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Meet or Leave? - 3/6/2008 7:15:32 AM

velvetears

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Joined: 6/19/2006
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Let's say you decide you are ready to meet that special someone you have been in communication with for the last (1, 10, 100 days, time doesn't matter) and when you arrive the person greeting you is no where near how they portrayed themselves to be? Do you just turn on your heels and leave? Do you extend them the courtesy of staying, and if so do you bring up the fact that they said they were 25 and it's now obvious they aren't? In general how would/did you handle this if it were to/ever did happen to you?

Have you ever met someone who may not have lied but your fantasy image of them was so vivid and different you could not get over the disappointment?

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

Post #: 1

RE: Meet or Leave? - 3/6/2008 7:22:42 AM

MissHarlet

Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
Status: offline

I stay and chat for a while ... and even tell them that my image was soo different of them that I cant reconcile the reality vs my image...... make a joke of it Maybe even tell them my image especially if it was something that no one could measure up to .... and try to salvage a friendship

If they have obviously have lied... I stay and chat a bit and as politely as possible let them know that I know they have misled me and that I have told them from online chat etc that I never tolerate lies.... and that I cant deal with the fact they felt the need to lie to me about appearance etc. I explain that they took choices away from me that were mine to make not theirs( had I known truth about age appearance etc ... I might still have chosen to meet them as those are not deal breakers to me .. hygene and lies are ) .. and then tell them I hope they wont do that to others ...say goodbye and leave

< Message edited by MissHarlet -- 3/6/2008 7:23:57 AM >

_____________________________

Protectress of hearts/souls of all submissives calling Bounty's Place home, by order of Bounty~Proprietor

To be respected you must be respectful, to be loved you must be willing to love,
to be trusted you must be willing to trust.

(in reply to velvetears)

Post #: 2

RE: Meet or Leave? - 3/6/2008 7:26:10 AM

AtlantaMistress

Posts: 276
Joined: 6/14/2007
Status: offline

I have NO TOLERANCE for dishonesty. If you will lie...you will cheat & steal. TRUST & COMMUNICATION (yes, I know, for those that read the boards - may be sick of the fact that I PREACH IT). If someone has misrepresented themselves, they have violated both - and you cannot build a relationship without them, especially starting that way.

I would politely tell them you are disappointed they did not feel they could be honest with me, and that shows a lack of respect. I would give them the "I hope you can make better decisions in the future and find happiness" line, said with a smile...then turn and walk away.

_____________________________

Mistress Sandy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'd rather be hated for something I am than loved for something I am not.

(in reply to velvetears)

Post #: 3

RE: Meet or Leave? - 3/6/2008 7:26:13 AM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
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are they paying for dinner?

Seriously, it happened once, they guy I met was 3 inches shorter (at least) then he had claimed. Wouldn't have been a big deal except that I feel a lie that can be discovered that easily is an idicator of other lies and I knew that I'd never be able to trust him.

But it was my lunch plans so we ate and talked for the perscribed time and then I left. It actually worked out well, I must have been a dissapointment to him too as he never contacted me again either.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to velvetears)

Post #: 4

RE: Meet or Leave? - 3/6/2008 7:26:30 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

I never lie about my apperance. I always give a pic before hand. If I did meet with someone who lied I would chat with them for a while then leave and go my own way.

(in reply to MissHarlet)

Post #: 5

RE: Meet or Leave? - 3/6/2008 7:28:10 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

Depends on the differance, if its an out and out lie (i once met someone who was deaf but hadnt told me, now I have no problem with the fact that he was deaf I had a huge problem with not being told) I will leave.

Normally i will talk to them, i dont expect every person i meet online to evolve into a full blown relationship and I am pretty happy to just make friends. I have been disapointed many times but still carried on and have some close mates into the deal. Also I am cursed with a VERY over active imagination and so what i meet is virtually never what i meet, thats kinda my own fault. I do find that often people find it easier to be funny/talkative etc online which is always a shame when you meet them and they are very quiet or whatever but I have come to kinda expect it now.

