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Must I tell all? - 3/12/2008 8:27:18 AM

LadyHathor

Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
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No, this is not a Lady Hathor expose---

However, I am interested in perspectives--one of the things that irritates Me, is when in chatting with a boy and an agreement that we will meet for an interview--his question is invariably--what will happen. My response is standard:

We will meet for lunch or dinner, chat, share thoughts and see if we connect---here is where I get peeved a tad--

' yes Mistress, I expect that to happen, but what will happen next?'

I am reluctant to give more than vague details as in that initial meeting I could decide, nothing more will happen---as I share with them--we moght not get any further than this---however, when pressed for the next meeting--how do some of you respond or what responses have some of you gotten from your Dominants?

_____________________________

Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

Post #: 1

RE: Must I tell all? - 3/12/2008 8:29:37 AM

Pyrrsefanie

Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
Status: offline

It's usually at that point that I smile and say "I'll see you at 7, don't be late" and hang up/sign off/walk away/etc.

My boy has a nasty habit of being pushy like that sometimes, and it's something I'm trying to break him of currently, bleh.

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Post #: 2

RE: Must I tell all? - 3/12/2008 8:33:59 AM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHathor

No, this is not a Lady Hathor expose---

However, I am interested in perspectives--one of the things that irritates Me, is when in chatting with a boy and an agreement that we will meet for an interview--his question is invariably--what will happen. My response is standard:

We will meet for lunch or dinner, chat, share thoughts and see if we connect---here is where I get peeved a tad--

' yes Mistress, I expect that to happen, but what will happen next?'

I am reluctant to give more than vague details as in that initial meeting I could decide, nothing more will happen---as I share with them--we moght not get any further than this---however, when pressed for the next meeting--how do some of you respond or what responses have some of you gotten from your Dominants?

I put it out there right away, first time I meet you, we will not play. I don't care how hot I am for anyone -- its my rule and I stick to it. I don't sleep with people I've just met either - that's me. I have had so many people ask "what would you do to me" ... or any other variation on that... or just what you mentioned... and I say...

if you push me, I am very likely to politely say I'm not interested. There is also the little matter of people believing they are submissive and acting that way all the time .. if so, they shouldn't be asking or saying things like that. Patience seems to be lacking in my experience. I take my time and will -- the hunt is by far one of the best parts, and I'm going to enjoy the anticipation with a smile on my face and just a tiny bit of virtual drool *grin*

even if I have play plans, assuming everything has been negotiated up front, I'm not telling -- where's the fun in that?

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Post #: 3

RE: Must I tell all? - 3/12/2008 8:37:56 AM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
Status: offline

a male sub that wants to play on the first date?? WOW!!!! i just have one response to that: sexaholics anonymous! he needs to go there.

_____________________________

I did not reply to your cmail.

I am flawed.

Imperfect.

MUST SPANK!!!

SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

(in reply to Madame4a)

Post #: 4

RE: Must I tell all? - 3/12/2008 8:40:41 AM

ProlificNeeds

Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline

I think it's an eagerness thing in general, someone wants to fantasize, and get a little wank in. I've had plenty of male dominants try to rattle on about what they expect at a first, or second, or third meet before we've even started talking on the phone. It's quite irritating from this side of the divide as well.

I usually just tell the person in question point blank to not be so excitable, that it may go absolutely no where after the first meet if BOTH of us do not feel an attraction to meet again. If they can't drop it I generally walk away and refuse to respond to the subject again.

(in reply to Madame4a)

Post #: 5

RE: Must I tell all? - 3/12/2008 8:43:05 AM

Shawn1066

Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

I didn't meet my Owner expecting anything. In all actuality, I met her not expecting to get in any kind of relationship, beyond friendship. I don't think you -should- go into a first meeting expecting anything. Nobody is entitled.

Our plan was as follows:

It was as simple, and as vague, as meeting up in the middle of the day and going to the park to take pictures. I never felt obligated to meet her in a more intimate place, like her apartment, and she was never obligated to invite me back in. So, we both had ways out if one of us turned out to be a psycho or something.

Now... Things obviously went very well, and we decided to move foward. She invited me back to her apartment and we have been damn near impossible to seperate since then. We went from total strangers to being engaged... However, we could have just as easily stayed total strangers. Nobody is entitled to anything, and one shouldn't go into a meeting feeling like they're entitled.

I didn't feel like I was entitled to playing, service, sex, or anything else. I knew, from the very beginning, that such things were her decision. Honestly, I didn't even consider them to be possibilities at all.

