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RE: I don't even *like* sex... - 3/8/2008 12:21:59 AM   
satyrne07


Posts: 19
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline 		You clearly speak from a place that is honest and searching. You've raised the question and have explored a number of approaches. Perhaps, focusing on what you don't enjoy is not the best route. What do you delight in? Don't worry that you may not enjoy what others obsess about. But DO insist on the right to explore what you enjoy. If you  don't find satisfaction in what others celebrate, no problem. But be sure to celebrate what is capable of transporting you beyond yourself, if this is gardening, explore the passion, if its metalwork, explore the passion, if it's fridge cleaning, explore the passion.

What we give attention to grows and develops. How it develops is a discovery. Claim what is already yours and follow it with unrelenting care. You'll be surprised by how many possibilities open to one who is willing to invest in an intimate fascination.

~S

< Message edited by satyrne07 -- 3/8/2008 12:24:49 AM >

(in reply to dollparts85)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: I don't even *like* sex... - 3/8/2008 12:54:53 AM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		Hello dollparts

I sent you an e-mail on the otherside and I hope it helps.

First this may not be the best venue to get advice from as many like to offer MANY different examples. BUT since you asked I am willing to offer MY experince on this issue.

I was always aware of my sexuality. I always liked girls and understood the concept about sexual contact EARLY in life because of this I was in Therapy OFTEN when I was in grade school.

I do not honestly believe that I was ever molested as I have all my memories from very young till now and do not remember any situation where I was ever touched innapropraitly by anyone that I did not want or start the contact myself.

I lost my Virginity at 14 and she was 17 and she taught me many things the most detramental to my growth was that Sex = Love and so I honestly believed that if someone had sex with me that they loved me and well as most of us know this is bullshit and so I went on wondering why so many would Love me and then Leave me and so I used Sex as a type of emotional prison where I would convince myself after I has sex with someone that I loved them.

I know that this is very different from what you are going through!

However at 16 I was put in Proper Therapy where I learned that Adverse sexual stimulation while in the adolesent phase of life causes two possible outcomes, One Complete sexual avoidance, or Complete Sexual Desensitization (Sorry My spelling sucks) I am desensitized to sex even today my wife has learned to accept that Sex is an ACT to me it hold NO emotional ties like it did when I was younger. Because of my involvement in the Kink Lifestyle at the early age of 16/17 I have always been very sexually active and luckly my wife is bisexual so I am able to experience healthy sexual activities within my marriage where cheating is not an option.

What all this has to do with you is you may wish to view your sexuality differently than you do. Perhaps you should find out why you are unable to be stimulated and if it has more to do with the child abuse you illuded to in an earlier post and how you are coping with that act.

Sex is a Natural concept, if you are uncomfortable with it you should really figure out why and sadly only you can determine that. The whole of CollarMe might shed some light on it but only you can figure it out. Therapy can help but sadly this whole thing is an inside job.

Please feel free to drop me a line on the other side should you want someone to talk to.

Steel

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(in reply to satyrne07)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: I don't even *like* sex... - 3/8/2008 2:32:13 AM   
lally3


Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline 		hi dollparts,

i didnt lose my virginity until i was 19, too scared and then when i did i hated it.  it hurt, none of the nice feelings came along.  yukky.   youre not alone on that one, so no youre not wierd atall.

have you checked out any sites on abuse - just i thought maybe, if you have a problem opening out on a one to one basis with a therapist, maybe on a site you'd learn to, make it easier for you when you find the right person.  youll have everything more organised in your head and you might even have worked a few things out for yourself too.

if you like i can take a peek around and see what there is out there, if you'd rather not.

lally

(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: I don't even *like* sex... - 3/8/2008 2:36:50 AM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline 		I was a bit of a late bloomer too lally. The first time was bloody awful and I was never going to do it again. If I hadn't got drunk, I don't think I would have!!