< Message edited by colouredin -- 3/6/2008 7:31:12 AM >

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to velvetears)

Post #: 6

RE: Meet or Leave? - 3/6/2008 7:28:59 AM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AtlantaMistress

I have NO TOLERANCE for dishonesty. If you will lie...you will cheat & steal. TRUST & COMMUNICATION (yes, I know, for those that read the boards - may be sick of the fact that I PREACH IT). If someone has misrepresented themselves, they have violated both - and you cannot build a relationship without them, especially starting that way.

I would politely tell them you are disappointed they did not feel they could be honest with me, and that shows a lack of respect. I would give them the "I hope you can make better decisions in the future and find happiness" line, said with a smile...then turn and walk away.

I didn't read the OP as saying someone was representing themselves in a dishonest way, rather that 'you' had built someone up in your mind that didn't match the reality. If that happened with me, no I would not turn around and leave without a word. I think that is really rude and unkind behaviour, instead I would meet them and see how it went. Even if the hoped for relationship didn't work, I may end up making a friend.Turning without a word makes for unhappiness on both ends, I would feel awful if I knew someone saw me then left because I wasn't ***** whatever enough for them.

_____________________________

~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).

(in reply to AtlantaMistress)

Post #: 7

RE: Meet or Leave? - 3/6/2008 7:29:32 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

Let's say you decide you are ready to meet that special someone you have been in communication with for the last (1, 10, 100 days, time doesn't matter) and when you arrive the person greeting you is no where near how they portrayed themselves to be? Do you just turn on your heels and leave? Do you extend them the courtesy of staying, and if so do you bring up the fact that they said they were 25 and it's now obvious they aren't? In general how would/did you handle this if it were to/ever did happen to you?

Have you ever met someone who may not have lied but your fantasy image of them was so vivid and different you could not get over the disappointment?

I would say it depends. I have always sent my picture to people and it is a recent pic...shows the hair going, going, shows the fact that I wear glasses, etc.. I let people know about certain physical flaws I have that are not easily seen in a pic. Now, before that all begins to sound like I am decrepit...I am not. But like everyone...well, almost everyone...I am not perfect and I want people to know about those things that cannot be seen as well as those that can. That way I never have anyone say that "you don't look like what I thought you looked like". If someone were to say that to me, then I can always truthfully answer with "then you must have built me up despite evidence to the contrary." And that brings us to something you mentioned in your post (quoted here): "Have you ever met someone who may not have lied but your fantasy image of them was so vivid and different you could not get over the disappointment?"
I think the key word in that is "your". What led to that fantasy image? Your own imaginings or those that the other person gave you that led you there and then, they could not follow through in person? In the first place, "your" image is your fault and it is unfair to take out what YOUR mind did on the other person. In the second place, if they stated what they would do and then could not follow through, you still have to ask yourself "Did I do all I could to help them follow through or did I also act differently than I had stated I would, even though he/she was trying?" Now, if you can honestly answer that "yes, I did try to follow through and be as I portrayed my looks, my thoughts, my actions", then yes, you have reason to feel disappointment about your partner.

(in reply to velvetears)

Post #: 8

RE: Meet or Leave? - 3/6/2008 7:32:05 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

OmegaG. I a sub met was pissed because I did'nt leave a tip at Mc Donalds.

(in reply to camille65)

Post #: 9

RE: Meet or Leave? - 3/6/2008 7:32:21 AM

thegirlincharge

Posts: 68
Joined: 4/1/2006
Status: offline

I once met someone that I had communicated with for a few months. We had exchanged several pictures and I had even seen him on his webcam a few times. All seemed in order that the person I was viewing was the person I was to meet. We met...he smiled....he had no teeth!!! Ok well, not no teeth...he had one shraggley hanging on shrek-like tooth in the front of his mouth. Although I am not overly hung up on the looks I feel this is a very important part of looks, and often hygene. It wasn't like he couldn't afford to do something about it since he owned 2 sports cars and a house. I guess it just wasn't a priority to him.

I sat and had coffee with him then politely told him that we were not as compatable as I thought. If I had it to do over again I probably would have excused myself before the coffee and not wasted my time. Afterall, he WAS intentionally deceptive. When I got home I looked at all the pictures he sent me. Big smiles....with his mouth closed! Go figure!

