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RE: My Master/Dom/me - who owns who here? - 3/17/2008 2:37:43 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		Oppps- and as an aside - I am so rude not to welcome you to the forum!  So welcomes and blessings!
 
the.dark.

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RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: My Master/Dom/me - who owns who here? - 3/17/2008 2:43:04 PM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline 		If the the use of "my Master" or "my Owner" ... put the balance of power in our relationship into question ... then we have a pile of problems a whole lot fucking bigger than the English Language.

I capitalise the "H" in Him and He and the "O" in Owner and the "M" in Master because it simplifies communication online and fits into the generally accepted formula of how we all talk to eachother in D/s circles. I do not do it because it makes me more submissive or him more dominant. I do it so that it is clear that the "Him" I am refering to is  Dominant, which I am being brutal should be evident from the context of what I am writing. I dont need a capital letter or to say "The Man to whom I belong" to indicate who the hell owns who. Its fricken obvious who owns who (or who *will* own who more accurately).

If i always talked to P/people using the upper and lower case writing in order to be a) respectful to O/other P/people,
b) broadcast O/our R/roles in O/our dynamic to O/other people c) show my respect to Dominants, d) demonstrate my inner subbliness then He would beat me with my own keyboard. (I was actually told that this weekend, beaten across the head and face and then flogged with my own mouse cord was how He put it) That's just because it annoys the fuck out of Him just as it annoys the fuck out of me. We both accept and are fine with the fact that other people enjoy the rital and formula of more stylised communication. It's not something we seem to need.

Of course He may suddenly change all this and all my future posts may be written in third person passive voice. In which case this slave will strive as best she can to please the Man who owns her.

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio





(in reply to peppermint)
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RE: My Master/Dom/me - who owns who here? - 3/17/2008 2:43:13 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Dear Foxhole,

I try to avoid getting all caught up in internet sematics. The whole worry about capitol letters versus lower case letters. That gawwwwwwd awful slashy thing! Yours, mine, ours..........I just purely don't care! You do what works for you in your relationships and I will do what works for me in mine. If what works in yours, doesn't work in mine, and visa versa, whooooo cares! It doesn't make one better than the other, just different.

I am a, less than formal, person. Others on here are hugely formal. I can appreciate how they do things, I just don't want to imitate them. It would not be natural to me and my way. I may adopt different/new things in the future, who knows. Some may even involve more formality. Life is an evolution. No two relationships are the same. The important part is that it has to be natural and flowing, for me.

Regards,

LeeAnn


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: My Master/Dom/me - who owns who here? - 3/17/2008 2:56:12 PM   
foxhole


Posts: 18
Joined: 3/15/2008
Status: offline 		THANK YOU ALL.

it seems i have rattled the cage a bit, considering i'm quite new to all this.  i feared i worded my post too extreme, but you all have made me so happy with your diverse replies. So iluminating, so different, yet all so supportive.
And some beautiful names have turned up here, so far the favourite is Darcy&the.dark., so sensuous and mysterious, who i have to especially thank for welcoming here

its a truly wild night, running through the woods tonight

the fox

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: My Master/Dom/me - who owns who here? - 3/17/2008 3:07:34 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		You seem to be operating under the idea that the word "my" connotates ownership.  It can, but it can also indicate a relationship.  I do not own the woman who gave birth to me, but she is certainly my mother.  In this case, the word "my" indicates a relationship. So the phrase "my Master", "my Owner", "my Dominant", "my Person" does not indicate ownership, the same way "my book", "my dog" (not cat, mind you), "my car" indicates ownership.

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to foxhole)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: My Master/Dom/me - who owns who here? - 3/17/2008 3:29:29 PM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

If the the use of "my Master" or "my Owner" ... put the balance of power in our relationship into question ... then we have a pile of problems a whole lot fucking bigger than the English Language.


You said it perfectly.

I call him -my- dominant and somehow our dynamic is still magically in tact.  He still bosses me around and beats me up and turns me into a pile of submissive goo. 

In short, he owns me.  There's nothing personal pronouns are going to change about that.  His ownership is not so fragile.


_____________________________


"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to softness)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: My Master/Dom/me - who owns who here? - 3/17/2008 3:39:45 PM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		for me, writing in lowercase easier instead of using the shift key on the laptop everytime i want to captialize the beginning letter of a word.

i like saying "my Daddy" or "His daughter" because He is my Daddy and i'm proud that He chose me to be His daughter - we're both quite possessive of each other.


