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My Master and Other Girls - 3/13/2008 2:27:37 PM

LittleGirl7

Posts: 7
Joined: 12/17/2007
Status: offline

I'm new to lifestyles and this is my first time in this D/S relationship. My Master and I have been together for 6 months. He knows I love him and I do believe he loves me too. I've never felt happier. I love being with him and doing everything he tells me to, both as his slave and girlfriend. The only thing I'm still not sure whether I can take it is his desire to go sleep with other girls. Although he has assured me every time when we have this conversation that it's just for sex and nothing else, and that he will come back to me, I'm still upset. I've been trying real hard to accept it. At least, he never lies to me. If he wants to, he will tell me upfront. Although this hasn't happened yet, he really wants to test me in that regard, whether I could handle it or would leave him.
I know it's a girlfriend's feeling, isn't it? Being a slave, my feeling wouldn't matter, right? My fear is not that he sleeps with anyone, but his being in touch with them after that while I'm present. Maybe it's too much to ask, as a slave girl. I know every relationship is different, but if anyone has this kind of feeling before, please give me some suggestions.

Post #: 1

RE: My Master and Other Girls - 3/13/2008 2:31:15 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

There is no rule that because you call yourself a slave, your feelings don't matter. What you have to decide is what you can live with, and what you cannot. Just as he has to do the same. So if he makes the choice to see other women, then you have to decide whether you can live with that or not. Your choice is "in" or "out".

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to LittleGirl7)

Post #: 2

RE: My Master and Other Girls - 3/13/2008 2:33:08 PM

Sadisticforslave

Posts: 26
Joined: 10/27/2007
Status: offline

What I don't understand is why exclude you from it. If I want to fuck another girl, I have my slave join in. Since she is bi and enjoys being with another girl this works well. nothing hidden and she and the girl get to have fun together too.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LittleGirl7

I'm new to lifestyles and this is my first time in this D/S relationship. My Master and I have been together for 6 months. He knows I love him and I do believe he loves me too. I've never felt happier. I love being with him and doing everything he tells me to, both as his slave and girlfriend. The only thing I'm still not sure whether I can take it is his desire to go sleep with other girls. Although he has assured me every time when we have this conversation that it's just for sex and nothing else, and that he will come back to me, I'm still upset. I've been trying real hard to accept it. At least, he never lies to me. If he wants to, he will tell me upfront. Although this hasn't happened yet, he really wants to test me in that regard, whether I could handle it or would leave him.
I know it's a girlfriend's feeling, isn't it? Being a slave, my feeling wouldn't matter, right? My fear is not that he sleeps with anyone, but his being in touch with them after that while I'm present. Maybe it's too much to ask, as a slave girl. I know every relationship is different, but if anyone has this kind of feeling before, please give me some suggestions.

(in reply to LittleGirl7)

Post #: 3

RE: My Master and Other Girls - 3/13/2008 2:37:41 PM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

Well sadistic her prof says straight

To OP, course you are allowed feelings, if you really cant hadnle it say so, of course he may decide he wants to anyways in which case as cali said you have to decide if you can live with it or not

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to Sadisticforslave)

Post #: 4

RE: My Master and Other Girls - 3/13/2008 2:50:37 PM

ProlificNeeds

Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline

You need to decide if it's cool or not for YOU. He can't tell you feel.
You decide, and then, you tell him if it is, or isn't a hard limit. If it is something you can't handle, he might be willing to conceed, or he might tell you to take a hike.

If my partner wanted to go fuck other chicks without me, I'd tell him not to come back after he's done zipping up. Now if he wanted to include me, that's a different story. But if I am so unsatisfying he needs to go find his jollies elsewhere, well, to me, that's not acceptable. For some maybe it is, for me, it's not. That doesn't make me a bad sub, it doesn't make me anything at all.
You say you are his slave, but you also called yourself his girlfriend too. So does he only want you as a slave with no choices, or does he want you as a girlfriend as well?

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 5

RE: My Master and Other Girls - 3/13/2008 3:07:54 PM

lilacs

Posts: 46
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

~FR~

This is my opinion... and only my opinion.

When it comes to the basic structure of the relationship - those are the things that are negotiated, discussed, and the two of you find ways for both of you to be okay. This is the part of the relationship that has nothing to do with the D/s dynamic and neither side should feel that they have the stronger bargining chip because of their status in the relationship. That stuff comes *after* the basic structure of the relationship is established.

Having an open relationship is one of those "basic structure" things. Same with being poly or being strictly bedroom D/s vs. TPE vs. 50s household ... whatever. This stage, both people get the same amount of "say." It isn't about being on the "s" side or the "D" side - it's about people coming together and making a relationship that has a chance of being mutually satisfying. Talk to him about what your need are. If he isn't willing to discuss where your needs are it's time to decide if you are willing to basically be in a relationship where you are feeling unhappy...

