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RE: My Master and Other Girls - 3/14/2008 7:17:27 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		I can say i somewhat understand what you are saying.  Did you agree to this right off that bat or did he spring this on you?  I talked with my Master before we did anything and i said if i accepted his collar i would have to be the only one he slept with.  He agreed with that and here we are 2 years later.  If you cannot handle it i think you should go (easy to say not so easy to do) and find a Dom who only wants you.  Best of luck.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to Justme696)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: My Master and Other Girls - 3/14/2008 7:37:48 AM   
favesclava


Posts: 1608
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		a year ago i was in the same position you're in now. communication is everything.then you can decide what's best for you.like other's have said, what you can live with. i learned i can.it was known He owned others. but then my feelings took over and i fell in love. suddenly i hated when He would kiss the others. but we talked and talked. i  also hated feeling that way because i felt i was disappointing Him with my feelings. but again we talked and now i'm secure of my place in His life and heart. there's a lot of good advice here. but in the end you decide.just make an informed decision.

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Okay? Ready? Fine .Here's my hand. We are going now. I know the way. All you have to do is hold on tight ... and believe.SK

(in reply to Justme696)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: My Master and Other Girls - 3/14/2008 7:38:40 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		I had a "master" who I was really up front with.  I don't have any problem with a Master who wants other girls... in fact, I rather like it... BUT I need some time to feel confident about my place with him.  And I need to be the only one he falls asleep with, AND I want to be there if he's with another woman.  Nothing hidden.

Well, my former ahem master, ended up telling me all the nonsense yours is saying about jealousy and testing me... only for sex.... And a few days after he left me, blaming my jealousy, he collared my good good friend. 

Yep, honey, you have a player who is blaming you for his lack of integrity.  Why in the world would a man want to jeapordize a loving relationship by upsetting you and making you feel so bad?  That's foolish on his part.  And if you are willing to put up with it, it's foolish on your part.  You are new to this way.... That doesn't mean you have to accept anything that goes against your personal values.  No matter what label a man gives himself.

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Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: My Master and Other Girls - 3/14/2008 9:02:32 AM   
MissMenagerie


Posts: 66
Joined: 2/10/2008
Status: offline 		Grinn had a series of open relationships before we got together, and while I'm all for inviting others (even multiples at a time) into bed, I don't believe that you should bother having a relationship if you can't get what you need from it. When we got together I told Him straight out, He could have a wonderful pet, but if it's me, He only gets to have one.
He said, basically, that that was a perfectly fair deal.
A caution: Not all Doms are so understanding, and not all are looking for the same things.

(in reply to LittleGirl7)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: My Master and Other Girls - 3/14/2008 9:03:29 AM   
girlygurl


Posts: 6973
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: in the palms of His hands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

Your feelings very much matter, whether you are a girlfriend, wife, slave, submissive, lover, or whatever.  Your feelings are your feelings and they affect your inner essence.

Having said that, it's awesome you both are talking about this.  I had the same concerns as you did, as a matter of fact.  I had a really hard time knowing my Master wanted to not just fuck but dominate and own other girls.  What it all boiled down to for me in the long run are three things:

1.  Nobody can affect my relationship with him but me.  Nothing ever changed with us.  I still had the same amount of time with him.  I still had the same level of attention.  I still had the same level of dominance and was still valued.

2.  I became totally and absolutely secure in my place with him.  I not only just believed I was valued because he said I was, but I felt it (and still do).  No outside forces was seen as a threat to my place with him when I came to really trust in  and know how much he values me.

3.  I came to want for him what he wants.  In other words, and as cheesy as it sounds, when he is happy, I am happy.  Just to know he is content and satisfied rocks my world, no matter where he is finding that satisfaction.  Coming to that point allowed me to not only accept this aspect about him, but support and encourage it.  It took me about three years to be able to do that.

The other thing is, you have a history with him now, and a connection.  I found once a bond has been developed, if I keep doing what I'm supposed to do, the bond continues to grow, not weaken.  I have seen girls come and go while I have remained.  You might end up seeing the same. With me, it's not a case of not being good enough for him, it's a case of his personality type finding fulfillment in what a variety of submissives can offer.  He enjoys submissive girls, and he enjoys leading and teaching.  I found when I reached a point of supporting and encouraging that, our bond grew even stronger. 