DV's Fox

< Message edited by Shawn1066 -- 3/12/2008 8:44:49 AM >

(in reply to Pyrrsefanie)

Post #: 6

RE: Must I tell all? - 3/12/2008 8:52:20 AM

aidan

Posts: 904
Joined: 5/28/2005
Status: offline

A first date by itself is a huge win in my book. I should be so lucky as to have a nice dinner with a woman. More than that is wishful thinking at best.

_____________________________

Do what now?

"I aim to misbehave."
-Mal Reynolds

(in reply to Shawn1066)

Post #: 7

RE: Must I tell all? - 3/12/2008 8:53:38 AM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
Status: offline

pssst aiden i like red lobster and the keg steak house... wait...nm im not a Mistress...

_____________________________

I did not reply to your cmail.

I am flawed.

Imperfect.

MUST SPANK!!!

SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

(in reply to aidan)

Post #: 8

RE: Must I tell all? - 3/12/2008 9:00:39 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I go the polite but firm approach first, since hey! my magic 8-ball does not tell me what is happening this evening.

Men who are very pushy in an initial meeting really put me off---especially if they start before we have even met! It just doesn't bode well for future interaction. I can accept eagerness, and interest, and the desire to fantasize, but when you figure in that Real Life is entering the picture, I think the excitable boys need to chill. (okay, I almost called them eager beavers. go ahead and laugh.)

There is a fine line between eager and desperate, and I think we have all witnessed it. Desperate isn't pretty. After awhile, over-eager isn't, either. I have that line in my profile about not being a life support system for a toybag, and I mean it----is the important part meeting your potential dominant, or getting your rocks off?

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)

Post #: 9

RE: Must I tell all? - 3/12/2008 9:29:44 AM

LadyHathor

Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline

I adore putting things out there for you all---you do keep Me sane--or at least thinking I am sane--

one clarification---I never play or do anymore than anything vanilla on the first meeting, these questions seem to assume and leap ahead that thet first meeting willl be successful and we will then proceed to the good stuff--

oy

_____________________________

Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 10

RE: Must I tell all? - 3/12/2008 9:31:00 AM

slvemike4u

Posts: 17896
Joined: 1/15/2008
From: United States
Status: offline

As a subslave who is seeking a Domme to serve i would like to say THANK YOU.I for one will never again ask a prospective Dominant what the agenda of a first meeting is beyond the necessary where and when Ma'm......

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 11

RE: Must I tell all? - 3/12/2008 9:34:28 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

I tell them up front that I am a slow mover. It took me 2 years to collar my sub. We knew each other online a year, then in person for a year. I see no reason to rush into anything. I want to be sure (and them) that we are compatible, there is chemistry and we on the same page.

When I was looking for an addition sub yes I did hear that question quite often. I'd remind them that I am a slow mover and if you are seeking someone to scene with right away or someone who gives velcro collars well then, they'd just have to look elsewhere.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Post #: 12

RE: Must I tell all? - 3/12/2008 9:56:19 AM

Ostentatious

Posts: 98
Joined: 7/2/2007
Status: offline

I love interviewing a domme! If she passes I'll even put her under consideration....!

I think the two phrases above are ridiculous, btw.

No one should be worrying about what comes after, that's how you tell the difference between people who are in it for kicks and those who are really in it.

I wouldn't meet someone who called it an interview. I may not even want the job after meeting her. Meeting as friends, with no pressure is much better and imo Ds relationships that work work because there's a friendship in place. Making it Ds from the start doesn't allow that to happen.

< Message edited by Ostentatious -- 3/12/2008 10:02:22 AM >

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 13

RE: Must I tell all? - 3/12/2008 10:10:56 AM

chezzy52

Posts: 220
Joined: 6/26/2007
Status: offline

From my point of view..i would be ecstatic just for the meeting and dinner...i would hope it be dinner as i could have lunch anywhere...now i might be eager to try and illicit at some point a handgag...but..i would at least want to talk about everyday life....you know ..not only the Domina has one.So it would make me happy to start from there and if we click..build a structure around that.The Domina will know if i am the right boy and then as they say in Rome..let thegames begin..smiles.