(in reply to ProlificNeeds)

Post #: 6

RE: My Master and Other Girls - 3/13/2008 4:07:30 PM

clearlightblack

Posts: 107
Joined: 3/3/2008
Status: offline

Cali is right, just because you are a slave doesn't make your feelings any less valid. In the end I think all Masters do what they want, but I know my old Master took my feelings about him sleeping with other women into consideration when he asked me about it.

His old slave agreed to him having more than one full time partners, with me he asked before we even started a relationship and I said I would not feel comfortable with that idea. (I am a possessive little thing and I can't help that.) But anyway we respected what I said and we agreed not to have others.

Had he not been able to live without another, he would have told me and just like Colouredin says, I would have to decide whether or not I could deal.

You should tell him what you feel, and if he decides that he wants others more than you then....you have a hard decision to make. Good Luck with that.

(in reply to lilacs)

Post #: 7

RE: My Master and Other Girls - 3/13/2008 6:41:08 PM

junecleaver

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline

Think about why you want to say no. What is your motivation? I cannot know your motivation, but I think it will help you determine if this is a need or a want, something you can live with or something that you cannot.

_____________________________

"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to LittleGirl7)

Post #: 8

RE: My Master and Other Girls - 3/13/2008 7:08:55 PM

littlebitxxx

Posts: 732
Status: offline

Personally, I don't see the problem here. First off, this should have been discussed at the beginning. If you agreed to it, then you have no recourse now except to decide how to handle it. Secondly, does he let you go have sex outside? Why not ask him about that? Sauce for goose/gander, etc. Bottom line....communication, between yourselves I mean, not here on the board.

_____________________________

There is no such thing as can't unless it is followed by yet

It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

(in reply to LittleGirl7)

Post #: 9

RE: My Master and Other Girls - 3/13/2008 7:21:36 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

You should fear catching nasty sexually transmitted diseases that are not curable and are life long ailments, more than fearing he talks to them later on while you're around. Sleeping around is a dangerous game to play, and even wearing condoms and std checks will not keep you 100 percent safe.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LittleGirl7

My fear is not that he sleeps with anyone, but his being in touch with them after that while I'm present.

< Message edited by YourhandMyAss -- 3/13/2008 7:23:12 PM >

(in reply to LittleGirl7)

Post #: 10

RE: My Master and Other Girls - 3/13/2008 7:58:44 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Keep doing what you are doing- talking it out together, seeing how you feel, seeing how your relationship plays out, asking him exactly what his motivations are.

He's giving you time to know yourself and whether this really is right for you- please take it.

Eventually there will come a time where you have to decide whether this will become part of who you are or not, and that may result in the relationship ending. But that's what informed consent is all about.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)

Post #: 11

RE: My Master and Other Girls - 3/13/2008 8:43:07 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

Your feelings very much matter, whether you are a girlfriend, wife, slave, submissive, lover, or whatever. Your feelings are your feelings and they affect your inner essence.

Having said that, it's awesome you both are talking about this. I had the same concerns as you did, as a matter of fact. I had a really hard time knowing my Master wanted to not just fuck but dominate and own other girls. What it all boiled down to for me in the long run are three things:

1. Nobody can affect my relationship with him but me. Nothing ever changed with us. I still had the same amount of time with him. I still had the same level of attention. I still had the same level of dominance and was still valued.

2. I became totally and absolutely secure in my place with him. I not only just believed I was valued because he said I was, but I felt it (and still do). No outside forces was seen as a threat to my place with him when I came to really trust in and know how much he values me.

3. I came to want for him what he wants. In other words, and as cheesy as it sounds, when he is happy, I am happy. Just to know he is content and satisfied rocks my world, no matter where he is finding that satisfaction. Coming to that point allowed me to not only accept this aspect about him, but support and encourage it. It took me about three years to be able to do that.

The other thing is, you have a history with him now, and a connection. I found once a bond has been developed, if I keep doing what I'm supposed to do, the bond continues to grow, not weaken. I have seen girls come and go while I have remained. You might end up seeing the same. With me, it's not a case of not being good enough for him, it's a case of his personality type finding fulfillment in what a variety of submissives can offer. He enjoys submissive girls, and he enjoys leading and teaching. I found when I reached a point of supporting and encouraging that, our bond grew even stronger.

The degree of effort this requires differs from person to person. Some people can accept outside activities without any problem at all. Some people do not accept it as is their choice from the start. I wanted to accept it, but really struggled for awhile. It seems your fear is similar to what mine was - that an emotional connection might be developed between him and others. Once I realized that even if one did, my connection was not in any way negatively altered, I could breathe easily and drop my concerns.

