Embarassment with service

Embarassment with service (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive

Message

CelticPrince -> Embarassment with service (3/4/2008 5:41:24 AM)
While not yielding the principle that D/s is more about mental control then sexual control; sex is still a major part of the D/s dynamic. Many submissives come into this lifestyle in their 30' or 40's and have experienced generally only vanilla sex / thus the question how does a submissive get past that embarrassment of some forms of sexual demands. Example, if your Sir reequired you to masterbate yourself while he watched. Untill that special candor and trust is built, how do you handle the scene? CP

colouredin -> RE: Embarassment with service (3/4/2008 5:44:59 AM)
I am only 21, so I dont know if this applies to me. I certainly know that initially I was hugely embaressed and didnt really like my body at all. I actually enjoyed the embaressment (something I dont really feel as much now as I am far more confident in my own skin) I figured that if he didnt want to watch he wouldnt have asked which means he found something enjoyable in watching therefore I cant look that stupid/bad/fat (insert insecurity here) which I guess makes you feel more attractive and sexy.

CelticPrince -> RE: Embarassment with service (3/4/2008 5:49:40 AM)
coloured, You make a good point, I hope many others share that view. CP

DesFIP -> RE: Embarassment with service (3/4/2008 6:23:32 AM)
Build the trust first before you ask things that are too far out of their comfort zone. I'm not going to do anything I don't like the first couple of times and anybody who insisted I do, is someone I would believe is more into the wank material than into me. The trust comes first. If you can't wait to build it, then you're teaching her that she's right not to trust you.

Dnomyar -> RE: Embarassment with service (3/4/2008 6:29:44 AM)
I think that would depend on how the Dom/sub relationship has progressed.

IrishMist -> RE: Embarassment with service (3/4/2008 6:30:25 AM)
quote: sex is still a major part of the D/s dynamic. Ok, this really pisses me off. The general consensus that relationships HAVE to have sex involved. Why is it so hard to believe or understand that an intimate relationship; whether 'vanilla' or BDSM, or M/s/D/s; with another can be non-sexual in nature?

colouredin -> RE: Embarassment with service (3/4/2008 6:32:40 AM)
It depends what you consider sex I would say. I dont think sex is penetration and I think come conversation can be classifed as sex but thats just me and I would say that D/s for me has elements of sex even though I have not had the physical act of sex with Sir. Just my opinion :D

chamberqueen -> RE: Embarassment with service (3/4/2008 6:33:51 AM)
I remember the first time I was told to masturbate in front of someone. He was kind but firm, masturbating himself so that I wouldn't feel as uncomfortable, but told me that if I did not do it that I would not receive another orgasm that day. Wanting to please him, and knowing that there were good things in store for me if I did, really helped. I am extremely uncomfortable with my looks, especially undressed, but I found that quickly melted away. When I am in a session now I know that my body belongs to another, and He would only be disappointed if I chose to belittle it. I have no doubt that I will be told to do further things that will embarrass me, but knowing that he glories in my body and the service it can provide him makes it all much easier. I also know the strong feeling of pride afterwards in knowing that I did exactly what was asked of me, without hesitation, and that helps to get me through.

IrishMist -> RE: Embarassment with service (3/4/2008 6:39:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: colouredin It depends what you consider sex I would say. I dont think sex is penetration and I think come conversation can be classifed as sex but thats just me and I would say that D/s for me has elements of sex even though I have not had the physical act of sex with Sir. Just my opinion :D Your answer, while your own, is really not relevant to what I asked. CP specifically was speaking in terms of intercourse...penetrative sex...and it was to that which my question was posed.

colouredin -> RE: Embarassment with service (3/4/2008 6:42:18 AM)
Ok I was just arguing semantics of what sex was sorry.