Doll, you do understand that you don't have to have sex with a guy just because he wants to? If it's not what you want, tell him that you don't want to. If he doesn't hang around, fuck him off. A guy who looks at you as more than a pussy will wait.

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(in reply to lally3)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: I don't even *like* sex... - 3/8/2008 2:45:26 AM   
dollparts85


Posts: 1233
Joined: 10/22/2006
From: NY
Status: offline 		I have trouble saying no... :(

(in reply to MissMagnolia)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: I don't even *like* sex... - 3/8/2008 2:54:20 AM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline 		Tell em to fuck off then!!

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.


(in reply to dollparts85)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: I don't even *like* sex... - 3/8/2008 3:22:26 AM   
ScottyDont


Posts: 34
Joined: 4/25/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dollparts85

I have trouble saying no... :(


She's a professional victim in this regard.

She should seek out COMPETENT PROFESSIONAL HELP.  

Nothing else we can say or suggest or do on a board will be sufficient.


(in reply to dollparts85)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: I don't even *like* sex... - 3/8/2008 3:33:24 AM   
dollparts85


Posts: 1233
Joined: 10/22/2006
From: NY
Status: offline 		I don't know where I can get anymore help than I already am getting...I mean, I've seen therapists and psychiatrists, I've been in hospitals...done group therapy...CBT...DBT (even though I am not borderline) Day Treatment for a year...what else is left?

(in reply to ScottyDont)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: I don't even *like* sex... - 3/8/2008 3:40:07 AM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		Forget about sex for the time being and concentrate on yourself for a while.  In fact make a promise to yourself you're going to NOT have sex for a year.  This will give you time to work things through without the pressure of thinking you have to  have sex. 

You need to learn to say no real fast or you are going to be in a barrel of trouble. 


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Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to dollparts85)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: I don't even *like* sex... - 3/8/2008 3:40:23 AM   
petpete


Posts: 677
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline 		Its ok dolls.. i didn't have my first sexual encounter until i was in my late 20's. The guys at school used to make me feel like hopeless when they used to talk about there sexual encounters and brag about them. When a few years ago went back where i spent my teenager years and saw some of the hotshots they sound much sober now having there lives messed up with there willies working overtime. You are very pretty girl if that's you in the picture and more then attractive at least from my point of view. Take your time with everything and first of all enjoy what you do. there are no rules that we have to live by at least when it comes to our sexuality and when W/we wish to participate in any acts.

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(in reply to ScottyDont)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: I don't even *like* sex... - 3/8/2008 4:19:08 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ScottyDont

She's a professional victim in this regard.

She should seek out COMPETENT PROFESSIONAL HELP.  

Nothing else we can say or suggest or do on a board will be sufficient.
 I have to agree on this.

_____________________________


~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




(in reply to ScottyDont)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: I don't even *like* sex... - 3/8/2008 4:19:46 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ScottyDont

quote:

ORIGINAL: dollparts85

I have trouble saying no... :(


She's a professional victim in this regard.

She should seek out COMPETENT PROFESSIONAL HELP.  

Nothing else we can say or suggest or do on a board will be sufficient.







Unfortunatly it seems like a new thing every day, no doubt you have a lot of problems and i really hope you find a good therapist because you have a lot of stuff you need to work through.


_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

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(in reply to ScottyDont)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: I don't even *like* sex... - 3/8/2008 4:23:12 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline 		At 22 you may not be ready for sex, it isn't something that everyone is ready for at the same time (even though it can feel that way). If you have problems or something is holding you back that is not weird or abnormal however it sounds like you do need some help with it. I think your best help will come from therapy or with your doctors help. You've a GP, a gyno, a group therapy and a one-on-one therapy which means you should have a pretty strong medical support available to you. It is up to you to push, to ask them for help. You need to be very clear and if someone (therapist) is making jokes about this then speak up. 
quote:

