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RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/13/2008 8:59:04 PM   
MasterBlueTiger


Posts: 57
Joined: 9/2/2007
Status: offline 		Has anyone heard the old saying "Only a fool thinks he knows everything." I'm still a greenhorn yet myself, but to me it sounds like you have done nothing wrong. And I can attest that such people exist out of the lifestyle as well. I have even seen a number of submisive profiles stating the same problem you have so trust me when I say you're far from alone.
Don't feel bad about ranting. We all need a chance to blow off steam every now and then,

_____________________________

Men may be stupid, but call me that and I'l throw my abbacus at you.
"I speak softly but carry a Big Stick!" Theodore Roosevelt(aka the man)

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/13/2008 9:03:04 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		Doesn't really sound like a communication problem but more like a loser trying to take a shortcut to your holes. 

_____________________________

marie.


I give good agita.









(in reply to yellowseeksred)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/13/2008 9:19:07 PM   
Hippiekinkster


Posts: 5512
Joined: 11/20/2007
From: Liechtenstein
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

yellow.. it's the nature of the (human) beast.  As was said, block, ignore delete.  eventually, you'll find someone who actually HEARS you..ok, so ya gotta wade through a buncha crap to get there, but think how much more you'll appreciate the gem when you find him! :)

Seems like there are more than a few who aren't capable of telling a lump of coal from a diamond, GT (not that I haven't been an asshole from time to time; it's just not my total personality  )

"Doms" give Men a bad name.

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/13/2008 9:53:43 PM   
StormsSlave


Posts: 629
Joined: 2/6/2008
Status: offline 		hmmmm...isn't there something around here about thread hijacking....?

As for the OP, yeah, I understand what you're saying.  I'd say it was limited to CM, but the truth is, I'm a major chat whore, and I get that everywhere I go.  I wish I could say it was limited to doms or this website.  I'd estimate that 75% of the men I have met online have approached me with sex within 10 minutes of opening conversation with them.  That's why most of them are on the net.

Besides, how many guys do you meet in a bar that are any better?  Don't misunderstand...I'm not leaving women out of this.  You have to use your own best judgement for whatever people you meet.

The only thing you can do is be honest and be prepared.  Don't be afraid to use the ignore button.  It's your friend.

_____________________________

Congratulate me...I'm a missus!!

--nobody's resident anything.

(in reply to cjan)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/14/2008 5:08:16 AM   
Kirren


Posts: 580
Joined: 9/5/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: yellowseeksred

I'm fairly new and don't remember posting to the boards so hello!


I'm so frustrated talking to Doms. I really am. I'm not even sure if I'm allowed to rant since it may seem "rude" agaisnt him, but I'm just so frustrated!
I was talking to a Dom and it all crashed and burned. Basically instead of asking questions to be sure we were on the same page, he just assumed he knew everything. We'd only talked maybe 5 times before then for maybe 20 minutes each time, so it wasn't like we knew each other for very long, but suddenly he was declaring that my pussy, ass, and mouth belonged to him despite us NEVER agreeing to such a thing. Much later (after trying to resolve the problem logically) when I told him he seemed to lack communication skills since he never asked, we never agreed, he never said anything about it until then, he basically told me he doesn't hold any blame and it isn't his fault. I'm so sick of this passive agressive bullshite. I'd say I've talked to 50 Doms on this website since I became a member and I'd say 40 of them acted exactly how he acted. I'm not saying I blame him for anything, but I was very careful to not agree to anything because I barely knew him and suddenly I 'belong' to him. Blame and reality are two very different things.

If I do something wrong, I acknowledge it and strive to better myself and to never do it again, but most of the Doms I've talked to have a holier-than-thou attitude when they don't even know me. All I want is a little respect and to actually be heard instead of having people just jump to conclusions and completely ignore things I say (or fabricate things I never said). I'm tired of this superiority complex some have when they don't even know me.

In real life, would these people walk around just assuming they know everything? Woud they jump to conclusions? And if so how sucessful can you be if you do something like that? If this is your lifestyle, wouldn't this be real life, too?





First of all....while some may say block delete what have you, its not going to stop the next asshole that comes along and thinks he knows it all. As we have seen, there seem to be a few of them running about...

And its not just men...I know of a Domme who had a boy come to visit her a few times, and then assumed that he knew that she owned him. So when she got his email password and found out that he had spoken to other Domme's....she went completely ignorant.  She hadnt explained to him that she intended to collar him. That she saw him as hers, or that she wanted to keep him. She just thought it, decided he should be a mind reader....and when her little bubble got busted...she lost her mind, and sadly about 50% of her friends. And thats not to mention looking like an out of control loser in the mean time.

Fact of the matter is, some people are so insecure that they feel the need to own some one the second that they talk to them. This can come from any thing from bad experiences, to just plain being needy. Dealing with these people is not always so easy as just deleting them, or blocking them. If you have given them other means to contact you, or they know that their ignorance gets to you, then they will (and it has been seen to have happened) find ways to get to you, and try to make your life miserable. Some people just have to have the last word like that.


