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marriage - 3/11/2008 11:51:23 AM   
princesslilian


Posts: 2
Joined: 9/3/2007
Status: offline 		Ok, so i wanted to get married but everyone knows the problems with doing this along with having a BDSM lifestyle. The church often has a problem with this, and the law has their views ect ect...i had a hell of a time searching for someone who would marry us in the way we wanted, and just ended up going vanilla for the most part. We cant change the church. Or the law.

So i came up with a solution. i...(me, myself, personally) became a minister for the Universal Life Church. Now i host the weddings and all of that good stuff, for people like me and ((i assume since your reading this that you are into BDSM like me, otherwise why are you here? lol)) Y/you.

Does that make sense? i'm not overly religious, but i have my faith...

My question is...would you want a priest or reverend or rabbi ((or whatever)) in the lifestyle?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: marriage - 3/11/2008 11:55:30 AM   
ThunderRoad


Posts: 231
Joined: 3/15/2006
Status: offline 		Why is marriage incompatible with BDSM?  Unless you want a fetish ceremony, I can't see why it would matter.  At best, an eyebrow might get raised because "obey" was in the vows.

Wedding ceremony for the family.  Collaring ceremony for the kinky friends.  At least that's how we're doing it.

Of course, "obey" is in our vows and her choker necklace has a little padlock on it.

(in reply to princesslilian)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: marriage - 3/11/2008 11:59:02 AM   
LadyHathor


Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline 		I too have chosen the same ministerial path, but not because they cannot reside side by side with "the church"--because we live in a bible belt area and there are few options for those who are pagan, wiccan, spiritual but not religious and alternative lifestylers to receive sick bed support, weddings, funerals, baptisms and I offer collaring ceremonies as well.
 
 
Welcome!

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(in reply to princesslilian)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: marriage - 3/11/2008 11:59:32 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		Sir and girlie are having two weddings too :D one for the family as you say and a Shaman ceremony for everyone else, they are doing a japanease theme for that with girlie as a gaisha and Sir in martial arts dress. Its going to be really beautiful I think :D 

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RE: marriage - 3/11/2008 12:02:54 PM   
FRSguy


Posts: 653
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline 		Thought of doing that myself as in performing weddings for the kinky.... so of course I think its a fantastic idea!
Now if you put together some kind of wedding dungeon / ceramonial fuck type place ... now your talking.

(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: marriage - 3/11/2008 12:11:00 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		Okay I am married. Things are different because I love my wife so many of the concepts of BDSM in our early relationship have changed but that was by choice and some outta necessity.

I live in the Mormon Mecca of Utah so a KINK wedding was out of the question. A church wedding was not acceptable becuase we are spiritual not religious.

In the end I wanted a Ordained Minister who understood US to do the wedding.

There were MANY to choose from

HOWEVER!!!!!!

In the entire State of Utah and 16 Other states The Church of Light and Life, The Universal Life Church, and Many other ONLINE Ministries and Ordained Ministerhoods are NOT recognized by the state and after you try to turn in your Marriage License (SP?) about 6 months later you get a letter saying that your marriage is NOT recognized by the state. If you have already filed your Taxes Jointly and Gotten names Legally changed, NOTHING was actually done legally.

*This is not what happened to us, it was what happened to the person behind the counter in the county clerks office because they wanted the same thing**

In the end it cost them 3 years of Audits. The complete change of Birth Certificated and Social Security cards and much of thier life was confusing when it came to legality. In the end the only way to fix it was to Get married legally by a Justice of the Peace Judge......

This is what we did and just delt with the KINKY parts later in a seperate event.

Before you get something done GO TO THE COUNTY CLERKS OFFICE!! They know what will be accepted and what won't. God are we glad we did.

Steel

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(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: marriage - 3/11/2008 12:17:29 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		I'm 53 years old.  I have 2 marriages behind me, one of 2 years and one of 20 years.  I tell any submissive that I speak to for any length of time that I want long-term and, in all honesty, I am old-fashioned enough to definitely want to look at the prospect of being married in the future (I just can't see living with someone for 20 years without the benefit of marriage...my own quirk).
The only change I would make to the wedding vows would be to have the minister add back in the vow "to obey".  This ceremony would be for family and friends "not in the know" about my lifechoices.
For those friends...and family..."in the know", we would have a collaring ceremony, when appropriate.  Now, if that is the type of ceremony you are speaking about officiating at, then I say great!  Send me your business card and I can promise you I will keep it on hand for when the time is right.

(in reply to princesslilian)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: marriage - 3/11/2008 12:19:58 PM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		I don't see why anyone of any religion cannot practice within WIITWD.