The degree of effort this requires differs from person to person.  Some people can accept outside activities without any problem at all.  Some people do not accept it as is their choice from the start.  I wanted to accept it, but really struggled for awhile.  It seems your fear is similar to what mine was - that an emotional connection might be developed between him and others.  Once I realized that even if one did, my connection was not in any way negatively altered, I could breathe easily and drop my concerns.

That he is open with you and you are able to voice your thoughts is encouraging.  Only you can decide if you want to make this work.  In my case, I did want to, and I did learn to accept it.  It was probably my most difficult challenge over the years.  I wish you well.


Well, I was going to give my input and share my experience but ownedgirlie said it pretty much as I would have. Thanks girlie

LG~ I wish you the best and keep that communication flowing. You've received some great feedback, I hope it helps you.

girly

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i see You

happily forever one

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: My Master and Other Girls - 3/14/2008 9:42:08 AM   
daddyncherry


Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissSCD

You are worth more than what you are allowing yourself to accept.  You do not deserve it.  Continuing with this person is only going to cause more grief.
He doesn't respect you.  
You are new, and do not understand players yet.  This one has that label from me already.  Run for the hills and find someone who will treat you like you deserve.

Regards, MissSCD 

quote:

ORIGINAL: LittleGirl7

I'm new to lifestyles and this is my first time in this D/S relationship. My Master and I have been together for 6 months.  He knows I love him and I do believe he loves me too.  I've never felt happier.  I love being with him and doing everything he tells me to, both as his slave and girlfriend.  The only thing I'm still not sure whether I can take it is his desire to go sleep with other girls.  Although he has assured me every time when we have this conversation that it's just for sex and nothing else, and that he will come back to me, I'm still upset.  I've been trying real hard to accept it.  At least, he never lies to me.  If he wants to, he will tell me upfront.  Although this hasn't happened yet, he really wants to test me in that regard, whether I could handle it or would leave him. 
I know it's a girlfriend's feeling, isn't it?  Being a slave, my feeling wouldn't matter, right?  My fear is not that he sleeps with anyone, but his being in touch with them after that while I'm present.  Maybe it's too much to ask, as a slave girl.  I know every relationship is different, but if anyone has this kind of feeling before, please give me some suggestions.    



Wow this is kind of a critical way to look at things...and quite judgemental.

He is being honest with her, she says she's never been happier and he seems, by her OP, that he is trying to help lead her along the way slowly to help her adjust....How do you read player and the whole run to the hills type of caveat?

Alot of people aren't wired to be sexually monogamous, not to mention it can be a big power exchange thing to do something along these lines...Or he could be like the ones who lie about it or the vanilla ones who cheat or stuff their desires for other people until they snap and leave the relationship cheating as they do so.....

If she knows about this stuff from the beginning and is obviously trying to work through her inner struggles then its all good.....She wasn't mislead or deceived she is just having a hard time with certain parts of the adjustment and those things stem from her own insecuritites (not throwing stones at the OP, i'm speaking from personal experience)

To the OP.....

To add to OG's wonderful post i will add a bit from what i have learned along the way.....

One human being cannot be every sexual experience or fantasy for the other....i can't be a short asian girl, or a tall leggy red head if those were fantasies of my Daddy....i cannot be 4 or 5 girls at once..He cannot gang bang me alone no matter how wonderful and good he is sexually....But in wanting to see him happy, i'd love to see him experience his fantasies and he mine.

The other thing you may want to consider, and this isn't an absolute, but it is a pretty good general statement.....Men and women are different creatures, women, due to upbringing, society or whatever tend to make sex more of an emotional thing,more of an emotional connection......Men, not having that same baggage (but their own little suit cases just the same) have an easier time compartmentalizing things....as just sex, for the experience of it, for the physical/sexual feeling of it, for the conquer aspect.

Best of luck to you on your journey and through this struggle.


