Termyn8or
Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
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Remember Columbine.
I was almost going to agree with kyra, that antidepressants might be good for the duration of the therapy, but I can't cotton to it for one reason that just accurred to me, but it seems valid.
This is not the reason, just an analogy to illustrate the point. When you go to the optometrist and sit in the chair and they put this big thing in front of your face with which they can change lenses and all that to determine you visual accuity, if you already wear glasses, you take them off. If you wear contact lenses you take them out. In fact alot of optometrists used to administer eyedrops, which I think was a local anesthetic/barbiturate sort of drug to relax the eye, dilate the pupil which narrows the depth of focus, allowing them to get a more accurate reading.
The depressed need someone to help them work through it, not to be a zombie. And that's what it is, if you don't care about something you did care about before you took the pill, what are you ? You're better off getting high or drunk. You do learn though, that all your problems are still there the next day, something my Mother drilled into my head.
Even though I had studied some psychology, you just don't know how bad I got. Back then I had a list of people I was going to kill, and then kill myself. Then I even lost the ire to kill them and had a noose setup to do the deed, get it over with. This was not a cry for help, I told noone. I was so sure I was going to do it.
With the strap around my neck I backed out at the last minute. It was the reality and the finality of it that kicked in. I had previously tried to go to sleep with a plastic bag on my head, but that didn't work either. I am lucky that some wierd shit didn't happen because I could be gone now.
I am nowhere near trying anything like that again, and all I did was drink and smoke, which does nothing. I learned my way out of it. I am in control of me. This is the only me I'll ever be.
Sometimes today I see the story of someone who really has it bad in life, in fact it happened recently. They were an inspiration in a way and I thought to myself "God damn, I was such a whineybaby".
The Eagles have a very good song called "Get Over It". I think they describe the problem quite well. They get tough on the matter, as I will now.
You got raped ? Did you get shot in the face ? I did. Am I afraid of guns, hell no, in fact I am in the market for more. I got over it. Funny though, asleep on the floor in front of the TV months later I relived it in a dream. I never told anyone.
I must say though, that everyone does not have the options I had. If you are depressed you need good friends, intelligent ones. Talking can be very therapudic. But you need the right kind of friends. Not everybody has that.
Nowadays I try to be that kind of friend when I can. The negativity of my younger years is gone. Yes the world still sucks but I look at myself and say "It ain't all that bad". For me anyway. I got this tripped out job that nobody in their right mind would ever quit, but I threatened to last Thrusday. I never intended to quit even though I packed up my tools. It was to make a point.
Most attempts at suicide are calls for help, like me threatening to quit was to say "MotherF ing listen dammit". My comtemplated suicides were not, they were private. The last one with the noose though, lemme say this, when you get that close it changes you.
Once you realize that you only get one life, that knowledge is taken to heart so to speak, at least it was for me. I decided that I would have a go at it. I quit and found another job, excised a few people from my life and started to live day by day.
I ended the drama and then had time for introspection. For a time I was practically a workaholic and I have, and had earning power. I had two jobs and a side business in the basement. Problem there is I got used to making alot of money.
Downside, after a few trips to FL and a few other things I am forty grand in debt. Upside, I can afford to pay the bill every month and the house is paid off.
Downside, I have less friends. Upside, I have better friends.
When you are depressed all you can see is the downside.
I try to be the right kind of friend. I am always honest, even if it hurts. But if I was not like that who would (or should) take me seriously ? So in that light I say, GET OVER IT.
I know it's not easy from personal experience. Being able to function in a hostile environment is a skill. Learn that skill. In a way that is saying "Grow up".
Harsh ? Yes. Truth ? Absolutely.
T
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