OmegaG -> RE: Embarassment with service (3/4/2008 6:44:32 AM)
The first time I was asked to do something that focussed the spotlight on me and was outside of my paradigm for normal activity I had a feeling of control-lessness. To say I was powerless is not quite right because I had the power to say no, but I didn't want to say no, I wanted to make him happy and that was the way to do it at that time. For me the feelings of not being in control were far more profound then feelings of embaressment.

peppermint -> RE: Embarassment with service (3/4/2008 6:46:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CelticPrince Untill that special candor and trust is built, how do you handle the scene? I'm one of those submissives who came into all this rather late in life, discovering D/s in my 40s and not living it until i was in my 50s. Sex is sex. Your example was, for me, an example of sex...not D/s sex. Even those actions i would consider kinky sex are not confined to D/s. Vanilla people get rather kinky too. When i was searching for a Dominant i met and talked with several men who were really into nothing but a bedroom kink...not D/s at all. However, they were led to believe that their kink made them part of D/s. I don't consider my sex life as being D/s sex. We enjoy our bedroom antics. We laugh a lot and talk a lot just like any vanilla couple might do. It's fun. Different from vanilla sex?? No. I just don't personally buy into the idea that D/s sex and vanilla sex are two different things. As for sex being important to a D/s relationship...yes it is. Is sex more important for a D/s relationship than a vanilla relationship....well, you'd have to prove this to me because i don't believe it's true. Sex is important to any relationship where sex is enjoyed. If sex isn't part of the dynamic, then it's not important whether the relationship is D/s or vanilla based.

tsatske -> RE: Embarassment with service (3/4/2008 6:48:39 AM)
Where did you get that the OP was speaking of penetrative sex? I must have missed something? He asked about Masturbation, and being viewed during masturbating. And that was only an example. Clearly many other things could be applied - and not all of them penetrate. I personally agree with colouredin, it has always amazed me the way vanillas will actually quit having sex if they become impotent. WTF. There is a lot more to sex than penetration. My last several Master (before Master) were impotent. Trust me, the sex was still good. Actually, penetration is a hard limit for me in any new relationship or with a playmate. And, prior to meeting Master, my attitude was becoming that I wasn't sure I wanted it at all. I was beginning to think that maybe I was not so much bi, as a Lesbian who wished to be topped by a man. But to me, all that topping, is sex. It is sex when I am curled up at his feet, sex when he beats me, sex when he slaps me, sex when I wash him in the shower, sex when I undress him, sex when I watch him undress. All of these things are, imo, sex. penetration, while newly wonderful and appreciated, is not the only kind of sex.

ProlificNeeds -> RE: Embarassment with service (3/4/2008 6:52:32 AM)
Sex is often a big part of a relationship, but I don't associate the sex with the D/s. With that aside, 'what others do' isn't a big concern, we're talking about what CP and his subs do, and for him, sex is a big part of his D/s exchanges with his partners. In that light, just work to help the sub over come a discomfort. Time, small steps, old or young I don't see a difference. quote: Example, if your Sir reequired you to masterbate yourself while he watched. Untill that special candor and trust is built, how do you handle the scene? Until trust is built, you don't handle the scene, you build the trust first, THEN do the scene.

IrishMist -> RE: Embarassment with service (3/4/2008 6:52:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tsatske Where did you get that the OP was speaking of penetrative sex? I must have missed something? He asked about Masturbation, and being viewed during masturbating. And that was only an example. Clearly many other things could be applied - and not all of them penetrate. I personally agree with colouredin, it has always amazed me the way vanillas will actually quit having sex if they become impotent. WTF. There is a lot more to sex than penetration. My last several Master (before Master) were impotent. Trust me, the sex was still good. Actually, penetration is a hard limit for me in any new relationship or with a playmate. And, prior to meeting Master, my attitude was becoming that I wasn't sure I wanted it at all. I was beginning to think that maybe I was not so much bi, as a Lesbian who wished to be topped by a man. But to me, all that topping, is sex. It is sex when I am curled up at his feet, sex when he beats me, sex when he slaps me, sex when I wash him in the shower, sex when I undress him, sex when I watch him undress. All of these things are, imo, sex. penetration, while newly wonderful and appreciated, is not the only kind of sex. quote: Many submissives come into this lifestyle in their 30' or 40's and have experienced generally only vanilla sex / thus the question how does a submissive get past that embarrassment of some forms of sexual demands. Or am I wrong in thinking that this is about penetrative sex? Perhaps he was only referring to masturbation....as you have so...eagerly pointed out. The part you refer to about him using masturbation, unless my ability to read words and comprehend thier meanings effectively have been reduced...was an example that he used to illustrate a point about embarassment.