_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to MissSCD)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: My Master and Other Girls - 3/14/2008 12:13:49 PM   
KnottyGirl69


Posts: 5
Joined: 9/25/2007
Status: offline 		After reading this I see a similarity.....but my master wants me to do other guys!! I just don't feel right about that after everything that I have shared with him and being so close to him....I think that it would just be wrong. But he insists and says that he is gonna do other chicks. He has decided to take our relationship backwards to just friends and I'm finding that very hard to do. But reading ownedgirlie's post helped me a lot.....I may actually be able to stomache this after some really strict self-talk....I know that I am trying hard because I don't want to disappoint him or lose my best friend....I'm just not sure that I can accept the conditions being put on our friendship after everything we have done/been through together.
Thank you, ownedgirlie....I needed to read that more than you could ever know  :)

(in reply to daddyncherry)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: My Master and Other Girls - 3/14/2008 12:59:22 PM   
tsatske


Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline 		KnottyGirl, I have no business speaking for OwnedGirl, whose post was simply wonderful and full of very good advice. But I am finding myself wondering if it applies to you in the same way as to her. Only you can answer that, but I think you should think about it.
I find it disturbing that he moved your relationship backwards when you couldn't take that step. It's perfectly understandable, if he needs to have more than one in his life, but, understand, that may simply mean that you and he are not a good match.
I am flat out built to be poly. Plain and simple. But not everyone is. I know that there are things that I can accomplish, and love doing, if I am loved and supported by a Master who loves me first, wants me, regardless of my success on one thing, or lack of it.
Take losing weight, for instance. I would simply never submit to a man who had a problem with my weight. If it was a make it or break it issue, well, lets just move on and not deal with the hassle and heartbreak. But with Master's gentle and constant support, it is possible for me, and a thing of joy. (Esp. the rewards).
If Master needed me to do something that felt very difficult for me, felt like I was hitting a wall, I think first, I might need to know that our relationship did not hinge on that thing, in order for me to succeed. I can give him a great deal because I want to please him, but I don't respond so well to the 'fear of losing' one, if that makes sense?

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~Dr. Seuss quote

(in reply to KnottyGirl69)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: My Master and Other Girls - 3/14/2008 1:17:47 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		Did you agree to this in the beginning? This is why things should be discussed before getting involved. If you did agree to it then you have either have to deal with it or decide you don't want to do this anymore.

You have to decide for yourself if this is the type of relationship you want and can deal with it.  

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Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to LittleGirl7)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: My Master and Other Girls - 3/15/2008 7:00:36 AM   
whipingherfeet


Posts: 202
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline 		you a slave if your master want to have sexs with 100 women so be it

(in reply to LittleGirl7)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: My Master and Other Girls - 3/15/2008 11:28:59 AM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlebitxxx

...  First off, this should have been discussed at the beginning.  If you agreed to it, then you have no recourse now except to decide how to handle it. ...


And if she had said on day one that she would not go along with her D having other partners, is she also forbidden in your view from ever encouraging him to experiment with that if she eventually chooses to?

People change.

Why should she be welded to her I will's but free to eliminate her I won't's?


To the OP

Please don't imagine that anything like what is said in the snippet above it necessarily true. People commit errors in estimating just what their physical, emotional and psychological abilities extend to.

A person might say in all good faith that they are willing to engage in, say, mountain climbing. If is turns out that they just can't thrive in the reduced oxygen near mountaintops--and that they are afraid of heights-- it would be ridiculous for a partner to say: "But you said you would mountainclimb with me so now you have no recourse but to decide how to deal with the terror, vomiting, inability to climb back down, etc."

Analogously, a person might mistakenly imagine that they can handle sharing a partner. The range of recourse available to such a person if they had guessed wrong would plainly include all sorts of things besides deciding how to handle it.

Some difficult hurdles are worth climbing over, and commitments should not be taken lightly. I hope you aren't underestimating yourself. Whatever course of action you take now will have consequences. I hope that they turn out for the best for you and your partner.




(in reply to littlebitxxx)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: My Master and Other Girls - 3/15/2008 11:39:47 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Of course your feelings matter. If you need a monogamous relationship to feel loved, then that's what you need. If he needs an open relationship where he can tom cat around with a variety of partners, then that's what he needs. In that case, no matter how much you two like each other, you aren't suited for a long term relationship. And sometimes that's what happens, you just aren't ultimately compatible.