I would suggest keeping any conversation light, and if the person says..."you belong to Me" State to them that you havent negotiated, you dont know them, and its some what presumptious of them to make such a statement to you...Bear in mind also that they could just be playing with you.

Communication between women and men has been a losing battle since time began. Thats not to say that you cant find some one some where that would take the time to get to know you, and you them, so that a real solid commitment can be made.


And yes, it is true that this is a free site, and you will encounter some real assholes. What I do when I open an email that I find to be offensive, is to just not reply. I dont bother with blocking them. I think its much more offensive to most to find that the mail has been sent, read and not replied to. Its like leaving a waitress 4 pennies....telling them that they arent worth a nickle.


Good luck....Im sure youll find what you are looking for. It just takes a great deal of time, patience and understanding that not everyone can have intellect as you seem to.

_____________________________

Everything has been said before
There's nothing left to say anymore
When it's all the same
You can ask for it by name


Did I fail to mention...I am a BITCH?

(in reply to yellowseeksred)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/14/2008 5:49:25 AM   
DS4DUMMIES


Posts: 180
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		What you encountered,  including the rather juvenile first response you received, is typical of the "wanne-be-i'm -the-dom-because-i-say so" crowd. A sort of faux, "above the fray of all your meaningless dribble" persona that is nothing, if not phony dribble itself.. When you encounter people like this, whose combined social skills, class level, IQ and knowledge of human relations are hard-pressed to add up to a value of 6, you simply ignore them.

On the other hand, there are many folks out there who understand that you're a human being worthy of respect and will treat you accordingly. Those are the people worthy of your attention and with whom, something of value can be created. Simply trust your little voice in dealing with anyone.



quote:

ORIGINAL: yellowseeksred

I'm fairly new and don't remember posting to the boards so hello!


I'm so frustrated talking to Doms. I really am. I'm not even sure if I'm allowed to rant since it may seem "rude" agaisnt him, but I'm just so frustrated!
I was talking to a Dom and it all crashed and burned. Basically instead of asking questions to be sure we were on the same page, he just assumed he knew everything. We'd only talked maybe 5 times before then for maybe 20 minutes each time, so it wasn't like we knew each other for very long, but suddenly he was declaring that my pussy, ass, and mouth belonged to him despite us NEVER agreeing to such a thing. Much later (after trying to resolve the problem logically) when I told him he seemed to lack communication skills since he never asked, we never agreed, he never said anything about it until then, he basically told me he doesn't hold any blame and it isn't his fault. I'm so sick of this passive agressive bullshite. I'd say I've talked to 50 Doms on this website since I became a member and I'd say 40 of them acted exactly how he acted. I'm not saying I blame him for anything, but I was very careful to not agree to anything because I barely knew him and suddenly I 'belong' to him. Blame and reality are two very different things.

If I do something wrong, I acknowledge it and strive to better myself and to never do it again, but most of the Doms I've talked to have a holier-than-thou attitude when they don't even know me. All I want is a little respect and to actually be heard instead of having people just jump to conclusions and completely ignore things I say (or fabricate things I never said). I'm tired of this superiority complex some have when they don't even know me.

In real life, would these people walk around just assuming they know everything? Woud they jump to conclusions? And if so how sucessful can you be if you do something like that? If this is your lifestyle, wouldn't this be real life, too?



_____________________________

"When we walk to the edge of all the light we have and take the step into the darkness of the unknown, we must believe that one of two things will happen. There will be something solid for us to stand on or we will be taught to fly.” Patrick Overton

(in reply to yellowseeksred)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/14/2008 6:04:44 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		katie what are you doing with the Doms handbook.

(in reply to katie978)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/14/2008 8:32:41 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DS4DUMMIES

What you encountered,  including the rather juvenile first response you received, is typical of the "wanne-be-i'm -the-dom-because-i-say so" crowd. A sort of faux, "above the fray of all your meaningless dribble" persona that is nothing, if not phony dribble itself.. When you encounter people like this, whose combined social skills, class level, IQ and knowledge of human relations are hard-pressed to add up to a value of 6, you simply ignore them.

On the other hand, there are many folks out there who understand that you're a human being worthy of respect and will treat you accordingly. Those are the people worthy of your attention and with whom, something of value can be created. Simply trust your little voice in dealing with anyone.




I do believe I've just been dissed.  Ok heres the scene taken from real life.  10 year old runs in the house panting near tears...."mommy the boys outside are teasing me"  Big bad ass mom states in her most authortive voice.  "just ignore them pee wee herman"   but but mom...  you get the idea

Give me a fucking break  Like I really need someone to tell sticks and stones once I reach the age of oh say 10.  "Who's the adult here"?

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to DS4DUMMIES)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/14/2008 8:41:56 AM   
yellowseeksred


Posts: 15
Joined: 1/30/2008
Status: offline 		Thank you for all the intellegent replies. It really helps being reminded that I'm not alone or that people understand and have been through what I've been through.

I've actually been "cyber stalked" on this website before. After the third attempt to harass me using another profile I figured out his pattern and just went offline for a few weeks.