That he is open with you and you are able to voice your thoughts is encouraging. Only you can decide if you want to make this work. In my case, I did want to, and I did learn to accept it. It was probably my most difficult challenge over the years. I wish you well.

(in reply to LittleGirl7)

Post #: 12

RE: My Master and Other Girls - 3/13/2008 10:03:40 PM

daddyncherry

Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline

OG...there ya' go again just sayin' all the right stuff

you rock.

_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 13

RE: My Master and Other Girls - 3/13/2008 10:07:57 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

Thanks cherry.

(in reply to daddyncherry)

Post #: 14

RE: My Master and Other Girls - 3/13/2008 11:00:35 PM

LittleGirl7

Posts: 7
Joined: 12/17/2007
Status: offline

Thanks a lot everyone for all your helpful comments. He and I have been talking about this since the beginning. Maybe like Ownedgirlie, I've been wanting to accept it... but still struggling. Including me while he's with other girl is also discussed. I don't know yet how I would react if that really happens (him and other girl w/ or w/out me). I do want to make this relationship work. Seems like I just really need to find the way how I can handle it. I do realize that my place is different than other girls. And he does value me a lot. Only if I could actually accept this, he would be much happier and I know I would too. Thanks again. all this info really helps!

(in reply to LittleGirl7)

Post #: 15

RE: My Master and Other Girls - 3/13/2008 11:04:04 PM

LittleGirl7

Posts: 7
Joined: 12/17/2007
Status: offline

Your story is really encouraging!!! I do want to make this work. I'll try to learn to accept it, bit by bit. And I know he does understand that I need some time for that. Thanks so much, Ownedgirlie. I really admire you. My 6-mth struggle is nothing when compared to your 3-yrs effort.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 16

RE: My Master and Other Girls - 3/14/2008 5:52:04 AM

nephandi

Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline

Greetings

Perhaps you should speak whit your Master about your insecurity around this. Even if your relationship is such that you have no say in the matter, at least you can tell him that it bothers you, talking about it might help you to accept it. i felt BAD the first time my Master played whit another girl, it made me listen to soppy love songs and cry. But i got over it. By talking whit him.

i wish you well

_____________________________

Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace and power in it.--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Futon torpedoes, make love not war!--Aswad

(in reply to LittleGirl7)

Post #: 17

RE: My Master and Other Girls - 3/14/2008 6:38:16 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Why the hell should you accept thats it is ok for your Dom or sub to sleep with other people. If your into poly and doing it together then ok. If not move on. If you were vanilla you would be asking for a divorce. The same applys to here. Being told your being insecure about this is plain BS. As you can see I have a huge problem with Doms who bitch it is hard finding a good sub. When they do they want that sub to find more women for him to play with. What makes a sub insecure is that they actually will look even tho they don't want to.

(in reply to nephandi)

Post #: 18

RE: My Master and Other Girls - 3/14/2008 6:50:14 AM

MissSCD

Posts: 1185
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline

LittleGirl7:

I am going to give you some "loving advice". Please do not take this the wrong way.
You are worth more than what you are allowing yourself to accept. You do not deserve it. Continuing with this person is only going to cause more grief.
He doesn't respect you.
You are new, and do not understand players yet. This one has that label from me already. Run for the hills and find someone who will treat you like you deserve.

Regards, MissSCD

quote:

ORIGINAL: LittleGirl7

I'm new to lifestyles and this is my first time in this D/S relationship. My Master and I have been together for 6 months. He knows I love him and I do believe he loves me too. I've never felt happier. I love being with him and doing everything he tells me to, both as his slave and girlfriend. The only thing I'm still not sure whether I can take it is his desire to go sleep with other girls. Although he has assured me every time when we have this conversation that it's just for sex and nothing else, and that he will come back to me, I'm still upset. I've been trying real hard to accept it. At least, he never lies to me. If he wants to, he will tell me upfront. Although this hasn't happened yet, he really wants to test me in that regard, whether I could handle it or would leave him.
I know it's a girlfriend's feeling, isn't it? Being a slave, my feeling wouldn't matter, right? My fear is not that he sleeps with anyone, but his being in touch with them after that while I'm present. Maybe it's too much to ask, as a slave girl. I know every relationship is different, but if anyone has this kind of feeling before, please give me some suggestions.

(in reply to LittleGirl7)

Post #: 19

RE: My Master and Other Girls - 3/14/2008 7:02:33 AM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

What I wonder about is why so many girls take the word "slave"so easy (in general). Might sound "romantic", but you should think about the fact that your Master don't have to think about your feelings. On the other side, if he says he loves you, he should talk with you. Or you with him.

Ask yourself if you are a slave. And don't take to much time for that, because while you think..you get hurt more and more.

< Message edited by Justme696 -- 3/14/2008 7:03:41 AM >

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to MissSCD)

Post #: 20

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