Additionally six months is very short term in any relationship so this is very early to announce he wants to open the relationship. More importantly why did he lie to you about it in the beginning? If on the first email he had told you this, would you have met him or wished him good luck and goodbye? Because by waiting until he sucked you in, he lied to you.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Justme696)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: My Master and Other Girls - 3/15/2008 12:42:24 PM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LittleGirl7

I'm new to lifestyles and this is my first time in this D/S relationship. My Master and I have been together for 6 months.  He knows I love him and I do believe he loves me too.  I've never felt happier.  I love being with him and doing everything he tells me to, both as his slave and girlfriend.  The only thing I'm still not sure whether I can take it is his desire to go sleep with other girls.  Although he has assured me every time when we have this conversation that it's just for sex and nothing else, and that he will come back to me, I'm still upset.  I've been trying real hard to accept it.  At least, he never lies to me.  If he wants to, he will tell me upfront.  Although this hasn't happened yet, he really wants to test me in that regard, whether I could handle it or would leave him. 
I know it's a girlfriend's feeling, isn't it?  Being a slave, my feeling wouldn't matter, right?  My fear is not that he sleeps with anyone, but his being in touch with them after that while I'm present.  Maybe it's too much to ask, as a slave girl.  I know every relationship is different, but if anyone has this kind of feeling before, please give me some suggestions.    


i bolded the parts that i felt really got at the core of what you were feeling.  You feel unsure of your place with him and of your value to him, and rightly so.  Wanting to have sex with others is something that should be discussed in the beginning of a relationship. It's not the same as saying saying you want to try a new flogger or try a new sex position, what he wants can completely unravel what he has with you and cause you extreme grief if you cannot handle it. 

If you truly knew he loved you - you would not have used the word "believe" - that left room for doubt.

Does knowing he is with these girls "just for sex and that he will come back to me" really comforthing or is it settling because you feel you have no choice if you want to keep him? Will the emotional repercussions be worth it in the long run? 

You've been trying "real hard" to accept it... if you have to try so  hard is it worth it?  Won't there always be a part of you that wishes you were his only one?  You might grow accustomed to what he wants but i doubt seriously you will ever come to really accept it.  It will cost you, are you willing to pay the price of having your heart ache and your self esteem injured to have this dom?  He wants what he wants and he wants you to want what he wants - he's trying to force a square peg into a round hole - you might be able to make it fit but the edges of that square peg are going to crumble after a while.

"at least he  never lies to me" - well gosh he gets points for doing what he should do anyway?   If i am with a sadist and he's harmed me in some way that wasn't negotiated should i say "well at least he didn't slit my throat" and still see him?  Your trying to make excuses to see him as the good guy here and give him ridiculous credit. 

If he does this to test you he is running the risk that you can fail this "test" - what than?   And if you "pass" he can fuck or play with anyone knowing you will put up with it by either accepting it or suppressing how you really feel - emotions that are shoved down inside and glossed over with excuses eventually will surface at some point.  Don't waste time in fooling yourself that you're ok with it, find someone that you don't have to make excuses for or have test you, etc. 

The last one is a real doozy - slave's feeling don't matter. Bullshit.  Any master worth his salt knows this simply isn't true.  Slaves are human beings, human beings have feelings.  If you want to play that role understand the consequences of it - that your feelings will never count and you will have to put up with any emotional garbage he gives you.  If that's the kind of life you want to lead, go forth and lead it - just realize what you are getting into. 

As to the last bolded part - the more you are willing to put up with the more reasonable it is that he will eventually expect you to be present - hell even probably participate one day. 

Rethink what you want and please don't sell yourself short - you do count.

< Message edited by velvetears -- 3/15/2008 12:43:51 PM >

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(in reply to LittleGirl7)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: My Master and Other Girls - 3/15/2008 12:49:31 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		People always say this and I think it's too simplistic.  Yes, I agree that if he wanted to have his slave and still fuck other girls, he should have made that clear at the beginning (so as not to waste everyone's time).  Fair enough.  But relationships change.  People change.  No one really believes that a relationship should follow the parameters that were set at the very beginning.  Sometimes things come up and the dynamics of a relationship have to change--if the relationship is going to survive at all.

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlebitxxx

First off, this should have been discussed at the beginning.