Thank you for reminding me that I can rant. My question to whether or not I'm "allowed" to was partially out of frustration, partially not knowing who was going to see my post and therefore possibly be insulted. I had not meant for my posts to be surrounded by drama, and I'm hoping I can figure out how to work around that next time.

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/14/2008 8:48:42 AM   
yellowseeksred


Posts: 15
Joined: 1/30/2008
Status: offline 		Because spouting off giberish is adult? Please don't insult other people just because you want to bitch about how you don't like hearing people bitch. You're more than welcome to ignore whats going on if you don't like it (despite what everyone thinks, you can't make people do everything you want) or do what Thumpers mother told him "If you haven't got something nice to say, don't say anything at all."

I do believe this forum is here to HELP people, not to breed drama. It's rather simple. If my rant put you off, all you had to do was ignore it and just assume I'm childish instead of insisting on making yourself look childish.

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/14/2008 9:29:42 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		Of course it is here to help ppl.  Had you bothered to read any of the threads you would have seen this topic has been beat to death.  One could argue quite convincenly that the OP was giberish.  Once anyone post their "fair game" to all opinons no matter how wacked out they are.  If my opinon put you off get over it. 

BadOne


_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to yellowseeksred)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/14/2008 12:08:59 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

Assholes making themself look like assholes..is a way of good communication actually


I would agree... I think I have failed in my communication skills when some says that I am nice, friendly and all that shit stuff.....

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Justme696)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/14/2008 12:10:01 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: yellowseeksred

Because spouting off giberish is adult? Please don't insult other people just because you want to bitch about how you don't like hearing people bitch. You're more than welcome to ignore whats going on if you don't like it (despite what everyone thinks, you can't make people do everything you want) or do what Thumpers mother told him "If you haven't got something nice to say, don't say anything at all."

I do believe this forum is here to HELP people, not to breed drama. It's rather simple. If my rant put you off, all you had to do was ignore it and just assume I'm childish instead of insisting on making yourself look childish.



you really should take your own advice.



_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to yellowseeksred)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/14/2008 12:19:53 PM   
katie978


Posts: 352
Joined: 7/21/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

katie what are you doing with the Doms handbook.


They gave me the wrong one when I signed up for my subbie merit badge.

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/14/2008 12:29:52 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		Communication is a two way street. Did you ask him for feedback on what he knew?

If not, why?

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to yellowseeksred)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/14/2008 1:10:24 PM   
Kirren


Posts: 580
Joined: 9/5/2007
Status: offline 		yellow...

Youll find that the Doms that you have an email issue with on the other side...come over here too. You have two choices...1) just blow them off. Noone takes them seriously. or 2) Crack on them because they like the attention....but arguing with them and telling them how they should act? It wont change the fact that they have the manners and attention span of a stick of Hubba Bubba no matter how hard we try to house break them.



_____________________________

Everything has been said before
There's nothing left to say anymore
When it's all the same
You can ask for it by name


Did I fail to mention...I am a BITCH?

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/14/2008 2:30:33 PM   
yellowseeksred


Posts: 15
Joined: 1/30/2008
Status: offline 		Actually I did ask him for feed back. He simply refused to answer any of my questions. We had one minor misunderstanding in the beginning when we were trying to figure out when we'd both have time to chat and he assumed I was putting him off. When I tried explaining I wasn't and asking him what I'd said to make him think that, he just kept repeating himself that I was putting him off. It didn't go anywhere and I excused myself saying something like "Maybe we just need to think about things and get together again some time soon." He contacted me first after that.

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/14/2008 2:35:03 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: yellowseeksred

Actually I did ask him for feed back. He simply refused to answer any of my questions. We had one minor misunderstanding in the beginning when we were trying to figure out when we'd both have time to chat and he assumed I was putting him off. When I tried explaining I wasn't and asking him what I'd said to make him think that, he just kept repeating himself that I was putting him off. It didn't go anywhere and I excused myself saying something like "Maybe we just need to think about things and get together again some time soon." He contacted me first after that.


He doesn't sound very organized and choherent for one who identifies as a dom then. People who want to rule need to do it with more than an erection and a series of excuses.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to yellowseeksred)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/14/2008 7:46:27 PM   
msterfixer


Posts: 78
Joined: 3/25/2006
Status: offline 		Actually, most people (especially males) do exactly what the Doms do.  Grow up and realize, not everything that happens to you - is about you.

(in reply to yellowseeksred)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/14/2008 8:36:27 PM   
DomMeinCT


Posts: 2355
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: yellowseeksred

I do believe this forum is here to HELP people, not to breed drama. It's rather simple. If my rant put you off, all you had to do was ignore it and just assume I'm childish instead of insisting on making yourself look childish.



The forums facilitate interaction; if it's your expectation that they're here to help you and they don't, then perhaps you need to change your expectations, because you're not going to change the behavior of everyone who posts here.

When you post, whatever you post (whether it's a rant or question), you take your chances on what you get back.  It's immature to chide the quality of what you get back from the bubble gum machine.  Take the parts you like and ignore the rest, then you get to enjoy your rant.

_____________________________

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances:
if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
~ Carl Jung

(in reply to yellowseeksred)
Profile   Post #: 60
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