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Embarassment with service (3/4/2008 6:56:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CelticPrince While not yielding the principle that D/s is more about mental control then sexual control; sex is still a major part of the D/s dynamic. care to change that statement? stop lumping every single D/s dynamic under that assumption. while you don't yield to the principle that D/s is about mental control - Daddy does and it has kept this relationship going strong for over 18 months. quote: Many submissives come into this lifestyle in their 30' or 40's and have experienced generally only vanilla sex / and you know this how? is this another general assumpton about submissives in my age group? quote: thus the question how does a submissive get past that embarrassment of some forms of sexual demands. 5 simple things - time, patience, comfortablity, safety and trust from both involved in the relationship.

Mercnbeth -> RE: Embarassment with service (3/4/2008 6:56:00 AM)
back before the age of 36, before this slave discovered the big wide world of BDSM, and structured D/s, M/s relationships, serving the desires of the one she was with sexually was job 1- hardly an embarassment, in fact a HUGE turn-on. Most vanilla men were initially amused, but THEY were the ones who turned out to be too embarassed to continue, or turned off by the thought that someone actually got off by "serving" another's desires. "what kind of sick bitch would do that", they said, "go get some help".

xsolitairex -> RE: Embarassment with service (3/4/2008 7:29:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CelticPrince Example, if your Sir reequired you to masterbate yourself while he watched. Untill that special candor and trust is built, how do you handle the scene? CP A certain level of trust would have to already be in place before any act was done . You can't trust someone you don't really know. You can't know someone without taking the time to learn him. After that, when asked to do something outside your comfort level perhaps, thinking more of HIM/HER and how your obedience would please Him would help you. He's teaching you ways in which to satisfy Him. You both gain. He is happy, satisfied and proud of your efforts to please Him. You....what more could you ask for. Good luck.

ownedgirlie -> RE: Embarassment with service (3/4/2008 7:39:23 AM)
While understanding what others are saying about sex being part of their D/s dynamic or not, I will say that it is very much part of the D/s dynamic I am in, and not separate from it in any way. I got past initial embarrassment of sexual demands by simply doing them. I remember once after an orgasm which had me gyrating and writhing all over the floor, I told him later that I felt somewhat awkward and embarrassed (I hated my body then) at what I must have looked like. He told me it is his concern over whether or not I look pleasing to him, and if he doesn't like the position I'm in or what I am doing, he will change it. I was only to focus on what he wanted me to do and let those others thoughts enter my mind and distract me. Knowing that if he didn't like something he would change it gave me the freedom to just be. I do recall him having me do something once that I hadn't done before, which required verbalizing something that felt very awkward and uncomfortable for me. I struggled a great deal and ultimately sighed and told him, "Master, this is really hard and I'm struggling a LOT." He said I was doing fine, and of course it's hard - that's why he wanted me to do it. And that learning a new skill takes time - I had to start somewhere and he didn't expect perfection as I learned. But he did expect me to keep going and give him my best, and not quit. Once again, he relieved me of the pressure by granting me the learning curve. He was smart enough to know when something was awkward or hard for me. But "difficult" didn't let me off the hook. As for trust, he wouldn't use me sexually until I trusted him to. So I didn't experience issues related to that.

FullofShadows -> RE: Embarassment with service (3/4/2008 8:06:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OmegaG The first time I was asked to do something that focussed the spotlight on me and was outside of my paradigm for normal activity I had a feeling of control-lessness. To say I was powerless is not quite right because I had the power to say no, but I didn't want to say no, I wanted to make him happy and that was the way to do it at that time. For me the feelings of not being in control were far more profound then feelings of embaressment. I like the way you said that...OmegaG Thats exactly how I feel.

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875