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...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to foxhole)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: My Master/Dom/me - who owns who here? - 3/17/2008 3:43:02 PM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: foxhole

Ma'am,

i sincerely wish that no-one feels excluded, i feel it not my place. i  found the subject niggled me, so i started this, to find out how O/others felt on this issue.

i thank thee most humbly for Your reply, Madame4a

the fox feels his coat stroked

 I understand how you feel, how a small thing can seem to dig under your skin. But... there are so many types of people and types of relationships that it is pretty much impossible to hold one standard for everyone. The way we work is R is my owner, he doesn't own anyone else. I'm his pet & no one owns me but him. As to lower case stuff the only time I would consider it is in a chatroom if my s preference mattered. Otherwise I use proper grammar. Funnily, when I first got to CM I was a total textspeak typist but so many would complain about others typing that way that I made an effort to stop. I'm glad I did too. Ohhh, welcome to CM by the way.

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~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: My Master/Dom/me - who owns who here? - 3/17/2008 3:51:45 PM   
SinergyNstrumpet


Posts: 305
Joined: 2/26/2008
Status: offline
quote:

t seems i have rattled the cage a bit, considering i'm quite new to all this. i feared i worded my post too extreme


Welcome to the boards. I have read your profile. Being new here there are some general thoughts about how many people view things on the forums. Many of us do not have a lot of formal protocol in posting here, some of us are not into the public scene and this is just how we structure our intimate relationship. Some of us just like to bottom or top. Some of us are not collared and never will be, others of us are unattached. Some of our dominant folk like to be called master, some of our dominant folk don't

As LaT (La Tigresse said) whoooo cares? BTW, very few dominants around here expect your deference to them, and some may find it objectionable. Not that what they think matters if they don't own you....just saying

Welcome,
julia

(in reply to foxhole)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: My Master/Dom/me - who owns who here? - 3/17/2008 3:54:48 PM   
Evility


Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline 		I've always seen the "my master" thing as a point of association, not ownership. After all, he is clearly her master not my submissive's master or my master. Just an association thing. I don't own this building but I call this "my apartment" and everyone seems to get the idea. I do own "my car", however. The boundaries between ownership and  association are usually fairly clear.

It makes more sense to me than the third person speech or S/slash S/speak I see from people trying to side step any measure of ownership or worth. Both of those are heinously annoying... the latter being kinda pointless since it cannot be employed in verbal communication.

I tend to be a realist and have little use for the pomp and circumstance of bdsm.

(in reply to foxhole)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: My Master/Dom/me - who owns who here? - 3/17/2008 4:41:14 PM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver


In short, he owns me.  There's nothing personal pronouns are going to change about that.  His ownership is not so fragile.



mutters ... thats what i meant to say .. but 2000 times better

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio





(in reply to junecleaver)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: My Master/Dom/me - who owns who here? - 3/17/2008 4:53:18 PM   
Lumus


Posts: 5968
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline 		How one keeps their head space is individualistic, though there are shared commonalities.  When we address each other in text, My girl and I use the capitalization and slashing - it suits the dynamic.  Fret more about what the one you seek wants.

As for the establishment of power, that is also best defined on a personal level.  My girl is just that - and she likes to teasingly say, "Well if You own me, i own You too...right?".  It's the SAM in her.  My response is usually reflective of my mood, ranging from a simple, "No." to the more subtle, "Is that what you think...?" [which gives her the opportunity to dig her own grave...sometimes, she can't shovel fast enough].  She does not refer to me as 'my Daddy', only as 'Daddy'; and she is My girl.

Just an example, tantamount to nothing, really; the key points came out when I said to define them between yourself and your partner.  Your habit may be easily broken by the right person, if they desire you to be otherwise, no?



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I have been dubbed the Rainmaker. Do not make me take your water for my tribe.

(in reply to foxhole)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: My Master/Dom/me - who owns who here? - 3/17/2008 5:07:39 PM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline 		FR

i refer to Sir as my dom and my husband. What else would i say...YOUR dom and YOUR husband? An issue with "my" is as silly A/as T/this C/crap.

(in reply to Lumus)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: My Master/Dom/me - who owns who here? - 3/17/2008 5:13:46 PM   
MRandme


Posts: 661
Joined: 9/24/2007
Status: offline 		i call Him my Master because He is. He is the only one who can lay claim to me, who can call me His own, who possesses me.  He is the Master who commands me, for whom i kneel out of respect. There are other Masters out there, but only He has power over me. The word 'my' does not imply any sense of possessiveness on my part, but is rather an acknowledgement of that special relationship. 