ORIGINAL: dollparts85

I've only had sex twice so maybe it will get better the more I do it? But I haven't enjoyed anything sexual I have done so far...is that weird? I don't like being touched...at all...it doesn't feel good or anything...maybe I was just too tense and scared and stuff? Both times I like totally spaced out and it was like I was watching it happen from above...
quote:

ORIGINAL: dollparts85
Yeah...I need to stop sleeping with men I just meet online LOL they just use me and then disappear *sighs* I need to get a real relationship and go slow and get used to everything...and not have sex within an hour of meeting...LOL
 dollpart, I'm a bit sorry to say this but in most of your threads you've contradicted yourself as you have here and again are unwilling to help yourself.You state you've had sex twice, but then go on to say you need to stop sleeping with men that disappear which strongly implies more than twice. Every thread you've begun you've asked for help which is great but you also shoot down the help and pretty much refuse to do any work on your own.

_____________________________


~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




(in reply to dollparts85)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: I don't even *like* sex... - 3/8/2008 4:26:29 AM   
dollparts85


Posts: 1233
Joined: 10/22/2006
From: NY
Status: offline 		How does that imply more than twice? I've slept with two men I met online...both disappeared after we had sex...

(in reply to camille65)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: I don't even *like* sex... - 3/8/2008 4:28:22 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		I think what she was saying is if it was only twice you wouldnt have said it so jaded

for example "i need to stop eating chocolate it makes me bloated" - how often do you eat chocolate "oh I have only eaten it twice"

whereas "i need to stop eating chocolate it makes me bloated" - how often do you eat chocolate "every day"

it seems to be coupled with something a bit more dramatic than twice, twice isnt really a pattern


< Message edited by colouredin -- 3/8/2008 4:29:22 AM >

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to dollparts85)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: I don't even *like* sex... - 3/8/2008 4:28:53 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dollparts85

Yeah...I need to stop sleeping with men I just meet online LOL they just use me and then disappear *sighs* I need to get a real relationship and go slow and get used to everything...and not have sex within an hour of meeting...LOL


mm not wanting to hurt you...not justifying what men do to you or did to you. But there is an other side to the story...and that is you letting it happen.
(and as you just had sex twice...it is not as big as you said..)


_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to dollparts85)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: I don't even *like* sex... - 3/8/2008 4:30:39 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

I think what she was saying is if it was only twice you wouldnt have said it so jaded

for example "i need to stop eating chocolate it makes me bloated" - how often do you eat chocolate "oh I have only eaten it twice"

whereas "i need to stop eating chocolate it makes me bloated" - how often do you eat chocolate "every day"

it seems to be coupled with something a bit more dramatic than twice, twice isnt really a pattern

 Bingo.Thanks for the clarification assist..........I've been up all freaking night with my animals and my brain is more than a bit foggy.

_____________________________


~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: I don't even *like* sex... - 3/8/2008 4:31:56 AM   
dollparts85


Posts: 1233
Joined: 10/22/2006
From: NY
Status: offline 		Well, it may not seem like a big deal to most people being used by only two men...but they told me they wanted to be my boyfriend and everything and I believed them...so I was pretty upset after when they stopped talking to me...

(in reply to Justme696)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: I don't even *like* sex... - 3/8/2008 4:34:44 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dollparts85

Well, it may not seem like a big deal to most people being used by only two men...but they told me they wanted to be my boyfriend and everything and I believed them...so I was pretty upset after when they stopped talking to me...


I meant....with big as in...10+ males. Ofcourse..beeing hurt once is already enough and painfull.
Not trying to make it sound small.

I think we all had 2 people or more in our lifes that weren't what they said they were.


_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to dollparts85)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: I don't even *like* sex... - 3/8/2008 4:42:02 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

I meant....with big as in...10+ males.



Oh dear 10+ is big, boy am i in trouble :P

I would suggest if you dont like sex dont have sex. Simple really. And yeah we have all had boys tell us that they will ring its kinda a cliche, rule of thumb if you hardly know them they probably wont.


_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to Justme696)
Profile   Post #: 40
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