ProlificNeeds
Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007 Status: offline
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My big problem with this topic is that for some reason you think 'no' is a negative answer. "Do you want fries with that?" "No." "Do you want me to beat you until your ribs break?" "No." "I'm going to do XYZ to you." "No." The reason doesn;t matter, it's the simple fact that the intent of the answer is genuine. It's not "No" because I'm a brat and trying to angle for control, it's not 'no' because I'm playing some stupid game of deceit. It's 'no' for a perfectly valid reason, which I will share with my partner openly, and if they can't accept valid answers because they contain the context of 'no', then they aren't mature enough to be in a relationship with me. I know you were targeting specifically kink related incidents, but I don't see how it's different at all. If I'm not in the mood for spaghetti or flogging, I'll say so. Now if the person in question is actually my dominant, they decide whether I eat spaghetti and get flogged, whether I like it or not. Sometimes 'no' just doesn't matter, because I'm merely expressing myself, not makign the decision for him. "Hard limits/soft limits" Don't require a no. Because I establish my limits before hand. If I have to actually say 'no' in a decisive manner which robs my dominant of authority, it means a line has been crossed, by him. By failing to respect my limits he has violated the agreement our power exchange is based on, and I won't lose any sleep over it. I always make sure my limits are understood first, because I don't opperate as a 'no limits' person, i recognize what I do and do not find acceptable. My partner accepts that by being in a relationship with me. If I have to say 'no' to something that we hadn't discussed previously or has communicated poorly, well that's shame on me for not being better at communicating. But I still don't see 'no' as a bad thing. Again, it's all in intent of why you say 'no'. If it's to preserve your well being mentally, emotionally or physically, then say it without guilt or consequence. If it's to preserve your overall happiness and the health of a relationship, then say no!
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