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Emotional Punishments - 3/5/2008 6:45:20 PM

lilone2087

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i have recently blown up at my Master several times, and i have come to realize that physical punishments like whipping spanking or flogging do not do anything to me. What emotional or mental punishments are out there that we could try?

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RE: Emotional Punishments - 3/5/2008 7:02:58 PM

sweetwenchie

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For me personally, knowing i have disappointed Him is punishment in and of itself. my own mind punishes me in such instances, however, punishments are only limited by his imagination. There is corner time, which gives you time to think about what you did wrong, and other ways you could have handled matters, if you were mouthing off there is always soap in the mouth. Writing sentences, paragraphs, etc is another possible punishment, as is journaling. Being ignored can be brutal, an enforced time out from his presence, etc. Really it sounds like you both need to sit down and communicate, find what works for the two of you. Think of something you absolutely hate, and use it.

< Message edited by sweetwenchie -- 3/5/2008 7:05:00 PM >

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RE: Emotional Punishments - 3/5/2008 7:16:10 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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The issue is not the punishment, the issue is your continued misbehavior. Until you work on the source of that, no real progress will be made.

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RE: Emotional Punishments - 3/5/2008 7:22:17 PM

sweetwenchie

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Unless it is some sort of game they both enjoy?

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"To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is a very different thing from being a passive object." - De Beauvoir

"You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist." - Nietzsche

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RE: Emotional Punishments - 3/5/2008 7:23:07 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Well I didn't get any sense of enjoyment from her post and if they were enjoying it, why ask for advice on more things to do? But sure, go for it.

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RE: Emotional Punishments - 3/5/2008 7:26:20 PM

sweetwenchie

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Hey not my thing, but if someone continually acts in a manner that requires punishment after punishment i have to wonder what is behind that. Lack of control, enjoyment of pushing his buttons, some kind of game... ? Not sure i can understand it myself. Your first response pretty much said it all.

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"To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is a very different thing from being a passive object." - De Beauvoir

"You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist." - Nietzsche

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RE: Emotional Punishments - 3/5/2008 8:03:33 PM

RedMagic1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lilone2087
i have recently blown up at my Master several times

Is it because he is being an asshole?

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RE: Emotional Punishments - 3/5/2008 8:16:09 PM

xxblushesxx

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I *might* understand what is happening.
I tend to hold things back until I am backed into a corner, but once I am in that corner and I feel I am being attacked, something just takes over.
I 'see red' (rather than call it....)
I have a fight or flight reaction, and it is physical and emotional.
I have been working on this myself. I don't think your Master can punish you out of it...
Perhaps just help you to realize when you're getting to that point, and help you remember to 'back off' and take some time from the situation.
I'm quite proud of my progress, and a lot happier. I just hope I can continue with it.

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RE: Emotional Punishments - 3/5/2008 9:21:31 PM

TemptingNviceSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

The issue is not the punishment, the issue is your continued misbehavior. Until you work on the source of that, no real progress will be made.

I fully agree with this statement..and can add ....punishment could be as simple as your Sir withdrawing his dominance until your submissive attitude returns..and no I am not expounding release...simply an end to the D/s dynamic until source of your anger and resolution of that source are worked out and agreements re-established ,thus D/s dynamic re-established..Tempting

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RE: Emotional Punishments - 3/5/2008 9:42:58 PM

ownedgirlie

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I used to lash out at my Master from time to time, until I figured out why and fixed it. But the lashing out still had consequences, as disrespecting him like that has never been tolerated.

The very last time I did that, about a year & a half ago, he wrote Drama Queen with a Sharpie across my breasts. It remained on me for 4 days. It was his intention to keep it there a week, but he didn't like that my remorse was turning to depression, so he removed it. It was effective, though. Now we laugh about it. He was right - I was a drama queen!

My lashing out had to do with my own insecurity and fear, and not yet having complete trust in my place with him. That took time for me to overcome. Thankfully he allowed me the time and guidance to do that.

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RE: Emotional Punishments - 3/5/2008 9:44:58 PM

probablyknowme

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Ouch ownedgirlie...that would definately be a punishment.

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RE: Emotional Punishments - 3/5/2008 11:54:26 PM

ownedgirlie

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It had an impact, lol. And it was deserved, given my history at the time. That, plus 500 sentences (which have become part of my nightly mantra to this day), and an essay explaining the proper way to express my concerns to my Master and why, along with a LOT of conversation about the problem, all worked toward the ultimate solution of the problem. He's a patient man, but he will snap me into focus in a heartbeat when he feels he needs to.

