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RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/13/2008 1:54:45 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum
Actually I much prefer the bitchin that goes on after 1 email.  I'm like get real folks.  I swear if i read block ignore del one more fucking time I'm gonna shoot cali.


Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy now!!! 

Cali
(wonders if "shoot" suddenly took on a new meaning)


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/13/2008 2:09:01 PM   
SinergyNstrumpet


Posts: 305
Joined: 2/26/2008
Status: offline
quote:

I was talking to a Dom and it all crashed and burned. Basically instead of asking questions to be sure we were on the same page, he just assumed he knew everything. We'd only talked maybe 5 times before then for maybe 20 minutes each time, so it wasn't like we knew each other for very long, but suddenly he was declaring that my pussy, ass, and mouth belonged to him despite us NEVER agreeing to such a thing. Much later (after trying to resolve the problem logically) when I told him he seemed to lack communication skills since he never asked, we never agreed, he never said anything about it until then, he basically told me he doesn't hold any blame and it isn't his fault.


I wanted to point out when it became your fault and not his anymore... when you did not IMMEDIATELY end the conversation when he stated that any part of your person or anatomy belonged to him after just a handful of conversations. Any sort of arguing, discussion, or compromise after he stated those things that led to any sort of angst or feelings of inadequacy are on your doorstep. You lack boundaries sweetie, and that isn't his fault, it is your own.

julia

< Message edited by SinergyNstrumpet -- 3/13/2008 2:14:58 PM >

(in reply to yellowseeksred)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/13/2008 2:20:21 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		Use better judgment...It is always the other person's fault. The reality is you probably deserve no better than you have received. In fact I would venture to say that most of the Doms that you have made contact with would agree that you had outkicked your coverage.

< Message edited by domiguy -- 3/13/2008 2:25:51 PM >

_____________________________



(in reply to SinergyNstrumpet)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/13/2008 2:21:57 PM   
SinergyNstrumpet


Posts: 305
Joined: 2/26/2008
Status: offline
quote:

The reality is you probably deserve no better than you have received.


Or how I like to say, we deserve what we will tolerate...


julia

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/13/2008 2:30:19 PM   
yellowseeksred


Posts: 15
Joined: 1/30/2008
Status: offline 		Some were helpful, some made me laugh and forget it, and some irritated me. Thanks regardless.

I especially liked the smart ass comments. I'm sure I deserved being insulted regardless of being careful what I was doing.

(in reply to SinergyNstrumpet)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/13/2008 2:35:44 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: yellowseeksred

Some were helpful, some made me laugh and forget it, and some irritated me. Thanks regardless.

I especially liked the smart ass comments. I'm sure I deserved being insulted regardless of being careful what I was doing.



You have taked to about 50 Doms since joining 1/30/08 ...I don't know what to say....I guess it depends on what "talking" exactly means. Either way, it also depends on your definition of "being careful"....What does "safe sex" mean? My definition is that I leave no living witnesses....To each their own.


_____________________________



(in reply to yellowseeksred)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/13/2008 2:44:08 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		Who's the black private dick
That's a sex machine to all the chicks?
(Domi!)
You're damn right

yellow?. the world is full of wierdos and losers. most of then come here..:)
why don't you slow down and follow L.A.'s 6 month rule?

Jeff

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/13/2008 2:44:37 PM   
SinergyNstrumpet


Posts: 305
Joined: 2/26/2008
Status: offline
quote:

I especially liked the smart ass comments. I'm sure I deserved being insulted regardless of being careful what I was doing.


Believe it or not I was attempting to be helpful... you only get what you will tolerate... seriously. If you do not like the way you are being treated, stand up for yourself and don't accept it. No one is going to hold our hand in life and make people treat us correctly, if you do not set your boundaries sooner rather than later, I really fear for you. People who do not make good boundaries for themselves usually are walked on or worse.

Now you may find that irritating or smart assed of me to say, but hey, if what you were doing was working for you I would think you would not be posting here. I sincerely and honestly hope it doesn't take someone that will ignore your limits, abuse you, and use you to teach you these things.

julia

(in reply to yellowseeksred)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/13/2008 4:19:01 PM   
lronitulstahp


Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

Who's the black private dick
That's a sex machine to all the chicks?
(Domi!)
You're damn right

yellow?. the world is full of wierdos and losers. most of then come here..:)
why don't you slow down and follow L.A.'s 6 month rule?

Jeff
Where have YOU been???  EVERYBODY knows that Ron is shaft....Domi can be Superfly, Sweetback, or Blackula or someother guy...but Shaft...only RON!!!
i have proof...
http://www.collarchat.com/m_1679539/mpage_3/key_/tm.htm#1679751

(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/13/2008 4:24:33 PM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Julia is spot on with her comments, yellow.  No one is trying to be mean to you... only to point out areas where you might need to re-think your own actions.