I myself am not christian, and as such, I do not require a 'marriage' as per christian ritual. There's nothing that says I can't have a private cermony with my partner one day, have our friends attend, and ask someone we respect to preside. Last I checked common-law provides the same financial and paper work benefits as 'marriage'.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: marriage - 3/11/2008 12:23:28 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		Well the question is do you want it to be Legal or Not

If you don't care about legality you can always have an Irish Hand Fasting which can be performed by anyone and in the past was performed by the person that the Male respected most.

However if you want it Legal you have to follow the rules of the state.

As Always

Steel

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For the Uber Posters
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Profile   Post #: 9
RE: marriage - 3/11/2008 12:25:22 PM   
SubbieOnWheels


Posts: 590
Joined: 12/14/2007
Status: offline 		I was given the following advice:

If you want a religious ceremony, but the person performing the ceremony is not "authorized" by the state you live in, you can do one of two things. (1) Have the spiritual ceremony, "forget" to file that paperwork, and have a civil ceremony where the paperwork gets filed. (2) Have a JP (or if Notaries in your state can perform marriages, a Notary Public) as part of the ceremony. The ordained minister can do the majority of the ceremony, and the civil person can put their stamp of approval on it.

I was going to do the "forgetting" part when I wanted a ceremony but was unsure if getting married legally was going to have a negative impact on my disability income.

>>edited to add that the marriage never took place. The man in question is history<<

< Message edited by SubbieOnWheels -- 3/11/2008 12:26:21 PM >

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(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: marriage - 3/11/2008 12:26:01 PM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		Edit after reading subbieonwheels' post :D

< Message edited by colouredin -- 3/11/2008 12:27:31 PM >

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I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

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Profile   Post #: 11
RE: marriage - 3/11/2008 12:28:09 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		Yeah that is what it is when the Judge performs the ceramony however we wanted an event. So he came and put on the robe, Pictures of our wedding are on our Profile. But just of us.

As Always

Steel

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Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: marriage - 3/11/2008 1:09:58 PM   
Lumus


Posts: 5968
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline 		I never realized there was a problem with marriage and BDSM.  Then again, I don't flaunt my interests to my family, who will be in attendance at my upcoming wedding...so a kink-based wedding never occurred to me.  Thinking upon it, I wouldn't want one anyways, and not just for the aforementioned reason.  For one, kink isn't what defines who I am; for another, I would feel like I was trapped in a put-on show.  I'd rather be Punked.



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(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: marriage - 3/11/2008 1:20:56 PM   
LordVelvet


Posts: 311
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline 		To the OP:
It depends on what you see as important. I have been married twice. Neither were kink or fetish. It doesn't change who I am or what I want. Most of My family knows about Me but I don't feel the need to shove it in their face either. Just My thoughts.
LordVelvet

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Profile   Post #: 14
RE: marriage - 3/11/2008 1:51:59 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		I never felt the need to tell the priest I was a slave so why does it have to be all inclusive? Have a "lifestyle" ceremony after the civil one, works for me. What I do in my private life isn't the church's business.

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Profile   Post #: 15
RE: marriage - 3/11/2008 2:12:49 PM   
OnlyMels


Posts: 115
Joined: 2/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: princesslilian


So i came up with a solution. i...(me, myself, personally) became a minister for the Universal Life Church. Now i host the weddings and all of that good stuff, for people like me and ((i assume since your reading this that you are into BDSM like me, otherwise why are you here? lol)) Y/you.




My daddy is a minister of the same church but I don't think you can preside over your own wedding. But if I knew the priest really well and talked to them about what I wanted maybe you could find some middle ground. I'm sure the priest's or anyone else has had a couple wild weddings. And as long as your not doing anything illegal I don't see why you couldn't have a judge or someone with authority preside over your wedding also.

(in reply to princesslilian)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: marriage - 3/11/2008 2:23:43 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ProlificNeeds

Last I checked common-law provides the same financial and paper work benefits as 'marriage'.


Most states don't recognize common law marriage any more, and many never did. At last check, only 10 states were involved, and there are rules.  Check here.

Cali




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(in reply to ProlificNeeds)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: marriage - 3/11/2008 2:52:33 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		Personally, I'm with Gene Simmons on the "happily unmarried" thing.  Its not so much that I have anything against marriage per se... just that I feel no need to have the approval of a priest, a god, or a government as to who I choose to share my life with.

That's not to say I would never get married, but it would take a very remarkable lady to change my mind.  Sadly, they seem in short supply.

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A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to princesslilian)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: marriage - 3/11/2008 2:54:10 PM   
kittinSol


Posts: 16926
Status: offline 		I find marriage adds an extra dimension to the spice of BDSM; it's even more perverse to be married to someone I do those things with. But that's just me.

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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: marriage - 3/11/2008 2:56:50 PM   
subtee


Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline 		subtee's wallpaper: "Why do I have to get married? I didn't do anything wrong.

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Don't believe everything you think...

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Profile   Post #: 20
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