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RE: Emotional Punishments - 3/6/2008 5:34:10 AM

SailingBum

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lilone2087

i have recently blown up at my Master several times, and i have come to realize that physical punishments like whipping spanking or flogging do not do anything to me. What emotional or mental punishments are out there that we could try?

My guess is he is not hitting you hard enuff!

BadOne

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RE: Emotional Punishments - 3/6/2008 7:12:07 AM

sweetnurseBBW

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

The issue is not the punishment, the issue is your continued misbehavior. Until you work on the source of that, no real progress will be made.

I agree.

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RE: Emotional Punishments - 3/6/2008 7:31:26 AM

SinergyNstrumpet

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lilone2087

i have recently blown up at my Master several times, and i have come to realize that physical punishments like whipping spanking or flogging do not do anything to me. What emotional or mental punishments are out there that we could try?

First a little disclaimer, all relationships are different and whatever works for you guys works for you, so if what I write will not work for you, well then it won't.

I get upset with my Daddy at times. We have had some rough spots, and lately those rough spots have been health related and sometimes when both of us are stressed we get upset at things that normally wouldn't bother us. My Daddy ignores me when I get sassy mouthed and argumentative. He just doesn't feed that with a response and no matter what I say he won't go there. It is the most dominant of responses... not having one. It makes me think about how I am approaching things with him.

In relationships people are human before being sub or dom. I do not think being punished for a human side is the way to go. I am not punished at all. If Daddy beat me because I was upset with him, it would only make me more bitter. It would stifle communication, and possibly make me lash out. I would not thrive nor stay in such a relationship. It is not that I think that corporal punishment has no place for other people, because I do think it does for some, but I do not think that physical punishments solve a submissive's anger issues.

Like others have stated, it sounds as if you have anger issues. Anger is not a bad thing, it is the misdirection of it that leads to problems. In fact, anger can be a gift that helps us to survive in this world and draw important boundaries for the behavior of others. If your dominant is doing things that trigger you to be angry all the time, perhaps that is an indicator that he just isn't the dominant to make you happy? Perhaps you need to communicate to him in a respectful way the things that upset you when you are not angry?

No "punishment" is going to bring a resolution in my mind to your behavior. Only thinking about what makes you angry will lead you to the source of it. I used to have terrible anger issues that came to a head about 5 years ago when I was suffering from panic attacks associated with an anxiety disorder and depression. I took these things out on my family (god they are wonderful and did not deserve my anger). I had to think back on the things that were triggering my anxiety and anger and depression. These were things that happened decades earlier. I learned a lot about myself through that process.. but it was extraordinarily painful as well as cathartic...

Good luck to you.

~Sinergy's strumpet~

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RE: Emotional Punishments - 3/6/2008 8:11:26 AM

kinkypuppy2

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Is it possable that becasue you crave the Bdsm component, The whipping and flogging.
That you are infact misbehaving in order to get that punnishment.
The two of you might decide on a different type of punnishment for misbehaving. Like my favorite corner time.

Or reserve the use of one specific toy for punnishment only. No warm up, just punnishment. Hard and sudden

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RE: Emotional Punishments - 3/6/2008 8:40:28 AM

OmegaG

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it sounds like you enjoy the punishments, which is why you are asking for more ideas rather then figuring out how to stop the bad behaviour.

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RE: Emotional Punishments - 3/6/2008 9:07:28 AM

DesFIP

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Figure out where all this anger is coming from. Is this how you were raised? Frequent quarrels in the house? Do you have a lot of resentment towards him for things he promised to do but didn't, or promised not to do but did? If so, you need to be able to talk openly and freely about your feelings.

If you tend to drive dangerously, make threatening gestures at other drivers, have lost jobs because of blow ups; then first a physical as some causes of rage are physical and can be cured with medication, if you come up clean then it's time for anger management classes.

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RE: Emotional Punishments - 3/6/2008 4:56:14 PM

lilone2087

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It does not matter why i get angry, what matters in that physical punishments do not make me think about my behavior like emotional ones or mental ones do.

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RE: Emotional Punishments - 3/6/2008 7:26:56 PM

ownedgirlie

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If you think it does not matter why you get angry, the problem will continue. Do you want to put that on him and on yourself?

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