You are submissive and on this site, that makes you prey... whether you want to be or not.  Add the fact that you are young and new, and you might as well paint a target on your back.

My advice is two-fold; first, seriously consider Julia's advice.  Then, remember that communication is a two-way street.  If you have had that many dominants all making the same assumptions, you might want to consider changing your communication tactics.  Make it clear from the very first what your expectations are for communicating with a prospective dom.  You needn't sound bossy or controlling... just politely make it known what you would like. 

And be prepared to walk away should your boundaries be ignored.

(in reply to yellowseeksred)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/13/2008 4:28:41 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TreasureKY

Add the fact that you are young and new, and you might as well paint a target on your back.


Ahem... Treasure sweetness?  The target goes on the ASS, not the back.  I'm just sayin'.

Cali
(just making sure when she gets poked, it's in the right place, cuz I'm helpful like that)


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to TreasureKY)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/13/2008 4:51:14 PM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: TreasureKY

Add the fact that you are young and new, and you might as well paint a target on your back.


Ahem... Treasure sweetness?  The target goes on the ASS, not the back.  I'm just sayin'.

Cali
(just making sure when she gets poked, it's in the right place, cuz I'm helpful like that)



lol... Ooops.    You are so right, Cali... I don't know where my mind was when I wrote that.  Obviously not in the right place. 

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/13/2008 5:36:31 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		You get what you put up with.

Only a twit expects someone else to make up thier minds for them.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to yellowseeksred)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/13/2008 6:05:41 PM   
SirJohnMandevill


Posts: 546
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: yellowseeksred

I'm so sick of this passive agressive bullshite. I'd say I've talked to 50 Doms on this website since I became a member and I'd say 40 of them acted exactly how he acted. I'm not saying I blame him for anything, but I was very careful to not agree to anything because I barely knew him and suddenly I 'belong' to him. Blame and reality are two very different things.



As others have said, you're always going to find a few weeds among the flowers. We don't all assume we know everything or that you're "my slutty bitch" after talking for 20 minutes. Keep contacting Doms whose profiles look interesting. I imagine as you get more experience in communicating on this site you'll be able pretty quickly to tell if a particular Dominant is or is not right for you.
 
Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)

_____________________________

Iam an eroticist
I am a fully eroticized being
No more neuroses
I found my strip naked soul soup
With the deviant ingredient
---The B-52s

(in reply to yellowseeksred)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/13/2008 7:33:34 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		FR
Keep your expectations low, if not non existent until solid reason is given to feel otherwise.  This way you'll be open and happily surprised when someone decent is around.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SirJohnMandevill)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/13/2008 7:41:44 PM   
domahpet


Posts: 1505
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Santa Rosa
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum


Yeah, that should have told you something right there.  ONLY two hours over FIVE convos??? Sheesh. When you hit two hours PER convo and THEN it goes bad, cmon and bitch about it. LOL.

Cali


Actually I much prefer the bitchin that goes on after 1 email.  I'm like get real folks.  I swear if i read block ignore del one more fucking time I'm gonna shoot cali.

BadOne





dont shoot cali! oh god that made me laugh tho!




_____________________________

Zeedaddys
~DJ domahpet~
*Love is giving someone the power to break your heart, but trusting them not to*

*crystal*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SLI12uN6k5k

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/13/2008 8:37:54 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domahpet

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum


Yeah, that should have told you something right there.  ONLY two hours over FIVE convos??? Sheesh. When you hit two hours PER convo and THEN it goes bad, cmon and bitch about it. LOL.

Cali


Actually I much prefer the bitchin that goes on after 1 email.  I'm like get real folks.  I swear if i read block ignore del one more fucking time I'm gonna shoot cali.

BadOne





dont shoot cali! oh god that made me laugh tho!





Do you see the shit us doms gotta put up??? all these backtalking bitches.  Where is my fucking del knob.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to domahpet)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/13/2008 8:40:20 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum
Do you see the shit us doms gotta put up??? all these backtalking bitches.  Where is my fucking del knob.


Oh, Big Bad One... Don't worry, not only did I keep the love notes you sent me on the other side, but I printed them out and laminated them for posterity.

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/13/2008 8:43:48 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		Things will go smoother the more emotionally mature you become.. give yourself time.  This is a time where you pay your dues and learn.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to yellowseeksred)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/13/2008 8:48:25 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick


Oh, Big Bad One... Don't worry, not only did I keep the love notes you sent me on the other side, but I printed them out and laminated them for posterity.

Cali



I see how you are I'm nice to you in one of your weak moments....and now yer blackmaleing me..thats it no more


MisterFuckingNiceGuy

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 40
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