelty than I ever hoped to be, but in the end I could not reconcile love with dominance, affection with cruelty. She walked away to be with others who would dominate her.
It has been a thorn in my heart for a very, very long time. Hell, my heart still breaks for our lost love. I usually don't think about it because when I do I still get choked up.
Can someone please help me understand why she would rather be dominated than treated as an equal? Why she would choose humiliation instead of adoration? Why pain, when I offered her affection?
You know, I hate to burst your bubble here but if you speak to many submissives with an open mind rather than your own...admittedly jaundiced...viewpoint, you would find that many consider themselves to be equal to their dominant. They also get the nuance behind the phrase "there is equality to be found in the inequality and inequality to be found in the equality". As for humiliation, I would be willing to bet that you are equating humiliation to being the same as degradation. To you, the idea of calling her "slut" or "whore" or "My little cockloving cocksucker" all comes across as degrading and a put down. But for many submissives, those are the words that trigger a bunch of good buttons and very few of them have to do with a background of abuse. And while we are on the subject of humiliation, let's move on to your next difficulty: why choose humiliation over adoration? Did you ever stop to think that for many who choose humiliation specifically...and D/s BDSM in general (as I have a feeling you are equating the whole shebang as one humiliating thing rather than a "real" relationship)...that they choose it because, when they are involved in humiliation play or when they are involved in the whole of their D/s dynamic, they DO feel cherished? That they do feel adored? That they feel loved and wanted and needed and satisfied because they are with a partner whohas taken the time to learn just which "Y" aspects of his submissive needs such and such "Z" factors in order for her to feel cherished and adored and loved rather than take little time to pay her compliments which may very well be meant sincerely but which...let's be honest...could be used with almost any vanilla woman and are not specifically geared towards her?
Why pain? Because, honest to God, some people are wired to love pain...to transmute pain into pleasure...to take pain because another desires for them to do so and it pleases them to serve in that way.
quote:
Why can some not relate to the "traditional" idea of love? Why bdsm?
Because we are all unique individuals, suffused with the experiences and teachings of and responses to our own lives as seen through our eyes and felt through our hearts and processed through our souls and minds? And sometimes, that does not equate to traditional love...and yet, ironically, the idea of a dominant partner and a submissive partner making for the best relationship is one deeply steeped in tradition. Please do not make the mistake of assuming, as many do, that dominating someone does not mean you cannot love them or that the vice-versa is true...submitting to someone does not mean that you cannot love them. It might or it might not...just as in the vanilla world, where many people fuck and create babies and live together...and never really, truly love the one they have created a new life with; but sometimes, they do.
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