(in reply to littlebitxxx)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: My Master and Other Girls - 3/15/2008 1:12:42 PM   
MadameTakhisis


Posts: 55
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline 		Seems to me you do not know if you are a sub or slave. " I'm new to lifestyles and this is my first time in this D/S relationship. My Master and I ?" I think once you define yourself it will make your choices more apparent. My slaves have no choices and are 24/7  My Decision Time. My subs come and go and are enjoyed and sent away. What of the two do you wish to be?

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: My Master and Other Girls - 3/15/2008 1:50:05 PM   
petitespitfire64


Posts: 182
Joined: 10/4/2007
Status: offline 		Just me...
but I'd be more concerned about a man who can have empty meaningless sex than one who CARES for his partners.
It's gotta make you wonder...

(in reply to MadameTakhisis)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: My Master and Other Girls - 3/15/2008 1:58:47 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: petitespitfire64

Just me...
but I'd be more concerned about a man who can have empty meaningless sex than one who CARES for his partners.
It's gotta make you wonder...



I don't personally see how the two are exclusive?

I love my wife VEY VERY much and when we have sex that emotion carries on to the act, but the act does not require the emotion and also does not mean the emotion is there.

Sex and Love (Or Emotions) are two very different things. it took my wife a little while to get that as well but now both of us get to have each other and another partner to have crazy wild sex with too.

It isn't about the sex, sex is just some extra spice we add to an already hot relationship.

It's part of the recipie we have for ourselves.

It works for us but as is often said here. Your Mileage may vary.

As Always

Steel

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Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to petitespitfire64)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: My Master and Other Girls - 3/15/2008 2:19:38 PM   
Daddysredhead


Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline 		LG7,

I understand what you are feeling.  I have not read any of the other posts to your question and will only go by my own feelings and share them with you.

When my Master and I began a relationship in 2003, it was pretty much nilla-kinky, without so much of the bdsm stuff.  He asked if I had ever been with a girl or wanted to.  I said that I had a little girl time in college, though not much, but I'd be willing to try.  We met a couple with a bi female and the 4 of us got together so us girlies got to play.  We didn't swap partners, but we all kind of got touchy-feely with each other's mate.  I knew that the woman was very attracted to my Daddy and she wanted things to go farther than what we were comfortable with.  We left after "no" wasn't respected and her husband got overly assertive with me.  It really pissed me off when Daddy told me that the wife had called Him and asked that He meet her for sex, without telling me or her husband.  He refused and said that He had no interest in having sex with her and definitely not without the others knowing about it.  That was the last of that.

He has had a couple of past subs ask Him to scene with them, and to include sexual favors with the scene.  He has not granted their requests because He knows that they are a bit clingy and that they are not respectful of my position as His slave and His only girlfriend. 

One time, I watched Him penetrate a girl vaginally during play that the 3 of us had.  I would have been more okay if this bitch didn't play mind fuck games with me right before hand and if I would've stopped things and told Daddy what she was saying to me.  We both learned a lesson during that time and have decided that no pussy is worth the hell we went through as a result of that night.

I would just advise you to be careful.  Sometimes the reaction you have can take you completely by surprise.  Sometimes it is worse than you can imagine, other times it may not be that bad.  For me, I thought it would be ok, I couldn't have been more wrong.

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut


(in reply to LittleGirl7)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: My Master and Other Girls - 3/15/2008 2:25:25 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Steel- ditto and double ditto.

I know more people with dysfunctions who are unable to separate sex from intimacy than from people who can enjoy sex for sex AND sex for intimacy.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Daddysredhead)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: My Master and Other Girls - 3/15/2008 6:48:35 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

People always say this and I think it's too simplistic.  Yes, I agree that if he wanted to have his slave and still fuck other girls, he should have made that clear at the beginning (so as not to waste everyone's time).  Fair enough.  But relationships change.  People change.  No one really believes that a relationship should follow the parameters that were set at the very beginning.  Sometimes things come up and the dynamics of a relationship have to change--if the relationship is going to survive at all.

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlebitxxx

First off, this should have been discussed at the beginning.



LaM, that's certainly true if we're talking about years. But this is barely six months. Does it seem very likely to you that six months ago he was saying he believed in monogamy and now he's switched to a point where he desperately needs new pussy every night? Because being a cynic, it sure doesn't sound likely to me.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 40
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