(in reply to velvetears)

Post #: 10

RE: Meet or Leave? - 3/6/2008 7:36:25 AM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

I'd be pissed that you thought McDonalds was fit for human consumption.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 11

RE: Meet or Leave? - 3/6/2008 7:36:40 AM

MissHarlet

Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

OmegaG. I a sub met was pissed because I did'nt leave a tip at Mc Donalds.

This is tooo funny ... Now I cant stand a cheapskate .. but this is a new one for me .... I think this one was looking for an excuse to be pissed lol

_____________________________

Protectress of hearts/souls of all submissives calling Bounty's Place home, by order of Bounty~Proprietor

To be respected you must be respectful, to be loved you must be willing to love,
to be trusted you must be willing to trust.

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 12

RE: Meet or Leave? - 3/6/2008 7:39:24 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

The resturant was her choice. I prefer DQ.

(in reply to MissHarlet)

Post #: 13

RE: Meet or Leave? - 3/6/2008 7:43:28 AM

Tigrita

Posts: 484
Joined: 8/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline

As much as I hate to admit it, I do tend to be willing to comprimise my integrity a bit here. I used to say that I could never respect anyone who was so insecure as to mis-represent themselves. But having done online dating for a year or two now and having met some pretty great people who did happen to tell some fibs about their height or age, I've realized that if I held to this standard, I would meet very few people, period, some pretty great ones too. It still irks me, but I think this flaw can be compensated for if chemistry is good. If the chemistry is good I bring it up later and just honestly ask them why they feel a need to misrepresent themselves when they are so great with so much to offer? But I'll usually stick out a first meet despite a fib unless they are truly revolting or the lie was absurdly extreem. If I meet someone F2F it means I already know them pretty well as far as I can through other communications and am pretty certain we will benefit from eachother's company, and I can't really recal when I've been wrong on that.

_____________________________

~ Tigrita

There is no right path, only the path you take.

Success is making life happen, versus just letting life happen to you.

"Many of the things I enjoy, I enjoy because I don't enjoy them." - Charlotte

(in reply to thegirlincharge)

Post #: 14

RE: Meet or Leave? - 3/6/2008 7:43:50 AM

OmegaG

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Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

they have these really nifty fancy places where you can hold the menues in your hand and a person known as a waiter comes to your table to ask what you'd like and then brings it to you, and they have these really cool plates and silverware that don't get thrown out on your way out the door. These really neat places also have ambience rather then hoards of screaming kids rushing around you trying to get to the play center.

You should try one of these places one day.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 15

RE: Meet or Leave? - 3/6/2008 7:45:03 AM

SoCurious2Feel

Posts: 38
Joined: 6/28/2005
Status: offline

I had two meetings like that.....

1. Like the above mentioned post the guy had no teeth. SUCH a turn off. I stayed for tea and then left. We had planned on going to a park festival together after tea initially, but I couldn't do it.

2. The pictures he sent me were him, just him 7 years ago kinda thing.... I gave him the benefit of the doubt and, well....he broke my heart (sob, sob) about 10 months later. Guess I should have known it was going to be bad....

I agree with AtlantaMistress - Trust and Communication are key.

_____________________________

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us."

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 16

RE: Meet or Leave? - 3/6/2008 7:45:05 AM

KaraLady

Posts: 36
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline

To be fair, sometimes what you consider a big deal and what the other person considers a big deal are two different things.

Consider the case of the deaf man - sure, he's deaf, but if it's not impeding his quality of life, he just might not think about it enough to tell the person he's meeting. Especially if it's never been a big deal before.
I have certain issues with my spine, but unless I was meeting somebody specifically to get physical with them, I wouldn't think to tell them about it. That doesn't mean I'm misleading them - I just don't think it's important enough to bring up when I'm just meeting you for a cup of coffee! If you see me lean forward, and you don't like the slight hunchback that forms, that's not really my problem.

(in reply to MissHarlet)

Post #: 17

RE: Meet or Leave? - 3/6/2008 7:52:26 AM

Maya2001

Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline

I have met people that have used much younger pictures of themselves, and have stayed and chatted over coffee and at least get to know them abit in realtime before making a decision.