(in reply to Ostentatious)

Post #: 14

RE: Must I tell all? - 3/12/2008 10:14:45 AM

Ostentatious

Posts: 98
Joined: 7/2/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chezzy52

From my point of view..i would be ecstatic just for the meeting and dinner...i would hope it be dinner as i could have lunch anywhere...now i might be eager to try and illicit at some point a handgag...but..i would at least want to talk about everyday life....you know ..not only the Domina has one.So it would make me happy to start from there and if we click..build a structure around that.The Domina will know if i am the right boy and then as they say in Rome..let thegames begin..smiles.

That's where we differ I'm afraid Chezzy, I don't want to 'play' randomly or with someone I just met. If I seek a quick thrill I'd rather go out and sleep with a 'nilla. The fetish scene is too small here and people do talk. I don't want the 'perfect' domme being put off me because I've a) lowered my standards, meaning she wouldn't want me or b) been around a little too much.

So, after six years I've only had one domme, which lasted for a year, never played with anyone else privately and the only other 'play' I've had has been with friends at VERY public demonstrations with hundreds of people watching :)

I'm quite proud of that!

< Message edited by Ostentatious -- 3/12/2008 10:15:12 AM >

(in reply to chezzy52)

Post #: 15

RE: Must I tell all? - 3/12/2008 10:28:40 AM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

I'm a big fan of the "let things happen as they naturally progress" school. To be honest, I've been found guilty of NOT asking more about what's going to happen next than I've ever inquired. Sometimes you try to avoid one extreme only to find yourself at the other.

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<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me

http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Post #: 16

RE: Must I tell all? - 3/12/2008 10:41:03 AM

MamaDomme1

Posts: 377
Joined: 1/12/2008
Status: offline

I tell them rather clearly that there will only be an intro meeting to see if there is enough compatibility to go further. If they continue to press, and if it seems to feel that they are seeking wank material, I wickedly inform them that cyber porn from me requires my paypal being deposited in. It usually stops it once I tell them I no longer wish to be a ProDomme but if put into that situation, I can and will accomodate them if the price is right.

I seek a mutually satisfying relationship-- not some fantasy for a boy or man that has no intention other than relieving their own desires.

There are several that I have met on a friendly basis and still remain friends a long time later. There are others that I have met casually and it developed into mutually satisfying scenes, and I wouldn't mind repeating them again and again.

I am too old to play silly games. I will go at a slower pace in order to make sure both parties are thinking on the same page.

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Post #: 17

RE: Must I tell all? - 3/12/2008 10:43:30 AM

MamaDomme1

Posts: 377
Joined: 1/12/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slvemike4u

As a subslave who is seeking a Domme to serve i would like to say THANK YOU.I for one will never again ask a prospective Dominant what the agenda of a first meeting is beyond the necessary where and when Ma'm......

slvemike4u, there should be more with the attitude you have!

(in reply to slvemike4u)

Post #: 18

RE: Must I tell all? - 3/12/2008 10:46:32 AM

WalterRego

Posts: 276
Joined: 12/28/2004
Status: offline

I've never asked those types of questions to a Dominant and honestly even when intensely curious, have never asked for a photo either. I've gone to meet a Dominant and several times suddenly realized that I have no idea what she will look like, or that we did not set any recognition signal, like what either of us will be wearing.

And none of those have ever been a problem.

By which I mean, any time it has progressed to the point where each of us desired a personal meeting, I already knew enough about her, her expectations of me and submissives in general and her character either not to (or in a few rare cases to possibly) expect anything in particular. And I never had a problem "identifying" the woman I was going to meet either.

If one is "submissive" and if the Dominant is one who calls up those submissive qualities in me....somehow I'm already enough attuned to her to know not to ask those sorts of questions, or perhaps even care.

Quite candidly, in any case regardless of how a potential sub felt , I can't imagine why they would ever push it in that way. Don't questions like that mark one as just the opposite of submissive or interested in the Dominant's desires?.

Either it will progress from there or not. If it does it's because there is a chemistry apparent between us and an empathy and an attraction between my general proclivities toward submission and her particular demeanor and dominance.

None of those will be apparent to either of us before meeting. And there's no point from either side in my asking meaningless questions beforehand.

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Post #: 19

RE: Must I tell all? - 3/12/2008 10:51:14 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

If someone pressed me for what will happen next, then he/she has clearly not been paying attention when we've been talking before setting up a first face to face meeting.

That means we won't even be having that first meeting and I'd cancel it right then and there.

I mean, come on, you can't remember what we've talked about and what I said would happen at a first meeting -- we meet and talk, that's it -- but you somehow think you'd be good enough to get farther than that. Please....

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Post #: 20

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