When i speak to Him or write Him i often address Him as 'my Master' because it makes me feel closer to Him, a term of affection in a way. He has never corrected me on it, so i assume it does not bother Him -- which is the only consent necessary.

g

PS Welcome to the forum, fox :)




_____________________________

And thus i conclude with a wish you go well,
Sweet be your dreams, may your happiness swell,
I'll leave you here, for my journey begins
i've gone to be with Him again...

(in reply to softness)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: My Master/Dom/me - who owns who here? - 3/17/2008 5:16:57 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Look, it's just semantics. But honestly, try saying "Would the man to whom this girl has the honor of belonging prefer peanut butter on his toast or peach jam?" at 6:30 AM when everybody's trying to get to school/work on time and you'll learn fast why we talk like normal people.

You go to work and you might say "my boss wants this goddamned report done by 3:00 and he's out of his mind:. Does that mean you are his superior and he reports to you? Not at all. This is just how the English language works.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to akisha)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: My Master/Dom/me - who owns who here? - 3/17/2008 5:19:20 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lumus

When we address each other in text, My girl and I use the capitalization and slashing - it suits the dynamic.


Okay, Lumus, I tried to resist, and I could not.  You use slash to your girl... why??? Do you not know if she is dominant or submissive? And she does not know the same about you?  Do you type, "I love Y/you"????

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to Lumus)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: My Master/Dom/me - who owns who here? - 3/17/2008 5:32:32 PM   
hisannabelle


Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline 		greetings foxhole,

possessive forms are often used with property. for example, "the reader of the book," "the book's reader," we don't assume that the book owns the reader. similarly, this is a bit of a redundant way of expressing it, but he is "the master of the girl," "the girl's master," "annabelle's master." it's no different than talking about any other piece of property; a possessive linguistic relationship doesn't actually always imply ownership on the part of the thing doing the possessing. the book doesn't own me just because i am its reader. similarly, i don't own him just because he is my master.

respectfully,
annabelle.


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a'ishah (the artist formerly known as annabelle)
i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: My Master/Dom/me - who owns who here? - 3/17/2008 5:53:56 PM   
tsatske


Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline

< Message edited by tsatske -- 3/17/2008 5:54:31 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: My Master/Dom/me - who owns who here? - 3/17/2008 5:56:19 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		To me, "My master" was always just shorthand for "The master I am owned by"  Same meaning, different wording.

But some people do find it's an important distinction and so they keep it separate.  Good for them. 

_____________________________

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"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: My Master/Dom/me - who owns who here? - 3/17/2008 6:07:47 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		I have been thinking about this and also wished to make it a topic of discussion with the woman who likes to dominate with whom I share an emotional bond and commitment as the person in her life who shares an emotional bond with her as someone who prefers to submit, not dominate.

Now this woman who prefers to dominate with whom I share this emotional bond and with whom I'm developing a relationship with her in the dominant role and me in the submissive role has not as yet expressed any sort of preference as to how I express to other people that she is a woman who prefers to dominate and understanding that I prefer to submit shares with me an emotional bond and is currently developing a relationship with me on the basis that she likes to dominate and on the understanding that I am to be the submissive partner in her life with whom she shares an emotional bond and with whom I am developing a close interpersonal relationship.

But then again each time I make reference to her in the third person on these boards as she is unknown by name to anyone else here but people understand that she is a woman who prefers to dominate and shares with me an emotional bond in a developing relationship where she is dominant and I am submissive, I find having to explain it in terms like I am doing here so that people can understand that she is the woman who prefers to dominate who is in my life because she shares an emotional bond with me and with whom I am currently developing a relationship with me in the submissive role and she in the dominant role is rather long winded, and makes my style of writing when making reference to her rather verbose and much harder for other people who are currently struggling to read this and understand the point I am trying to make and people can be forgiven for becoming confused as to who the woman is who prefers to dominate and who am I trying to be submissive to, and therefore the point which I am trying to make tends to get lost in all the speculation as to who is being dominant and who submissive and where and with whom the emotional bond lies and who is what in the relationship.

Therefore purely for simplicity I refer to her as my Mistress and I am her submissive. This is my use of the Saxon genitive, and doesn't indicate possession.

Is this clear?

< Message edited by stella41b -- 3/17/2008 6:11:09 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 40
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