I feel even when people use photos they are naturally going to pick ones that are the most flattering, if I get an sense that somebody interested in has developed too much of a fantasy with say particular picture of mine, I tend to go to a web cam chat so they can view me without make up and in regular dress clothes, glasses etc as I do not want to waste my time on a meet because the person has developed a fantasy portrayal of me

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to thegirlincharge)

Post #: 18

RE: Meet or Leave? - 3/6/2008 7:54:27 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

In general how would/did you handle this if it were to/ever did happen to you?

It happened, but not too often. Age was relative, I couldn't tell you if someone misrepresented that number. It wouldn't matter what their age was if they were emotionally and mentally compatible with me.

Misrepresented pictures were much more common, taken 15 pounds ago, or 15 years; concerning because its not a good way to start a relationship based upon trust, but it never generated an instant "see you later!" Come to think of it there was never an occurrence of "see you later!"; even when one time the gender wasn't an accurate reflection of the profile's representation. In fact that night we had MORE than on drink and ended up having a long conversation about how wanting a honest, trusting partner in real life wasn't going to come from misrepresenting yourself in a profile. Nice guy - wonder whatever happened to him?

I never expected, or went to a meeting expecting anything other than to meet someone. There was never any expectation of instant kismet, or finding the mythical 'ONE', or any relationship - friend, lover, or flogging target. The goal was fun, and meeting someone to share some fun, for a day, a week, or however long we decided.

Going to a first meeting I always had a 'contingency' plan; other sites to see in the area, a club, museum. More than misrepresentation, more common was 'no shows'.

Its not a good idea to get emotionally involved with someone until you meet. To that goal, it's best not to spend a lot of time on-line, especially 'playing' on-line, prior to meeting. Contact potential people who are within a reasonable distance from you so you can see them casually and quickly. You defining "reasonable". A couple weeks seems about enough. Exchange information, don't be conned by an excessive paranoia regarding confidentiality. A coffee at Starbucks, or the coffee shop in Barnes & Noble or your favorite public place; get off the computer representation and gain a real one before investing any emotions. The sooner you get past guessing who the person 'really' is and see it first hand, the quicker you'll be on your way to a real life outside the internet.

(in reply to velvetears)

Post #: 19

RE: Meet or Leave? - 3/6/2008 7:54:40 AM

AtlantaMistress

Posts: 276
Joined: 6/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65

quote:

ORIGINAL: AtlantaMistress

I have NO TOLERANCE for dishonesty. If you will lie...you will cheat & steal. TRUST & COMMUNICATION (yes, I know, for those that read the boards - may be sick of the fact that I PREACH IT). If someone has misrepresented themselves, they have violated both - and you cannot build a relationship without them, especially starting that way.

I would politely tell them you are disappointed they did not feel they could be honest with me, and that shows a lack of respect. I would give them the "I hope you can make better decisions in the future and find happiness" line, said with a smile...then turn and walk away.

I didn't read the OP as saying someone was representing themselves in a dishonest way, rather that 'you' had built someone up in your mind that didn't match the reality. If that happened with me, no I would not turn around and leave without a word. I think that is really rude and unkind behaviour, instead I would meet them and see how it went. Even if the hoped for relationship didn't work, I may end up making a friend.Turning without a word makes for unhappiness on both ends, I would feel awful if I knew someone saw me then left because I wasn't ***** whatever enough for them.

The original post also said : when you arrive the person greeting you is no where near how they portrayed themselves to be? Do you just turn on your heels and leave? Do you extend them the courtesy of staying, and if so do you bring up the fact that they said they were 25 and it's now obvious they aren't? To me, that is not being honest. My time is precious, and I do not like having it WASTED. If someone misrepresented themselves - and obviously so, chances are they have some insecurity issues. That is not MY problem. I am honest to a fault, and also very secure. I have known people like this, and the little lies are typically a precursor to bigger ones.

I do not judge others on their appearence, it is their character, and how they treat me that is important. I had a man wanting to session once that told me he looked like a young Harrison Ford, from Star Wars. I told him I didn't care if he looked like the Wookie if he served me well.

Again, I said I would have been polite, and wished them well. Perhaps before you call someone out for being rude and unkind (which I must assume was the reason for your quoting my words) YOU should read more closely the posts.

_____________________________

Mistress Sandy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'd rather be hated for something I am than loved for something I am not.

(in reply to camille65)

Post #: 20

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